Family Ties and Guarding Hearts
by kas90
Summary: How deeply rooted are the demons from our past? Will loving each other be enough to bring them out of the suffocation? It all starts with a reunion… AU AH OOC Canon couples
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One: Blissful Reunion**

**A/N- This is my first attempt at fic…please be gentle, even though Edward, well, isn't.**

**Twilightzoner, thank you for betaing and validating. **

**SM owns it all. **

…

My mind was completely oblivious to the pain in my back as he shoved me up against the wall. All I could think in that moment was how great it felt to have his obvious erection rub against my hot and willing center as my legs were wrapped around his waist.

"Who the hell do you think you are? Get off of me, you prick!" The venom in my voice was clear, but I couldn't even get myself to want him to follow through with my order.

His tongue was battling with mine for control as he continued to push me into the wall. He held me pinned to the wall with just the weight of his body and held my hands securely above me.

"Don't pretend that you don't want my cock, baby. I can see it in your face that you're just dying to have me inside you."

The thought of having him inside me completely blew any cover I was trying to have over this situation. In an attempt to save face, I flung my wrists free and ran my fingers through his thick bronze hair and yanked it back.

"Yeah, real smooth, jack-ass. Do you really have to convince all your women to have sex with you? I thought all those girls in high school were just compliant, but maybe they were just easily persuaded. At least I was never one of your mindless skanks."

His left arm now moved beneath me to hold up my ass while his right hand now moved down my body, across my abdomen, and started rubbing right where I wanted it most. _Oh magic fingers, please don't stop._

"No, you were just a stuck up bitch who couldn't open her eyes enough to see the light of day."

I lifted my head so I could meet his piercing gaze. "Oh, I opened my eyes, baby. I just didn't like what I saw."

I swear his eyes just got darker. He then dropped me to my feet. When I gave him a look of confusion, he just pushed my shoulders back to the wall and then proceeded to lift my shirt and discard it on the floor. I was never more thankful for my best friend Alice dragging me to those awful Pilates sessions than I was at that moment.

He ran his eyes across my smooth abs, and his breath caught when he saw I was wearing a see-through, blue, lace bra. He continued his eye fuck of my body until he reached my eyes. His stare was captivating. "Off, now," he commanded as he tugged at the waist of my pants.

"Go fuck yourself."

"No, _Bella,_I plan on fucking you, so off with the pants, now."

So, off they went. I just couldn't help it.

I watched him as he threw off his shoes and pulled his own pants off, boxers included. I felt my own breath catch as I now looked at all the glory that was this man. He did not falter with his steps as he continued to undress me and lift me up back against the wall.

At the moment, it did not matter that anyone could walk in and catch us, or that I was about to be fucked by a man that I really didn't even know. All I was thinking of is how good I felt, how much I wanted this, and as he entered me, with both of our foreheads resting against each other's when he filled me completely, was how I was finally home.

He looked me in the eyes, a gaze so strong, so full of desire, lust, and passion.

I was shocked with myself for allowing this to happen. I hated this man. I hated him for what he put me through in high school, how he has haunted my dreams with his perfect bronze hair and chiseled jaw line, and I hated him for how he has ruined sex for me with any other man because I couldn't get over my obsession with him.

As I was processing my history of him, he just stared at me with his forceful green eyes. The thought of why he stopped and was just holding me there while inside me flickered through my mind. Why was he looking at me like that, like I actually meant something to him?

"What? Can't follow through, sweetheart?" My antagonizing tone caught him off guard as the mask returned to his face. He then continued where he left off and started thrusting in and out of me.

_Well damn! I get it now!_My eyes clearly rolled to the back of my head, and my breathing sped up.

Sex with this man was intoxicating. The way his hands felt around my legs as he held me in place, his hot breath on my face as he was kissing me, it all put my dreams to shame. I was sure that this man was created to be a god in bed, or while screwing me up against the wall in our case.

I became completely lost in him. I could feel my body attune with his as I met his every thrust. It didn't take me long before I felt my impending release.

"Cum for me, baby. I want to feel you around me."

And that's all that took to send me over the edge. My back arched and my toes curled under as I allowed myself to be completely consumed by my orgasm. Mine had set his off as well as he now pulsed inside of me. When he was done he set me to my feet but did not allow me to move around him. He just put his hands against the wall on either side of me and rested his head on my shoulder.

"Bloody hell, Bella"

His heavy breathing was now being tuned out by the man speaking over the loud sound system coming from the other room.

"It is my great pleasure to welcome back Forks High School graduating class of 1999!"

Well, shit. Realization came pounding down on me. I just fucked Edward Cullen at our ten year reunion.

…

**Please review!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:****Here is BPOV leading up to what happened with Edward in chapter one. I know there will be unanswered questions about these characters but that will all come to light in coming chapters. Just keep with me and please review!**

**Disclaimer: All characters and plot belongs to Stephanie Meyer. No copyright infringement intended.**

**The lovely Twilightzoner betas.**

**Chapter Two: Obligations and Pleasant Conversations**

"Alice, I have to go, I'm about to check into my hotel."

"Okay fine, but remember to wear the outfit I picked out for you, have a few shots before you go inside, and please don't let any of those bitches make you run and cry in the bathroom like they did in high school."

Ugh, thanks for the reminder. "Yes, Alice, I promise. Now, I really do have to go… okay bye!" I hung up before she could respond.

I loved my best friend, Alice. She was my roommate all throughout college at NYU and has kept me sane ever since. When I decided to go to New York for school, my dad was furious. He hated that I would be so far away, especially since my mom had abandoned us when I was younger. But I had to get away. Forks, Washington was suffocating and held nothing for my future. I thought he would finally come around, but I haven't seen him since he flew out for my college graduation and have only talked to him on the phone a few times since.

But I was okay with that. I had a great support system in New York. Alice and her older brother Emmett had their own family issues, so we usually spent the holidays together and always included each other in everything. Emmett was definitely a womanizer, but we were used to his constant string of short term girlfriends.

Emmett had actually been the one to finally convince me to fly out here for my dreaded high school reunion. He said it would be the perfect time to show them all that I actually succeeded at something. I ran my own high end art gallery in the center of Manhattan and wrote part time on the side. I had already published two novels, under a pen name, of course. I would die if my father ever read one of these books and knew it came from my own dirty mind.

But more importantly than showing up my classmates, I needed to see my dad. He had been diagnosed with cancer this past January and had refused any visitors up to this point. It got really bad a few weeks ago, and he had now taken up residency in the hospital in Seattle. I would never forgive myself if he died without being able to say good-bye.

I wasn't sure how long my stay out here was going to be. Alice and Emmett were already planning a trip out in two weeks, but I really didn't plan on staying much longer than that. I had a life to get back to.

I opened the door to my suite and immediately went to the bathroom and started the shower. In three hours I had to face all the people who made my life hell for my entire adolescence, and I'd be damned if I didn't make myself look drop-dead-sexy beforehand.

I allowed the hot water of the shower to melt my tense muscles. Even though I flew first class, cross-country airplane rides always sent my body into tight spasms and horrid aches. It didn't help either that I felt entirely alone.

I wrapped the plush towel around me when I was done and started a pot of coffee before I got ready. Caffeine was a huge addiction of mine, but I figured it was better to be addicted to that than other things. I allowed my hair to air dry and then used a curling iron to create perfect curls that hung loose around my shoulders. I applied my makeup, slightly darker eyes than usual, but this was a special occasion.

The outfit Alice picked out for me was a nude colored tight fitted dress and four inch peep toe heals. There was no way I was wearing that in public. I would thank myself later for sneaking in gray dress pants that accentuated my slight curves and a dark rosy top that showed just the right amount of cleavage. I figured I would wear the shoes anyway, so I didn't completely lie to Alice when I told her I wore what she picked out for me.

I checked the clock for what seemed like the hundredth time this hour. The reunion started at 8:00 in the hotel ballroom. No one was shocked that the reunion wasn't held in Forks; there really wasn't a hotel large enough to hold the event, or so they said. I didn't really care. I just liked how I could be close to my dad and get this retched occasion over with.

I pulled my phone off of the charger next to the bed and checked my missed text messages, one from Alice, two from Emmett.

"_Give 'em hell, Bella!"_

"_Bella, please don't worry. You will be great and they will love you. Call me as soon as you get back to your room- no matter the time!"_

"_Hey Bells, if that Mike Newton kid gives you any trouble just kick him in the balls, and I'll take care of him when I'm out there in a few weeks! Love you, baby sis!"_

The last text from Emmett had me laughing, but it couldn't prevent the single tear that slipped down my cheek. _You can do this. You, Isabella Marie Swan, are a beautiful, confident, successful…_ yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm so full of shit. I can't fool anybody. _Yes, you can, too, fool them! They were all fooled in high school!_ No, I was just a raging bitch in high school. No one even came close enough before I bit their heads off. They never had a chance to know me. _Well, this is only one night. Put on a smile and try to pretend you care what they're all doing with their lives. Just one night. _ Just one night.

Right. That's all it was. Just one night of pleasant smiles and shaking hands, I can do this. Their harsh words can't hurt me anymore. So who cares what they said about me back then. I was seventeen! And besides, even if I do run out crying, it's not like I have to see them again. The sooner I go and make an appearance, the sooner I can leave. Charlie would want this. Everything will be fine. _Just go, Bella._

Ugh. I gave up on my own internal battle and grabbed my purse on my way to the door. As I entered the east-side ballroom I immediately felt nauseous. I quickly made my way to the bar and ordered two shots of Captain's spice rum, courtesy of Alice's request, of course. I breathed a sigh of relief as the liquor slid down my throat. Liquid confidence - I in no way had a problem with that.

The bartender gave me a knowing smile when I finished, and before I could slip away I felt an icy hand run up my back. As I turned around to get a view of this pervert who put their hand on my ass, I was lifted up into a suffocating hug. My internal instincts told me to run, fast.

"James. I should have known."

"Oh come on, Bella. What's with the attitude? Aren't you excited to see me?"

"No, not really. I'm not really fond of men who run their hands along my body without my permission."

"Aw, just as much a prude as you were in high school."

"James, weren't you in prison for rape? I would hardly call myself prude when it came to you, just careful."

"It was not rape. It was completely consensual. Just a little young, that's all."

"That's disgusting." As I was trying to make my escape he grabbed my arm to pull me back to him. Before I had a chance to verbally abuse him, and use Emmett's advice and kick the bastard in the balls, he was shoved back into the bar.

"Get the hell off of her!"

"Look who it is, Edward fucking Cullen, always screwing up my chances to get laid."

Edward held James by the collar of his shirt, and his eyes were on fire. I knew Edward was overly emotional, but to be honest, I just didn't understand why this brought out so much passion in him. It kind of pissed me off. I didn't need Edward's help to deal with James. If he would have given me one second, I would have James crying on the floor holding onto his crotch for dear life.

Luckily, some blond guy got a hold of Edward before he slammed James' face in, but I turned and left after that. The last thing I wanted was attention to be brought to me.

After my social run in with nasty James and psycho Cullen, I simply wandered and tried to blend in. I ran into Jessica Stanley, and she held my presence for what seemed like eternity as she filled me in on the past ten years of her life. I really wished I could remember what she was saying, but instead I watched how every time she mentioned Mike Newton her eyebrow would twitch. Apparently, her face spasms were more important than her words. If that were any description of the Forks' population, I was in for a long night. And for the record, her eye twitched twenty-seven times._Shoot me now._

When I was finally able to slip away, with the excuse of needing to use the restroom, I was relieved to find a quiet, small, common area hidden beside the stage. I fell onto the couch and shut my eyes. I was mentally exhausted. I now, all too well, remembered why it had been ten years since I'd returned here.

Without any noise to give me warning, my skin started tingling, and it felt like there was electricity in the air. My eyes shot open and were drawn to a tall, slender, incredibly sexy man standing against the wall across the room watching me.

"What the hell, Edward? Are you trying to kill me?"

No answer.

"Okay, creeper. Thanks for the pleasant conversation, but I think you should go now."

He just continued to stare at me with those piercing green eyes. I felt like he was trying to read me, as if staring at me hard enough would grant him access into my mind. I wish I could say that I felt uncomfortable, but if I were being honest with myself, I didn't feel violated, just completely embarrassed. I could already feel the blush rising in my face.

I stood up to walk away, since he clearly did not come in here to talk to me. But before I opened the door, his violet voice said my name.

"Bella, don't go."

"I'm sorry, but what exactly do you want, Edward? You want to catch up and reminisce on old times? Oh wait, we don't have any. We were never friends, so stop treating me like I'm some long lost buddy of yours."

"Will you stop?" His words were full of anger and completely caught me off guard.

"I came to see if you were okay. You know, after that whole James thing."

"Edward, it really wasn't a big deal. I could have taken care of him on my own. I did not need your help."

As I was speaking, he was slowly stepping closer. My feet automatically retreated until I was pressed up against the wall.

"Why can't you get off your damn high horse for one second and let others help you? Is your heart so stone cold that you can't let anyone in?"

His hot breath was now on my face as he spat his words at me, filled with anger, yet his eyes were full of lust.

"My heart was closed off a long time ago."

"That's a fucking lie, Bella."

Before I knew it I was being lifted up and pinned up against the wall by his body.

Yes, this was going to be a long night indeed.

**This fic needs your love. Please review!**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: **

Disclaimer: Everything Twilight belongs to Stephanie Meyer. No copyright infringement intended.

Twilightzoner makes this story happen with her amazing beta skills…

Enjoy & please review.

How could I let this happen?

"Please, tell me you're joking." Alice had no sense of humor in her voice.

"Alice, please stop judging me. It's not like I went into there planning on being screwed up against the wall."

"But Edward Cullen, Bella? Really?"

"You don't even know him, Alice. So please don't pretend that it was Hitler I fucked instead of some guy I went to high school with."

"Bella, you don't even know the guy either! He could be a crazed maniac for all you know! I think that was just really irresponsible and not like you at all! You used to make fun of all those girls who gave into him so easily. And now you were in the same room with him, for what, thirty seconds? Now he can just add you to the long list of girls who fell to their knees begging for his cock."

"It wasn't like that!"

"Okay, so please, enlighten me. How exactly was it like?"

_It was like my entire world came together at that moment he was inside me. It was like I found what I have been searching for my entire life. It was like he broke down all my walls, piece by piece, with each kiss and each touch. _

"It just wasn't like that, okay? Please, Alice, I don't need your scrutiny right now."

"Bella, you know I love you. I truly do have your best intentions at heart. And I can see how this could have been a one time thing. But if you want him to respect you as the grown, confident, successful woman you are, then you need to respect yourself enough to not give into him just because he looks your way. I'm not trying to judge you or make you feel bad for what happened. I just want you to be careful. You're better than this."

"Thanks, Alice."

"I love you. Don't beat yourself up. Just relax and it will be fine. I'm sorry if I'm coming off as a raging bitch, I just know you, and this is not my Bella."

"It's okay, I needed to hear it. But I'm going to go to bed now. We have that stupid breakfast thing tomorrow and then I'm going to spend the day at the hospital with Charlie."

"Okay, but promise to call me tomorrow?"

"Promise."

"All right, sweetest dreams, Bella."

"Sweetest dreams, Alice."

I hung up the phone and crawled into bed. Getting to sleep that night was hell. My mind couldn't stop going over what happened. Again, and again I thought about, and could almost feel, what it was like to be with Edward that way. He was strong and confident in his actions. It's not the most romantic way to be with somebody, but the way he looked at me and kissed me made me feel beautiful and wanted, emotions that I have not felt for a long time.

But why now? What is so special about me now? I really have never had a conversation with him before. He was my lab partner in my junior year biology class, but he never spoke to me unless it was to tell me I wrote down the answer wrong. _Smug little prick. _Okay, maybe not little. No, definitely not little. _God, Bella. Get your head out of the gutter. _

If I thought I made a bad impression on him then, I really didn't want to know what he thought about me now. I nearly knocked him over when I shoved him to get off me after our little personal reunion_. _

I quickly gathered my clothes and ran into the bathroom, but not before I told him that if he touched me again I would be feeding his balls to my dogs. Okay, so maybe not an entirely truthful statement, but I think I got my point across. By the time I made it out of the bathroom, he was gone.

…

When I woke up that morning I was feeling tense, sore, and very irritable. Alice's words came screaming back at me. _I am not some easy sleaze-bag that a man can just have his way with._ The whole situation kind of made me angry. But I guess there is no use on dwelling on it either. Today I am going to go to breakfast, face that creepy bastard, and make him think that last night didn't even faze me. But damn, I needed some caffeine first.

I ended up being late to breakfast, and by the time I got there most people were already eating and getting up for seconds. Luckily, the buffet line was short, so I quickly made my way to get my food.

"Good morning, Isabella." There's that electricity again.

"Isabella? What are you my father?"

"Come on, drop the hostilities. Can we please talk?"

"I'm sorry, Edward; I'm not in the mood for your kind of 'talking' today." My tone wasn't necessarily harsh, just thick with impatience and exhaustion. "Please just let me eat in peace and get out of here. I have a long day ahead." My countdown to my visit with Charlie was fast approaching, and my nerves and anxiety beat out my morning confidence and anger.

"Fine. Suit yourself." He extended his arm out to me to go ahead and get my breakfast.

After I got my food, I went and found a table in the back of the room that was, to my extreme luck, empty. Edward didn't make an attempt to talk to me again and instead sat with a beautiful blond girl and that guy who pulled him off James last night at a table nearby. I wasn't close enough to hear their conversation, and I purposefully turned my body so my back was facing towards them.

I was starting to think my morning was looking up when I finished my breakfast with no interruptions, but of course I'm not that lucky. Right as I was about to stand up, no other than Mike Newton sat down next to me.

"Bella Swan! Man, you're looking hot!"

"Really, Mike? But, uh, yeah, hi to you, too."

As I skimmed over my past ten years to Mike I couldn't help that notice he was paying more attention to my chest than to our conversation. I even slipped in a, "You know, my breasts are really enjoying all the attention they're getting from you," with just a nod in response. _Pig._

I stood up and left after that. I had my reached my limit for dealing with arrogant assholes for one day and it wasn't even 10:00 a.m. I made my way out of the ballroom, and my heart about jumped out of my chest when I turned the corner and ran straight into a rock hard body.

"Damn it, Edward! You're so creepy! I swear I feel like you're following me! Do you not have anything better to do then watch my every move?" I let out an exasperated sigh and looked at him with annoyance. "I promise, there are a lot more interesting people in that room besides me who give a shit about what you've been doing since high school. Now please, excuse me." I started to walk away and his voice, now angry, was following behind me.

"Bella, have you always been such a pain in the ass? All I want is to have a conversation with you, and you either jump down my throat or run away!

"What conversation do you need to have with me that is so important you need to resort to stalker status?"

I think he had reached his own limit with me, and instead of including me on this important conversation, he simply looked at me with irritation and frustration. "You know what, Bella? It doesn't even matter! You'll find out soon enough."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"I'll leave you to enjoy your own pleasant company. It's been such a pleasure, I assure you!" Sarcasm ran thick in his voice. "Besides, I'm going to be late for work."

"You work in Seattle?"

"Yes, I do. But apparently you're not concerned about what I've been doing since high school, so I guess I'll tell the more interesting people inside all about it." He was throwing my previous words in my face.

"Be my guest."

He just laughed bitterly and walked away. Part of me was kind of sad when he left. I knew that it would probably be my last time seeing Edward Cullen. The reunion was officially over, and I definitely didn't plan on sticking around and finding out his number for future reference. I just stood there dumbfounded for a moment, watching him walk away from me. I wish I could say I regretted what happened last night, but honestly I couldn't. It was mind blowing sex, what girl would regret that? I guess I was just disappointed because I knew it would never happen again. _Get a grip, Bella. It's not like it's the last man in the world you'll ever come across. _

I shook myself out of the stupor and continued walking towards the elevator back up to my suite. I had more important issues to deal with today than an old high school classmate. I went ahead and called a cab to come pick me up from the hotel when I got back to my room, then made my way to the bathroom to splash some water on my face. I should not be this nervous about seeing my dad. I guess I was anxious because I wasn't sure of what I was going to see. My dad, Charlie, was the police chief in Forks and always wore a mask that hid all emotion. I was nervous about seeing him in a hospital bed, full of pain and realization that he had no control over his current situation. I had to be strong for him. I would be strong for him.

Before I knew it, I was walking into Seattle Grace hospital. I asked the receptionist for directions up to my father's room when I spotted a head of bronze hair. _There is no fucking way._

"Ms. Swan?"

I turned around to see a slender woman looking at me curiously.

"Yes, that's me."

"Charlie Swan's room is right this way. Please follow me."

I had no time to turn around and observe the man standing down the hall. The nurse led me to the other side of the building to the fourth floor. We stood in front of a green door and she ushered me in. _Fuck, I can't do this._

"Ms. Swan? Is everything all right?"

Charlie was just lying there, lifeless. I guessed he was asleep because his eyes were closed and his breathing was even. But I couldn't help but notice how there were slight bruises under his eyes and how his face was so much thinner than I last remembered.

"Uh, yes, thank you."

"All right, dear, the doctor will be here in a few minutes to speak with you."

I just nodded at her and made my way to his bedside and pulled up a chair. I knew nothing about cancer, but he looked so much worse than I imagined. I could only guess that this was the reason he refused all visitors. He didn't want anyone to see him like this. This is not how my dad would want to be remembered. I guess I couldn't blame him for that, but I wish he would have included me on the reality of his condition. I was his daughter, damn it! _Yeah, what a great daughter you've been these last ten years._

Fuck! Why the hell did I have to stay away? Why couldn't I have just stayed here and taken care of him? He is my father. He deserves so much better. Before I could fall into my own deep self-loathing, there was a knock at the door.

"Uh, yes? You can come in."

_Holy shit. What the hell is he doing here?_

"It's nice to see you again, Bella."

_I swear the world hates me._

"You know that important conversation I wanted to have earlier? Yes, it was to inform you that I was your father's primary doctor here at Seattle Grace."

_Fuck my life. _So, I guess I didn't fuck just simply Edward Cullen last night, but it was actually _Dr._ Edward Cullen. My trip to Washington just kept getting more and more interesting.

Chapter End Notes:

Hope y'all are enjoying the story.

Please review and let me know what you think.


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Notes: **Forgive me for the length of this chapter. Yes, it's short, but the next one is much longer.

Please leave some love at the end... or hate, either one.

***

Chapter Four: Running

"_Dr._ Edward Cullen?"

"Yes, Bella. If it is all right with you, I think we should talk out in the hallway. I wouldn't want to disturb your father if he were to wake up."

I got up out of my seat, unsure to how my legs were moving considering my current mental state, and followed _Dr. Cullen_ out the door. When we got out in the hallway, he simply turned around and looked at me. All the passion from his face that I grew to recognize from the past fifteen hours was gone and, instead, in its place, was a mask that I instantly didn't like.

"I'm not sure how much your father has told you…"

"Uh, nothing, really. He hasn't really told me anything." I was suddenly very nervous.

"Okay, well, Charlie has late-stage prostate cancer. What that means exactly is that there are multiple small tumors within his prostate gland. We wish we could have noticed something sooner, but this type of cancer stays in the prostate gland for many years before spreading out to the rest of the body. There were no visible signs or symptoms, and nothing that could have been observed in a physical exam. Unfortunately, it has already advanced and spread into the surrounding tissues and was transported through his blood stream to his liver. I promise, we are trying everything we can to help him. He had surgery back in January, but right now we are trying chemotherapy. It's really just a waiting game now to see if his body responds, but I'm not going to lie to you, it doesn't look good. Bella, I'm so sorry."

I couldn't find the words to respond. My legs slowly gave out as my body slid down the wall. I pulled my knees up and rested my forehead on them. I tried to be strong and not cry, but my emotional barrier was already shattered, and the waterworks came on full force. I just cried and rocked myself back and forth. My mind barely registered the arms that wrapped around me and lifted me into a lap right beside me.

Edward tried to calm me and rub my back while he held me as I cried. But it didn't stop the loud sobs escaping my chest. I cried for my father, for the pain he was in, and for all the years that his life was being cut short. I cried for my mother for not being here for him as his wife. I cried for my own selfish behavior and for shutting him out of my life this past decade. I cried for the pain of losing my dad. I cried because I never felt more alone at this moment.

How was I supposed to go back in there and face him? I couldn't do this. With a new sense of numbness, I got up from Edward's lap. He gave me a slight smile until he noticed that when I walked away, I was not heading back into my dad's hospital room. I headed down the hall, not entirely sure of where my feet were taking me, but certain that I could not go and talk to Charlie right now. I needed Alice. I needed a fucking coffee.

I used the stairs instead of the elevator; I just needed to keep moving. I didn't even realize I was running until I was out the door and an arm pulled me back.

"Bella, where the hell do you think you're going?"

"I, I, I, uh, I just, I just can't do this, okay!"

"You're a fucking coward!" He was now screaming at me, while I just stood there speechless. "He is your father, damn it! He needs you up there and all you can fucking do is run away! Do you understand how selfish your being, Bella? He withers in pain every day, not just physically, but he carries all the burdens of your distance. He hates himself for driving you away, but in reality it was all you! You need to grow the fuck up and get back into that damn hospital room. You owe him that much."

I knew he was right. Everything he just said to me I already knew all too well. _But I was a fucking coward. _"I just need some time. I can't do this right now." His harsh words cut straight through my numbness and my sobs came back.

"Well, you sure as hell are not the fucking girl Charlie has been describing. You make me sick, Bella. I can't believe this is the way you treat your _family_." And with that he turned around and left.

The only thing my mind was calculating at that moment was to get me out of there. Fight or flight; _definitely flight. _I jumped into the first cab I saw and told him to take me back to my hotel. I called Alice as soon as I got there and told her about my morning, how my dad was dying, and how I was too much of a chicken-shit to face him. Being the best friend that she is, she told me not to worry, and that she would book the next flight out here. I begged her not to, but my continuous sobs out shadowed my demand.

I paced my room until exhaustion took over my body, and I collapsed on the floor beside my bed. I drifted in and out of consciousness as my mind tried to cope with reality. I really should not have been taken by surprise this way; I knew he didn't have much time left. Why was I all of a sudden acting like a grief-stricken child?

The hours passed as I lay there on my floor, and when I finally felt my eyes close, there was a knock at my door. It was loud enough for me to open my eyes, but there was no way I was going to stand up and answer it.

The knocks were louder this time.

Whoever was behind that wall was now practically banging on the door with enough force it actually frightened me.

But I still couldn't move. I lay there as the banging continued. I sat up just enough to pull a pillow from off the bed, and I put it over my ear to cut out the sound, and what seemed like seconds later, I drifted off into oblivion.

I woke with a jump to the loud ringing of my cell phone. _Alice. _

"Hello?" my voice was still thick with sleep and post tears.

"Bella, what room are you in? I'm downstairs."

I told Alice my room number, propped the door open for her arrival, and used the bathroom before she came up. I glanced in the mirror, and there was no doubt that I looked like hell. My hair was a tangled mess, my nose was red from running, and my eyes heavy and dark.

"Bella Swan!" her voice was a mixture of anxiety and impatience.

I opened the bathroom door and ran into the arms of my best friend. I would have been certain that my eyes had run out of tears, but a fresh wave came upon me as I flung myself towards Alice. She walked us over to the still made bed and wrapped her tiny body around me.

"It's okay, Bella. We'll get through this together."

"Oh, Alice. I don't know what happened yesterday. It's like it all finally hit me that my dad was dying. All I could think about is all the things that he was going to miss out on - my wedding day and being a grandfather. And then I just ran. I didn't know how to face him, so I just didn't. I'm such a terrible daughter."

"No, Bella. It was just a lot to take in. I'm so sorry I wasn't here for you when you needed me. I knew I should have flown out with you originally. You should not be going through this on your own. I should have been with you when the doctor told you."

"About that…"

I purposely put my head in her arms so I didn't have to look her in the eye. "Guess who's Charlie's doctor?" A sob broke out of my chest at the memory of Edward lashing out at me yesterday. "Mr. Hitler, himself."

"EDWARD CULLEN IS CHARLIE'S DOCTOR?!"

"Yeah, I had about the same reaction, but that was before he told me my dad was pretty much on his death bed and then called me a fucking coward who is nothing but a disappointment to my father when I couldn't go back into the hospital room."

"Excuse me? He said what exactly?" The tone in her voice was a scary calm, almost lethal. "I don't know who the hell he thinks he is for believing it's okay to talk to you that way, but I promise he will have another thing coming when I get a hold of him." Alice Brandon was tiny, but she could make a grown man cry and beg for mercy when she wanted to. Hell, I've seen it with Emmett.

"Alice, please don't do anything drastic. Everything he said was completely true."

Alice sighed as she pulled me back into her embrace. "Bella, you are not a coward. I know you weren't able to face your dad yesterday, but these things take time. You were hit with a bombshell, and I don't know why _Edward,_" his name sounding like death, "thought less of you because you couldn't process it all right then. But you are a wonderful person, and Charlie has raised you well. We are going to go there today, together, and be the support he needs right now."

"And if that ass decides to open his arrogant mouth again I will shove my foot so far up his ass he will…"

"Alice!"

"What? I'm just saying." And with that I actually laughed. It was a pitiful and didn't reach my eyes, but nonetheless it still made me feel better. So with a hot shower, two cups of coffee, and my best friend at my side, I made my way into Seattle Grace hospital, ready for the first time in years to face my father.

And this time, I would not be running away.

***

Chapter end notes:

I love angry Edward – even though he can be an ass. But I promise he did have good intentions..

EPOV next. Because this chapter was so short, I'll go ahead and get Chapter 5 posted later tonight.

I hope you guys are enjoying this story! Please review and let me know what you think!!


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Notes: **Enjoy chapter five… longest chapter yet. And please review… I would love to know what you all think.

SM still owns Twilight…

***

Chapter Five: Going Down Swinging

EPOV

For the past five months, I have heard nothing but how beautiful, how intelligent, and how amazing Isabella Marie Swan was. From the day I had my first consult with Charlie, he has not stopped talking about his beloved daughter. She is clearly his pride and joy, no matter the distance or time she puts between them.

He has told me all the basics about her. Her favorite color is topaz, favorite book is _Wuthering Heights,_ and she absolutely despises shopping. She has a scar on the inside of her wrist, is scared to death of spiders, and hates being the center of attention. He has told me about how she moved to New York, graduated at the top of her class at NYU, and how she runs her own art gallery now. I also did my own research, not stalking, just curious, and I found all about Bella's other career choice. _Damn, if her fantasies are anything like the scenes she writes about in her books, then I would really like to get to know her._

But I have also learned that Bella was one of the most stubborn people Charlie has ever had to deal with, and coming from the police chief, I found that pretty hard to believe. But he assured me that he has dealt with some hard headed fools before, but if she makes her mind up about something, whether she is right, wrong, completely insane, or overly dramatic about it, she will stick to her guns.

I listened to Charlie when he told me about the difficulties Bella has gone through in her life. How she had to deal with her mother's abandonment when she was only fourteen, forcing her to mature much quicker than most others our age. He told me how neither of them saw it coming, and the day Renee walked out of the house, Bella had shut her heart off to everyone, including him. He told me how Bella put up a wall of bitterness and hatred, so no one would come near her. Bella had learned all too well that love gave someone the power to break her, and from that day forward she sought out, and returned, no love.

I wish I could say I remembered more about her from high school, but I was too fucked up most of the time to pay attention to anyone besides Rose or Jasper. But over these past few months, I had been absorbing everything Charlie had told me about his daughter. Bella Swan had consumed my mind, my fantasies, my career, and my life.

And tonight I was going to see her for the first time in ten years.

When I originally got the invitation to Fork's High reunion, I threw it away. I didn't give a shit about those people when I went to high school with them, so why would I care what they were doing a decade later? It wasn't until it clicked in my mind that Bella might be going that I stalked the RSVP list online. _Isabella Swan: Attending._ That was all it took, and the next time I refreshed the page _Attending_ was next to my name as well.

Once I knew she was coming, and that I was actually going to be in the same room with her, I couldn't help but conjure in my mind what she would be like in person. I created this image of Bella, _my Bella, _in my head. She would be soft, warm, brilliant, and witty. She would laugh at my jokes and call me out when I was trying to be sly, just because she was like that. We would dance, and even if it was a fast song playing, she would just sway slowly in my arms, simply enjoying the presence of each other. We would have a few drinks and she would allow me to walk her to her room, and I would be a gentleman and kiss her goodnight but not let things go further. The next morning at breakfast, I would take her hand and tell her that I would like to get to know her better. But most importantly, I would make it clear from the start that I was Charlie's doctor. I want to hit the bullet straight on before we had a magical night and morning, so she wasn't smacked in the head with it when she went to see him. But I would be there to support her and help her through it. She would take down her walls for me and let me in. She would let me love her. And she would love me.

Okay, so maybe I'm getting ahead of myself, but I have had five months to process this fantasy. And I could only hope that tonight it would become a reality.

I was pulled from my daydream by the ringing of my phone. "Hello sister," I said with a smile. Rosalie was a pain in the ass and a royal bitch to most everyone, but she was my twin sister and she has been nothing but loyal to me throughout our entire life.

"Get your ass down here. Jazz and I are waiting." _Click._

I shut my phone and laughed in response. I checked my reflection in the mirror once again before I left, because I was a nervous insecure bastard when it came to Isabella. My hair was already all over the place as I kept pulling on it because I was nervous, so I desperately tried to tame it as much as I could.

_"Hurry the fuck up, dude. I want to get this night over with. I still can't believe your making me go to this thing. You owe me big time." _

Jasper Hale has been my best friend since I was in second grade. Since the moment he helped me beat the shit out of Mike Newton on the playground for touching my hot wheels, he and I became pretty much inseparable. Jazz is very different than anyone I've ever met. He doesn't try to impress anyone or show anyone up. He has a sense of calm about him, but not a kind of push over calm, but a dangerous scary calm. He will go ape-shit on you if you cross him the wrong way, and the look in his eyes says it all. But he is loyal and trustworthy. He has also saved my own stupid ass countless of times over the years. He isn't blood, but Jasper Hale is my brother.

I decided not to respond to his text, but instead lock up my apartment and make my way downstairs. I was really starting to feel the anxiety of the importance of tonight.

I nearly fell out of the car when we pulled up to the hotel. I tried to retain my composed demeanor, but the truth was I was falling apart. Jasper patted me on the back knowingly and led me inside. The moment I walked into the door I searched for her.

"EDWARD!" Ugh. Please, God. No.

My eyes were halted from my search for Bella as a tall slender woman wrapped herself around me. I awkwardly removed myself from the hug and tried to get away. Sadly, all effort was fruitless as this woman attached herself on my arm and walked with me. Thank God for name tags because I had no clue in hell what her name was.

"Lauren. It's nice to see you again, but please, excuse me I'm…" She cut me off mid sentence by placing her chapped lips onto mine. I pulled away instantly. "What the hell are you doing?"

"Oh, Edward. Don't you remember? I saw a closet nearby; we could go and relive some of our high school days. Come on, what do you say?" She grabbed my hand and tried to drag me with her, but I pulled away from her before she could make any progress. _No fucking way I'm going with this slut._

She all of a sudden looked shocked and hurt. Oh shit, did I say that out loud? Oh well, I couldn't find it in me to care about her or her fucked up feelings. I just turned and walked away, leaving to find the one girl I did want to care about.

My breath hitched and my legs stopped moving when I found her. She was leaning up against the bar taking shots, and I swear I have never seen anyone more beautiful. Her long brown hair lay in soft curls on her shoulders. The heels she was wearing made her legs look a mile long and accentuated the curve of her ass. I immediately felt the pull towards her as my legs started back up again.

I was forced to a stop again when that slime bag got to my girl before I did. I was crushed when he pulled her into a hug. That son-of-a-bitch. I didn't know she and James were friends in school, but with my luck she would probably spend the night talking with him and laughing about old memories. I wouldn't interfere with her moment, but I wanted nothing more than to slam his face in. The rest all happened in slow motion. They hugged, he smiled, she turned to leave, and he grabbed her. _He grabbed her._ All rational behavior completely vanished as I flung myself at him.

"Get the hell off of her!"

"Look who it is, Edward fucking Cullen. Always screwing up my chances to get laid."

My mind was raging that this prick might have hurt my girl. I swear I would have killed him right there, but before I even got the chance, Jasper held me by the shoulders.

"Get off him, man. He's not worth it."

I let the bastard out of my grip and stepped back. Jazz always had a fucked up way of calming me down. I turned to look at Bella to see if she was all right, but she wasn't there. I scanned the room for her again but with no luck. My concentration was broken when a loud noise came from behind me. I turned around, and James was on the floor bleeding. Jasper was rubbing his knuckles. Yes, Jasper was very loyal.

I just looked at him, and he shrugged. "The fucker had it coming." Jasper then bent down so he was right in James' face. His words were lethal. "You fuck up like this again James, I'll personally put you in the hospital, and Dr. Cullen here will fix you up real nice. You understand?" James just nodded like a little pussy as Jazz and I walked away.

I went to go find Bella, but Jasper pulled me back to him. "Dude, you need to calm down some before you go talk to her."

"Jazz, I need to see if she's okay."

"Edward, you won't do her any good going up to her all panicky. I know you know all about her, but she probably hasn't even thought about you in ten years, man." Well that was a nice verbal kick to the balls. "For all she knows you haven't thought about her either. You can't go up to her and act like her knight in shining armor ready to sweep her off her feet. Give her some time to mingle with others, and then go up to her casually. You need to be cool about this, dude. Don't freak her out."

It killed me, but Jasper was right. I needed to let myself calm down, and allow Bella time to ease into the reunion without me coming onto her full force. So I gave her time while Jasper and I got a beer. People kept coming up to me, but I just sipped my beer and watched Bella talk to Jessica Stanley, without as much as a hello in response. I probably seemed like a douche that hadn't changed one bit since high school but it didn't matter. They could think what they wanted to about me.

I turned around for just a second to get another beer, and when I went to look at my girl again, she was gone. I stood up so quickly that my chair fell behind me. It was then that I saw a lovely head of brown curls slip into a door close to the stage. I got up and followed after her. This was my chance to re-introduce myself as the man that I have become and to show her that I wasn't anything like the boy I was in high school. I walked in quietly, trying not to frighten her. When I entered she was lying on the couch looking so much like an angel. I was frozen up against the wall trying to remember how to breathe. Her body was slender but curvy and her face no longer held the roundness of a child but the definition and beauty of a woman. She was perfection.

There was no denying the way my skin felt when I was near her. It was almost like a constant buzz of electricity flowing through my veins.

Without warning, Bella's eyes shot open and she jumped to her feet. There goes my plan about not scaring her.

"What the hell, Edward? Are you trying to kill me?"

_Edward._ She said Edward. She knew my name? So that means she remembers me? Maybe that means she thought about me. Apparently my mind processing the fact that she knew who I was cut off my ability to form words, as I just stood there like a moron.

"Okay, creeper. Thanks for the pleasant conversation, but I think you should go now."

Creeper? Fuck. This is not how I wanted this night to go. I wanted to say something, anything, but nothing came out. How was I suppose to explain to her that I, in fact, am a creeper that currently knows most things about her life and creates fantasies in my mind about being with her. _With her. Inside her. On top of her. _Fuck, Edward. Not now. I couldn't help my cock from taking complete control of my mind when she was this close to me.

But she started walking away. She was leaving!

"Bella, don't go." I pleaded.

"I'm sorry, but what exactly do you want, Edward? You want to catch up and reminisce on old times? Oh wait, we don't have any. We were never friends, so stop treating me like I'm some long lost buddy of yours."

The tone she was using with me struck a chord, and my words came out a lot harsher than I intended. "Will you stop?"

I tried to calm myself. My goal of not freaking her out was failing miserably. "I came to see if you were okay. You know, after that whole James thing."

"Edward, it really wasn't a big deal. I could have taken care of him on my own. I did not need your help."

Didn't need my help! Did she have no idea the kind of things James could have done to her? I fucking saved her ass from a psycho rapist and she didn't "need my help!"

I don't understand why but my body's reaction to her was the complete opposite of my words. My legs continued to move me towards her even though now I was mad as hell.

"Why can't you get off your damn high horse for one second and let others help you? Is your heart so stone cold that you can't let anyone in?" _Fuck, Edward. Why the hell would you say that? _

I cut out the voice in my head with my anger that was spilling from me. Again, my body was betraying me, as my arousal made its appearance.

"My heart was closed off a long time ago." Her voice was shaky and defeated. But I knew better. I knew all that she could offer. I knew that if she opened up her heart, she could flourish and find the deepest kind of happiness.

"That's a fucking lie, Bella."

My lust for her won the battle over my control and before I knew it was lifting her up against the wall.

I was angry, bitter about how she was treating me, and fucking horny as hell. I couldn't stop; I _needed_ to be inside her. The fucking prick in me came out as my filter was utterly MIA. I could feel the heat of her center against my pants, and I knew that she wanted this, too. Her eyes, entirely darker than they were earlier, betrayed her words of hatred. I fought her for control of her mouth and won that battle when my hands made their way down to rub her clit.

I quickly pulled off her shirt and was graciously rewarded with her beautiful tits. I couldn't hold in my need to be completely inside her anymore, so I told her to remove her pants as I undressed myself. I don't know what I did to deserve this woman standing before me, but I counted all my blessings as I lifted her back up against the wall and pushed myself inside her. She was already wet and ready for me.

What I didn't expect was the feeling that overtook me when I was buried inside her sweet pussy. It was the most intensely surreal feeling. No woman has ever captivated me this way, and the Lord knows I've captivated many women. I couldn't help but stop and look at her. I hope she could see all the passion in my eyes as I stared into hers. I needed her to feel this, feel me.

"What? Can't follow through, sweetheart?"

Okay, Bella. Want to play that game? I'll show you what it is meant to be _thoroughly_ fucked by Edward Cullen. I pulled out of her almost all the way and pounded back in. I did this, hard, over and over again. None of my daydreams could ever shine a light on what it was really like to be with her. She was soft, and warm, and damn was she tight, too. I could feel every inch of her wrapped around my dick as I pulled in and out. With every moan coming from that pretty little mouth I was pushed further and further over the edge.

It didn't take her long to reach her climax and for that I was glad because I sure as hell couldn't hold out much longer. As soon as I felt her clamp down around me I lost it. It took all my effort not to drop her. When I was done, I gently put Bella back on the floor, but I didn't have it in me to walk away from her just yet.

"Bloody hell, Bella."

I was trying to catch my breath as I leaned my head on her shoulder and just enjoyed the scent of her strawberry hair. All of a sudden, Bella went rigid, and the next thing I knew she pushed me off of her with so much force that I nearly fell on my ass as she ran out of the room. I think she said something about cutting off my balls, but I didn't catch it all because I was so shocked.

_You really fucking did it this time, Cullen. _What the hell happened to my plan? Tonight was supposed to be a wonderful evening of getting to know one another and just enjoying each another's company. I did not plan to enjoy her company the way I just had. I bet her impression of me is just peachy. First, I almost take out James right in front of her, and then I actually take her the next time we speak. I have succeeded in royally fucking this up. Way to go.

My phone started ringing, and I reached over to my jeans pocket and picked it up. "Jasper, I need you to come kick my ass."

"What the fuck did you do?" I couldn't find any words. "Please tell me you didn't."

"Well…"

"Whatever, we can't worry about your little cock expedition right now, we got to leave."

"Why?"

"Rose might have gotten into a fight."

"You're shitting me. What girl has she made cry this time?"

"Oh, it wasn't a girl. Just get your ass out here."

I quickly put my clothes back on and made my way out into the ballroom. Rosalie was being held back by two random guys and no one other than James was lying on the floor.

"You really do like getting the shit beaten out of you, don't you, man."

"Shut the hell up, Cullen. She started it."

"I started it! HA! Maybe if you would have kept your disgusting hands to yourself you would still have a face and some dignity left! How does it feel to have your ass kicked by a girl? That's what you fucking get for messing with me." Rosalie looked like she could go at him again. Apparently, James had gotten a little frisky with my dear sister, and she went at his face with a round of punches, which I know from experience, hurt like hell. And if that wasn't enough, she dropped kicked his ass until he was crying on the ground begging for her to stop. That a girl.

I just laughed as I went up and hugged my sister. I then led her out of the hotel back to her car. I think we all had enough of this reunion, and it was definitely time to go home. I would apologize profusely to Bella tomorrow. And then have that conversation with her. I couldn't let her walk away without telling her I'm Charlie's doctor.

I grudgingly took a shower when I got back, I really didn't want to wash off the sweet love that was Bella. But I went to bed that night with a promise to myself: I would be with Bella again - I had to be.

I guess you could say the next morning was a downright failure as well. Bella absolutely refused to talk to me at breakfast. I tried to be nice and put on the charm that worked for every other woman on the planet, but of course, Bella had to be difficult and so damn stubborn. I tried to let her eat in peace, and when I came back from the bathroom she walked right into me. Instead of saying "excuse me," she just blew up at me, _again._ I was really getting fed up with this side of her. Fine, if she didn't want to talk to me, then she could find out the hard way about my professional relationship with Charlie. It's not my fucking problem.

I left her standing in the hallway and made my way to work. I was already running late because I wanted to confront Bella at breakfast. I made my rounds and yet again said "no" to Tanya when she tried to fuck me in the employee lounge. Damn, she was persistent.

I knew I couldn't put off going into Charlie's room any longer, and my rage concerning Bella from this morning had turned into sheer smugness. She wanted to be a pain in the ass? Then I was going to be a cocky prick. I took a deep breath before I entered, and the look on her face was priceless.

"It's nice to see you again, Bella." I said calmly even though my tone was thick with pride. I looked at her with the face that clearly sent the message that I was now in control of this game she was playing. No more scared little boy. I'm fucking Edward Cullen, damn it.

"You know that important conversation I wanted to have earlier? Yes, it was to inform you that I was your father's primary doctor here at Seattle Grace."

She just stared at me completely dumbfounded. _That's what I fucking thought, honey._

My arrogant attitude, however, was short lived. I knew the real conversation we needed to have next was going to be anything but pleasant. I led her outside to the hallway so Charlie didn't have to wake up to us talking about him. I proceeded to tell Bella how it just didn't look good for her dad. The moment the words left my lips, I could literally see her heart breaking. She was no longer the feisty character I knew yesterday and this morning, but a shattered mess.

Her legs gave out as she slid to the floor sobbing. As I watched Bella self combust before my eyes, I put all my professionalism aside and brought myself to the floor beside her and lifted her to me. I cradled Bella against my chest, trying everything I could to calm her down. I wanted to tell her that she didn't have to go through this alone, that I would be there for her and that I would take care of her. We sat there for what seemed like hours as the sobs escaped from her chest. She finally stopped and stood up from my grasp. Her face was blank, and I was thankful that she has decided to be strong for Charlie. He so desperately needed her now. I was about to open the door back to his room when she took off.

_What the hell?_ I started running right after her. How the hell was she so fast! "Bella! Bella, stop!" My screams might as well have been silent, for they didn't do me any good. I finally got a hold of her right as she got outside.

"Bella, where the hell do you think you're going?" I was now beyond livid.

"I, I, I, uh, I just, I just can't do this, okay!"

"You're a fucking coward! He is your father, damn it! He needs you up there and all you can fucking do is run away! Do you understand how selfish your being, Bella?"

I had done nothing but watch Charlie deteriorate before my eyes for the past five months. He had NO ONE, and the one family he has left, who he loves so unconditionally, is leaving him when he needs her the most. There was no fucking way I was going to let her walk away.

"He withers away in pain every day, not just physically, but he carries all the burdens of your distance. He hates himself for driving you away, but in reality it was all you! You need to grow the fuck up and get back into that damn hospital room. You owe him that much."

"I just need some time. I can't do this right now."

She needs time? It's not like she hasn't fucking known Charlie has been here for weeks. What, does she thinks he prefers living in the damn hospital instead of his own home?

"Well, you sure as hell are not the fucking girl Charlie has been describing."

This was not the strong confident Isabella that Charlie has been raving about. In no way was this _girl_ the woman that Charlie raised. Whoever this was, I didn't want to have anything to do with her.

"You make me sick, Bella. I can't believe this is the way you treat your _family_." And with that I turned around and left.

I went back into the hospital and went straight to the break room. I tried to calm myself down with little success. I finally made my way back up to Charlie, and I knocked softly on the door.

"Come in."

"Hey Dr. Cullen! Man, I don't know why you knock; you're the only one around here who does, so why bother."

"Good morning, Charlie." I tried to hide the anger in my voice that his daughter had caused me. I quickly checked his charts and asked him how his night was.

"Oh no you don't. Do not try to distract me young man. I know exactly what last night was. So? Did you see my girl? How is she? Did she look good? I wonder where she is. She told me she would be here today. Maybe she is still sleeping."

My heart was breaking as Charlie was asking questions about Bella and making up excuses for her not being here with him. I wanted to tell him that his daughter was a fucking coward who continued to put herself before everyone else. I wanted to tell him that she was a stuck up bitch who had been nothing but a pain in my ass. I wanted to tell him that Bella was in fact here in Seattle but couldn't find the decency to face her own father.

But of course I couldn't do that to him.

"Yeah, I met her last night. She is a real sweet girl, Charlie. You raised her very well. But, um, actually, she wasn't feeling well and left the reunion early. I told her it probably wouldn't be a good idea for her to see you today if she was feeling that much under the weather. But she'll be by tomorrow." I really hoped that last part wasn't a lie as well.

Charlie's face fell and his tone was full of pain. "Oh well, I guess I could understand. I'm glad you got to see her." His voice was absolutely lifeless. I couldn't stand seeing him that way.

"She feels really bad about it, but she told me to send you her love." _Fucking bitch. _Lying to Charlie was like lying to my own father. It was something that I never wanted to do. But I was not lying to cover Bella's ass, I was lying to him to keep him from feeling the pain the truth would have inflicted on him. This was for him; not for her.

He smiled a bit after my last words, but it didn't reach his eyes. "Okay, well thanks, doc. I know you're a busy man; you can leave now."

"It's okay, Charlie. I really don't mind sitting with you for a while."

"Nonsense. No need to worry about little ole' me. I'm fine. Promise."

I sighed and walked out of the room. Today Charlie Swan would spend another day alone, and that was all Bella's fault.

I spent the rest of the day in a shell of bitterness and hostility. I was short with most everyone I talked to - except for my patients. My passion and care for them was too deep. I made one last set of rounds before I left for the night. I saved Charlie's room for last, I always did. Usually it was because he and I would always stay up and talk for half the night, and I wanted to make sure I was off the clock and done with my duties before doing so. But tonight was different. I walked into his room, and he was looking out the window.

"You know, doc, there is something about Bella that I think you don't know yet."

Great. The last thing I wanted to talk about right now was that traitor. Ugh, whatever. "What's that, Charlie?"

"She loves me." My head fell to my chest as I sat down in the chair next to him. "She just takes longer to cope with things than most people. If I know one thing, it's that Isabella does not do well on her own, though she will let no one see that. But she will come around. Don't give up on her just yet."

I looked at him with utter confusion. "Charlie, I'm not sure what you mean…"

He cut me off with his hand, dismissing my ignorance. "Edward, I can see right through you. I also know my daughter a lot better than you might think. I know that she is not sick with any illness. She just needs time. We both need to give her that. Now I obviously trust you with my life, but I'm also going to trust you with my daughter's life as well. I know full well that I don't have much longer to be there for her when she falls, but I need you to do that for me, Edward. You're the only man I trust enough to hand over my little girl to. Do you understand?"

I felt the tears spring up in my eyes, and I desperately tried to blink them away. Charlie was so much stronger than I ever gave him credit for. His unconditional love for Bella included her inability to be here right now. He needed me to extend that same mercy onto her. I would do that for him. _I would do that for Bella. _

I left Charlie's bedside feeling like a complete ass. I blew up on Bella today only thinking about how selfish she was being, but not stopping to think about how this was affecting her as well. In reality, she had no one here to help her through this. I expected her to lean on me for support, but I forgot that I was an absolute stranger to her.

I drove to the hotel as soon as I left the hospital. I had to talk to Bella; I had to apologize. I wouldn't continue to make mistakes with her.

I went to the front desk and found out what room she was in. I about sprinted off the elevator with so much anticipation. I sighed and took a deep breath before I knocked on her door. _No answer. _

So I knocked again. Maybe she didn't hear me. I knocked louder this time.

If I pounded on this damn door any louder I'd probably be kicked out. _Bella, open the fucking door!_

Still no answer.

My hands were practically removing the hair from my scalp I was pulling on it so hard with annoyance.

She didn't want to see me. _Well, of course, she doesn't want to see you; you fucking made her feel like a worthless piece of shit. _ "GOD DAMN IT!"

"Excuse me, sir. Is there something I can help you with?" The owner of the hotel looked scared shitless as I threw my tantrum in the hallway.

I sighed and lowered my hands from my head. "No, thank you."

I simply turned and headed back towards the elevator. That night I walked away with nothing. No dignity and no Bella. Within the past twenty-four hours I had been nothing but a complete failure.

If this was the way things were going to be around her, then Bella Swan was going to be the death of me, easily. But fuck me twice if I wasn't going to go down fighting.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Hope you guys are enjoying the story. Please review. **

**Chapter Six: Putting Up Walls **

_"Higher, Daddy, higher!" _

_"Okay, baby. Ready? One, two, three!" _

_"I'm flying, Daddy! Momma come swing with me! Daddy can push you, too."_

_Both my parents laughed as my dad started to push mom on the swing but not before he pulled her back into him for a kiss. _

_"Eww, gross!" _

_"Oh, Bella. That's what mommys and daddys do." Mom and Dad just looked at each other and laughed again._

_A huge smile came across my face at the sight of my parents. "You guys are going to be together forever!"_

_"Of course, Sweetheart. We're all going to be together forever." My father reconfirmed my statement._

_"Just the three of us. The three musketeers!" _

_My mother's laughter sounded like the most beautiful of wind chimes. "Baby, you know, you're going to find a husband of your own one day and then the two of you will start your own family."_

_"No, Mommy. I want to marry Daddy. So then it will only be the three of us. No one will be splitting us up, ever!"_

_"We would never let anyone split us up, darling." My mother's words sounded so sincere. _

_"Bella."_

_"Yes, Mommy."_

_"Bella!"_

_"Bella!"_

"Bella! Wake up!" Alice's voice cut into my dream.

I sat up and it took a second to register where I was. I was no longer at the park with my parents. That was years ago. Instead, I was sitting in a chair in the corner of my father's hospital room, and Alice was standing right over me.

"Bella, you're crying." I put my hand up to my face, and sure enough it was soaked with tears.

"You okay, baby girl?" I looked over Alice's shoulder and saw my dad sitting up in his bed with worry.

"Yeah, Dad, I'm okay. I'm, uh, just going to go get something to drink." I went over and kissed my dad on the cheek before I made my way out of the room.

It was a week since Alice arrived, and we had spent most of our time here with Charlie. Facing Charlie for the first time was nothing like I expected it to be. I expected him to be bitter and angry with me for staying away from Washington for so long, and not calling him as much as a daughter should. I thought it would be awkward and strained. I was hesitant about what I would say to him and the things we would talk about. But as soon as I walked into his room he started crying. His arms were wide open as I ran into them. He pulled me up onto the bed and held me, constantly repeating, "My baby's home."

I profusely apologized to him between my sobs but he just continued to rock me and told me not to worry. He told me how much he loved me and how no matter the distance I'd always be his little girl. After our crying session, I sat up at the edge of the bed and told him all about my life in New York. He held my hand and looked thoroughly interested in what I had been up to. After we caught up for a few hours, Alice came into the room and re-introduced herself. I didn't know she had even left, but she said she wanted to give us our privacy. Since she returned, the conversation has been easy flowing and constant. I really shouldn't have been surprised. Alice could get anyone to talk for hours. But still, I was thankful.

Things with Edward had been incredibly awkward, however. He had't necessarily been avoiding Charlie's room, but he definitely didn't come in often. I think it might have something to do with Alice cornering him in the hallway and chewing him out for a good thirty minutes about the way he treated me. I tried to apologize to him, but he stopped me before I could get the words out and just hugged me instead, apologizing himself. After that run-in, we hadn't really talked besides a polite greeting every time we saw each other.

I would catch him looking at me, though, whenever he came into the room. He would always manage to brush his body against mine when he was examining Charlie. Even in the hallways, when we would pass each other, he always found a way to walk a little closer than normal, and the back of his hand would come in contact with my own. And every time he was around, I could feel it. My body reacted to him in ways that I had never experienced before. At first, it creeped me out, but now I found it sort of comforting. It reminded me that I can still feel and that I'm not just ruined goods. Edward reminded me that I was still a woman, even if he was not aware that he was doing so.

I took the stairs up to the fifth floor and walked into the cafeteria. I quickly bought a bottle of lemonade and sat down at one of the empty tables. I started thinking about my dream. That had been one of my favorite days growing up. My parents took me to Port Angeles for the afternoon, and before we went home, we went to a small little park. We played tag and laughed and my dad pushed me on the swing for what seemed like forever. I thought my parents were so in love then. I remember thinking I wanted to grow up and be just like them. Of course, in my mind I was going to marry my father. He was my epitome of happiness. But that was five years before my mother shattered our lives. When she left, she took my hope for any kind of love. She ruined my life and broke my heart.

I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn't realize another person joined me at my table. When a hand took mine, I jumped. "Edward, I, uh, didn't notice you there, I'm sorry." I looked down at our hands that he still hadn't released.

"I'm sorry to scare you, Bella. You just looked so lonely." His voice held a little more passion than it had in the past week. "I hope it's okay that I join you."

I just nodded in response as I felt the blush rise up to my cheeks. I looked up to his eyes then and was shocked to see how intense they were. He shot me a crooked smile at being caught staring at me and then started to eat his food with his right hand only because his left was still entangled with mine. I looked around the cafeteria and got a countless amount of death stares from the female nurses and doctors. I'm not sure why they were throwing me daggers with their eyes - it wasn't like I was anything special - but it made me feel uncomfortable, so I gently removed my hand from Edward's. He looked up as he pulled his own hand to his side, and his face seemed almost embarrassed.

After Edward went back to eating, I just sat there and marveled at him, trying to take in his every feature. Edward Cullen was definitely a gorgeous man. I was positive that his jaw line could cut through metal, and the appearance of his five o'clock shadow made him look ruggedly handsome. His eyelashes were long and dark, and they perfectly outlined his piercing green eyes. His bronze hair was thick and in a constant look of disarray from him pulling on it all day long. His red lips were soft, and his smile flawlessly arranged. He, I was sure, was the most dazzling man I have ever laid my eyes on.

"Do you see something you like, Bella?" I was pulled out of my trance with him laughing at my obvious attempt at memorizing his every feature. I was glad, though, that his joking demeanor was back.

"Not really," I said dismissively, even though I blushed all shades of red and looked down at my lemonade bottle.

"I absolutely love how you do that, you know." His smile was finally reaching his eyes as he continued to laugh.

"Do what? Stare at you? Cocky bastard." I whispered the last part under my breath as I laughed nervously. My eyes were not fixed on my lemonade cap that I had been twirling in my fingers.

"Well, no. But you can do that all you like." If he kept smiling at me like that, I was going to pass out. "However, I was talking about that beautiful shade of red you become every time you're embarrassed. It completely gives you away."

I didn't even need words to respond to his comment, considering that my face deepening in color spoke for me.

He suddenly got very serious, "But hey, you know, I was wondering if you maybe wanted to come out with me tonight." He stammered as he now started intently at his food instead of looking me in the eyes.

I was completely lost for words. What did he mean? Like a date? I didn't know if that was a good idea given our past few days. "Uh, well, I don't…"

He interrupted my train of thought, "Not like a date or anything!" He pretty much shouted the words, and his defensive tone was like a slap in the face. "For drinks. There's this really low key bar across the street. You can bring Alice along, and I'll bring some friends.

"Oh, right." I don't understand why I was so hurt. Wasn't I just about to say no to him taking me on a date? I shouldn't want to go on a date with him right? Things would be weird. What would we talk about, my dying father? The first time we had sex? That would be a great conversation starter – _"Hey, remember that time you fucked me up against the wall? It was really great; we should try that again sometime!"_

"Drinks sound fine." I stood up then and started walking away. I'm not too sure where this new found anger came from, but it was radiating off of me in waves. I felt like an idiot for thinking he would want to actually ask me out, and I wanted to get out of there before I humiliated myself even more. As I made my way through the cafeteria, a beautiful nurse came through the doors and squealed Edward's name.

"Eddie! There you are, baby! I've been looking everywhere for you!"

I stopped dead in my tracks and turned around to glare at him. Of course, he had a girlfriend. But what kind of prick has sex with another woman while in a relationship? I was livid. There was no way I was going to put up with anymore games from Edward Cullen. I was done. This was absolutely ridiculous.

I turned back around right as blonde Barbie wrapped herself around Edward's neck. My anger made its presence known with every step I took. I was halfway to the stairwell when arms circled around me and pulled me to a stop.

EPOV

I swore to myself I would never lay hands on a woman. But I was incredibly close to breaking that promise when Tanya came into the cafeteria throwing herself at me in front of Bella.

When I saw Bella sitting down at the table earlier all by herself, looking completely defenseless, I couldn't help but go sit with her. I felt my body's natural reaction pull towards her, and without even thinking about it I grabbed a hold of her hand. It felt so right to have it there that it didn't even occur to me to let it go. It wasn't until Bella drew away that I realized what I was doing.

I actually caught her staring at me, and like an idiot I made her feel embarrassed. I hated making her feel uncomfortable, but the way her face turned colors was adorable.

Over the past few days, I tried to give Bella space that she needs with her father, but it killed me every time I had to walk away from her. I wanted to be around her constantly, but not just at the hospital. I wanted to take her out to dinner and introduce her to my friends. I wanted to make her forget for even just an evening that her dad had cancer. I wanted to make her feel beautiful and desired. I wanted Bella Swan to be the woman on my arm when I went out and the woman I brought home afterwards.

So I got up the courage and asked her out. As soon as the words left my mouth she looked absolutely mortified. I felt like a moron! Of course, she wouldn't want to go out with me. I tried to salvage my attempt by telling her it wasn't a date. I then couldn't read her facial expression as she sat there for a moment. Then out of fucking no where she stands up and storms off after telling me drinks will be _fine. _And, hell, I've learned from my past experiences with women that fine definitely did not mean fine.

And then Tanya had to make her grand appearance and make everything that much better! Bella turned and gave me the death glare before turning back around and marching out of the cafeteria. I pulled Tanya's arm off from around me, but not before telling her to never fucking touch me again, and then I took off after Bella.

"Bella!" I wrapped my arms around her because at that moment that was the only rational way I could get her to stop. She obviously didn't listen to me yelling her name all the way down the hall. "You need to stop running away from me! Please, let me explain."

I'm not sure what the hell was wrong with her, but I wasn't damn well going to let her run away from me again without talking about it. I turned her around and placed her back up against the wall, blocking her exit with my body.

"Get the fuck away from me, filthy bastard! Go on back to your girlfriend!" She spat in my face. _Girlfriend? _Of course, that's what it looked like. Fuck!

"Bella, she's not my girlfriend. I promise."

"Girlfriend, dirty slut on the side, whatever she is, I don't care. I will not be one of those girls, Edward!"

"Bella, I swear it's not like that with you." I was desperately trying to convey to her that she was so much more to me than that. But she looked defeated and hurt. I couldn't bear to see her like this.

She just stood there staring at me. Her features turned from anger to confusion to downright fear.

Unconsciously, I started moving closer, tilting my head.

"Edward, don't." Her voice was barely a whisper, but I had already made up my mind.

She put her hands up on my chest and stopped me from moving in any closer, but at the same time, didn't push me back away. "You can't do this." She was on the brink of tears.

"Why not, Bella?"

"Because I can't offer you anything. I'm not good for you." She just shook her head back and forth as a single tear escaped her eye.

I gently rubbed her cheek and brought my forehead to hers. "But you're everything I want." And with that I placed my lips onto hers and kissed her sweetly but passionately. Bella sighed in defeat, brought her hands to my hair and drew me in closer. I tried to let her know through my kiss that she was everything that I have ever desired.

I released her mouth and stared into her eyes. "I will never stop fighting for you, Bella. No matter how many times you run from me."

She smiled slightly even though it didn't reach her eyes. "I really hope not."

…

"Dude, calm down. You're fucking shaking."

"Jasper, you're not helping." I glared at my friend as he was laughing at my inability to keep still.

It was now a little past eleven, and Bella had yet to arrive at the bar. I was constantly checking my watch and downing my beer. Jasper was about to knock me off my stool if I didn't stop. The rest of the evening with Bella had gone well, I thought. After I kissed her she went back to Charlie's room, and I had to get back to work, but we had confirmed the time and place for tonight. And she was supposed to be here over an hour ago.

"What if she's not coming?" I was frantic and fucking unsure of myself. I hated the way that she had this effect on me. This is not how I acted around women.

"If you don't shut your damn mouth about her not coming, or being late, or getting into an accident, of falling off a bridge, or anymore of your damn excuses, I'm going to fucking leave and let you act like a teenage girl all by yourself."

I turned my head and narrowed my eyes at Jasper, but before I could respond to his comment, I felt her. I looked up then and saw my beautiful Bella walk through the door. _Finally._

I got up and made my way over to her. She must have not noticed my presence because she jumped when I wrapped my arms around her. I leaned down and kissed her neck as I whispered in her ear. "About time, lovely. I was starting to worry about you."

She seemed almost uncomfortable, so I released my grip on her. I was about to let that bother me, but she just smiled and nodded her head towards Alice. "I know, I'm sorry we're late. Alice decided to play 'dress up Bella'."

I laughed and looked over at Alice who just shrugged her shoulders. "Well, I'm not apologizing for that." She smiled at her friend, who did look absolutely stunning, and then looked back at me. "But I am sorry we kept you for so long." It did seem like Alice was trying to take a better liking towards me, but I could tell she wasn't ready to let her guard down just yet. As crazy as it might sound, I was happy about that. Alice was a really good friend to Bella; she protected her, and from what Charlie had told me, Bella was one who needs protection.

I gently placed my hand on Bella's back and led the girls to our table. Jasper was sitting there taking a sip of his drink when he spotted us. As soon as he laid eyes on Alice, he spat his drink out of his mouth and dropped the glass bottle. I slammed my hand into his back as he was coughing up a lung.

"You okay, man?" His coughs lightened and he nodded, not removing his eyes from the little pixie.

"Yeah, uh, just went down the wrong pipe that's all." He tried so hard to play it cool, but I just laughed at him.

"Maybe you shouldn't act so much like a teenage girl." He turned to glare at me, but I instead looked back to Alice. "Ladies, this is my best friend, Jasper Hale. Bella, you might remember him from high school?"

Bella was the first to break the uncomfortable silence as Jazz and Alice just stared at each other. "Yes, of course, I remember. Jasper, it's nice to see you again."

"Uh huh." His complete attention was still focused on Alice. "I'm Jasper." He reached his hand out to shake hers.

Alice laughed lightly and reached her hand to meet his. "Yes, so I've heard."

"Well, this is awkward." I slid my hands into my pockets and the four of us just stood there uncomfortably. "Why don't you guys stay here and become better acquainted. Bella, would you like to join me at the bar?"

She smiled up at me but didn't take my hand. Maybe she was just hesitant to display affection in front of others. Yes, that must be it. I tried to reassure myself while I led Bella to the other side of the crowded room.

I really took a chance to look at her then, and her expression worried me. She looked frightened and worried, as if something terrible was about to happen. "Bella, is everything all right?"

Her response to my question was the very last thing I expected. Without any warning, Bella threw her arms around me and pressed her lips to mine urgently. She practically forced her tongue into my mouth as her body was now right up against mine.

"I need you. Now." Her breaths were heavy, and her eyes were on fire. I quickly tried to assess her comment and began to lead her to the door.

"No." She pulled me to a stop with the hand that was attached to mine. _No? But I thought… _"Here, somewhere here." I smiled wickedly at her as I led her to the back. I went into the first empty room I found and it just happened to be the ladies' rest-room. I dead bolted the lock on the door and Bella turned me around so my back was now pressed up against it. I grabbed her ass and lifted her up against me without breaking her desperate kiss.

I carried her to the sink counter and lifted up her skirt. I pressed my hand into her hot center and felt how wet and ready she was for me. I grabbed a hold of her lacy black panties and pulled them off her quickly. I returned my hand to her then and ran my fingers between her slick folds and began to pump in and out of her and rub her clit with my thumb.

"Edward, yes. Yes." She panted my name and threw her head back in ecstasy as she quickly came on my hand. I started to unroll her thigh high stockings when she placed her hand on mine, stopping me. "Don't bother." I was astonished that this was actually coming out of Bella. She likes it dirty then? _Sounds good to me. _

I gathered up her blouse in my hands then and ripped it off, buttons flying everywhere. As I was staring at her breasts that were being held up by a matching black bra, Bella was undoing my pants. As soon as I was free, I wasted no time in pushing apart her knees and thrusting myself in her. I got that overwhelming sense of completeness just like the first time I took her at the reunion, but this time I didn't stop to think about it, I just continued to pound into her forcefully.

My hands were holding her ass so she wouldn't move as our thrusts were fast and frantic. Her arms were wrapped tightly around my neck, and her hands buried in my hair so I couldn't see her face. I pulled her body towards me more so she was on the very edge of the counter. I could take her so much deeper this way. The new angle I was hitting her at caused both of us to cum simultaneously. I dug my head into her shoulder as I released into her. Neither of us moved while we desperately tried to catch our breaths. I removed myself from her after a few minutes and refastened my pants as she fixed herself back up.

After we were finished getting dressed, I took her face in my hands and kissed her softly. However, as I drew back, the look in her eyes sent me into another panic.

"Bella. What's wrong? Did I hurt you?"

"Please, Edward." She was looking down at her feet shaking her head back and forth. "You need to stop."

"Stop what, darling?" I was worried now. Why didn't she tell me to stop earlier if I was hurting her? The last thing I wanted to do was cause her pain.

She lifted her head then and looked me dead in the eye. "Don't look at me that way." She paused, then almost pleaded, "Edward." She placed her hand on my chest, again looking completely defeated. "You cannot fall in love with me."

I was shocked as I just stared at her. I gently picked up her hand and held it in mine. "But Bella," I lifted up her chin so she was forced to look at me, "I already have."


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's Notes: Thanks for reading. Hope you enjoy it. Please tell me what you think.**

**SM still owns Twilight.**

***~*~*~*~*~**

**Chapter Seven: Giving In**

I felt exhausted, overwhelmed, and worn out. I was so tired of fighting and being in constant need of salvation. No one was coming into my life to be my redeemer. No one was going to help me carry my burdens and help me deal with my past. I fought alone - and I made sure of that.

I made sure not to let anyone in, so that way no one could ever leave.

But with Edward, I never had a choice. From the moment he stepped into my argument with James, I subconsciously let him in. I didn't realize how every moment I was around him I would let my guard down. The old Bella would never have taken that shit that Edward pulled with James. I fought my own fights and stood up for myself. But every time Edward stepped into save me, if it were with James or Charlie, I ran. And he came after me. He kept coming after me.

My body betrayed my every attempt at shutting him out and instead sparked with his mere presence. He had control over me from the beginning; I was just too damn stubborn to notice. I tried to fight him- I ran, I argued, and ultimately, I lost.

Edward Cullen was my redeemer, and I was tired of fighting it.

He held my face in his hand, his eyes boring down into mine, so intensely I was held prisoner in his gaze. I had no idea how to respond to his declaration. I had no idea if the feelings I felt for him were love. The only love I knew how to express was that towards Alice or Emmett. I wasn't even sure how to love my own dad let alone this man who had just come into my life.

I did know that with Edward I felt alive and frankly, scared shitless. But I didn't want to run away anymore. Again, I felt exhausted, over-whelmed, and worn out - but this time, I was ready to let him carry me, and that's the best answer I could give him.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and pressed myself up against his hard body. "Okay," I whispered into his ear.

"Okay?" He didn't make any attempt to pull back from my embrace as he nervously repeated my answer to his previous statement.

"Edward, I'm not even sure what 'I love you' really means, but I won't run from you again. I'm willing to let you love me, but I need you to know that I might never be able to return the same feelings. But I want to try - for you." My breath was shaky as I wasn't sure of what his response would be.

Edward pressed his lips into my neck and softly kissed my skin. His nose ran along the outside of my ear, and then he lifted up his hands to release my hold on him. He had a soft smile on his gorgeous face. "Bella, I don't expect anything from you, but I already told you that I was never going to stop fighting, and I meant that." A look of complete sincerity ran through his eyes.

He placed a lingering kiss on my lips and put his forehead against mine.

"So where do we go from here?" he asked.

I laughed under my breath as I placed my hand on his cheek, "Well," I said, "I don't think you ever got me that drink."

His face lightened at my attempt to move forward with our evening. "Oh, my apologies, ma'am, I was a little busy being seduced by a beautiful brunette who just couldn't keep her hands off of me." His crooked smile was so carefree and liberating.

I ran my finger across his lips. "Keep looking at me like that Dr. Cullen, and we might face that same problem again."

He took a step towards me, "You know, Bella," his voice was stern yet mocking, "I'm starting to think you just want me for my body."

His lips now crushed down onto mine as he held me close to him. My head was swimming in him; his scent and his taste were taking over all of my senses and train of thought. My mind tried frantically to take it all in. What felt like all too soon, Edward pulled himself away from my grip.

"Come on, pretty girl. I think we have a date." He held his hand out for mine, and I took it gladly, knowing full well that I was about to embark on something much more complicated than a few drinks at the bar. But with my hand I was giving myself to Edward, desperately hoping that he wouldn't break me, and trusting in his intentions with my heart.

…

The next morning I awoke in the large king sized bed in my hotel room. Alice was curled up on the opposite side, as we didn't see the point of her getting her own room when she came a week ago. My head was pounding, obviously from having too much to drink last night. I pulled my pillow over my eyes to try and block the sun out, and blindly reached over on the bedside table in search of my cell phone - three new messages.

_"Charlie will be in treatments all day - you should go shopping with Alice. Enjoy the city." 7:08 am._

_"Did I tell you how beautiful you looked last night? Well you did." 9:14 am._

_"Come over my place later? I want to see you." 11:46 am. _

I smiled involuntarily at the sentiment. Edward Cullen certainly was persistent. I threw the pillow off of me when I saw that it was already almost two in the afternoon.

"Alice, get up. It's late." My voice was thick with sleep as I nudged her side. She simply rolled over and told me to shove it. Alice did not handle hangovers very well, and judging by her lack of usual enthusiasm, I'm guessing she extended her normal two limit drinking rule as well.

"Okay, your call." I shrugged. "I, however, have an official date with Edward at his place tonight and I was planning on you coming shopping with me to pick out something to wear, but I guess I could go by myself." I tried to sound as nonchalant as possible as I climbed out of the oversized bed.

I made it half way to the bathroom before my words clicked with Alice. "Hold it, Swan."

I smiled to myself and turned around to face Alice, who was now sitting up on her knees, practically falling all over herself. "If you think you're going shopping without me, you, my dear, have another thing coming!"

I laughed and continued on my path towards the bathroom. "If you're not too hungover for your best friend's sake, then I suggest you get your scrawny ass out of bed and make me some coffee!" I shut the door to the sounds of Alice throwing the covers off her, and I stepped over to the mirror. What I found there was almost shocking. I looked… happy. My skin was brighter, and my smile was actually sincere. There was a light in my eyes I had not seen in a very long time, and I couldn't help but give the credit to Edward. My smile only grew at the memory of last night.

After our bathroom escapade, he took me out to the bar and we found our own table in the back. We just sat there and talked, secluded in our own little bubble. He told me about his parents, who I knew the basics about already. Carlisle was still a doctor in Forks, and Esme was renovating a new colonial home right outside the town limits.

He told me how his dad was so proud of him for deciding to go to medical school, even though it was a long road for him to get there. Edward told me about the problems he went through in high school, why he excluded everyone and was nothing but a cold, lifeless soul. It was nice to get a glimpse into why he was the way he was, even though I felt like he was keeping something from me. It was a nerving feeling that I tried to push away - that's not something I wanted to focus on. If Edward wanted to share, he would have. I wouldn't push him.

But I, in turn, told him more about me. I purposely didn't mention Renee, and stayed more on topics that focused on my life in New York. I told him all about Emmett, and how he and Alice had been my family for the past decade, how they loved me more than I could have ever asked for. He asked me about my career, and I explained all about my art gallery, and how I obtained all the pieces, and how my amazing employee, Angela, was running the business for me until I got back. The look on his face when I was talking about my job was pure interest at first, even though it turned into smugness after I was finished talking about it. Almost as if he knew about… _no, he couldn't know about my writing._ I just laughed nervously after that thought and quickly changed the topic.

But the night continued on a lighthearted note, full of laughter and shameless flirting. I truly enjoyed my time with Edward, getting to know him better and relishing his company. The world around me seemed to close when I was with him. He became my only focus, the object of all my attention.

There was a knock at the door that took me out of my trance. I opened it to find Alice handing me a mug of coffee. She leaned up against the frame of the door and the smile on her face almost mirrored my own.

"So, Jasper…" At the sound of his name, her face lit up even more and she went into a full play by play of her night with him.

She was completely smitten with Edward's best friend, and I couldn't have been more excited for her. She told me how after his initial lack of verbal skills when they were first introduced, he turned into the perfect gentleman. He bought her a drink, and not long after they started really talking, he asked her to dance. Alice was in full blown guy heaven and was apparently seeing him again tonight.

She and I eventually got ready and headed out to the different shops in the city. It was really nice to spend a day outside of the hospital just being carefree with her. After countless stores and nagging from Alice, I bought a dress and a new pair of heels. My dress was simple, short and black with a yellow band to accentuate my waist.

Alice, on the other hand, bought more clothes in one store then I had packed for my entire trip out here. Her excuse was that she never got to really pack after my frantic phone call, and even if she had, a girl could never have enough clothes. Where she got the money to pay for all of it was still a mystery to me, but if that's what made her happy, then I wasn't going to complain.

We stopped to eat at a small restaurant a few blocks away from the hotel when we were done shopping, as we were both famished from the long day we had. When we sat down, I pulled out my phone and realized I hadn't texted back Edward.

"_I bought a new outfit today just for you. I hope you'll like it."_

Alice and I both ordered, and it wasn't until we were being served that I got a text back.

_"So does that mean you've decided to come over tonight? And I'm sure I will love whatever you have picked out."_

I didn't even bother to hide my smile from Alice as I quickly typed out my response._ "I guess I could clear my busy schedule and come over. I'm not sure where you live though." _

This time his reply was quicker, _"Busy schedule? Hmm… are you dating any other doctors in Seattle that I'm competing with Ms. Swan? I don't like to share."_

_"Didn't I tell you that I have also fallen for Mike Newton? I guess I forgot to mention it." _I just couldn't resist the opportunity to mess with Edward.

_"You might have told me while we were busy in the bathroom last night - oh wait- I'm pretty certain it was just my name you were screaming." _

Touché, Dr. Cullen.

_"Yes, I believe it was." _I humbly smiled in defeat.

_"I'll pick you up at eight, and I'll be sure to make you forget all about Mr. Newton."_

_"Promise?" _

_"Questioning my abilities, Isabella?"_

_"Not a chance." _

By the time I sent my last text to Edward, Alice and I had finished our meal and were walking out of the restaurant. We got back to our room, and I quickly jumped into the shower and began getting ready for my night with him.

By the time 8:00 came around, I was primped, polished, and Alice-approved. I stepped outside of the main doors of the hotel into a cool Seattle night, and right into the view of Edward Cullen, leaning against his car holding a single red rose. And what a beautiful sight that was. His stride was confident and unwavering as he made his way over to me.

"Bellisima, Isabella." He gently pushed my hair back behind my ears and cupped my face in his palm. His lips found mine soon after, and once again, I was lost.

"Come on, baby." He laughed and took my hand, leading me to his car. "You ready?" He turned to look at me as he opened the passenger door, helping me inside.

I wanted to reply with something witty or challenging, but I was too mesmerized with his gaze to form a fitting reply. "Yes," I said simply, and truthfully, I was.

*~*~*~*~*~

**Chapter End Notes:**

**Date night up next **

**Reviews are greatly appreciated.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Author's Note: Hope you like this chapter… it was a fun one to write!**

**Please Review**

***~*~*~*~***

**Chapter Eight: The Woman that is Marie Masen**

The ride over to Edward's place took longer than I would have expected even with the busy Seattle traffic. I couldn't help my fidgeting as I took in the view of the city, completely avoiding looking anywhere near Edward's vicinity. I wasn't sure if it was from the nerves or just being in this proximity to him with no possible exit that kept me from relaxing. I needed to gather my self confidence and quick.

I took a deep breath and turned my body so I was facing Edward. He hadn't shaved, and the stubble had made its appearance, making him look even more sexy than I could have thought possible. He was wearing a crisp white button up, tucked into his dark jeans. I could practically feel his abs through the thin material. I wanted so badly just to kiss all the way up his toned stomach to his hard chest and reach his soft delicate lips.

Edward took his right hand off of the steering wheel and laced his fingers through mine. I smiled up at him only to be returned a crooked grin back.

"What are you thinking about?" he asked, smirking at me.

"Kissing you," I said up front, deciding that the truth was better anyway considering my blush would have given me away.

"Interesting," he replied as he looked back at the road but keeping his firm grip on my hand.

"Why exactly is that interesting?" I questioned him, truly puzzled by his response.

He just laughed quietly, "We're here, love." He motioned to a tall building right ahead. I was suddenly distracted from my question as I took in the area around me. He pulled into a parking garage and came around to open my door. I took his hand as I stepped out of his Volvo. We didn't speak the entire way up the elevator, even though he couldn't hold in his smirk when he caught me glancing over at him on numerous occasions through the ride up. We stepped off into a small, well lit area with only one set of double doors ahead of us. He turned to me and took my face in his hands.

"It's interesting, _amore_, because I was thinking the exact same thing." And with that he gently placed his lips onto mine, still cradling my face. I opened my lips, inviting him to deepen the kiss. His tongue was delicious in my mouth, expertly caressing my own.

When my breathing began to labor, he pulled back and kissed the top of my nose. But instead of pulling away completely, he instead wrapped his arms around my neck, pulling me into his chest. "Thank you for coming tonight, Bella," he whispered in my ear. It was then that I realized just how nervous he must have been for this night also.

I squeezed him harder, enjoying being this close to him, and smiled. "Don't thank me yet, Dr. You have yet to actually invite me inside."

He laughed and released himself from me. "Yes, of course."

He moved over to the door and pulled his keys out, opening it to a breathtaking apartment. I walked in, almost in a daze. I knew doctors made a lot of money, but I had no idea he could afford a place like this off of his salary. The apartent had a neutral color tone to it, with cream colored walls and white carpet. There were paintings up all over the walls, and beyond the front foyer was a grand size living room with wall length windows overlooking the city.

"Welcome home, Bella."

His comment took me out of my daze as I turned and pointed at him. "Welcome to _your_ home, you mean?" My expression was not one of confusion but of affirmation.

Edward looked taken aback from my stance, as if he didn't understand. "Yes, that is what I said."

"No. You said, 'Welcome home, Bella.'" He took a step over to me, closing the distance between us, and placed his hands on my waist pulling me towards him.

"I assure you, dear, that you are quite mistaken," he said in a deeper, almost seductive voice. His hands were moving up my body, and his hot breath on my face was deflecting any of the remarks that I was about to reciprocate with. My hands found the back of his neck and ran their way through his gorgeous hair, pulling him closer until our mouths came together. I immediately pushed my tongue through his lips, needing to be inside him.

He lifted me up and carried me over to the oversized brown couch in the living room. He laid me down and pressed his body over me. I felt his erection against my leg, and I silently begged him to move it where I wanted it most. As if he could read my mind, Edward moved up so he was grinding against me. A moan escaped my lips which caused him to press harder. I made an attempt to pull his tucked shirt out of his pants, but as soon as my hands left his hair, Edward stopped.

"What?" I asked as he sat up still hovering over me.

"Bella, I had a whole night planned for us." He pleaded with me. His face looked torn as he stared into my eyes. I desperately wanted to continue this path of blissful touching with Edward, but I knew he was looking forward to a nice evening with me. And truthfully, I was curious about everything that he had planned. So I sighed in defeat and smiled up at him.

"Okay, Edward. But I want the grand tour - don't leave anything out!" I tried to sound excited and sincere.

He laughed and climbed off the couch, holding his hand out to help me up also. "Yes, I suppose I can do that," he said playing along with my attempt to lighten the mood.

"Well, this is the couch, but you have already become fairly acquainted with it."

"Hmm, yes. It is very comfortable as well."

"That it is." His eyes were dark as he looked down at me with a crooked smile. I never knew it was going to be this difficult to progress in our evening, but before he could show me just how comfortable the couch was, yet again, I tugged on his hand signaling him to lead me forward.

We left the living room, and to the right was a massive size kitchen with dark counters and cherry wood cabinets. I ran my hand over the smooth tops and admired the up-to-date appliances. My mind immediately conjured all the cooking I could do in this dream kitchen.

"I never took you as one to cook." I looked at him slyly as I continued to walk around the area in amazement.

"Well, you are right there, Ms. Swan. Cooking is definitely not my strong point, but my mother went kind of overboard when she designed this place for me. I can't help but hope one day someone will put it to proper use. Do you like to cook, Bella?"

"Hmm, yes, I love to cook." I then opened up the refrigerator that was full of beer, Chinese take-out boxes, and a carton of eggs. "However," I looked over at him pointedly, "if you ever want me to cook in your kitchen, I think you better supply it with things that are actually edible."

He laughed and came to where I was standing and kissed the top of my head. "I'm a very busy man. I apologize for not having enough time to fill the fridge with all of your cooking desires," he said mockingly. "I suppose I can make it up to you some other way?" He moved his lips to the base of my neck and started placing open mouth kisses down my shoulder.

"I'll think about it." I turned my head and brought his wandering mouth up to mine and kissed him simply.

He laughed softly, and we continued on the tour of his apartment. He led me to a dining room that was right outside the kitchen, and we made our way to a hallway on the opposite side past the living room. On the right there was a door to a bathroom and a guest bedroom right next to it. Then at the end of the hall was Edward's master suite. I stepped off of the hardwood floor of the hallway to plush tan carpeting of his bedroom. In the middle of the room was an elevated king size bed with a deep red duvet and a multitude of oversized pillows.

He kept the light off, but the left side wall of windows provided enough illumination to see everything. When I turned to the source of the outside light a gasp escaped my lips.

"Surprise," Edward whispered in my ear as his arms encircled my waist.

I was too shocked to move anywhere on my own, so Edward gently pushed me forward, and I came right up to a door that led outside to a balcony. He opened the door and ushered me out. The view over the city was spectacular, but that wasn't what grabbed my attention. Sitting right in the middle was a small table, draped with a white tablecloth and lit with candles. Beside it sat two chairs in front of plates covered with metal tops. The rest of the balcony was covered in lit candles as well.

"Edward," I couldn't find the right words to describe how I was feeling. "This is… so incredibly beautiful." I turned around to look at him, and he was beaming down at me. "Thank you," I said sincerely.

He brought my hand he was holding to his lips and kissed it gently. "Just for you."

He led me to the table and pulled out a chair for me to sit down. "So, I might not be the best cook in the world, but I just so happen to have my favorite Italian restaurant on speed dial. And after a few favors, I had them deliver my favorite meal especially for you tonight."

Edward lifted the metal cover off of the plate. "Mushroom ravioli."

"Perfect," I said, as I smiled over at him.

Our meal was delicious; the ravioli was followed by chocolate lava cake and to my extreme excitement, coffee. Edward and I sat there for a while after we finished eating, talking about our careers. He told me all about Seattle Grace, the good, the bad, the drama with Tanya, and his plans for his future there. I sat there intently listening to him and found myself truly curious about his life. I asked questions and offered my opinion when necessary, but other than that didn't offer much information regarding myself.

"Why the art gallery?" Edward abruptly changed the course of the conversation and looked at me questioningly. I was kind of taken aback, and it took me a few minutes to finally answer him.

"It makes me happy." It was a simple response, but it was the truth. Edward sat there patiently waiting for me to explain.

"And I guess it's the one thing that doesn't remind me of my mother."

"Bella…" His expression and tone was one of pity and sadness, and that's not something I wanted from him.

"Edward, don't. Really, it's okay. My gallery is my own. They are pieces that I acquired myself, and it's something that I took interest in after she left. The art represents beauty and truth- qualities that she didn't possess. But I use my search for new work as a way to express myself, I guess. Whatever my emotions are on a particular day usually drives me to purchase certain pieces."

"I also love to see people come into the gallery and admire them as well. It makes me feel accomplished when I can find a new artist and give people the chance to enjoy his or hers work. I belong there, and I haven't felt like I belonged anywhere for a long time."

"That's beautiful, Bella." Edward said with a look of wonder in his eyes.

"Yes, I suppose so." I looked down at my hands, smiling, and could feel the blush rising in my face.

"Is there anything else you like to do in your spare time? I'm guessing with everything that's happened this last week or so that you don't have a boyfriend there. And if you do, well I'm not too proud to grovel on my knees for you to ditch that sucker and choose me instead."

"Edward Cullen begging on his knees? Now that's a sight I would like to see." I laughed as he shifted in his chair about to do just that. "Oh please, Edward. I'm not dating anybody back in New York. Don't be ridiculous."

"That is a relief, Isabella." He laughed as he sat comfortably back in his chair. "But I am serious; what other interests do you have there? I know you like cooking, but what else? Do you sew, paint, read excessively, and have a lot of cats like an old woman? Even write maybe?"

_Oh no._ I know that look of his. He knows. _Damn it._

"Edward Cullen!" I point my finger at him with a shocked look etched across my face.

"Yes, Bella?" I could have smacked that smug look right off of him.

"Just how much digging around did you do on me?"

"Why, I have absolutely no idea what you are talking about."

I stood up then and headed back inside his bedroom, and Edward followed right after.

"Bella, where are you going?"

I chose not to respond to his question and instead made my way back towards his living room, where I saw his books stacked neatly in his cases against the wall. I scanned them for maybe thirty seconds before my eyes fell on two different covers that I knew all too well.

Edward came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. "Please don't be angry with me, Bella. They truly were wonderful to read."

"Edward, if I wanted people, including you, to know that I wrote them, I would have put my own name on there."

"Come on, Bella. They are great pieces of writing! You should be thrilled to have them published and available for everyone to enjoy. I don't understand why you would hide behind a pen name."

"Because I have a reputation I would like to uphold! And I don't want people to see me as someone who gets a kick out of writing a bunch of sex scenes. I enjoy writing, really I do, but I like to share my work with others and still keep my identity to myself. It lets me really open up my mind without worrying what people will think about me as Bella Swan. This way I can enjoy my work and let people judge Marie Masen instead."

"I can understand that. I'm sorry I intruded." He rested his chin on my shoulder and kept his arms around my waist.

"I'm not angry, I'm just embarrassed."

"Well please don't be. I won't tell anyone that you were the one to write them, and in reality, Bella, those pages have done wonders for my imagination." His moved his hands so they were rubbing my hips and making their way upward while he placed kisses on my neck.

I turned bright red with his statement, but then again almost proud that my writing actually turned him on. I turned around to face him then and held his face in my hands.

"I am warning you, Edward Cullen, if you ever try to mock me for what I've written, or try and be funny and bring them up to anyone in my presence, I can promise you that my writing will be the closest thing to sex you will ever again get with me. Do you understand?"

His eyes were pitch black as he gazed down at me. "Yes, ma'am."

"I mean it."

"Of course, Ms. Masen."

"Edward!" I began to back away from him. "I'm not joking."

"I would never think of mocking you, Marie." With every step I took back, Edward came closer.

"Fine, that's it then." I crossed my arms around my chest and looked at him with no humor in my eyes.

"Oh really?" he said while smirking at me. "I think I can change your mind, dear." And with that I took off down the hallway. Edward was no more than a step behind me, and when I made it to the bedroom I froze, realizing I had nowhere else to go. Yes, I was mad, but I couldn't help but laugh as he ran into me and threw me on the bed, landing on top of me.

"Come on, Edward! Get off me!" I tried to wiggle my way out, but there was no escaping his iron grasp.

"I don't think so, baby." He started kissing anywhere he could get his lips on.

"Edward, you're not funny!"

A hum was all that escaped from his lips. And then his mouth was on mine, his tongue desperately reaching my own, and I forgot all reasons for my anger. The passion that he instilled in me took over all rational thought as I moved my hands through his hair. Edward pulled away from the kiss to throw the décor pillows off the bed and to move us up closer so we were in the middle.

He gazed down at me, with true sincerity in his eyes, "I'm sorry, Bella. I won't bring up your writing again if it makes you uncomfortable. But please know that I think you are an incredible author, and you should never be ashamed of what you have written. I do mean that."

I couldn't find the words to respond as I felt tears spring in my eyes. No one had ever said that to me as a writer before, and for the first time I didn't mind him knowing about my books. I actually almost wanted to share them with him; it would give us something else to connect over. The overwhelming emotion that was swimming through me was something utterly unfamiliar, but I welcomed it as I pulled Edward back to me.

The rest of the night went without exchanging words. Instead we took our time, cherishing one another, and exploring each other's bodies. Edward slowly removed my clothing and placed kisses on every inch of my skin. He made me feel beautiful, wanted… and loved.

He loved me. Edward Cullen loved _me_. And he showed me just how much all through that night.

**Chapter End Notes:**

**Please Review **


	9. Chapter 9

**Author's Notes: Sorry I haven't been posting on FF lately. This story is over at Twilighted and I'm up to 14 chapters. I'm going to try and have it caught up as soon as I can. **

**Twilightzoner is such a great beta, and so much thanks to her for editing this mess. **

**Stephanie Meyer reserves all rights to Twilight. No copyright infringement intended. **

**Thanks for reading, and please review. **

**Chapter Nine: Life Routine **

BPOV

The next morning, I awoke to the sun filtering into an unfamiliar room. I blinked a few times in attempt to register where I was. The bed I was lying in was soft and seemed to engulf my small body, and the pillows smelled of Edward. _Edward. _The previous night came rushing back to my mind, and a smile lit up my face. I reached my hand out to the other side of the bed in search of him but was unsuccessful. I turned myself and found an empty space and a note folded over and placed on top of his pillow.

_Good morning, sweet girl. _

_Sorry I'm not here to see you awake, but I hope you had pleasant dreams. _

_I'm on call until tomorrow morning, but you can always come to the hospital to see me. _

_Make yourself at home. _

_-Edward _

I read the note three times before I put it on the end table next to the bed and sat up. I stretched my arms above my head, and I could feel the soreness of my muscles from lasts night's activities. I took a deep breath and finally decided that facing the day was inevitable, bringing myself out of the oversized haven that was Edward's bed. It was a short way from his bed to the attached bathroom, but with the way my body was feeling, I quickly decided that I would find a way to walk as little as possible that day.

He said to make myself at home, so I took advantage of his two person shower and used my good share of hot water. I allowed the constant stream of heat to ease my neck and completely wake me from my sex induced slumber. I washed myself with his body wash twice in hope to keep his scent with me throughout the day and laughed to myself at his expensive taste in shampoo. I climbed out of the shower when I was finished and used his toothbrush to brush my teeth hoping he didn't find that disgusting but noted it was probably better not to tell him anyways.

Consequently, because I hadn't thought to pack anything before I came over here last night, all I had to wear was my black dress. I really didn't want to experience what would have been my first morning walk-of-shame, so I rummaged through Edward's drawers and slipped on one of his t-shirts and running shorts. I made my way over to the kitchen and searched his cabinets for my saving grace. The man might not have anything of substance to eat, but he did have coffee, and for that I would not complain.

I let my mind wonder briefly to the fact that I didn't know what Edward's morning rituals were. I didn't know if he was a morning person or a night owl. Did he like to read the paper when he drank his coffee? Did he skip right to the sports section, or did he glance through the world news and stock market trends first? I wondered if he wore slippers and a robe or instead went barefoot and shirtless. Such little things, insignificant little details that I wanted to know about him.

Before I could come up with any other ridiculous questions about Edward's life routine, I heard my stomach grumble. And because eggs were the only thing in this entire kitchen besides Lucky Charms and old Chinese, I fried some on the stove and ate them quickly without protest. When I finished cleaning up the small mess I had made, I decided that I should probably call Alice and let her know I was all right since I hadn't returned last night. I remembered I left my purse in the foyer, so I headed in that direction. I found it right on the table next to the door, but the set of keys next to it is what caught my eye first.

Right next to my purse was the key to the Volvo and another note from Edward.

_I would hate you to have to call a cab to bring you home so please take my car instead. I got a ride with a co-worker this morning, so don't worry about me. _

_Miss you already. _

_-Edward_

I smiled at his thoughtfulness but felt guilty for his inconvenience. I really didn't plan well for my visit out here to Seattle, but then again, I hadn't really thought of Edward being in the picture at all. My heart warmed at the way things have played out, but I knew the real reason I flew all the way out here was not so I could meet a handsome doctor that would sweep me off my feet, but to be with my father who I had abandoned and who didn't have much time left. Before I could allow the tears to well in my eyes, I opened my purse and looked for my cell phone. I hit speed dial, and after two rings, I was connected with my best friend.

"Well, good morning, sunshine" Alice chirped on the other end.

"You seem bright and chipper this morning, Alice! Does it have anything to do with the way your date went last night?"

"Bella, Bella, Bella, Bella!" Alice was singing my name. I could just envision her dancing around in our hotel suite. "Is it absolutely crazy for me to say that I know, like I just _know_, that I am going to marry this man? Bella, I can see it happening. I swear I'm psychic."

"Okay, Alice, you've been on two dates. I think you need more time than that to know if he is really the one or not. I mean look what happened between you and Jake."

_Oh shit. Not good Bella. _Jake had been my only friend growing up in Forks, and when he graduated a few years after me, he flew out to New York to try and persuade me, again, that he and I were destined to be together. I was never interested in anything more than friendship, but the whole problem seemed to take care of itself as soon as I introduced him to Alice. The two of them hit it off really well and ended up dating for five years. Things were great, or seemed to be, and we really thought he would propose. But Alice came home one night bawling saying Jake met someone else, completely out of the blue - some Nessie bitch who started working for him. They got married six months later, and it completely broke Alice's heart and destroyed my friendship with Jacob.

And that is not something I should have brought up with her right after she just met a great guy.

"Really, Bella? You're going to bring up that shit?"

"Alice, I'm sorry. Look I didn't mean to say it, okay? I know Jasper is nothing like Jacob - at all. And if you say you're going to marry Jasper then who am I to say it won't happen. Truly, Alice, I'm sorry."

"Whatever, let's just drop it," Alice said, defeated and still angry from my slip up. "Are you coming back to the room soon?"

"Yeah, I'm about to leave in a few minutes. Edward left me his car to use so I don't have to wait for a cab."

"Okay, well I'm about to jump into the shower, so I'll just see you when you get here."

"All right," I sighed. "And Alice, I really am sorry."

There was a slight pause, and she exhaled deeply. "Its fine, Bella. I forgive you. Just don't bring him up around Jasper or anything, okay?"

"Promise."

"Thanks. And remember, Emmett is flying in tomorrow night."

_Ah, Emmett!_ "Oh good! I miss the big bear!" The reminder of Emmett coming tomorrow brightened my mood significantly.

Alice laughed. "Yeah, I can't wait to see him. I haven't been away from him for this long in years!"

"Well, it will be nice to have him here, that's for sure. I really want to introduce him to Charlie."

"I just hope Charlie can handle all that is Emmett Brandon!"

"I'm sure they will have no problem hitting it off. Emmett has a heart of gold, and Charlie, after his initial shock at Emmett's size, will see him like his own son in no time."

Alice laughed along with me and then proceeded to tell me to get my ass home so we can go see my dad. I hung up after that and was about to head out the door before I realized I had no shoes on.

I found a pair of sandals in Edward's closet that were way too big but would have to do. I then picked up my dress and shoved it in my purse and carried my heels out the door with me. I locked up his place with the key he had left for me and proceeded to the parking garage below. Because I lived in New York, a car wouldn't do me any good, so therefore, it had been years since I've been behind the wheel. I really hope this ended well.

I backed up slowly out of the parking space and made my way into the busy traffic below. I was thankful for the directions back to the hotel Edward wrote for me this morning, and I made it back fairly quickly without any damage done to his precious vehicle.

I made my way past the people in the parking lot and the doorman who gave me curious glances due to my oversized attire. When I opened the door to my room, I heard the sounds coming from the shower and changed quickly into skinny jeans and a fitted t-shirt before Alice could say anything. I grabbed a hair band off of the dresser and threw my hair back into a ponytail, dabbing some light foundation on my face. Sadly, I no longer had the skin of a twenty-year-old and the circles under my eyes and the wrinkles around my face only became more apparent with each passing day.

By the time I had finished, Alice had emerged from the bathroom, still in a towel and hair dripping wet. She greeted me when she walked into the room and had noticed I was already ready to go.

"Bella, if you want to go ahead and go spend time with Charlie, that's fine. I don't want to keep you, and I'm not ready yet anyways."

"You sure? I have Edward's car, so we wouldn't have to pay for a cab."

"No, it's fine. I think Charlie might enjoy some one-on-one time with you anyway before Emmett gets here."

I laughed at her comment and thanked her for her courtesy. I folded up the clothes I stole from Edward's and stopped at the café right next to the hotel to pick something up to eat for him and Charlie, considering they would have to suffice with the dreadful hospital food all day. I'm sure both of them were more than used to it by now, but something new couldn't hurt either.

The walk to Charlie's room was now familiar and oddly comforting, and some of the nurses who regularly attended to him said hello to me in passing. I took a deep breath before I opened the door to my dad's room and stepped inside. The room was vacant except for the sleeping, fragile body of the man who raised me. I pulled a chair up so it was next to the bed, and I placed my purse and food I brought for the guys down beside me.

Without wanting to wake him, I carefully laced my fingers through my dad's and got comfortable as I watched him sleep. He looked peaceful, which was odd to me because of what I remembered from when I was little; he would always looked so pained in his sleep. Of course, that was after Renee left, and I would know that because he would only sleep on the couch, refusing to sleep in his bed without her. But I distinctly remember him always looking so distraught, and I always wanted to smooth out the lines that were made on his face. But not now- now he looked content, satisfied. You would think dying would have the opposite effect on him, but I guess not in Charlie's case.

I was too deep in thought to register the door that opened behind me, and I jumped a little when Edward came into my view beside me.

"Sorry to scare you, baby," he whispered as he pulled up a chair.

"No, it's okay, I just didn't hear you come in, that's all."

He noticed the contemplative expression still etched on my face. "What are you thinking about so deeply?" he asked as his hand came up to my face to smooth out my own worry lines.

I smiled and leaned my cheek into his palm, enjoying having it there. "Nothing too extravagant. I was just watching him sleep." I kissed his hand then, and he moved it to take my own. "Is it weird to you that he looks so… happy, almost? It's like he actually wants to die. He never used to look like this when he slept."

His smile and small laughed confused me, "Bella, sweetheart, I don't think this is a look of longing for death to take him. I distinctly remember the painful look I'm guessing you're referring to. His face would be all scrunched together, as if he was seriously aching?" I nodded for him to continue. "But since you've come home, that look has disappeared. He looks content and happy, because he knows that whatever happens, you love him. I'm guessing that he no longer feels like he has failed as a father, because his beautiful, amazing, intelligent daughter has come back for him. I think that's the best gift you could have ever given him, Bella."

Stunned and heartbroken by his words, I threw my head into the crook of his neck and as quietly as I could, wept in his arms. He wrapped his strong arms around me and seemed to use his whole body to shelter me. He let me cry, not worried about the tears that were staining his shirt. His hands moved along my back and up my neck, trying to calm me with his touch.

"Doc, if you made my girl cry, I'm crawling out of this bed and kicking your ass," Charlie said, as intimating as he could, his voice thick with sleep.

A laugh escaped both Edward and me at his words, and I wiped my eyes with my hands before I turned around to see my father watching us.

"Good morning, Dad," I said as I got up and kissed his cheek.

"Morning, baby. I missed you yesterday." There was sadness laced through his voice, sending me into even more guilt for waiting so long to come home to him.

"I know, I'm sorry. Your _doctor_," I said as I playfully hit Edward with my hand, "said that you would be in treatments all day."

"Yeah, what does he know?" he responded sarcastically as he smiled, looking at Edward with such pride and admiration.

"He's right, you know." Edward smiled as he looked at me. "I really don't know anything. I should recommend someone else." He looked back at Charlie then. "Maybe Leah Clearwater?"

Charlie made a face at his statement, "Ugh, no thank you. I swear that woman hates the world more than anyone I've ever met. You know," Charlie ranted as he pointed his finger at us, "I have a few words to say to her about that attitude she carries around. And she really needs to learn some respect for her elders, that's for damn sure."

Edward and I laughed at Charlie's clear distaste for this Leah chick. Before I forgot, I reached down and grabbed the bag next to me from the café.

"So how much do you guys love me?" Maybe those shouldn't have been my choice of words as Charlie and Edward both froze, not knowing what to say.

"Wow, okay ladies, don't get all serious on me, I was just going to say that I brought you guys breakfast from the café next to the hotel," I said as I held up the bag of goodies. Their stances relaxed immediately, and Charlie actually grabbed the bag out of my hand. "Hungry, Dad?" I laughed.

"Bells, you have no idea! The poison they feed you in this place is probably what's really making me sick."

"Oh, come on, Charlie," Edward said. "It's not that bad." But before he could finish, the bag was already out of Charlie's hands and in the grasp of Edward. "Ha!" I have never seen him look this childish before. I pulled the bag away from him, in an attempt to give Charlie his food, but not before he reached down and pulled out a huge blueberry muffin and took a massive bite. Crumbs outlined his mouth and fell all over his shirt.

"That's real cute, Edward." He came over and kissed my cheek then, mouth full of food nonetheless.

"Thanks, baby!" he replied, mumbling, with a smile.

We all sat back down, the boys eating their food, and me just enjoying their company. It was a nice moment. I realized then just how close Edward was to my father. Their playful banter was evidence of that. I didn't think I'd seen my dad be that carefree with anyone before. But all too soon, a nurse came in announcing that it was time for Charlie's bath.

Charlie didn't seem too disappointed. Actually, he was almost pleased about it. "Hey, it's the most action I'll get all day!"

Edward laughed, and I thought I would forever be scarred. "Ugh, Dad, really!? That's disgusting! I'll be in the cafeteria trying to burn that image out of my brain."

"Later, baby!" he said with his hand dismissing me. _Ridiculous._

As soon as we were in the hallway, Edward took my hand and led me straight towards the staircase. Once inside, he pushed me up against the wall and kissed me deeply. I ran my hands up and down his chest, eager to feel him.

He sighed into my mouth and pulled away, only to place kisses all along my face. "I've wanted to kiss you like that all morning," he said as he rested his forehead on mine.

"Well, I've wanted to touch you all morning. I didn't expect to not wake up in your arms today. I was actually looking forward to it," I said as I pulled him closer to me and wrapped my arms up around his back.

"I'm sorry, dear. I didn't want to wake you when I got up. But honestly, I don't think you would have even woken up if I had tried. You were passed out cold!"

I just smiled and shrugged. "Not my fault," I replied.

"No, I will take full credit, don't worry," he said as he leaned in and kissed me again. I didn't think I could ever get used to kissing this man. I felt his erection make an appearance, and I moaned at the contact. I wanted so badly to do it right here in this hallway, but to my extreme disappointment, Edward pulled away.

"Sorry, baby. Not here."

I just pouted up against the wall.

"It's going to be a long night without you," he said.

"Damn, I forgot you were working all night." The disappointment was evident in my voice. "Well, I'm going to be here for a while with Charlie. Maybe we can eat dinner together?"

"Poison food in the cafeteria with me? Sounds romantic," he said, smiling as he encircled his arms around my waist.

"My treat, too," I said as I kissed him chastely.

"Well, in that case I guess I just can't say no!"

Before I could reply, Edward's beeper went off. "Sorry, love, but I've got to go." And he left, but not before he kissed me one last time. I stood there in the stairwell for a few minutes after, with my fingertips tracing the outlines of my lips.

So, Edward and I couldn't go back to his place tonight. But my mind couldn't help but conjure up some ideas of what we could do here. I wondered to myself, just how much trouble could we find in the hospital together. Plenty, I decided. _Plenty, indeed. _


	10. Chapter 10

**Author's Notes: Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight and characters. No copyright infringement intended.**

**Twilightzoner… love to you.**

**Please review**

**Chapter Ten: Hospital Adventures **

I had decided that hospitals are some of the most depressing places I'd ever been. After Edward left the stairwell, I wandered around the halls and looked into different rooms, allowing my mind to wonder about each patient. Some had family members gathered around them, some were aimlessly gazing out of their windows, and others weren't even conscious.

I wondered how many of them would get to go back to their homes, or how many of them would never again walk on the pavement or feel the warmth of the sun on their skin. Death had taken on a whole new meaning to me. It was no longer a far away thought in the back of my mind. Everyone knows that death would come upon them at some time; it's completely inevitable. But death no longer had that meaning of just being the last chapter in life that everyone faces.

Instead, death meant no longer living. No longer holding the one you love in your arms, no longer enjoying the smell of coffee in the morning, or feeling sand in between your toes. There would be no more holidays or chances to travel the world. Life - breathing, feeling, _loving - _would be gone, finished, and never to be had again.

_Depressing, right?_

I shook my head in attempt to erase the horrible thoughts from my mind. I made my way back to my dad's room and found him lying in bed, writing in what I could only guess was a journal.

"Hey, Dad," I said, walking in and sitting down next to him.

He smiled and closed the leather bound book. "Hey, Bells."

"Feel better after your scrub down?" I laughed, trying to make it less awkward.

"Well, I would, but blonde-nurse-number-2 got called away and this bald guy named Steve helped out instead. Not my favorite." Charlie's face scrunched up and looked almost pained from the memory.

I felt bad laughing at his discomfort, but the way he talked about the nursing staff was hilarious.

"So," he alluded, "are we going to talk about you and doc, or just let that be a huge elephant in the room?"

I sighed. Charlie and I had never talked about boys before. "There's no elephant in the room, Dad. Edward is a nice guy. That's all."

"That's all? Bella, stop kidding yourself." He paused and pushed himself up so he was sitting against the pillows on the bed. "Honey, I see how that boy looks at you and how he acts around you, and it is a lot more than him just being 'nice'."

"Well, Dad, I don't know what you want me to say. It's not like I live in Seattle. And, besides, I just met him a few weeks ago."

"Bella, you've known the man since you were in sixth grade!" he said, sounding incredibly frustrated.

Sure I knew who Edward Cullen was back then, but I didn't know anything about him - besides that he was filthy rich, and a stuck up son-of-a-bitch.

"That's not the point." I sighed, putting my head in my hands. "We're just now really learning about each other, and…well… I… I… I can't possibly offer him anything."

"Sweetheart, what on earth do you mean you can't offer him anything? You are beautiful, smart, caring, attentive, charming, and you have a kick-ass dad!" I laughed as he continued. "Plus, you can cook better than any chef I've ever met. And being fed is something every man wants! Honestly, Bella, the secret to every man's heart is a good meal and lots of sex."

"Dad!" I lifted my head mortified at his comment.

It was his turn to laugh at my discomfort, shrugging his shoulders. "Just being truthful, Bella."

"Okay, well, we are not talking about this anymore!"

"Okay, okay." He lifted his hands in mock surrender. "Just one more thing."

"Dad!" I whined.

"Honey, Edward is a great guy."

"I know that already."

"No, Bella, I don't think you do. Doc really is one of the most loyal, trustworthy men I've come across. He truly cares about others and he dedicates his life to make people like me feel better."

He looked at me then, almost contemplating whether he should continue or not. I gazed back at him, not saying anything, so he went on.

"Bella, baby," he whispered. "He's not your mother."

I could feel the heat of the anger rising in my face. "Don't go there." I shook my head at him.

"We need to talk about this, Bella," he pleaded with me.

"No, we don't."

"Your life does not have to turn out like mine. You don't have to be alone. You need to let someone in. Love is a risk that is worth taking."

The tears were streaming down my cheeks and my hands were shaking from the emotional warfare going on within my body.

"Bella, I don't regret one moment with your mom. We had so many great years together and made so many good memories! I might have not been enough for her, but honey, she gave me you. And you're the only girl I really need in my life."

My mind was going haywire with the emotional turmoil of his heartbreaking words and my incredible anger about him bringing up Renee.

"You need to give Edward a chance and let him love you. I can see it in his eyes that he already does, and nothing would hurt me more than you pushing him away."

"I appreciate your concern, but this is something that I need to deal with on my own."

"But, Bella, you're not dealing with it."

"What else do you want me to do?" Anger was winning the battle as I was practically yelling at him. "I wasn't the one who left; I wasn't the one who asked for this. But it happened, and I've been dealing with it the best way I know how ever since. I'm sorry if it's not the way you would like, but I can't fucking help that. And it's not like you handled everything just peachy, either! You can't even sleep in your own damn bed."

Charlie's eyes were shut as he tried to calm himself down from my rant. "She was my wife," he reasoned.

"Yeah, well she was my mother."

***

I walked up to the information desk on the first floor and tired my best to look as calm as possible considering my current mental state.

"Hold on one second, dear." The receptionist was a petite elderly woman with piercing blue eyes. "What can I do for you, darling?"

"Yes, hi, I was wondering if you knew where Dr. Cullen was." I smiled as sweetly as I could.

"Oh, yes," she giggled. _Giggled? _"Dr. Cullen, let's see here," she said, as she looked in a large white notebook. "He has an appointment at two and three-thirty this afternoon, but beyond that he is probably just doing his rounds."

"What floor do you think he would be on?"

"Either the third or forth, hun."

"Okay, thank you so much!"

I took the stairs two-at-a-time and started searching the hallways for bronze hair. I looked into every room and got my own strange looks from people passing by me. I turned the corner of the hall and ran into the exact arms I was searching for.

"Whoa, there," he gasped. "Oh, hey, Bella!" His face lit up in realization. I didn't falter in my steps as I flung myself at him. I pressed my lips to his fiercely, trying not to think about anything besides his physical contact.

He pulled me back, not understanding my urgency or complete inappropriateness. "Bella, what are you doing? We can't do this here."

"Edward, come on. I need you. Please?"

His eyes searched mine. I wasn't sure what he found, but he pulled on my hand and led me forward. We walked down the hall, past the rooms that I had searched for him in, and he stopped before a gray door. He looked around to make sure no one was watching, before he opened it and brought us inside.

Edward spun me around so my back was up against the wall. I had no patience for taking it slow and cherishing bodies, so I lifted my own shirt over my head and undid my pants quickly.

Edward opted out on undressing fully; instead he only pulled his pants and boxers down. He lifted my left leg and wrapped it around his waist. My hands wound tightly around his neck and fingered his hair. He sighed into my mouth, as his fingers made its way to my center. He spread open my folds and rubbed my clit, before pushing two fingers into me. I couldn't help the moan that escaped from my lips.

"Bella, you have to be quiet," he whispered in my ear. I merely nodded in response.

He continued his handy-work, and I relished in the sensations. I didn't allow my mind to wander to anything beyond what Edward was doing with my body - his breath on my skin, his tongue in my mouth, his hand on my waist, and his fingers inside me. My entire thought process was unwavering from Edward Cullen.

But I needed more. I needed to feel his length inside me, stretching me, connecting with me. I needed to feel connected to _something. _

"Edward," I pleaded. He breathed heavily as he removed his hand from me and filled the distance between our bodies. He pushed his mouth forcefully on mine to muffle the moans that escaped my lips as he entered me. _Yes. This is what I was searching for. _

I might not be able to fully give myself to Edward emotionally, but physically was a completely different matter. I could give this to him, and I would take it from him, greedily. The way our bodies worked together in such unison sent sparks throughout me. I never doubted anything when I was having sex with Edward. It was becoming the closest thing I had to a home. He possessed me, took over me, and became one with me.

Without warning, Edward removed himself from me and quickly turned me so I was facing the door. He spread my legs further apart with his knee and he entered me again from behind. This position felt so much more primal and it was exactly what I needed. I placed my hands on the door to steady myself, and Edward moved one hand to my breast, and the other to rub my clit. He continued to pound into me, hard and fast.

I felt the familiar and glorious feeling rise in me and I knew it wouldn't be long. "I'm so close," I moaned, between breaths.

Edward removed his hand from my breast to cover my mouth; evidently I was not so quiet when I climaxed. And a few thrusts later, I felt myself fall over the edge. I ended up biting Edward's hand that covered my mouth, and that's what sent him to his own release.

I pressed my forehead to the door and tried to regain my steady breathing. A feeling of complete serenity washed over me in my post-orgasmic state. I felt Edward wrap his arms around me, and he rested his head on my shoulder. His heaving breath on my neck caused goose-bumps to rise on my skin, and he kissed my flesh where they appeared.

"You are so beautiful, Bella," he sighed.

"I'm sorry I attacked you in the hallway," I responded. I felt bad for my outrageous behavior. But all I could think about in that moment was Edward.

He laughed quietly at my apology. "I'm not complaining, love. But what brought that on, if you don't mind me asking?" His voice was soft and full of compassion.

I shut my eyes and took a deep breath. "You help me feel better."

I felt Edward's smile on my skin. I was honest in my explanation, even though he interpreted it not exactly how I meant. Yes, he made me feel better, because when I was with him, I felt nothing. I didn't feel pain, sorrow, shame, or guilt. I didn't feel useless or unwanted. I simply felt whole. Because in this world full of broken promises and failure, I was lost, simply floating by. Edward brought me back down, steadying me. When I could focus on him, and him alone, life made sense.

***

I left the closest, after a kiss from Edward, and made my way towards the ladies room to clean myself up. I splashed some cool water on my face and stared back at my reflection. I knew that I couldn't avoid Charlie's room for the entire day, and after thinking about it, I probably did over react just a little. I know Renee leaving affected him too, and I shouldn't act like a child over something that happened so long ago.

She wasn't a part of my life anymore, and I shouldn't let the topic of her affect me as if she were. I rounded the corner of the hallway and stopped briefly in front of the door before pushing it open. Charlie was, of course, still lying on the bed where I left him, but now Alice was also perched up on the bed by his knees.

He gave me a tight smile as I entered, with sorrow evident in eyes.

"Hey, Bella!" Alice chirped.

"Hey, Al. When did you get here?" I sat back down in the chair besides Charlie's bed and took his hand in a silent surrender. He and I locked eyes for a moment, and I knew that all had been forgiven. He was never a man of many words, and I was never one for long, drawn out apologies.

I returned my focus back onto Alice. "Just about fifteen minutes or so." Thankfully, Alice knew better than to ask me of my whereabouts. "I was just telling Charlie here all about our darling brother."

I laughed, just at the mention of Emmett. "Oh, Dad, you're going to love him! He is exactly like Alice, except about three times her size!"

"He looks real intimidating when you first meet him, but I promise he's just a huge softy!"

"He is loud, though." I tried to explain.

"And talks a lot," she added.

"And he kind of has space issues."

"Yeah, he probably won't think twice about lifting you off this bed into a hug."

"And he doesn't really have a filter. Anything can come out of that mouth of his, and he'll just keep on going as if it were completely appropriate."

"If he gets on your nerves, just tell him to shut it." I nodded at her advice.

"He'll probably only stop for a few minutes, though."

"Also, I forewarn you about his jokes. He really isn't that funny."

"But he thinks he's hilarious, so we usually just laugh to make him feel better."

Charlie's head was going back and forth between Alice and me, as we were spouting our descriptions of Em. I really was excited for him to meet Em. If anyone could brighten a mood, it was Emmett.

***

The rest of the day had gone smoothly. Charlie slept shortly after talking with Alice and me. Around four o'clock, Alice left to go pick up Emmett from the airport, while I stayed back with my dad.

"Hey, baby," Edward whispered, as he came into the room quietly.

"Hey, Doc." I smiled, while I put my book away.

"Doc?" He laughed. "I see your dad is rubbing off on you."

"It must be a father-daughter thing." He came over to me and kissed my forehead, gently.

"I'm just going to check his vitals and everything real quick. Are you hungry? Maybe we can go grab something to eat in the cafeteria."

"Yeah, that sounds great."

Edward and I walked, with his hand resting on the small of my back, up to the grand restaurant that was the hospital's café. It smelled of rotten peas and spoiled milk, but it was the only way I got to eat with Edward.

"I'm being stared at!" I exclaimed to him, as I took in all the glares from the women in our general vicinity.

He didn't even look up from his tray, as he laughed. "You're just paranoid, Bella. No one is looking at you."

"Edward, I'm serious. I feel like an episode of Jerry Springer is about to break out."

He finally turned around, and of course, as he did, all the women suddenly became very interested in their food.

"See," he said, as he motioned his arm to the people sitting down. "No one is staring."

I scowled at him and continued down the line to get my food.

"Hi, Dr. Cullen!" The woman behind the register practically fell over herself as she greeted Edward.

"Hello, Charlotte. Are you having a nice day?"

"Oh…well… yeah. Great. My day, I mean. It's great. Going great." A blush rose up in her cheeks as she tried her best to talk to the gorgeous man in front of her. I suddenly felt a lot better at not being the only one who was subjected to his dazzling effects.

He just smiled politely at her as if her reaction was the most normal thing in the world. He reached his hand around to his back pocket to pull out his wallet.

"Oh, no, Dr. Cullen. Don't worry about it!" She winked at him. "It can be our little secret."

Without missing a beat, Edward just smiled and gestured towards me. "That's very generous of you, but I also have this beautiful lady with me."

Charlotte's face fell as she took in my presence for the first time.

I laughed awkwardly and removed some money from my purse. "Edward is just being ridiculous. I already told him lunch was my treat this time." I placed my hand up to his forearm, gently, hoping she would realize that he was indeed with me.

"Bella, what's your favorite movie?" Edward asked me, when we sat down at a table.

"That's a random question."

"I know, but I'm just trying to figure out all the random things about you."

"All right, I'll play along," I said, smiling. "Favorite movie… let's see. Romeo and Juliet."

"Bella, that's a book."

"Actually, it's a play, but thank you, genius. It's also a movie. And Leonardo Di'Caprio just so happened to play Romeo."

"Oh, Romeo, dreamy, dreamy Romeo!" Edward's impression of Juliet was pathetic, and I just sat back and laughed at him.

"Edward, take my advice and stick with your current profession. I don't think acting is in the cards for you."

"Yeah, yeah. You just wait. I'm going to be the next big thing! I'll try to remember all you small people."

"Don't hold your breath."

He and I just sat and smiled at each other for a few moments.

"I have a question," I said.

"Hit me with it, baby."

"Do you read the paper in the morning?"

"Now that is a random question."

"Just trying to figure out all the random things about you, Edward."

"Well, I read it when I have time to. I usually try to sit down and have a cup of coffee, just try to relax, before I start my day."

"Good to know," I said, smiling.

***

Edward walked me back to Charlie's room, again with his hand on the small of my back.

"I'm going to miss you tonight," I said, honestly.

"Same here, love."

We walked into my dad's room then, and I was happy to see that he was awake. I came and sat in my usual chair, and Edward sat across from me.

Without warning, the door swung open and hit the wall. "Honey! I'm home!" a deep voice bellowed.

My body reacted naturally, and without any hesitation, I flew myself out of my chair and into the strong arms of the man who has taken care of me, without question, for the past ten years.

**Chapter End Notes:**

**Oh Bella. What an emotional rollercoaster for her in this chapter. She needs it to sort through her problems though. I wonder how Edward will react to Emmett… hmmmm **

**Please leave me some reviews, happy readers. **


	11. Chapter 11

**Hi all! Here's is chapter eleven, hope you enjoy!**

**I will also have a one shot posted up here within the next few days. It has nothing to do with FTGH but it was just fun to write and I think you all might enjoy it. **

**Twilightzoner… thank you for all you do. **

**SM still gets to keep Edward. Sad day for us…**

**Chapter Eleven: Introductions**

EPOV

I actually heard his arm swing through the air before I felt it come into contact with my face. All to be expected though, considering I had hit him first.

I quickly recovered from the blow and flew myself at him again. I wrapped my arms around his waist, and the force of my body knocked him to the ground. Once on top of him, I wasted no time in pounding his oversized features. Unfortunately, this man had to be double my size and managed to get me off him with ease. My head slammed on the ground as he threw me off of him, and my stomach was now the subject of his fists.

"What the hell are you doing?!" A high pitched scream came from behind me.

I brought my arm up, and, with as much energy as I could muster, punched him in the eye, knowing the pain it would cause him.

"Fuck," he yelled.

"Get the fuck off of me!" I tried to work my way out from under him as he cradled his face.

"Emmett, you have about five seconds to get off of Edward before I shove my heel right up your ass!"

The disgusting bear of a man finally got to his feet at the sound of Bella's threat. I slowly brought myself up off the ground and turned to face my inquisition.

***

_Previous day, BPOV_

Emmett's arms wrapped so tightly around me that I thought I was going to pass out from the lack of oxygen. I hadn't realized how much I had missed him these past few weeks. His being here felt so right, so complete, like my family was finally coming together. He put my feet back on the ground, but didn't release his grip on me.

"It's so good to see you, Bells," he said, as he brought my head to his chest.

I felt so protected when I was wrapped in his arms like this, with my head tucked under his chin and his arms around my shoulders. No one could touch me when I was in his embrace. There was nothing like being sheltered by my brother, biological or not.

Our reunion was interrupted by Charlie clearing his throat. I had completely forgotten our company and grimaced when I saw Edward's expression. _Crap. _

I was frozen in place, eyes locked with Edward's.

"Charlie," Alice spoke, "this is my big brother, Emmett. Emmett this is Bella's dad, Charlie."

"Hey, Chief!" Emmett said, as he came over and gave Charlie a hug.

"Whoa, there," Charlie laughed. "Personal space, son."

"Oh come on. No need for formalities! Don't you know we're family? Besides," he said, looking at me, with a mischievous grin spread on his face, "don't you want to hug the man who has been keeping Bella's bed nice and warm these past ten years?"

"Emmett!" Alice and I screamed at the same time.

He just laughed, completely unaware of his inappropriateness. After a moment of our stunned silence, Emmett turned himself from Charlie and faced a now steaming Edward.

"Hey man, Emmett Brandon." He stretched his arm out to shake hands with Edward, who just stood there furious.

Rigidly, Edward eventually took his hand. "Edward Cullen," he said, sternly.

They released each other, and Emmett made his way to Charlie's bedside and pulled up a chair. Edward, on the other hand, picked up his chart and made his way out the door without another word.

"Emmett, what the hell?" I said, focusing my new found anger on him.

"What?" he asked.

"That was so inappropriate!"

"Bella, I was kidding. No one in this room actually thinks we've slept together. That's just ridiculous," he explained, nonchalantly.

"Yeah, that's because the one person who didn't think you were kidding just stormed out of this room."

"Who? Doctor Supermodel? Please, Bella, don't be so dramatic."

"Emmett, that was Edward. You know, the Edward I told you about. The same Edward I've been seeing these past few weeks." I tried to trigger his memory and get my point through his thick head.

He seemed to completely ignore me and instead turned to Charlie. "Feisty, that one," he said, nodding his head towards my direction.

"Asshole," I retorted, and was laughed at by all three of them in response.

***

"He's huge!" Charlie said to me after Emmett and Alice went back to the hotel a few hours following Em's arrival.

"Yeah, but he's generally harmless," I said, grabbing Charlie's hand.

"He sure does love you, Bella."

"Dad, I told you it's not like that with Emmett. He's like my big brother!" I argued in disgust.

Charlie laughed. "And if you would actually let me finish my train of thought for once, instead of becoming all defensive and interrupting me, I would have said just that."

I looked at him sheepishly. "Sorry," I murmured.

"Do you like him though?" I asked, truly curious, and nervous for his response.

"Anyone who is going to protect you and watch out for you like he does, I'm going to like and approve of."

I released the breath I didn't know I was holding in relief.

"And he sure knows how to make people laugh."

I smiled and nodded in agreement.

"But at the same time, Bells, he knows how to push some buttons, too."

I looked up at him, not fully understanding.

"Doc hasn't been back in this room since Emmett's arrival," he pointed out.

I hung my head, not knowing how to justify Edward's ridiculous reaction to Em. "He'll get over it," I said, trying to convince myself of that as well.

Charlie just nodded as he lay down fully and drifted off to sleep.

I let go of his hand then and stood. I moved over him gently and pressed a kiss to his forehead. "I love you, Dad," I whispered, before I gathered my belongings and made my way out of the room.

***

I found Edward leaning against the information desk, looking through a stack of papers.

"Hi," I said, bringing myself up next to him.

"Hey," he responded, not looking up from his documents.

"Edward." I placed my hand on his arm.

He looked up then, and turned his body so he was facing me.

"Edward, are you upset with me?" I asked.

"I don't like him."

"You don't even know him," I shot back at him, immediately becoming defensive.

"I don't like how he looks at you, how he touches you, or how he speaks about you."

"You're being absurd! He is like my brother and treats me as such!"

"What a great big brother he is keeping your bed nice and warm," he said, voice dripping in sarcasm and anger.

I laughed, without humor, at his comment.

"Have you slept with him, Bella?" he asked.

His question took me completely off guard and my eyes shot up to meet his. "Please tell me you're joking."

He just stared at me, narrow-eyed.

"Grow a pair of balls, Edward, and maybe you should think about getting a sense of humor while you're at it. Of course, I haven't slept with him. He was just trying to be funny. Stop acting like such a child," I spat at him, and turned around and left.

***

I got into a cab and made my way back to the hotel, anger still pouring out of me. I put the window down and allowed the warm breeze to calm my raging mind. How dare he lash out that way? This whole situation was absolutely ridiculous. Edward's jealousy was uncalled for and completely unwarranted.

I unlocked the door to my room, and walked in to find Alice and Emmett sitting on the bed, talking.

I cleared my face of as much emotion as I could and simply focused on the fact that Emmett was here and how happy that made me. I joined them on the bed then, and rested my head in Alice's lap, as she fingered my hair.

"Bella, I'm sorry for the comment I made today," Emmett said, looking down at me.

I smiled up at him, knowing that I could never stay mad at him, regardless of the stupid things that came out of his mouth.

"You're forgiven," I said, "as long as shit like that doesn't escape your lips within Edward's vicinity again."

"Babe, you know I can't make promises of what goes out, _or in,_ my mouth." He laughed again, thinking he was hilarious.

"Ugh, you're disgusting," Alice said, cringing. "And your attempts at dirty jokes are exceptionally lame.

Instead of finding his comment offensive, I just laughed along with him. Emmett was the kind of person you just had to take as he was. There was no use in trying to change him, and for that I was glad. Because, honestly, I thought he was funny as hell.

The remainder of the night, the three of us just curled up against the backboard of the bed and watched movies. Emmett sat between us, with Alice and me resting our heads on his shoulder. It was the first piece of normalcy I had experienced since coming out to Washington. Nights like this were what I was used to. This was my family.

But for the first time, something was missing. And butterflies appeared in my stomach at the mere thought of just who that person was.

***

I woke up to the sound of the TV and Emmett snoring next to me. My neck was stiff and sore from my position. I quietly climbed out of the bed and looked at the clock, noticing it was a little past six a.m.

I walked across the room and dug through my purse for my phone. I opened it up to a blank screen and was momentarily crushed before I remembered that Edward worked all last night and couldn't have his phone on in the hospital. I hoped that he would be getting off soon and decided to text him.

I sat with my phone open, staring at the buttons, not entirely sure of what to say to him.

I almost jumped out of my skin when my phone started buzzing. I didn't expect it to start ringing in my hand, and it took me off guard. When I recovered from my absurd reaction, a smile etched across my face, at the name that appeared.

_"Bella, I'm so sorry for how I acted. Can we talk about this?"_

Yes, I was mad at Edward. His childish behavior towards Emmett was ludicrous. But hadn't I acted even worse when I saw him with Tanya in the cafeteria? I had jumped to conclusions also, and his reaction to her was nothing but disgust. I actually did love Emmett. Not in a romantic way, of course, but Edward wouldn't have known any better, considering that I threw myself at Em as soon as he walked through the door.

_"Of course,"_ I responded. Not really knowing how to put all my thoughts into one text message.

My phone went off again a few moments later.

_"I'm surprised you're awake. Call me whenever you want to talk."_

I decided that no time was better than the present, as I clicked the send button next to Edward's name.

"Hi," he answered on the second ring.

"Hi." I paused and took a breath. "I figured we could go ahead and talk now, instead of letting this linger between us all day."

"Bella, I'm really sorry. I completely overreacted."

"Yes, you did. But I did, too. And, Edward, for that I'm sorry as well."

"Bygones be bygones, then?"

"Well, I don't think it's that simple."

"Oh," he said, sounding slightly hurt.

"Edward, Emmett is like my big, protective, older brother. He and I are very close, basically as close as Alice and I are, and that is something that you need to accept. I'm sorry if it upsets you, but he is just part of the package."

"I still don't like him, but I'll make an effort," he said, after a moment.

I guess that was the best I was going to get out of him right now. "Thank you."

"Bella, I know I'm risking sounding completely vulnerable right now," he paused, and took a breath, "but I just need some reassurance from you. It drives me crazy not knowing what you're thinking and constantly wondering if you're going to up and run into the arms of some other guy the moment I'm not there. Or hell, even when I'm standing right there in the same damn room!"

"Edward," I interrupted, about to explain, again, that it's not like that with Emmett.

"I know, I know," he said. "But please try to hear me out, Bella. I have put my heart out on the line here. I just need something from you to know that I'm not heading straight into a black hole."

"I'm not sure what else you want from me. I really am giving you all that I can right now. I just need you to trust me that I do want to be with you, too."

There was a moment where I just heard him breathing on the other line.

"Edward, when I wasn't with you last night, even though I was with my two very best friends, I felt like a part of me was missing. I knew who I wanted to be with, who I wanted next to me, laughing with me at all the stupid parts of, 'The Wedding Singer', and that was you. I craved the warmth of your body and the sound of your voice. I wanted nothing more than to fall asleep in your arms."

"Do you really mean that, Bella?"

"Yeah, I really do."

"Thank you," he said his voice hardly a whisper.

"You sound tired, Edward. Are you almost home?"

"I pulled into the parking garage a few minutes ago."

"All right, well, why don't you go get some rest and maybe we can go out later tonight."

"We could go back to that bar," he suggested. "Maybe we can even explore the bathroom some more."

I laughed at the memory. "Only if you're lucky, Doc."

***

EPOV

I hung up the phone with Bella and pulled myself out of my car. My apartment was dark and empty, loneliness filling the huge empty space. I wasn't sure how my parents convinced me into buying this apartment, considering I've been single for most of my adult years with no prospect of finding a woman to share the space with me. But anyway, I made my way to my bedroom, letting my mind wander to how great it would be to no longer be the only person who took residence here.

My pillow still smelled of Bella from our date a few nights ago. And with her scent lingering in my mind, I fell asleep quickly, dreaming of a beautiful girl with brown eyes.

_It would be wrong- immoral, I thought. _

_I would go to jail. No more healing people. _

_No more Bella. _

_But I doubt choking him with an IV line would kill him. And it's not like I would fill the syringe with something that would be fatal- just something that would be painful. Extremely painful. _

_I could take off my shoe and smash his face in with it, but I'm sure my shoes are worth more money than it would be to fix his face. _

_Sawing off his arms is a good idea. He can't hold onto her like that if he doesn't have any limbs. _

_That could work!_

_I ran down the halls of the hospital and into the medical equipment closest. I scurried around until I found the saw they use for amputations and sprinted back to Charlie's room. _

_"Edward, what are you doing?" they asked. _

_I laughed bitterly as I edged closer to the massive body now in front of me. "Just taking care of a little problem, that's all." _

_The saw came roaring to life, the sound deafening. _

I shot up from my bed as blood covered the inside of my eyelids from my dream. Did I really just fucking dream about killing Emmett? How fucked up.

I flew the covers from my now sweaty body and dragged my feet to the bathroom. I turned on the water of my shower and climbed in once the water was warm enough.

The heat cascaded down and immediately my thoughts were taken over by Bella. My eyes were shut, and behind them I could see the outline of her form and the perkiness of her breasts. Her slender curves invaded my mind, and I felt myself harden. I groaned at what this woman did to me, as I already took care of this problem myself last night in the hospital employee shower. Maybe that's gross, but I had to do something. I was so wound up from the argument with her, and I needed some form of release.

I poured some soap in my hand and wrapped it around myself tightly, stroking up and down my shaft. I leaned my body up against the shower wall for support and let my fantasies take over.

***

It was almost five p.m. when I got out of the shower. I slipped on a pair of boxers and went into the kitchen. I only opened my refrigerator to slam it shut again. There was absolutely no food in the place, and I was fucking starving.

I found my phone sitting next to my bed and dialed Jazz's number.

"Hey, man," he answered.

"What's up, Jazz. You hungry?"

"Eh, I guess I could eat. Let's order a pizza or something."

"Okay, I'll order the pizza, you bring the beer."

"Works for me."

"Oh, and you're coming out to the bar with me tonight," I said, remembering my plans with Bella.

"I don't think so Edward, I'm beat."

I sighed dramatically. "Okay, dude, I'll tell Bella to pass that on to Alice."

"Wait, wait, wait…"

I laughed at his change of demeanor. "Alice will be there?" he asked.

"Just get your ass to my place soon."

I hung up then and called my favorite pizza place down the street. They don't usually deliver, but the owner, Milla, is apparently quite smitten with me.

"Hey, Milla, it's Edward Cullen."

She and I talked for a few minutes before I placed my order. She said it would be at my door in thirty minutes, personally delivered. I thanked her and went into my bedroom to get dressed. The buzzer rang about fifteen minutes later and soon after that Jasper came barging into my apartment.

"Thanks for knocking," I said, sarcastically.

"You'll get over it," was his response.

We sat down on the couch as I turned on ESPN. The pizza came shortly after, and we nearly finished it by the time the sports cast was over.

"So guess who I had the great honor of meeting today," I said, patting my overfull stomach.

"Jesus," he said, not taking his eyes off of the TV screen.

"Well, Alice and Bella might think of him in that way, but I sure as hell don't."

"Edward, just spit it out."

"Emmett Brandon."

Jasper spit out his beer. "Shit, dude! I fucking forgot he was coming!"

"Yeah, well, he's real fun, let me tell you."

"What happened?"

"He thinks he's the greatest shit to walk planet earth. He fucking treats Bella like a long lost lover instead of the sister she claims. It's bullshit."

"Damn. I hope he doesn't beat the shit out of me for sleeping with Alice."

"He just better keep his fucking distance from Bella. I swear if he touches her again I'll bite his hands off."

"A little over protective, are we, Edward?"

I turned my head and glared over at him.

"Edward, man, you're walking a fine line. Alice told me all about the dynamics of that relationship, and you just need to be careful of what you say around them. I'm sure Bella will have your head if you try to pull shit like that."

"Whatever, Jazz." The conversation was dismissed, and I thought back to the discussion Bella and I had at the hospital. She was not happy about the way I acted, and even when we talked on the phone this morning, she reminded me that it was strictly platonic between them. I knew I needed to trust her on that, but there was just something about that man that rubbed me the wrong way.

A few hours passed and around 9:30, I got a text from Bella.

_"Still on for tonight?"_

_"How about I meet you guys over there in thirty minutes."_

_"Perfect."_

I closed my phone and told Jasper the plan.

My phone rang, and I opened it without looking at the screen.

"Does ten not work for you?" I asked, smiling, thinking it was Bella.

"What's going on at ten?" It was a female voice on the other end, but it was not my Bella.

"Oh, hey, Rose," I said. "What's up?"

"Um, hi big brother. What the hell is going on at ten?"

"Jazz and I are going to the bar down the street from the hospital."

"Well, thanks for the invitation jack-ass."

I sighed. "Would you like to come, Rosalie?"

"Not really," she said, dismissively.

"Okay then, what do I owe this great honor of you calling?"

"Mom and Dad keep calling me."

"Okay, then answer and talk to them."

"Edward, I don't think that's the best idea."

"Rose, you can't run from them forever. Do they even know you're in Seattle?"

"I sure as hell haven't told them. Did you run your mouth to them about me coming back?"

"Of course not. You asked me to keep my mouth shut, and I've done just that."

"Okay. Thanks. Just making sure."

"Is everything else okay?" I asked.

"Yeah, yeah, life is peachy."

"Okay, well call me if you need anything."

I hung up then and went into my bedroom to get ready to go out.

Jasper was waiting for me in the foyer, and the two of us made our way down to the bar. I walked into the familiar surroundings and found an empty table and waited. A few minutes later, my skin started to buzz. A small hand was placed on my back, and I turned around knowing exactly who it was before I even saw her.

"Bella, you are so beautiful," I told her as I got off my stool and enveloped her into a hug.

"You're one to talk," she responded. I breathed her in then, resting my face in the crook of her neck and placing a soft kiss under her ear.

The night seemed to flow into a simple conversation. Emmett had hit it off with Jasper right away, to my extreme disappointment. They all laughed and joked as I just sat there, not knowing how to contribute. Not long after that, Jasper asked Alice to dance, and it was just the three of us left at the table.

"I'm going to use the restroom. You boys play nice," she warned.

"Yes, ma'am," we said, in unison, earning a laugh from Bella.

"So," Emmett said, as Bella walked off, "you and Bells, huh?"

"Yeah, looks that way now, doesn't it." I sipped my beer and didn't try to interact with him anymore.

"Look, man, I don't know what your problem is, but you need to chill out. Bells is like my baby sister. She and Alice are the only family I have."

"How convenient."

He laughed bitterly. "Whatever, Edward. You can sit here and pout all you want, but let's just see how far that gets you with Bella."

I narrowed my eyes at him then. But Emmett was no longer paying attention to me.

His gaze was set on a blond woman walking through the door.

"Well, hello Blondie!" he said. "Wouldn't I like to bury myself deep into that one."

I ignored his crude comments about the woman he was referring to and instead wished Bella would get back here quickly.

"She has legs a mile long! I bet they would look even better wrapped around me. Damn!"

The blonde got my attention then, only because she was someone who I knew all too well.

"I bet those lips would look so good wrapped around…"

My fist came in contact with his jaw then, completely interrupting his statement.

No one fucking talked about my sister that way.

**Chapter End Notes:**

**So did you guys see that one coming? Or did you think they were fighting over Bella? I would love to know!! **

…**until next time! **


	12. Chapter 12

**Author's Note:**

**Thanks for those who are reviewing… I love to see what you guys think and to know you like the story. **

**Stephanie Meyer owns all things Twilight. No copyright infringement is intended. **

**On a more personal note, I just found out my best friend has cervical cancer. Please keep her and her family in your prayers. **

**Anyway… on with my escape from reality…**

Chapter Twelve: The Old and the New

"Exactly, who the hell do you think you are?" Rosalie stepped towards us with her finger jabbing Emmett's chest.

She didn't give him a chance to respond, however, as her voice was full of venom and made Emmett retreat backwards.

"Edward, man, do you know this chick?" he asked me, hands up in surrender.

I laughed at his choice of words for my sister.

"Chick? I'm sorry, but do I look like a _chick_ to you?"

"No, ma'am. No, no, that's not, no. That's not what I meant," he stammered.

She took a hold of his ear and painfully brought his face to hers. "You better watch yourself, pretty boy. Do not mess with my family," she whispered violently.

"Family? You're related to this shit head?" he asked, motioning towards me.

And that is when I watched Emmett fall to the ground from the impact of Rose's fist to his face.

"That's my brother, damn it!" she said, defensively.

"Whoa, Rosalie. Enough," I said, bringing my arms around her.

I heard a gasp as I turned around and saw Alice standing there, frozen.

Emmett picked himself off of the ground and started laughing. All eyes were glued to him because of his reaction.

"What's so funny?" Jasper asked, just as confused as the rest of us.

"I don't know who the hell taught the Cullen family to throw a punch, but damn, they're good at it," Emmett said, sitting back down at the table.

He stretched his hand out towards Rose, as if nothing had happened. "Emmett Brandon."

"Emmett!" Bella interrupted.

His face dropped, and he pulled his hand back at Bella's scolding. "What?" he asked innocently.

"Would you like to tell me why in the hell you and Edward were fighting?"

"He started it!" he said, pointing a finger at me like an eight year old.

"Bull shit," she threw back at him.

"I'm not lying. He hit me first!" he exclaimed.

"I saw that, Em, but I'm not stupid." She was right up in his face now. "What I meant is what the fuck did you do to deserve it?"

He now looked shameful, and his face was full of remorse. "Okay, okay," he said, in surrender. "I might have said some inappropriate things about his sister."

Bella narrowed his eyes at him and he continued.

"But honest, Bella! I didn't know she was his sister!"

"Emmett, what did I tell you about talking about women that way? What if it was me some guy was talking about me like that? Or Alice?"

"All right, jeez, point taken."

"Now, apologize," she demanded.

I stood there in utter shock, not believing what was happening. Did Bella really just tell Emmett to apologize to me? After I started the fight?

"Bella, he doesn't have to do that," I said, interrupting. "Emmett, I'm sorry I attacked you. But fuck, dude, talk about Rose like that again and…"

"I got it, I got it. Sorry, man, I really didn't know she was your sister."

"Yeah, well you know now."

Emmett just nodded and took a swig of his beer. I still didn't really like the guy, but I felt like I got a lot of my pent up anger out with our fight. Damn, it felt nice to swing at his face, but a lot of that resentment towards him was gone now- mostly because Bella stood up for me. He was like her brother, and she didn't jump to conclusions to defend him. It made me feel like I was actually worth something to her.

But I didn't want to kid myself, either. After I told Bella how I really felt about her, which seemed like forever ago, she told me she would give me a try. I was ecstatic. But I'm not stupid. I can feel how she still puts me at a distance. The walls around her heart are built so thick, it's going to take a lot more than a few dates to bring them down. I know she doesn't trust me, and that breaks my heart, but I know she's worth fighting for. It's finally nice to see her fighting back for me.

Everything around the table seemed to calm down. Rosalie took what was my seat and held Emmett's face in her hands, seeing if she left a mark. Leave it to Rose to go from knocking a full sized man to the ground, to nursing him back to health. Jasper and Alice found a seat, as well and Jasper introduced Alice to Rosalie. That just left Bella and me standing awkwardly, looking at each other.

"Come dance with me," I asked her.

She took my hand with a small smile, and I led her to the dance floor. The music was loud and upbeat, but meant nothing to us as I just held her close to my chest and rocked us back and forth, slowly. She rested her small head on my shoulder so her lips were right against my neck. I held one of her small hands in mine, wrapped my other arm securely around her back and took notice of the other men in the room looking at Bella. I just sighed heavily, not wanting the undesirable attention to interrupt my moment with her.

"Are you okay?" she asked, not moving her head from my shoulder. I felt her warm breath on my neck and just held her tighter. I turned my head and placed a gentle kiss on her temple.

"Yes, amore," I answered.

"Edward, I'm really sorry about Emmett." Her voice sounded nervous and her body became stiff in my arms.

I let go of the hand that was holding hers but kept my other arm wrapped around her waist. I used that free hand to lift her chin up so I could look her in the eyes.

"No, Bella, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have hit him. So please don't apologize. I'm the one who couldn't keep it together."

She simply smiled softly, casting her gaze to my chest. "Edward, I don't blame you for hitting him. He can be really inappropriate, and he had no right to say anything about Rosalie. I will talk to him about it later, I promise."

"Don't involve yourself, Bella. He already apologized, and I think he learned his lesson. Rose doesn't take shit like that well, and I think he's realized that."

"Okay," she surrendered, softly resting her head back down. "Edward?"

"Bella," I replied.

"Can we get out of here? I just want to be with you. Alone."

I leaned down and kissed her then. "Of course, baby."

***

I informed the others that we were leaving, and Bella and I walked out of the bar hand-in-hand. It didn't go unnoticed by me how right it felt to have it there. I led her to my car and opened the passenger side for her to slip in.

"Such a gentlemen," she said smiling.

"You tend to bring that side out of me." I smiled and made my way to the other side of the car. I started it up and made my way out of the bar parking lot, headed towards my apartment.

"You know, you should really put your seatbelt on," she stated, looking at me pointedly.

"Hah," I laughed. "It's not a far drive."

"Edward." She narrowed her eyes at me.

"Fine," I mumbled, pulling the belt and clicking it in place.

"Thank you," she said, smugly.

"You're welcome, princess." I took a hold of her hand and gently placed a kiss on her knuckles.

We drove the rest of the short drive in a comfortable silence. Bella looked out the window while her thumb made small circles on my hand. She looked so beautiful with the light from the night city cascading across her face as we drove.

After we pulled into the parking garage and made our way up the elevator, I opened the door to my apartment and led Bella inside. Without hesitation, she put her purse down on the small table next to the door and took her heels and jacket off as well. With a sigh, she made her way over to the oversized couch and lay down on her back. I just stood there, watching her with a half-shocked, half-excited look on my face. She opened her eyes after a moment and looked at me.

"What?" she asked.

Her question took me out of my daze, and I just smiled and shook my light jacket off my shoulders, putting my keys down on the table next to her purse.

"You just act so comfortable here," I said. "It's very nice to see." What I wanted to say is that she just acted as if she actually did live here, and that was exactly how I imagined her responding walking through the door after a long day at work, coming home to relax in her home. _Her_ home. _Our_ home.

Blush rose up on her cheeks. "Sorry, I just…" she trailed off, putting her arm over her eyes.

I made my way over to her on the couch, crawling up so I was lying on top of her, careful not to put too much weight down. "Baby," I said, kissing her neck.

"Hmm," she mumbled, in response.

"Please never," I said, kissing her again, "ever," I continued, moving to the other side of her neck, "apologize for being comfortable in this apartment."

She dropped her arm from her face and looked me in the eyes. I rubbed my nose against hers and pressed my lips to meet hers softly. I kissed her gently multiple times, cherishing the softness and fullness of her lips.

I stopped after a few minutes and removed myself from the heat of her body. Her expression was questioning as I sat up and moved down to the other end of the couch.

"Bella," I said with shut eyes. "I want to pick you up and carry you to my bed and make love to you all night long, but I think we should spend some time together just hanging out and talking first." I sighed, still not able to open my eyes. "I know… what guy would take talking over sex, right? But I just really want to get to know you better. I feel a lot of our relationship is based on sex, which is great! Don't get me wrong," I defended, finally opening my eyes to meet hers. "I just want all of you."

I sat there nervous at my admission.

She looked at me, smiling. "I want all of you, too, Edward. Truly."

I released my held breath and rested my head on the back of the couch.

"So, what would you like to talk about?" she asked, sitting up and tucking her legs beneath her.

This is where things became touchy. I didn't know how much I could ask her about her childhood, even though I was dying to know. But the last thing I wanted tonight was a Bella breakdown. So being the coward I am, I asked her about college.

"What was it like going to college in New York? Big transition from Forks, that's for sure."

"Yeah, it was a definite shock. I got lost a lot my first few weeks there. But strangely enough, Alice always knew where to find me. It was freaky shit. I would be on some random corner, trying to read a map like a fucking tourist, and she would just show up! I would ask her where she came from, and she would simply say she was just on a walk around and just so happened to be at the same place. I have yet to figure it out."

I laughed at her memory, enjoying seeing Bella's expression while recalling her past.

"Okay, I have a question," she stated, smiling.

"Should I be nervous?" I asked, my smile mirroring hers.

She laughed, the sweetest sound, and shook her head.

"No, but it's kind of embarrassing for me." The blush was already rising, and my interest just kept growing.

"Go on…"

"So, do you remember junior year at Forks, it was dead winter and the halls were all wet from the snow brought in?"

"Okay, sure," I said, not really following where this was going.

"Well, you were walking towards me, well, not really towards me in particular, but just in my direction. And granted I'm not the most graceful person to begin with, and I was trying hard not to straight-out stare at you as you were walking by, but I couldn't help it, and…"

She was talking so fast I could barely hear what she was saying.

"Bella," I said, placing my hands on her knees, "slow down. I cannot understand a thing coming out of your mouth."

She smiled and apologized.

"So, I was walking towards you and you were staring at me like a creeper… please continue."

She narrowed her eyes at me in mock annoyance, but continued anyways. "Well, I was trying to walk, but I completely slipped and fell right into you. You, of course, being Mr. Strong Jock, caught me without even budging. I was so damn embarrassed."

"Hah, no shit," I said, trying to recall the memory. "Did I say anything to you?"

"Well, you just held onto me, looking at me and not saying anything. In all honestly, I thought you were going to kiss me. Gosh, this is so embarrassing," she said putting her face in her hands. I was dying to know what happened.

"Bella, please, what happened?"

"We were just standing there, awkwardly, in the hallway, inches apart. Then Lauren Mallory came up and said some stuff. Really, I don't even remember what she said." Bella was bright red, looking down. "And you just let go, told me to be more careful, and you walked off with Lauren."

I am the stupidest motherfucker to ever walk the planet earth. What the fuck was I thinking?

"Damn, Bella, I'm so sorry."

She laughed nervously and looked up at me. "Oh, Edward, don't apologize. It was years ago, just a funny memory."

"I was such a douche bag."

"Yeah," she said, laughing. "You were."

"What other memories do you have of me in high school?" I was afraid I was unlocking a lot of shit that if I had any brains at all, would stay clear from. But I was just too damn curious to know what she thought of me back then.

If it were possible for Bella to become even redder, it just happened.

"Do I even want to know?" I asked, cautiously.

"Probably not," she said shaking her head.

"I remember something," I said to her. "Well, technically, Jasper remembered and then reminded me."

"Oh, boy," she said, looking at me.

"You might hate me for bringing this up," I said, beginning to laugh.

"Fuck," she mumbled.

"Do you know what I'm referring to?" My laughter came harder now. I wasn't sure if I could say it aloud, not wanting to earn a smack from Bella.

"I told my dad that heels were a bad idea! I never wore them a day before in my life, and of course, on graduation when I had to walk across a fucking stage in front of the entire town, he makes me wear them. No fucking shit I fell on my face."

I was laughing so hard now, grabbing my stomach, at the memory of Bella falling on the stage. I was seated in the front row and watched the whole thing. Her foot caught on the last step and she went flying.

"Well, I'm glad both of our memories from high school were from me tripping over my own feet."

I made my way over to her and lifted her to my lap.

"Oh come on, baby. We have a lot more memories now that don't involve you falling over yourself," I said, running my tongue from the base of her neck to the back of her ear. "But," I said, taking her earlobe gently between my teeth, "they do involve you being in my arms."

Chills arose on her skin and she breathed out heavily. "And I'm not letting you go, this time."

I turned her face then and kissed her hard. Her mouth opened, and I ran my tongue over hers, relishing in the taste that was Bella. Why I couldn't do this when I was seventeen? I had no fucking idea. But I knew that this was something that I would enjoy from here on out. There was no more letting go of her.

Bella shifted her body so her legs sat on the outside of mine, straddling me. She moaned into my mouth as she moved her center against my bulging erection. My body was begging for her, craving to consume her.

My hands took on a mind of their own, and started traveling around Bella's body - down her arms, her thighs, up her back, through her hair. My movements were slow, memorizing every inch of her.

We stayed like this for a while, just making out like two love struck teenagers.

But I was no longer just an inexperienced teenager, and Bella sure as hell wasn't a little girl anymore. So, with her legs wrapped tightly around me, I picked her up and carried her to my bedroom.

Once inside, I placed her down at the edge of the bed. I left the warmth of her arms and turned to shut the door to the room. The lights were off, but the moonlight shining in from the windows cast the most beautiful glow on my girl.

I walked towards her slowly, stopping about a foot away. I locked my eyes on hers and began undoing the buttons of my shirt, taking my time. She watched me with clear desire, slowly licking her lips in anticipation. I shook the shirt from my shoulders then and threw it off to the side.

When I was bare chested, Bella began to remove her blouse, inching it off of her body. She mimicked my slow movements and it was an honor to watch. Her slim defined arms wrapped around her torso as she brought her tank top over her head, throwing it to the pile of clothes gathering on the floor.

She stopped then, indicating for me to continue undressing.

I pushed the buttons through on my jeans and slid them down, stepping out of the pool of denim around my feet. I removed my socks with them and stood back against my dresser in nothing but my boxers, waiting for Bella to remove her skirt.

She stood up and turned around, facing the bed with her back towards me. With careful movements, she reached behind her and slowly slid down the zipper. She released it then, and the skirt fell to her feet, leaving a beautiful view of her behind. She was now only wearing a matching pair of lacy white undergarments that outlined her ass perfectly.

I watched her, as her breathing was labored. I pushed myself off of the dresser and came to stand behind her. She jumped slightly as my hands encircled her waist and my face came down to her neck. I moved the hair to one side of her shoulder and placed opened mouth kisses on her soft skin.

"You're so beautiful, baby," I whispered in her ear.

She sighed heavily and leaned her head against my chest.

"Touch me, Edward," she moaned.

I moved my hand that was resting on her waist and slid it under the hem of her panties. My fingers were greeted with warm wet skin. I moved my fingers through her folds and pushed them through her center.

"You're so wet, ready for me."

Bella's knees went weak, and I wrapped my free arm around her torso and held her tight to my chest. I moved my fingers in and out of her. The only sounds in the room were our heavy breathing and Bella's delicious moans. I felt her walls tighten around my hand and I continued as she rode out her orgasm.

Afterwards, she went limp in my arms, completely dependent on me to hold her upright.

"Edward," she panted.

"What, baby?" I asked in her ear.

"More," she pleaded.

My breathing picked up, and I turned Bella around and gently laid her on the bed. She moved up to the center and rested her head on the pillows.

I took off my boxers and climbed up, between her legs, to her waiting core. I placed my hands at the sides of her head and lowered myself down onto her. She wrapped her legs around my waist to pull me closer, connecting our bodies.

I began to thrust inside of her, slowly at first, treasuring the feeling of being wrapped around tightly. I kissed her softly, on her neck and shoulders, making my way to her lips. Bella sewed her fingers through my hair, bringing my face down her hers. Our kissing was irregular, as our breathing was labored.

We continued like this for a while, enjoying each other's bodies, but we both needed more. I turned us over so Bella was on top, and I sat up against the headboard of the bed. She lowered herself back onto me, and a hard moan escaped her lips at the deeper thrusts this position permitted.

I held her back in my arms and one hand on her waist, guiding her. She wrapped her arms tightly around my neck and moved herself up and down on me with a much faster pace. Her lips found mine, eagerly.

"I'm so close, Edward," she moaned in my mouth.

"Cum for me, baby," I said, on the verge of my climax as well.

And after another thrust down on me, she came undone, screaming my name repeatedly as I emptied myself inside of her. She collapsed against my chest and my head fell against the headboard.

"Oh, Bella," I breathed.

We sat like that for a while as our breathing returned to normal.

"Are you asleep?" I asked.

"No." Her voice was barely audible, however, and I knew she was tired.

"Would you object to taking a bath before bed?" I asked, kissing the top of her head.

"Together?" Her head lifted up, looking me in the eyes.

I laughed at her new found enthusiasm.

"Yes, baby." I brought my hand up to her face and pushed the fallen hair behind her ear.

"Well, in that case…" She removed herself from my body, both of us groaning at the loss of contact. She crawled off the bed and stretched her arms up above her head.

I watched her with amazement and adoration as she moved her naked body in front of me. I felt myself get hard for her again. She saw my obvious reaction to her and responded my giving me one sexy ass smirk.

I got up out of bed and stood before my beautiful girl.

"Can't help it, baby. My body knows who it belongs to."

"Mmm," she moaned, standing on her toes to kiss my lips.

"Damn right, it does," she said, smiling. "Now, about that bath…"

***

BPOV

It was so easy to love Edward back then. He was rough around the edges, drop dead gorgeous, and just as fucked up as I was. In high school, Edward was my saving grace. I could see it in his face when I saw him around school that he was messed up. He was going through trials, and he knew just how hard life could be.

He was the only one who, I thought, could maybe understand.

Of course, I couldn't get his attention back then. The day he held me in the hallway, after I fell right into him, I did think he was going to kiss me. I saw it in his eyes, and I felt his chest rise and fall more rapidly. What I didn't tell him, last night, was that I remembered exactly what Lauren Mallory said to him, when she interrupted us.

_"Edward, why the hell are you touching that…thing?" She placed her hand on his arm affectionately and whispered in his ear, "Want to skip out on lunch? You know what I can do for you, baby."_

_That was when he released me, telling me to watch the fuck where I was going. _I also might have left that part out last night - revising it, for his sake.

_Edward starting walking away, but before Lauren left, she turned towards me, "Don't kid yourself, honey. Edward doesn't want you either."_

Of course he didn't. So why the hell was I lying in his bed, wrapped up in his arms?

This Edward was different. He was compassionate, attentive, and selfless. I don't know what happened to my fucked up angel, but I was left with a black hole in my chest. I wanted to know how he fixed himself, how he patched himself up, so I could do it, too.

I wanted to do that for him, for my dad, and for me. And there was only one way that I knew of that I could achieve that.

I sat up on the bed and shook Edward's chest lightly. His eyes stirred open, and he smiled widely up at me when he registered my presence.

"Morning, love," he mumbled.

"Edward," I began.

"What, baby?" he asked, voice still thick with sleep.

"I want to find my mom."

**Oh, Bella. Proud of her for facing her demons about her mom? I guess we'll just wait and see if this will end badly or not… **

**Please review.**

…**until next time. **


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: Hello lovelies. If you're still reading, you're awesome. Story should really start picking up here and head into a few new directions. Some surprises coming up, new revelations for our lovers and some new people will be introduced. **

**Special thanks to all who are reviewing. It makes my day when my phone *bings* to a new review. And for those who are adding FTGH to alert/favorites. Those are bings too **** Love y'all. **

**Twilightzoner is loved dearly. Go check out her writing.**

**And sadly for all of us, Edward Cullen is still Stephanie's. No copyright infringement is intended. **

* * *

Chapter Thirteen: Confession

_"Edward," I began._

_"What, baby?" he asked, voice still thick with sleep._

_"I want to find my mom." _

*********

It took me a few moments to register what Bella was saying. "You want to what?" I asked, groggy but stunned.

"I think I should find Renee," she replied, sitting up on her knees looking down at me.

"Bella, love…" I paused, pushing myself up so I could sit against the headboard. "Why?" I shook my head at her, not understanding the sudden bringing up of her mother.

"Edward, I'm tired of this!" she exclaimed. "I'm tired of being stuck. I feel like I can't ever move forward with my life! I'm angry and bitter and damn it, Edward, I hate her so fucking much!" Sobs were now rocking out of her chest. I pulled her over to my lap and wrapped my arms around her protectively.

"Baby, I know," I soothed, rocking us back and forth.

"I hate her," she sobbed. "How could she fucking do this to me? To Charlie?" Her body shook with the new found strength of her tears. Bella has never brought up her mother to me before, willingly, at least, and from what Alice and Charlie had told me, she doesn't talk about her to anybody else, either. "She is so damn selfish, Edward. She took everything with her when she left.

"You know," she said, turning towards me and looking at me directly, "she didn't even say bye. Not a fucking word! I don't get it, Edward. What the hell did I do to make her not even care enough to say good-bye to her own fucking daughter? Why was I not good enough?"

"No, baby, don't think that way," I pleaded.

"If I was good enough, she would have stayed," she said between gasps of breath. She was crying so hard, and it shattered my heart.

"I tried," she said. "I told myself that if I behaved better or got better grades, or joined more clubs, that she would come back, that she would want me then. I wanted her, so badly, to want me."

I pulled her head back to my chest and ran my hand through her hair. "I know you did, baby. You were so young, and it wasn't fair."

I held her close to me and continued to rock her. Her sobs eventually lessened, but I could still feel the tears soak my chest.

"Baby," I whispered.

"Hmmm," she replied.

"I still don't understand why you want to find her, after all she did to you and took from you. She doesn't deserve to have someone as wonderful as you in her life."

She was quiet for a moment before she answered. "Because she's my mother, Edward. And no matter how much I hate her for what she did, I still love her. I love her so fucking much." And the sobs were back.

We stayed in bed for at least another hour, with Bella wrapped up in my arms. Her vulnerability was so very evident, and she laid her heart out for me to see just how broken it really was.

I wanted to fix her and sew her back together. But I knew that I couldn't do that, no matter how hard I would try. I hated the woman who did this to her. Bella was so young, just a little girl. Of course, she would blame herself for her own fucking mother leaving.

If I were being honest, I thought finding Renee was a bad fucking idea. Bella was only going to get her heart broken again. Either Renee would want nothing to do with her or she would play nice for a little while, just to skip town again. But it wasn't my place to tell her that she couldn't find her mom. If this was the closure that she thought she needed, then I would support her through it. And by support, I meant grit my fucking teeth together to keep my mouth shut and make sure that my arms are open for her when she falls. Because she will fall again, and I didn't know how much more she could take.

"Edward," she said, turning to face me.

"Yeah, baby," I said, pushing the hair that had fallen down her face behind her ear.

"Will you make me some breakfast?" she asked, earning a smile from me.

I kissed her quickly on the lips. "Of course, amore." I removed myself from her arms and stood up to stretch. "You go get a shower, and I'll have something waiting for you when you get out."

She got up and wrapped her arms around my waist. "Thank you, Edward."

I hugged her tightly and kissed the top of her head. "You're welcome, love."

*********

"Mmm, Edward, this smells delicious!" She came into the kitchen with her hair slightly damp and wearing nothing but one of my old high school football T-shirts.

"Don't get your hopes up too much, sweetheart. It's only scrambled eggs." I brought the plates over and sat them on the table. "I really need to go grocery shopping."

"Well, what time do you have to go to work today?"

"I have to leave here in about an hour," I said, pouring coffee for the both of us. "Cream and sugar?" I asked over my shoulder.

"Yes, please." She sat down in her chair and began eating. "How about, when you're at work, I can go to the store for you."

"Bella, you don't need to do that. I'm a big boy who is very capable of going grocery shopping." I sat down next to her with our coffees in hand.

"Is that why this is the second morning I've woken up in your apartment and the second time there has only been eggs and beer in your fridge?" she asked, smugly.

I looked over at her and smiled. I loved the smart-ass side of Bella. "I'm actually out of beer."

"Exactly my point. Please let me go for you. I can't go see Charlie today, anyway. I'll stock your apartment up with a whole bunch of goodies, and I'll even make a nice dinner for you tonight," she pleaded, looking over at me with her big puppy dog eyes.

I leaned over and kissed her. "That would be great, baby. Thank you."

We finished our breakfast with easy conversation. Time together like this seemed just so easy for Bella and me. We would go back and forth between talking and comfortable silence, never worrying about what to say next or awkward pauses. We could just be, and it felt so right.

I showered quickly and hurried out of the apartment to the hospital. Bella dropped me off so she could keep my car for the day, and I assured her I could take a cab home. I could already feel the pull in my chest as she drove away. It was going to be a long eight hours.

*******

"_Thinking about you, baby." _I pressed send on my phone and hoped that Bella had hers so she would get it soon. I was on my break, standing outside with my co-worker Sam as he smoked a cigarette.

The day had yet to take a turn for the better. I had to tell a family today that their son had leukemia and probably wouldn't make it to his tenth birthday. His mom collapsed on the floor, and her husband just stood there motionless. I guess you don't really know how strong your family is until you're faced with a tragedy. It's always heartbreaking to watch.

On top of that, Charlie wasn't doing well either. I wasn't exaggerating when I told Bella that he doesn't have much time left. To be honest, I was shocked that he had made it this long. I gave credit to Bella, though. Her being here had really helped him want to fight. Unfortunately, there wasn't much of a fight left.

The buzzing of my phone took me out of my thoughts. "_Right back at ya, Doc." _

_"How does my kitchen look?"_ I waited for a few minutes and leaned my back up against the wall.

_"Lets just say that it is very thankful that you now have a woman in your life." _My face erupted into a huge smile. Bella was finally recognizing that she is the woman in my life.

_"I'm very thankful you're that woman."_

_"Oh, you should be, Doc. I'm quite a catch."_

_"That you are. You're smart, beautiful, and you have a great ass." _

_"DOCTOR CULLEN!" _

_"Only speaking the truth, baby." _

_"Yeah, yeah. Get back to work, Doc. You have lives to save. Think about my great ass when you get home later."_

_"Can I do more than think about it?"_

_"You know, I forgot how charming you were."_

_"What can I say?" _

_*********_

I loved being a doctor, truly, but days like today killed me. It was going on 9:15 p.m., and I was still sitting behind my desk filling out an un-godly amount of paperwork. Bella was back at my place with dinner waiting for me for the last three hours.

My pager on my hip buzzed and brought me out of my self pity. I called the number from my desk phone and was greeted by the hospital nurse up at the front desk.

"Hi, Sandy. I just got paged from this number. This is Dr. Cullen."

"Hi, Dr. Cullen, there is someone who is asking for you downstairs. Should I tell her you're unavailable?" Her voice was hopeful.

My hopes lifted immediately. Would Bella really come here this late just for me? "No Sandy, that's fine. Please send her up to my office."

I hung up the phone then and started straightening up my desk. It was full of papers and medical books from my shitload of work tonight. I tried to smooth out my clothes as well, but my tie was discarded hours ago, and I'm sure the new found wrinkles in my shirt wouldn't disappear with will power.

There was a soft knock at the door, and I about tripped over my desk to open it. "Bella!"

"Sorry, handsome, not tonight." The voice answered.

"Oh, hey, Rose." I slumped forward in obvious disappointment.

"Don't look so excited to see me, please, restrain yourself!" She pushed past me into my office and sat down in one of the chairs opposite my desk.

"I'm sorry, Rosalie. I was just expecting someone else." I returned to my chair and ran my hands through my hair in frustration.

"I got it, dear brother. I know I'm not the most exciting person to see anyways," she said, sadly.

I looked at her pointedly. "You know I always love seeing you. But if you don't mind me asking, why are you here? At 9:30 at night? Nothing else better to do?"

"Do I need an excuse to come see you?"

"My life experience with you… yes."

She paused for a moment and played with her hands in her lap. To the outside world, Rosalie was strong and independent, never needing help from anyone. But to me, she was fragile and caring. She has been hurt and hurts for others; she just doesn't show it. Her experience has told her to protect herself—her heart was worth guarding, because it has already been shattered.

"I'm just worried about you," she said, looking up at me.

"Me? Why?" I was taken aback from her confession.

"Well, with tomorrow being Jane's birthday and all."

My heart stopped. Jane's birthday. _How have I forgotten? _I felt ashamed of myself. That is one date that I promised both myself and Jane that I would never forget.

"Rosalie," I said with tears pulling in my eyes, "I honestly forgot."

Now it was her turn to look dumbfounded. "Really?" she asked, astounded.

"I feel terrible! How the hell did I forget?" I put my elbows on my desk and rested my head in my hands, unable to look Rose in the eye.

"I guess you've just had other things on your mind, lately."

_Bella._

"I suppose I have," I said, ashamed. "But that's no excuse."

"Edward, it's okay. Maybe it's not a bad thing you forgot. Maybe that just means you're moving forward with your life; that's a good thing." She reached out and placed her hand on my arm.

"I don't ever want to forget her, Rosalie." She sat back in her chair and sighed.

"Have you told Bella?" she asked.

"Should I?"

"Jane is a part of who you are, Edward. I think Bella deserves to know."

"She won't like it," I said, shaking my head.

"Then she doesn't deserve you," she spat.

"Rose…" I warned.

She sighed again and stood. She walked over to where I was sitting and kissed me on the forehead. "Go home, tell her. The three of you deserve that much."

She got up and walked to the door. "Rose," I said, stopping her.

She turned around and looked at me. "How did you know I was here?" I asked.

"Bella told me," she said simply.

"Bella? But when…"

"Go home, Edward." She smiled, turned back around, and left.

*******

_BPOV_

_It was 4:53 pm. _Edward would be home soon. I got up off of his couch and headed to the kitchen to start dinner.

Ten minutes late at 6:10. No big deal. Probably just traffic.

At 6:48 pm., I thought_ traffic my ass_.

By7:18 pm_., _I started repeating, he's _a doctor. He's a doctor. He's a doctor_.

At 7:39 pm_.,_ I made a note to myself… buy Edward a damn watch.

At 8:25 pm_.,_…bastard.

There was a buzzing at the door at 8:26 p.m., that brought me out of my anger-induced state.

I got up and made my way over to the intercom system. "Hello?" I said through it.

"Oh, uh, hi," the female voiced answered back. "Is Edward there?"

My anger skyrocketed to an all time high. "I'm sorry, but Edward no longer takes door-stop service sex," I spat agitatedly.

"Whoa there, sunshine. Then what exactly are you?" the voice asked back evilly. How dare she?

"I'm Edward's girlfriend. And you are?"

"Edward's sister," she answered smugly.

What? "Rosalie?"

"Who else, dumb ass? Now let me in."

I buzzed her in and opened the door for her when she made it up to his apartment.

"You look like hell, Bella." She pushed right by me into his living room, sitting down on the couch.

"Yeah, the whole pissed off girlfriend doesn't really work for me, I guess," I said, angrily, joining her on the sofa.

"Girlfriend? That's a big step."

Her remark took me off guard. I guess I did refer myself as Edward's girlfriend. _Twice._

"Whatever," I responded lamely. "So why are you here?"

"So I can be graced by your charming charisma, of course."

"Sorry, I guess I did sound kind of mean."

"Whatever," she answered back.

"So where is your dear boyfriend? And what has he done to piss you off so much?"

I sighed, running my hands through my hair—a new found habit I picked up from Edward. "He's still at the hospital. He was supposed to be back hours ago."

She looked at me as if I still had something else left to say. "What?" I asked.

"That's it?"

"Should there be more?"

"You're angry with him because he isn't home yet?"

"He said 6:00," I asserted.

"You do know that he is a doctor, right?"

I crossed my arms over my chest. "Oh really? He had yet to inform me." She was really starting to get on my nerves.

"Well, I hate to break it to you, princess, but saving lives is a hell of a lot more important than eating your precious spaghetti."

"I know that," I said defensively.

"Then you better not fucking make him feel guilty for not making it home in time. He is a very busy man who does really great things. If you don't understand that then you shouldn't be here."

She didn't give me time to respond, instead choosing to get up and walk out the door. I sat there on the couch a while longer, replaying Rose's words in my head.

What kind of girlfriend was I that I got so angry at Edward for being late? _There's that girlfriend reference again._ I was his girlfriend, right?

I stood up from the couch and looked at the clock—_10:02 already? _I hurried over to the foyer and put my shoes on quickly. I about made it out the door when I ran into a wall of muscle and was enveloped by strong arms.

I rested my head on his chest and squeezed him tightly.

"We need to talk," we both said at the same time.

******

"Uh-oh," I said, taken off guard by his statement. I removed myself from his embrace and looked up at him.

"Here, come sit down." He led me over to the couch where I had just come from.

"Edward is everything okay?" I asked, worried about his saddened expression.

He smiled up at me and caressed my face gently. "Of course, baby. I just need to share some things with you."

"Okay," I said, weakly.

"But what did you want to talk about?" he asked, nervously.

"It can wait."

"You sure?" He searched my eyes for confirmation.

"Yes, please go on." I folded my legs under myself and faced him on the couch. He was leaning up against the arm reset, one leg beneath him, one hanging off the edge. He grabbed my hand and played with it between his.

"Bella, this, well, this is going to be really hard for me to say, and I want you to just listen to all of it before you react. Okay?" he pleaded.

I nodded in agreement.

"I've never really talked to anyone about this before outside of my family." He paused again, still playing with my hand.

"Edward, please just tell me." I was nervous that this wasn't going anywhere good.

He looked up and lifted my face to be eye to eye with him. "Bella, I…" He stopped again and looked back down. I shifted over so I was sitting in his lap and brought his face in between my hands.

"Edward, whatever it is, you can tell me." He didn't seem convinced by my words. Tears started to roll down his cheeks, and instinctively I began to kiss them from his face. "Please, baby, you're making this so hard by keeping quiet."

He took a deep breath and held me close to him. "Please don't be angry with me," he pleaded.

"Why would I be angry with you?" I asked, confused.

"I should have told you sooner."

"You're telling me now. That's important." I tried to reassure him, hopefully conveying that I was willing to listen completely to what he needed to say.

"Bella, I used to be married."

* * *

Gasp! What!? Oh Edward. Next chapter will be fully dedicated to his last ten years… he's done quiteeee a lot.

& please, please, please review. It's so encouraging to hear what you all think and really helps me write. You spoil me… I'll get Doc to you sooner.


	14. Chapter 14

_**Hi lovely readers. So you guys are finally caught up to the Twilighted site, so no more daily updates. Sorry to say it takes a little bit longer than that to write each chapter. Real life just doesn't allow it. But this is a pretty hefty chapter, so hopefully you guys won't be too upset.**_

_**For Jane though, I pictured Emile de Ravin. Hate if you want, but Dakota was just a little young for my Jane. And I think, especially after Remember Me, you guys will be able to picture Emile and Rob together.**_

_**Love to Twilightzoner for all the time put into this. And SM still owns all things Twilight. No copyright infringement intended.**_

_*************_

_**Chapter Fourteen: Behind the Green Eyes**_

_He took a deep breath and held me close to him. "Please don't be angry with me," he pleaded._

_"Why would I be angry with you?" I asked, confused._

_"I should have told you sooner." _

_"You're telling me now. That's important." I tried to reassure him. Hopefully conveying that I was willing to listen completely to what he needed to say. _

_"Bella, I used to be married." _

_*******_

I sat there and stared at him for minutes before I responded. "Married?" I asked, questioning if that's really what just came out of his mouth.

"Bella, please let me explain before you get upset," he begged.

I shook my head slowly. "Edward, I'm not upset. I just, I just… didn't see that coming."

"I should have told you sooner." He looked guilty and scared of my reaction.

"Well, that would have been nice, yes, but I don't hold that against you." Should I be angry? I thought about it, but that wouldn't be fair to him and that wouldn't get us anywhere. His past is just that – his.

"So did you get a divorce?" I wondered. But who in their right mind who divorce this man?

"No," he answered.

My eyes narrowed automatically. "Excuse me?" He better not be playing mistress with me. That is something I would be angry about.

"Bella, please let me explain everything," he pleaded, saddened.

I took a deep breath and settled down on his lap. "Okay," I agreed. "But no more secrets."

He leaned in and kissed me softly. "Thank you," he whispered on my lips.

****

_EPOV – Ten years earlier _

"Congratulations, son." My dad pulled me into a hug and then passed me off to my mother for her congratulations.

We were standing outside on the dirty, disgusting grounds of Forks High School. I couldn't wait to fucking get away from this hell and never come back.

"Did you see that girl face plant on stage, man?" Jasper asked me. "Best shit ever."

That shit was funny. "Who was that girl?" I asked, curious.

"Bella Swan, I think," he answered me, not completely sure.

"Never heard of her." I brushed it off. I was no longer interested in the clumsy woman I'd probably never see again.

I pulled Jazz away from my parents and sister, as we were walking back to the car. "Let's get fucked up tonight, man. Start off the summer right."

"I'll call around and get some shit." He patted me on the back before he climbed into the passenger side of my car.

If Jazz and I were to do things right, I wouldn't remember a fucking moment of this summer. I couldn't think of a better way to spend my time.

***

_Two years later_

"FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! Don't touch it! FUCKKK! Ahhhh!" I screamed as the sports medic looked at my knee. It was summer training for football season at San Diego State University. I was red-shirted my freshmen year, got some playing time my sophomore year, and was the mother-fucking starting quarterback for this coming season.

"Cullen, we have to get you off the field," my coach said. "Durdella, get out here in place for Cullen," he yelled.

"What? No! I'm fine," I reasoned, trying to stand up. "FUCKKK." I sat my ass back on the ground. That shit was not going to work. My knee hurt like hell. We were running a play when fucking Martin hit me, bending my knee a way it shouldn't fucking bend. Where the fuck were my blockers, anyway? If they had their heads removed from their asses, I wouldn't be sitting on the fucking ground right now in searing pain.

"You're done for the day, Cullen. Get inside and have that looked at," Coach said. Two of the sports meds helped me up and basically carried me to the locker room.

"Are you okay, Edward?" Stephanie, one of the sports medics, asked.

"Do I look like I'm fucking, okay?" I snapped.

"Would you like some water or anything?" She followed us into the locker room, and the last thing I wanted to do was to put up with questions. I remembered her from the party last night. I was hoping she wouldn't expect anything from me in the morning.

"No," I answered, hopefully ending the conversation.

"Okay, well, you know you can ask me for anything. Anything that would make you feel better," she said suggestively.

_Are you fucking kidding me?_ "Get the fuck out. That will make us all feel better." I lay down on the table I was on and heard the girl humph and slam the door on the way out.

_Disgusting_. Girls here have no respect for themselves. Well, maybe that's because I usually took them up on their quite open invitations, but do you really think I want my cock sucked when I just got my ass handed to me on the field? Stupid sluts.

I sat in the locker room for what felt like forever. When I finally had my knee looked at, the guy said I needed to get to a doctor and have x-rays done. He assured me that it was just a precaution and that I should be back on the field before the first game.

I made it over to the hospital – disgusting places, by the way – and sat for another four hours before I found anything out.

"Edward Cullen?" the doctor asked, coming into the overly lit room. _About damn time._

"Yeah, that's me. So when can I play again?" I was tired, irritated, and ready to get out of this place.

He put the x-ray sheets up on the white light screen. "I'm sorry to tell you this, Edward, but your football days are over. You see right here, that's your ACL. It's torn pretty badly. You're going to have to have multiple surgeries to repair it, and playing a contact sport is just out of the question."

I stopped listening after I heard the word _over_. "No. I have to play football. That's all I have. It's not over," I screamed.

"I'm very sorry, son."

"No, you're wrong! Look again. There's some mistake." I tried my best to wrap my brain around what he was saying. I had no life outside of football. There was nothing.

"I'm very sorry." He wrote down a few numbers for me to call to schedule an operation and sent me on my way with a pain med prescription. I couldn't believe it was over.

***

_Three months later_

"Edward, you have to go back to school." My father sat down with me on the couch and tried to reason with me.

"I'm not going back," I said with finality.

"You need to get a degree, an education. You had a life there; you can't just throw that away."

"Football was my life." I sat back and crossed my arms over my chest, starring at the TV.

"You need to be more mature about this, son. Both your mother and I are very sorry that you're hurt, but you need to grow up and stop acting so childish. You need to go to school. If you don't want to go back to San Diego then fine, I'll enroll you somewhere in Washington, but you have to go somewhere."

"No," I stated.

He huffed at stood up from the couch. "Fine," he said.

I looked up at him, incredulously. I didn't think it would be that easy. "Good," I said, returning my gaze back to the TV.

"You're going to Aro's," he said, walking out of the room.

"What!" I jumped up from the couch, following him out of the room. Much more slowly, of course, because of the stupid brace on my leg from the second surgery.

"You heard me," he said. "I'm sending you to Italy. Go pack your bags."

"Why the hell do I have to go there?" I asked.

"Aro will be good for you. You need someone to whip your ungrateful ass into shape. You obviously don't listen to your mother or me and damn it, Edward, we're tired of it!" he exclaimed. This was the first time my father ever swore in front of me, so I knew he was fucking serious.

"Dad," I said shamefully, not really knowing what else to say.

"No. You're going. I'll call him now." He took off towards his office and left me standing there dumbfounded in the kitchen.

***

_Twenty-four hours later_

Planes suck almost as much as hospitals. Screaming children, limited personal space, uncomfortable chairs, and it smelled like fucking bleach. I looked at the screen above my head that said we had four more hours until destination. I leaned back in my chair and tried to get some sleep—my only escape from this hell.

***

"Aro, you're nephew is here." The butler ushered me in into Aro's gigantic fucking mansion and helped me with my bags. My uncle came over to me and embraced me awkwardly. He was always too overly touchy – no man should get away hugging this much.

"Edward, dear, it's so nice to see you!" he exclaimed, in his thick Italian accent.

"Yeah, you, too, Uncle Aro." My response was anything but enthusiastic.

"I guess it would be better under different circumstances," he said almost smugly.

I chose not to respond but instead, looked around the entrance room of his palace. "I forgot how nice this place is," I said. I hadn't been here since my childhood. My mother always brought us here to visit her family. She really missed this place. But personally, I never found what the big deal was about it. Italy was nothing like America, and what can I say? I'm a proud fucking American. I just wanted to go home.

"Yes, yes, I'm very fond of my home. Elizabeth has put a lot of hard work into this place for us," he said proudly. Elizabeth was his third wife. I think they'd been together for maybe six years now? Anyways, she was barely twenty-five to my uncle's pressing sixty.

"Would you like a look around?" he asked.

"Actually, I just want to go to bed if you don't mind." I was planning on having the majority of my time in this hell unconscious—medically induced, if need be. I wasn't sure of how long my dad was planning on having me stay here, but I wasn't going to give him the gratification of liking it. I was going to sleep, drink Aro's free liquor, and well, the rest had yet to be decided.

I made my way over to the bedroom, threw my stuff on the floor, and popped some of daddy dearest's sleeping pills. I was out cold within ten minutes.

***

_Two weeks later_

I awoke with a jump. There was a banging noise somewhere outside my window. I looked around and realized the sun wasn't even up yet. With a groan of frustration, I crawled my sorry ass out of bed and into the shower, knowing that I had to wake up soon anyways.

Life here fucking sucked. I think my uncle was secretly trying to kill me. He had me up at the fucking crack of dawn every damn morning to do fucking manual labor. At first it wasn't too bad. He would just have me clean the house, do some yard work, take care of the pool, easy shit like that. But last Wednesday he found me with one of the hot maids in the pool house… let's just say he wasn't too happy. After that, my days were consumed with nothing but shit to do.

He sent me off with one of his construction crews to some site where they were building a new house for one of Aro's friends. Building houses could be fun, right? Too bad this house was on the side of a fucking mountain, made of heavy ass stones, and the size of it put my house back in Forks to shame. The brace on my fucking knee didn't help much either. We worked from dawn to dusk every day and by the time we were back, I was too exhausted to do anything except shower and pass out. Carlisle's pill became completely unnecessary to my new life routine.

I wasn't sure how much more of this I could take. My body ached everywhere, I was mentally falling apart from my lack of social interaction with people I could fucking understand, and my hand wasn't doing my dick any justice. I wanted to go home. I wanted to sit in front of my TV, watch Sports Center, and have Lauren suck me off, like the good old days.

I got dressed and made my way out to the dining room. Aro was already sitting with his breakfast waiting for me to join him. "Good morning, son," he greeted me.

"Morning," I grumbled.

"You have a long day ahead of you," he said, sipping his coffee.

"When do I not have a long day ahead of me?" I asked bitterly.

He didn't even flinch, but instead smiled at me warmly. "You will thank me one day."

"Doubt it." I began eating the food in front of me. I learned very quickly to eat as much as I could at breakfast. Lunch was a long way away.

"Edward, I want you on your best behavior today. Do you understand?" he asked, looking exactly like my mother in that moment.

"When am I not on my best behavior?" My mother would have smacked my smart ass expression right off my face, but Aro just sat there expectantly. "Fine," I mumbled, defeated by his silence.

"Good. That means no swearing, no vulgar expression of any kind, and no smart mouthing."

"Why the hell not? None of them understand what the hell I'm saying anyway," I argued.

"The family will be there today. They all speak English, and you will not embarrass me," he said matter-of-factly.

"Whatever," I said under my breath. "I'm done." I pushed the rest of my uneaten breakfast to the side and stood up from my chair.

"Edward," my uncle called, as I was walking away.

"What?" I asked, turning around to face him.

"No games," he warned.

I turned back around, blowing him off with a wave of my hand. "Got it," I mumbled. I walked out the door to wait for the van to pick me up, not really knowing exactly what I was about to get myself into.

***

I first saw her when I was sitting down on my lunch break. She stepped out of her parent's car and looked around the house we were building and a huge smiled broke out across her gorgeous face. A sense of pride filled me at that moment. We were building this house for them… I was building this house for them… I was building this house for _her._

I placed my lunch down next to me and picked my ass off the floor to go over and introduce myself. Girls loved that shit. I didn't make it two feet when someone grabbed my arm.

"I don't think so," the man said.

"Sal? What the fuck? I though you didn't speak English!" I turned to face him, surprised at what just came out of his mouth, momentarily distracted from the beautiful blonde.

"Oh, yeah," he said, kind of taken aback. "Surprise." He shrugged, but then changed the topic quickly. "Aro told me to keep an eye on you today. You're not going anywhere near that family."

"And why the fuck not?" I questioned him.

He just shrugged again. "Boss's orders."

I would have blown off Sal and made my way over to the girl, except that Sal was twice my size and fast as fuck. I decided not to chance my luck today. So I sat back down, eating the rest of my sandwich, and watched her from afar. She was magnificent. Her shoulder length blond hair was a mess from blowing in the wind, and her dress was modest, but showed off her long tan legs.

The family took a look through the house of what we had done so far, but left soon after that with a promise to be back later that week. I finished the day, went back to Aro's and for the first time since I had been there, I looked forward to the next day.

"You look chipper this morning." Aro pointed out at the breakfast table

"Who fucking says chipper?" I asked him with a huge ass smile on my face.

"I told you no games, Edward, and I meant it." He looked at me seriously.

"I don't know what the hell you're talking about," I said between bites.

"I better not find you within twenty yards of that girl."

The smile on my face fell and I threw down my breakfast and stood up from the table. "Like I said," I began, walking away, "I have no idea what the hell you're talking about."

The day seemed longer and hotter than usual. The blonde beauty didn't come back and my disappointment was evident in my features. I barely got anything done that day, for I was constantly searching for her. Sal just laughed at my eagerness. Since I found out the bastard spoke English, he and I actually got to talking, and he wasn't not half bad. A pain in my ass, sure, but it was nice to actually talk to someone besides Aro.

The rest of the week went by in the same pattern—Aro warning me at breakfast, my constant search for her on the property, and Sal giving me hell about it. It was almost time to go back to Aro's so I packed up my stuff and made my way around the side of the house. I walked around the corner and ran right into a tiny blond-haired body.

"Fuck," I mumbled, regaining my composure. When I took in who was standing before me, I straightened up quickly. She was even more beautiful up close. She was blonde, tanned, and blue eyed, but she didn't look fake at all. Her features were soft and inviting. She was so naturally beautiful that it took my breath away. Her eyes roamed over my body, and I suddenly remembered I discarded my shirt hours ago. I was dirty, probably smelled terrible, but she didn't seem to mind. Her gaze finally locked with mine and her smile was amazing.

"Hi," I said softly.

"Ciao," she replied.

"Do you speak English?" I asked, already knowing that she did from my earlier conversation with Aro.

"Maybe," she said laughing.

"Maybe is good enough for me." There was a pause where we just looked at each other. "I'm Edward," I said, reaching my hand out to shake hers.

She took it timidly. "Jane," she responded. Her hand was so small and smooth, a complete opposite to my dry calloused hand.

I was about to ask her something else, anything to hear her voice again, when Sal came up behind me. "Edward," he said. "Time to go." He pulled me away from her. Her eyes never left mine as I retreated to the van.

"I told you no talking to her," Sal said angrily.

"Calm down, man. I didn't go looking for her, we just happened to run into each other." I shrugged.

"Right," he said sarcastically. I just smiled back at him in response.

Jane came back every day for the next three weeks. She began to bring the crew lunch and would sit and eat with us. There were at least fifteen of us around while we would eat, but to Jane and me, it was just the two of us. We created our own little bubble of intimacy. We would talk to each other, learning the details of each other's lives. I told her about back home, my family, Jasper, football, and how I got to Italy. She in return told me about her life—how her family was connected to Aro, what she was interested in, and her dreams in life.

She was the first girl I had ever wanted to get to know beyond her body. I wanted to know what she liked and what would make her happy. The best part of my day was when I made her smile. She had the most beautiful smile.

When we were done eating, she would pack everything up and kiss me good-bye on the cheek. "When can I see you again?" I would ask every time.

She would just smile and shrug, and her answer was always the same. "Well, if I told you that, Mr. Edward, life wouldn't be as interesting, now would it?"

"So tomorrow then?" was always my response.

"Hmm," she would pretend to ponder. "I guess you'll find out tomorrow."

***

The next month followed in the same pattern. Sadly, the construction on the house was beginning to wrap up. I was worried that Aro would put me to work on some other ridiculous project and I wouldn't be able to see Jane everyday anymore.

One late afternoon, before the van went back to the house, Jane and I snuck away hand-in-hand. We found a small area under a tree and sat on the ground. I leaned up against the bark and she sat between my legs, her back resting on my chest. I held her close to me, never wanting to let her go.

"I'm scared I won't get to see you anymore," I admitted to her.

She sighed and leaned her head back on my shoulder. "Don't be, Edward. We'll figure something out," she assured me. "No one will keep me away from you."

I smiled, despite the situation. I trusted her words, I trusted her. "I'm going to talk to Aro," I told her.

She just sighed in relief. "Thank you," she said softly.

Her reaction took me off guard. "Were you worried that I wouldn't?" I asked her.

"No. I always knew you would. I'm just glad you're willing to risk his reaction for me," she said, almost embarrassingly.

"I would do anything for you." And I knew my words were truer than anything I had ever said before.

She turned around so she faced me. "I know you would, Edward," she said. I brought my hand up and cradled her face. Even though we had spent every day together for almost two months, I had never kissed her. I wanted it to be special. She meant so much to me that I didn't want to ruin it. But this was the perfect moment.

I leaned in closer and rested my forehead against hers. Her breathing picked up, and I rubbed my other hand up and down her arm, trying to comfort her. I then tilted her face and brought my lips to hers. They were soft and timid but held fire I never felt before.

It didn't last long, but it was simple and sweet, just like my Jane.

***

I walked into Aro's house that night with a new-found determination. I searched the entire mansion before I found him in his library.

"Uncle Aro," I began, "can I talk to you?" I joined him on his couch.

He put his book down and turned to look at me. "Of course, son. What is it?"

I took a deep breath and played with my hands in my lap. "You're nervous," he observed.

I smiled timidly. "A little," I admitted. He waited for me to continue.

I decided it would best if I just came out and said it. I rested my elbows on my knees and turned my head so I could look him in the eyes. "I love her."

At least five minutes went by. He didn't move, he didn't say anything, he just looked at me. I held his gaze, hopefully conveying that I wouldn't back down on this.

He finally sighed in defeat. "Yes, I already knew."

"Wait, what?" I asked, dumbfounded.

"Edward, son, I can read you like a book. I knew weeks ago," he said.

"But, how? Why didn't you say anything?" I was sure that this conversation would lead into an argument. He clearly told me to stay away from Jane. If he knew all this time, then why didn't he stop me?

"Because she is changing you. And frankly, I like you better this way."

I didn't say anything, instead waited for him to continue. He didn't.

"Does that mean I can continue seeing her?" I asked, hopeful.

He sighed again, reaching back for his book. "I suppose so. But I will tell you again… no games with her. She is like a daughter to me, and I will kill you myself if you hurt her."

I smiled so widely I thought my face would break. I leaned over across the couch and hugged him. "Thank you, Uncle!"

"You're welcome, boy."

***

The house was finished a week later, and the night it was finished, I took Jane on our first official date. I picked her up from her new house and we went to a small bistro in town.

"You're so beautiful," I told her.

"You're going to give me a big head if you keep telling me that," she said, smiling back at me.

"I just always want you to remember that."

She kissed me softly on the lips. "You are, too, you know," she said.

"Oh yeah, I'm hot stuff," I said, laughing.

She smiled that beautiful smile and reached for my hand. "Not just on the outside, Edward. You're heart is so beautiful. I want you to always remember that."

The smile left my face as I looked into her eyes. "No one has told me that before."

She frowned and traced the outline of my jaw with her fingertips. "I will tell you every day," she promised.

***

"Merry Christmas, beautiful," I said, wrapping my arms around Jane. She was standing in Aro's living room with the rest of Aro's guests. Elizabeth had insisted on throwing a huge party, and the only reason I agreed to attend wass because Jane was here. She laughed and turned around so she could wrap her arms around my neck. She kissed me softly.

"Merry Christmas, Edward. I got you something," she said, leaving my arms. She went over to her purse and picked up the package that was sitting beside it

"Jane, I don't need anything," I said, crossing my arms across my chest.

"Oh, shut up and open it." She pushed the package at me.

I smirked at her and tore off the wrapping paper. What I found took my breath away. I removed the rest of the paper so I could look at my gift completely. It was a painting of Jane's new house. "Did you paint this?" I asked her.

"Yes," she responded. "I wanted you to have a picture of the place where we fell in love, so I figured this was the best way to give that to you."

"Jane, this is so beautiful, thank you so much." I looked down at her, with the painting still in my hands. "I love you so much," I told her.

"I love you. too."

***

Jane had painted me four more pictures since Christmas, all of them places that meant something to us. The bistro of our first date, the tree where we kissed for the first time, the place where I first told her that I loved her, and the spot where I proposed. It was now September, and Jane and I would be married in two weeks.

I couldn't believe how much my life had changed this past year—and how much of that was because of Jane. She had become my life. Every day I woke up, went to work for my uncle so I could build a future for us, and I came home to her. Sal and I had become pretty close, too. He was only a few years older than I was, and he and I would go out when Jane was busy with her friends or family.

The wedding was going to be small and quiet. Jasper was flying out to be my best man, and of course, my family was coming as well. I was nervous, but I was sure that this was the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

I was on my way to pick my parents up from the airport. They wanted to come early to spend some time with me, considering I wasn't planning on moving back to the states after the wedding.

I waited in baggage claim for them with Jane by my side. This was her first time meeting them, but surprisingly, she didn't seem nervous at all. My mother came running towards us, throwing her arms around my neck.

"Oh, baby, I've missed you so much," she said, holding me tightly.

"I've missed you too, Mom. It's so good to see you!" I said, hugging her back.

She released me and looked shocked at my words. "What?" I questioned.

"I didn't hear one swear word in that whole sentence!" she exclaimed.

"Oh, uh, yeah, I guess you didn't," I said. She looked over at Jane then.

"I suppose I have you to thank for that," she said smiling. Jane returned the smile and reached out her hand.

"It's very nice to meet you, Mrs. Cullen." My mom looked at Jane so lovingly and moved away from me so she could hug her.

"Oh, dear, please call me Esme."

My father stepped up to me and embraced me in a hug. "I'm very proud of you, son," he said.

My heart tightened at his statement. He words were so sincere. "Thank you, Dad." I said, hugging him back. "For everything."

***

The wedding was simple and perfect. It was in the back yard of Jane's house. She wore a simple white dress with her hair down. I have never seen her more beautiful than in that moment. We said the traditional vows and made love for the first time that night.

We didn't go far for our honeymoon. We chose to go to Venice, somewhere Jane had always loved. We spent two weeks, barely leaving the hotel room, and memorizing each other's bodies. I loved her so much that my chest hurt just looking at her.

I went out to go pick up dinner one evening, deciding to bring dinner back to the hotel instead of going out. When I came back into the hotel suite, I was surprised to not find Jane in our bed where I left her.

"Jane?" I called for her. "Where are you, beautiful?"

I heard noises in the bathroom, so I headed that way. I found Jane hovered over the toilet, blood covering her shirt. I rushed over to her side immediately, pulling back her hair.

"What's wrong?" I asked her panicked.

Tears were streaming down her cheeks, and she was sweating profusely even though the air conditioning was on high.

"I felt sick and blood just started coming out. Edward, what's wrong with me?" she asked, obviously scared.

"I don't know baby. Let's get you to a doctor." I helped her up from the floor and washed off her face and helped her change clothes before I brought her to the hospital.

She was admitted that night, and I slept beside her in the hospital as she continued to throw up blood. She shook in my arms all night long, and my heart was shattering. The doctor ran tests the next day and told us it would be a while before anything came back.

A week went by in total agony. We hadn't moved from this hospital room, for Jane was too sick now to even walk.

"I don't want to lose you, baby," I cried in her arms.

"You won't lose me, Edward. I'll be with you always. Nothing can take me away from you." Her words were comforting, but I knew that even Jane couldn't promise that. Whatever this was that was eating at her was doing the very thing she promised wouldn't happen. It was taking her away from me.

The results came back and the doctors informed us that it was, indeed, Leukemia. I asked them why we didn't know this before and their only answer was sometimes symptoms don't appear until later stages. She was started on chemo right away.

Six months went by and Jane, never made it out of the hospital. Her body was so weak from the radiation and her blond hair was gone. I still thought she was more beautiful than anyone.

"Will people remember me?" she asked.

"Of course, Jane. Don't ever think like that. I will love you every day of forever. I promise, baby. We'll get through this."

"I'm going to miss you, Edward," she said, tears streaming down her face.

"You're going to be just fine, Jane." My eyes were red and swollen from crying.

"You have a beautiful heart, baby. Please remember that."

My beautiful Jane died in my arms that night. Those words played in my head every day since then.

We buried her in the back yard where we got married only months beforehand. My life quickly went black. The beautiful heart that Jane loved so much was now dark and bitter. I was so angry that she was taken away from me so quickly. I wanted to know how she got so sick and why the doctors couldn't save her.

I tried to stay in Italy and work, but I couldn't take the reminders of my pain, of what I had lost. I showed up at my parents' door in Forks a few months later. They took me back in with open arms, and my dad helped me apply to different universities. The only thing that kept me alive was knowing that I would do something with my life that would help others prevent the pain I was going through. With the help of Carlisle, I attended Washington University for my premed courses. I had two years of undergrad already completed because of SDSU, and I took full course loads the next year and summer so I could go to medical school as quickly as possible.

I finished school and got my internship at Seattle Grace. My life in those years was so empty. Because I was married to Jane, I was given her inheritance. I told her family that I didn't need it, but they insisted. I was a son to them as well, and they wanted me to live the life that Jane couldn't.

I used a good sum of that money to buy the apartment that I have now, and hung all the paintings that Jane did for me in there. They are my reminders that all this pain was worth seeing her beautiful smile.

Jasper has been very faithful through these years and stayed with me through some of the darkest times. He and Rose had been my only companions here in Seattle, and it felt like high school all over again.

I never slipped back into my old self completely. I felt like if I did that, then Jane would have held no purpose in my life. She changed me, and in the words of my uncle so many years prior, I liked myself better this way.

It was two years ago when I finally let her go. I flew back to Italy on what would have been our five year wedding anniversary to visit her grave. It was hard on some days to remember exactly what she looked like, but if I remember one thing for the rest of my life, it would be the way she smiled. She had the most beautiful smile.

I said good-bye to her that day, and when I got on the plane to go home, I no longer felt the weight of her death on me. I decided in that moment that I wanted to allow someone else to see and experience the beautiful heart Jane created inside of me.

Charlie walked into my office a year and a half later. And by that time, I was ready for the next stage of my life.

So here I sat, with Bella in my lap, tears streaming down both of our faces. I never thought I would love another woman after Jane. But just looking at the woman before me, I knew I had already overcome that. I loved Bella so very much. I wasn't saying that I loved Jane any less, because I didn't. I just felt so complete now with Bella in my life.

Jane was a part of me, she made me who I am. But Bella Swan is my future, and that I was sure of.

****

**End Notes: **

**Tears anyone? So are you still angry with him, or do you finally understand him better? Sorry to leave you without Bella's reaction but this chapter was getting too long as is. **

**Next update will be soon, I'm already pretty far into it. **

**Please Review, beautiful people. **


	15. Chapter 15

_**Author's Chapter Notes:**_

_**Hello lovely readers. I updated sooner than I thought!**_

_**So I think I have some things to clear up from last chapter. What was written in Edward's POV was what Bella heard, it was just written to be read as a story for the sake of the fic. And some people questioned Edward's past… in the summary of the story it goes into it a little bit more, but since I couldn't put it in the summary for fanfiction . net, I have it posted in my profile page. But I will have some outtakes written, hopefully this week, from both BPOV and EPOV from high school, so keep an eye out for that because it will be posted separately from FTGH. **_

_**Thanks again for reviewing. It makes me so happy to read what you guys say… Olympic1340, special thanks to you for always giving me a smile with your comments… **_

_**Twilightzoner…so much thanks to you, truly. **_

_**SM still owns everything Twilight. No copyright infringement intended. But I claim Doc, so please don't do anything fishy with FTGH. **_

_***************_

Chapter Fifteen: Officially Official

_**BPOV**_

"Edward, I'm so sorry." Listening to Edward tell me about his late wife was heartbreaking. I sat there, still on his lap and in his arms, not really knowing of what to say.

"Bella, it took me a very long time to come to terms with things, but she died a very long time ago. I'm sorry I didn't tell you about her before. I wasn't sure how you would react and to be honest, I don't think I was really ready to tell you either. But I want you to know that because she is a part of who I am, but also so you know that you are a part of who I will be," he said earnestly.

"Edward, I'm never going to be her." I knew that I was never going to be able to live up to what Jane and Edward had. She is perfect in his mind. To him, she was his soul mate; I'm just what was left.

His voice was frantic and nervous. "Bella, honey, I don't want you to be her. That's why I didn't want to tell you. I didn't want you to respond this way." He pulled me impossibly closer and grabbed my face in his hands. "You are so special to me, Isabella. I have fallen so hard for you, and I know I haven't told you that lately because I didn't want to scare you off, but baby, I want you. I want you today and tomorrow and every day after that."

The tears continued to fall down both of our faces. He tried to dry my face with the pads of his thumbs. "Bella, please look at me," he pleaded.

I lifted my gaze to his and found a mixture of love and fear. "You, Bella, are my future. I want to go through life and experience things with _you._ I want to love you and show you just how much every moment."

There was a pause where we just looked at each other. "I don't want to lose you," he said again, broken and vulnerable. And that broke my heart even more. This wonderful man has already lost so much.

I hugged him tightly and kissed his neck. "You're not going to lose me, baby."

He immediately relaxed in my arms. "Thank you, Bella."

***

We stayed in our spot on the couch for an immeasurable amount of time. I rested my head on his shoulder, and he rubbed my back gently. It was peaceful and healing to be together, yet alone, in our thoughts.

I asked myself if I could really stay with Edward and give myself to him. Now that I knew of his past and how he was married, my mind wanted to flee and get away to protect myself. But I knew that I couldn't do that. As much as Edward said he needed me right now, I needed him, too. I had become addicted to this man, and even the thought of leaving hurt my heart unbearably.

I would never live up to Jane, but part of me knew that Edward didn't want me to. He wanted to create something new with me, and I trusted him enough to know that he was being nothing but sincere when he said that.

"Thank you for telling me about her," I said to him, still wrapped in his embrace.

He sighed and tightened his grip on me. "I love you, Bella."

I kissed his neck, right behind his ear. "I know you do, Edward."

He shifted his weight and brought me up so I was looking at him. "So what did you want to talk to me about?" he asked.

I had forgotten all about the conversation I wanted to have with him earlier. It seemed so unimportant and insignificant now.

"Promise not to laugh at me, okay?"

He smiled and nodded. "I promise."

"Rose stopped by tonight," I said, pausing afterwards.

"Yeah, she came by my office, too," he admitted.

"Well," I began, "I might have referred to you as something, and I guess I just wanted to ask you about it."

"Uh, huh," he said, seeming confused.

The words came out of my mouth very quickly. "Edward, I called you my boyfriend, and I just wanted to know if that was okay. If that's what we are?"

He chuckled at my admission.

"I told you not to laugh at me," I said, slapping his arm lightly.

"You're right, I'm sorry," he said, composing his face. "Bella Swan," he began.

"What?" I asked, still scowling at him.

"Will you be my girlfriend?"

"I feel like we're in middle school."

He laughed again. "Whatever makes you happy. So…" he said, "is that a yes?"

"Yes," I said smiling.

He smiled back at me and it was a beautiful sight. "Edward, I feel ridiculous bringing this up right after you told me about your wife."

His face fell and he took a deep breath. "We're just making our own history, right now, Bella. This is between you and me." He looked at me seriously. After a moment, his face lightened, along with his voice. "And I think it's a pretty big deal that we officially became official."

"You do, huh?" I said, chuckling.

"Yes, I do. So, if you will excuse me, I think I have some business to attend to with my girlfriend."

"And what kind of business is that?"

"Business that doesn't involve talking," he said quietly, staring at my lips. He kissed me softly then. It was slow and loving. He took the time to press his lips against mine. It wasn't needy or impulsive; it was purposeful and passionate.

We didn't go beyond kissing that night. He eventually lifted me from the couch and brought us to his bedroom. He undressed me slowly and followed with his own clothes right after. We lay down in the bed together, both exhausted from the night's events, and fell asleep in each other's arms, quickly.

I could hear his heart beating while lying on his chest, before I drifted off, and it was the perfect reminder of the beautiful person Jane made this man into. This man who, for some unknown reason, was giving himself to me.

But Jane was right; Edward did have the most beautiful heart, and now, it was mine.

***

"So do you still want to go about finding your mom?" Edward asked me during his lunch break a few days later.

I took a deep breath and pushed the salad around on my plate. "Yes," I told him.

He sighed and looked at me, taking my hand into his. "Have you talked to Charlie about it?"

I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. "No," I admitted.

"Bella," he said, softly, "you need to tell him. This involves him, too."

"I know it does," I defended. "I just don't know how to even bring it up."

He nodded in understanding. "I told Alice and Emmett last night," I mumbled, sad at the memory.

"And?" he questioned.

"I think Emmett almost had an aneurism. He told me I was only setting myself up for heartbreak." I rubbed my face with my free hand. "Is that what I'm doing, Edward? Am I just walking into a trap of failure?"

He looked at me, so full of love and worry. "Bella, I don't know how this is going to turn out. It could be a complete disaster or it could be a good thing. But I know two things." He held up two fingers for emphasis.

"One, if you think this is what you need to do to move on and to find closure, then I think you should do it. You can't go on wondering for the rest of your life."

"And number two?" I asked.

He got up from his seat across from me and moved to the vacant seat beside mine. He brought my chair close to him and grabbed my face in his hands. "Number two," he began, "is that no matter what happens, Bella, you won't be alone in this. Ever."

***

He was sleeping when I walked into his hospital room. His breaths were labored and uneven, and his skin was beginning to bruise. He was so sick. Every time I saw him, my heart would break even more.

I sat in the chair that had easily been claimed as my own. I took his hand, like I always did, and rested my head on the bed. Images of Edward began fleeting behind my eyelids. The past three days have consisted of sharing stories and simply spending time together… as a couple. My face lifted into a smile at the thought of it. However, we hadn't had sex since the conversation we had the other night about Jane. It is weird to say that it almost felt wrong now? I don't know what it was, but I couldn't get her face out of my mind.

Edward never pushed me for anything physical, allowing me to set the pace, but I'm sure our lack of physical connection was bothering him, too. It seemed that we either had a great sex life and bad communication or no sex and a great communication base. Where was the balance?

I woke up to two familiar laughs. My eyes fluttered open, and I slowly lifted myself up from my sleeping position. "What's so funny?" I asked voice full of sleep.

Edward smirked at me and my dad looked down at his hands as if they suddenly held the meaning of life.

"You're just a precious sleeper, Bella," Edward finally admitted.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" I narrowed my eyes at them and they erupted into laughter again.

"Oh, Doc, don't embarrass her," Charlie said, between bursts of laughter.

Edward came over to where I was sitting and gently kissed my forehead. "You just talk in your sleep, that's all, love."

"That's all? Oh, well that makes me feel so much better," I said to him sarcastically.

He laughed at my tone. "What did I say this time?" I asked, defeated.

Another round of laughter. _Stupid sleep induced mental conversations. _

"Well, I have other patients to attend to. I'll see you guys later." Edward rushed out of the room quickly.

I turned to my dad. "What was that about?"

"It's nothing, Bells. Really." He tried to assure me.

"That bad, huh?" I grumbled into my hands. "Why couldn't I grow out of sleep talking as a child like most normal people?" I asked to no one in particular.

"Don't worry about it, honey."

"So how long was I asleep?" I asked, curiously.

"Not too sure. You were out when I woke up, and that was about two hours ago."

"Two hours!" How the hell had I slept for two hours? "I wish you would have woken me up," I said sadly, upset that I had missed two hours of time with him.

"You needed the rest, Bella," he reasoned.

"Time with you is more important," I asserted.

He sighed sadly. There were a few moments of silence, and I decided that there was no time like the present to bring up Renee.

"Dad," I began, "can I talk to you about something?"

He looked at me, confused. "Of course, Bella."

"So, I've been doing a lot of thinking." My gaze drifted to my hands in my lap.

"Okay," he said, pressing me to continue.

The tears were beginning to well up in my eyes, without my control. "Dad, I'm so broken," I admitted. "I look at Edward and Alice, and even Emmett, and I feel so behind them. All three of them have had so many problems in their lives, if it were their families or loved ones dying, or anything…" I paused trying to gather my thoughts. "They all overcame their hurdles. They faced their situations and they've dealt with them. They have become stronger from life, and I… I haven't. I've done nothing but hold onto the bitterness and loneliness that Renee caused. You were right when you said I wasn't dealing with it. I took the blame for her leaving. I held onto all the resentment and I kept everyone out, especially you. I'm so sorry for leaving, Dad. It absolutely breaks my heart when I think of all the pain I caused you over the past ten years. And I think it took me to this moment to realize, I did exactly what she did. I left. I left you when you needed me." By this time I was crying so hard I wouldn't have been surprised if Charlie couldn't understand a word I was saying. But he sat there, tears staining his cheeks, and I took his silence as a plea to continue.

"But Dad, coming back to you was the best thing I ever did. These past few weeks have truly been the best of my life. Yes, they've been hard, but Dad, I got to spend them with you. I have learned so much about you and it makes me so happy to really know who my dad is. And the best part, Dad, is that I know, I really know, that you love me. You want me. I have found so much peace, so much healing.

"But I need more, Dad. I'm still broken and I think that there is only one thing that will help me move forward in my life."

I took a deep breath, trying to make my voice even. "Dad, I'm going to try and find Renee."

***

"He'll come around, Bella," Alice said, smoothing out my hair as I lay in her lap. We were back at the hotel, Alice, Emmett, and me, and I was sprawled out on the couch, my head resting on Alice's legs.

Telling my dad did not go well. After his initial shock, all he could say was, "No. Hell no. Oh hell no." And the famous, "Oh, fucking hell no." He wasn't very creative in his outbursts.

"I just thought that he would want me to find the peace that I've been searching for. Why is he so angry with me for this?"

"Bella," Emmett began, "maybe he's just scared of what it will do to you if things don't go the way you have planned. What if she leaves again? What if she isn't who you are expecting," he reasoned softly. His pained expression was evident in his eyes. Emmett didn't like to see me hurt either.

"I know, but I'm not fourteen anymore. I've grown up a lot, and I'm not expecting anything from her. I guess… I don't really know what to expect. I have so many questions for her. I want her to see me and to know about my life now. I want her to know how far I've come. I want to see her face; I want to see what she looks like. I want to know if I look like her, or if I laugh like her. I want to so badly hear her voice again."

There were no tears this time, only determination. I knew what I wanted, what I needed.

"She's my mother," I said boldly. "I deserve this."

***

"Hi, Dad." I walked into his room cautiously, trying to judge his reaction.

"Hi, Bells," he said softly. I walked in and took my chair by his side.

"Did you sleep well last night?" I asked him.

"Not really," he admitted.

I frowned and sighed. "I'm sorry to hear that."

"Bella, I don't understand," he said suddenly, voice full of question.

"What's not to understand, Dad? Out of everyone, I expected you to understand the most. Don't you want to see her again? To know why she left?"

"No, Bella. I don't. I don't need her answers to define my life."

"I'm not trying to get her to define my life, Dad," I shot back.

"I don't want you to do this. She will do nothing but hurt you."

"Well, this is not your decision. This is my life. This is something I need to do, for me." I pleaded to him with my tone and my eyes. I wanted to badly for him to support me in this.

"You're making a huge mistake," he said sighing.

"It's my mistake to make," I reasoned.

He took a huge breath and looked at me directly, his face softening. "Please, Bella, if you're going to do this, don't do this alone. Let others help you; let others in and allow them to be your support."

"By others do you mean Edward?"

The corners of his face pulled up into a small smile. "Doc will be good for you."

"I know, but Dad, this isn't about Doc."

"I know that. But don't blame him or push him away if this… thing… with Renee doesn't go well."

I raised my voice in exasperation. "Dad, this does not have anything to do with Edward. Please don't make this about him."

"That's not what I'm doing."

"That's exactly what you're doing."

"Just be careful, Bells. Don't let this break you."

"It's not going to break me, Dad. I'm going into this for restoration, not for destruction."

"Just… just guard your heart, Bella. Above all else, guard your heart. Please," he begged.

"Don't worry about me, Dad. I'm a big girl," I said softly to him.

He shook his head at me. "You'll always be my little girl."

I took his hand and smiled at him in agreement. "Yes, and Renee won't change that."

"I love you, Bells."

"I love you, too."

***

"So you're really going to do this, huh?" Edward asked me, while we lay together on the couch.

"Yes," I told him. "I just have no idea how to go about it. Where do I even start?"

He hummed in contemplation. "Well," he began, "I might know someone who could help."

"Yeah?" I asked, turning around to face him.

He smiled down at me. "So, how objective are you about making a visit back to Forks?"

"Forks? What does that small town have anything to do with finding Renee?"

"It's not the town, Bella. It's the people who live there."

"And what people is that?" I asked, dubiously.

"My parents," he said smugly.

"Your parents? You want me to go up to talk to your parents?"

"Not just you, Bella. I'll go with you," he said matter-of-factly.

"When were you thinking about going?" I asked, still blown away that he suggested his parents.

"How soon do you want to find your mom?"

"Well, as soon as possible, I guess."

"Okay, then I'll make a call and take some time off from the hospital."

"What about my dad? What if something happened while we were gone?" The worry in my tone was evident.

"We'll only be gone a few days. Three at the most. He'll be okay," he assured me.

"Okay then," I said hesitantly. "I guess we're going up to see your parents." I tried to make my tone sound excited but it came out more as a grimace.

He face lit up into a smile. "They're going to love you!"

"Oh boy." I sighed, dropping my head onto his shoulder. He laughed at my nervousness and kissed me on my head.

"I promise it will be okay, love. I'll be there the whole time," he reassured me lovingly.

I moved myself so I was straddling him and wrapped my arms around his neck. "Thank you, Edward."

"You're welcome, baby. This will be fun!"

"Oh yeah, so fun," I mumbled.

His laugh was so light and beautiful that I couldn't help but smile at his enthusiasm. Maybe meeting his parents wouldn't be so bad after all.

*****************

**Chapter End Notes:**

**I don't know about you, but I love Carlisle and Esme. Can't wait to see what they have to offer to our lovely "officially official" couple. **

**I also wrote an O/S this past week called "A Cullen Education." It's not up yet but will hopefully be soon. So check that out… It takes place 30 years after Bella becomes a vamp and she is a teacher at the school all the Cullen's, Jake and Nessie included, attend. It was a fun escape from the seriousness of this fic.**

**And remember to keep an eye out for the high school outtakes that will be coming. They won't be added as chapters on this thread so add me to author alert if you want to be notified when they get posted. **

**Anyway, hope you guys liked this chapter. Please review. **


	16. Chapter 16

**Author's Notes: Okay, okay. I know this chapter took forever! I tired writing it my way at first and Bella just shook her stubborn head at me. This is her story and she needed to get some things out first. So this is why it took so long, but I finally surrendered to her and now you have an update!**

**But don't be mad at me for too long. The first outtake is up called Freshmen Year. More will be coming soon.**

**And… I wrote an O/S called 'A Cullen Education' that's up now too. Go check it out.**

**Twilightzoner… you keep me sane. Thank you.**

**SM still owns it all. No copyright infringement intended.**

**********

Chapter Sixteen: Demons

I slept at Edward's that night, fully clothed, and woke up alone…again. I sighed and got myself out of the oversized haven and made my way to the shower. Something was off about me this morning. I could feel it, and I didn't like it. I rubbed my hands over my eyes to try and wake myself up, as I started the water to the shower. I turned around and looked at myself in the mirror, and I was not happy with what I saw.

I just looked utterly defeated. And tired. So very tired.

My emotions had been haywire this week. Hell, not even just this week but since I'd been here. We were pressing a month since I had first arrived, and I could feel the tension in my body. Yes, being here was a very good thing. I was so very happy that I'd gotten so much closer to my dad. I had gotten to laugh with him and see him smile sincerely for the first time since I was a kid.

And Edward. Edward had been… a God send. I'm not really sure how I would be coping if it weren't for him. He had been so patient and caring.

But I missed New York. I missed my art gallery. I missed Angela. I missed my room and living with Alice. I missed going out with her and Emmett in the city. I missed writing. I missed "Bella" time. I missed not caring about anything. My emotions weren't used to this rollercoaster that I was now hanging onto for dear life.

Things were happening so fast here. I leaned against the wall of the shower, as the hot water cascaded down me, and brought my face to my hands. Why had I asked Edward to become "official?" Was that what I really wanted? Or was that my damn insecurities coming out because of Jane. Did I want to claim him as mine, is that why I did that? Because honestly, even though I've been here a month, I wasn't sure where I was going to be a month from now.

Edward was always so serious about me. He had said the words, "I love you," to me at least a dozen times, and my only response had been, "I know you do." What the hell was that? "I know you do?" Well, gee, Bella, I'm sure that's exactly what he wanted to hear.

But I just couldn't bring myself to say it back to him. Honestly, I still didn't even really know what it meant. Did he even really know?

_He was married before,_ I reminded myself. Usually, people who get married love each other and know what love is. But who was I in comparison to Jane. Was it even fair to make that declaration to me after such little time? Granted, she died seven years ago. But still, I couldn't help but think how this didn't seem fair to me, Edward, or Jane.

And now I was about to go up and spend the next few days with his parents. Again, this was all happening so quickly. This would be my first time meeting Esme, Edward's mother, but I'd known Carlisle from my years spent in the emergency room. I doubt he would remember me though. What would they think of me, anyway?

I was the Chief's terrible, abandoning daughter who is now sleeping with their son- a real peachy impression. And to top it all off, I couldn't help but remember that I wasn't the first woman Edward had introduced his parents to. They had already fallen in love with the girl they thought Edward would spend the rest of his life with. _There already was a Mrs. Edward Cullen. _

I slammed my hand against the shower wall in frustration. Why was I even thinking about that? _Mrs. Edward Cullen._

My mind was all over the place. First, I was all up in the air about where I'd be a month from now, and now my head drifted over to what it would be like to be Mrs. Cullen. _See what I mean by rollercoaster of emotions? _Ugh.

I shut off the hot water and climbed out. I needed some damn coffee.

****

I decided not to go to the hospital. I needed some time off. I needed a break from Charlie, and from Edward, and from the crucifying looks from the female staff there.

I called Alice and Emmett and they were thrilled about spending the day with me. I took a cab back to the hotel and met up with them there. I felt bad for being so distant from them. They came out to Seattle to be with me, and I'd barely seen them outside of Charlie's room. Hopefully, they hadn't been too bored and had found something to occupy their time while they've been here.

"Hey there, sunshine," Emmett bellowed, as I walked into the suite.

I went over to where he and Alice were sitting and crawled in between them. "So what do you want to do today, Bella?" Alice asked.

I sighed. "How about we just pretend that no one else exists in the world except for the three of us, okay? For a few hours at least."

"Something wrong in paradise?" Emmett asked curiously, bringing an arm around my shoulders.

I shook my head back and forth slightly. "I just need some down time."

"Okay, then," he said, jumping up from the couch. "Let's go, ladies."

Alice got up then but I stayed where I was. I was not able to pull together enough enthusiasm for this moment. Emmett did not approve. He bent down and picked me up, throwing me over his shoulder and gave my ass a hard smack.

"Stop being so damn mopey, Bella," he said while carrying me through the door. "It's time to be Emmettfied."

"That sounds dirty," I said while laughing.

"Oh, it is, baby." He laughed playfully. "Grab her shit, Alice," he called over his shoulder. Alice followed suit with both of our purses in hand.

When we got into the elevator, Emmett finally put me down. "So what are we going to do?" I asked.

Emmett and Alice smirked at each other. "We're getting shit faced," they said in unison.

Sounded like a fucking plan to me. Two hours later, we stumbled out of a cheap ass bar in downtown Seattle.

"Emmett," I scolded, "you have to stop getting us kicked out of places." It would have sounded a lot more threatening, if I wasn't slurring every other word.

"Oh, shut it, Bells," he slurred right back. "This time was not on me."

We both turned to look at Alice, who just shrugged in her drunken state.

"I thought they wanted to see me naked," she reasoned.

"They didn't," Emmett and I said together before we all started laughing.

We were walking along the sidewalk when I passed by something that caught my eye. "Hey, guys come here," I beckoned. They stopped walking and came to stand with me.

I pushed through the door of a tall, red bricked building, only to be surrounded by walls of beautiful paintings. "A gallery!" I exclaimed.

"And we lost her," Emmett said defeated. I barely recognized the words as my mind was now focused on the art around me. This is what I wanted, this is what I missed. Art. It was so simple in and of itself, but each piece was so complicated and diverse.

I came up to one painting in particular. The background was a mixture of dark blues and violets. Each stroke held its own meaning and they eventually faded into black. It was depressing and dark, but out of the darkness appeared a beautiful white daisy.

A lady dressed in a bright yellow dress came and stood beside me. "Beautiful, isn't it?" she said.

"Yes," I answered. "What does it mean?"

She smiled, still looking at the painting. "What do you think it means?" she asked.

"It's dark," I observed.

"In parts, yes," she agreed. "What else?"

"I don't understand the flower, it's almost as if the darkness is sucking it in, destroying it."

She didn't say anything for a moment as she pondered my assessment. "Or the flower is simply emerging from the darkness, the beauty of it overcoming the evil."

"Is it that simple?" I asked her.

She turned and looked at me then. "It's never that simple, but nonetheless," she turned back to the painting, "the flower, in all its beauty and innocence, represents strength. Not even the darkest hues can destroy it. But at the same time, it stands out most prominent against the black. It wouldn't look as important if it were against yellows or oranges."

I just nodded and hummed in response.

"It's not the easy parts of life that define us- it's the dark and the pain. But the flower is so much more beautiful this way." She looked me straight in the eye, and I had a feeling we weren't really talking about the flower anymore.

***

"Edward," I began, "can I ask you a question?" My voice was very tentative and nervous.

"What is it, baby?" he asked. I was sitting cross-legged on his bed, while he threw random articles of clothing into his suitcase. He got home from the hospital about an hour ago, and we were leaving for Forks tomorrow midday.

"I feel bad for leaving Alice and Emmett here while I go to Forks with you," I admitted.

He didn't stop his movements and answered me quickly. "Ask them to come, then."

"You wouldn't mind? I didn't really know how formal this weekend was," I said hesitantly.

He looked up and smiled at me. "I would hardly call this formal, Bella. You do realize that this is your hometown we're going to, right? Forks is nothing new to you. And you've already met my dad on countless occasions," he reminded me.

"I wouldn't exactly call being stitched up by Carlisle over the years an adequate introduction," I challenged.

He laughed and went back to packing. "Don't worry about it, honey. They will love you, and if you want Alice and Emmett to come, then they are more than welcome. I'm sure they would love to see where you grew up, anyway."

"Thanks," I said, crawling off the bed to retrieve my phone.

I quickly called Alice and filled her in on the plan which she was certainly eager about. I walked back into Edward's bedroom. He was zipping up his bag and placing it on the floor. "Edward, I think I'm going to sleep in the hotel tonight."

He looked confused. "Why?" he asked nervously.

His face was disappointed and held so much uncertainty. I brought my hand up and rubbed my eyes, trying to find an adequate excuse. "I need to get my stuff together for the trip up there," I said. He didn't seem satisfied.

"And I want to spend some time with Alice, too," I added.

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Bella, is everything okay?" he asked.

I put a smile on my face. "Of course, Edward."

"You would tell me if something was bothering you, right?" He filled the distance between us and placed his hands on my shoulders.

"I'm just really tired," I said, avoiding his gaze.

He pulled me to his chest. "Okay, love." He kissed the top of my head before walking back towards the foyer. The drive back to my hotel was relatively quiet, both lost in our own thoughts.

"Bella, I'm worried about you," he said right as I was stepping out of the Volvo. I sighed and sat back down on the leather seat.

"Edward," I began, about to placate him again.

"No, Bella," he interrupted. "No crap answers about how you're tired or anything. I know something is bothering you. Please just tell me what it is so I can fix it."

A single tear escaped. "Edward, please. Just let me go tonight, okay."

"Bella," he whispered, trying to pull me towards him. I got out of the car instead. Before I walked off, I turned to face him.

"I'm okay, really. I'll just see you tomorrow, all right?" I begged with my eyes for him to drop it.

He surrendered and nodded his head. "Okay," he said softly.

I smiled at him weakly and walked inside. I made it upstairs and to my room before the waterworks came.

"Bella," Alice called, rushing to my side. "What's wrong?" She sat beside me and wrapped her tiny arms around my body.

"I'm so tired, Alice," I cried into her shoulder.

"Oh, honey," she soothed. "It's okay. You're not in this alone. I'm right here." She rocked us softly. "I'm right here."

***

I woke up the next morning to a knock at the door. Alice was already up, dressed and ready, so she answered it for me.

"Hi," she said cautiously. "She's still in bed."

The opposite side of the bed shifted down and strong arms encased me.

"Bella," he pleaded.

I shifted and turned around so I was facing him. He brushed my hair back behind my ear and pulled me closer.

"Bella, I'm so worried about you." His voice was barely audible.

I sighed and my eyes studied his face. He was so beautiful. My hand made its way up and stroked his cheek down to his jaw. My fingers ran across his lips gently and he kissed them.

"I'm so scared," I whispered, not meeting his eyes, but instead, settling on his lips.

"What are you scared about?" he asked, rubbing circles with his hand on my back.

"Not being good enough," I admitted.

"Who wouldn't you be good enough for?" He sounded so sad.

My tears threaten to make another appearance so I quickly blinked them away. "I've already been left once, Edward," I said with a shaky voice. "I can't be left again."

"Bella, if you don't want to find your mom then we don't have to."

"It's not my mom that I'm worried about," I admitted.

"Then who, Bella? Please tell me," he pleaded.

"You."

"Me, what?" he asked confused.

"What if I'm not good enough, Edward? What happens when you finally realize that I'm never going to be Jane? I'm not perfect. I'm really fucked up, and I have a lot of problems." And then came the tears. "What am I'm supposed to do when you leave me?"

"Bella." He sounded defeated, and instead of answering he brought me closer and tucked me into his chest. "How many times do I have to tell you that I don't want you to be her?"

"I'm never going to be good enough for you."

"Do you realize how ridiculous you sound right now? Why are you putting me on this pedestal?" He took a deep breath. "What do I have to do to make you see that I want you? Bella, I want you so badly. And I know you're not perfect, but I'm not perfect either.

"Baby, look at me," he pleaded. "Bella, I'm so sorry you feel this way. But I can't take back my marriage, and frankly, I don't want to. Jane was a beautiful woman who changed me so greatly. But Bella, we can't live in the past. I've worked very hard to move forward with my life. Please, let me move forward. It's not fair for you to hold this against me."

"I'm not trying to hold this against you, Edward. I just don't see how I'm ever going to measure up to what you had with Jane."

He took my face in his hands. "You are everything to me, right now, Bella. I don't compare you to her."

"How can you not?" I asked incredulously.

"It's so different with you. Everything has been so different with you. From the very beginning. Do you not feel this?" he asked, his hands motioning between us. "This charge, this current that happens whenever I'm around you. It's like my body knows who it belongs to. I loved Jane very much, but I feel home when I'm with you." Tears were now streaming down his cheeks. "You make me feel whole, Bella. You don't ever have to worry about me leaving. I don't want anyone else but you."

I attempted to wipe the tears from his face. "Please be patient with me," I begged.

He pulled me back to his chest. "Just always be honest with me, Bella. Don't hide from me."

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

He kissed the top of my head. "Don't be sorry. We all have our demons."

"I have a lot of demons."

"We'll fight them together. You don't ever have to do it on your own."

"I don't want to be alone."

"I'm right here, baby. I'm right here."

****

A few hours later, Edward and I climbed into his Volvo. Apparently, Jasper got word of the trip back to Forks and he offered to drive Alice and Emmett. Who knew things got so serious between Al and Jasper? Certainly not me.

"Is Rosalie coming too?" I asked Edward.

"Uh," he said, shifting in his seat. "No. Rose won't be coming."

I looked at him questioningly. "What aren't you telling me?"

"Let's just say Rose has her demons too."

"Edward, why are you being so mysterious?"

He sighed. "It's really not my story to tell you, Bella. But Rosalie hasn't spoken to my parents in years. They don't even know she's living in Seattle. So just don't mention her to them, okay?"

"Okay," I said, dropping the subject.

"Do Alice and Emmett know that?" I asked him a few moments later.

He looked all inscrutable again. "I'm pretty sure they have a good idea."

"And that is supposed to mean what, exactly?"

He shifted again. "I guess Emmett and Rosalie have been spending a lot of time together."

I looked at him shocked. "How do you know about this and not me?"

He shrugged. "I don't know, Bella. I figured Emmett would have told you."

"No one tells me anything these days," I grumbled.

"Well, you've had a lot going on. Maybe they didn't want to weigh you down with anything else."

I sighed. I really hadn't been keeping up with Al and Em like I should have been.

"Hey," he said, grabbing my hand. "Don't worry, okay. They're happy."

I smiled over at him. "Okay," I agreed, dropping the subject for now.

I turned to look at the window and watched the scenery pass us by.

"Edward," I said, still looking out the window.

"Yes, love," he answered.

"You make me happy."

His hand tightened around mine. "You make me happy, too, Bella."

Two hours later on the dot, we were welcomed by Fork's town sign. "I can't believe I'm actually back here," I mumbled.

He laughed lightly. "Hasn't changed much, has it?"

I shook my head. "It certainly hasn't."

Within fifteen minutes, we were pulling up to a grand white house. "Lifestyles of the rich and famous," I said jokingly to him, pointing at the house.

He laughed and shook his head. We both climbed out of the car and a beautiful woman who looked like the spitting image of Edward came running towards us.

Edward glanced in my direction and shrugged his shoulders. "That's my mom for ya," he whispered, out of her hearing range.

"Mom!" Edward suddenly exclaimed, running to meet her and enveloping her into a hug, spinning her around.

"Hi, baby!" she squealed. "I can't believe you're here; it isn't even a holiday!"

He laughed, seeming so carefree. He had such a beautiful laugh.

"Mom," he said, putting her down and gesturing towards me. "This is Bella Swan."

"Oh, Edward," she said as she swatted his shoulder. "You act as if I don't know exactly who this is."

_Oh shit. Here comes the onslaught._

She surprised the hell out of me by coming up and wrapping her arms around me. "Bella, love, it's so nice to see you again." She pulled back and kept her arms on my shoulders but studied my face. "I remember you from when you were just a little girl. You have gotten nothing but more beautiful."

I smiled and pulled her into another hug. "Thank you, Mrs. Cullen," I said sincerely.

She laughed and hugged me back. "You're welcome dear, but as long as you call me Mrs. Cullen, I'm calling you Isabella."

I grimaced at the thought. She laughed again. "Esme, please," she corrected.

Edward retrieved our bags out of the trunk as Jasper's car pulled up. As the three of them made their way up the driveway,they received the same reaction from Esme as Edward and I. It was beautiful to see. She just screamed maternal, as if she had enough motherly love in her to love all of us as her own. I suddenly remembered Rosalie, and I wondered what could be keeping her away from this wonderful woman.

Esme took my hand and held it as we walked into the house. It seemed very natural and held so much warmth. I instantly loved this woman. Edward was so lucky to have such a great mom.

I turned back to look at Edward then. He was talking with Jasper and carrying both of our bags. My heart constricted at the sight of him. I let go of Esme's hand then and ran back down the driveway to where Edward stood. He looked pleasantly confused when he saw me heading towards him. I didn't falter in my steps as I threw my arms around his neck. He dropped the bags immediately and wrapped his strong arms around my waist.

"Bella?" he asked.

I didn't answer for a moment, for I just held onto him, breathing him in. "Sorry," I apologized, stepping back. "I just had to."

He closed the distance between us and crashed his lips onto mine, taking my face into his hands.

"Don't ever apologize for that," he pleaded.

This time we each picked up our own bag and we walked into the house together, his arm wrapped around my shoulder and mine around his waist. "We'll do this together," he promised me.

I squeezed him tighter. "Together," I repeated.

*************

**End Notes: Okay, so I know, I know, I promised for more parent interaction this chapter. It will be in the next one, scout's honor. **

**And for those of you who have not read the first outtake, go read it now! It's called Freshmen Year, under F.T.G.H. outtakes on my profile page. **

**I have some recs that I have to get out there! (These stories have been taking over my life; you can blame them for having to wait for this chapter.) **

"**Dearly Departed" by lambcullen. It's so heartbreaking, but absolutely fabulous. Angsty, yes, but worth the journey. **

"**Company Loves Misery" by Angstgoddess003. First off, if you haven't read Wide Awake yet, get off of my page and go read her work. This is nothing compared to her. But Company Loves Misery is really great too… all human, alcoholic Edward, and a kick ass Bella. **

"**How to Save a Life" by unholy_obsession. Talk about angst and love and commitment. Love this story, it practically took over my life for three days as I caught up to it. **

**And "Becoming Bella Swan" by BellaFlan- it's hysterical. I have no idea what the hell is going on most of the time, but the author is a genius and will have you bursting out laughing. **

**But please review first; this chapter kicked my ass to write, so please leave some love. **


	17. Chapter 17

**Author's Notes: Hello happy readers. For those of you still reading – you rock my world. For those of you reviewing – I wish I could bake you all cookies. Thank you for your kind words. I love love love them!**

**If you haven't read the outtake, please go read it! Another one should be poster soon, probably before the next chapter of this.**

**Twilightzoner – love to you. Thanks times a million.**

**Disclaimer: Twilight still isn't mine. **

* * *

**Chapter Seventeen: Homeward Bound**

**EPOV**

Bella looked so beautiful standing in the kitchen, talking with my mother. It looked so natural for her to be there. I passed the kitchen entry way with a smile and headed for Carlisle's office.

I opened the door slowly and walked inside the grand space. This office was one of my favorite rooms in the house. Carlisle would allow me to come in here and admire his artwork or read through his multitude of books. It was always quiet and peaceful in here. I made my way over to the back wall which was made of glass windows, and took in the view of the stream outlining the property in the backyard.

We arrived back in Forks a little over an hour ago. Carlisle had yet to return home from work so we were waiting to eat dinner until he arrived. Jasper took Alice and Emmett into town for a brief tour of the place we had grown up in, and that just left Bella, my mother, and me.

I knew my mom was an easy woman to talk to—she could hold a conversation with a mute parrot if she ever found the need, but to see her and Bella interact was truly a sight. Bella had shown no hesitation when speaking with her. She was vibrant, enthusiastic, and genuine. Not to say that Bella wasn't always those things, but I could only think back to my first encounter with her at the reunion. She definitely failed to hold a conversation with me then. All weekend had been a battle to get her to talk to me. I guess it was just nice to see her act differently towards my mom.

It was when I took a step to leave the office that I saw the picture frames on the bookshelf. I slowly stepped forward until I was directly in front of the images. I picked up a single silver frame and held it carefully in my hands. My memories never did do her justice.

It was a picture of Jane and me on our wedding day. She was so beautiful. It hurt to remember the honeymoon, how I found her curled up on the bathroom floor. She was so sick. I honestly remember thinking, after I lost her, that I would never fall in love again. I smiled sadly at the picture and placed it back down. I left Carlisle's office and made my way back over to the woman who had proved me wrong.

I stood, leaning against the frame of the door, crossing my arms. "What are you ladies talking about so animatedly in here?" I asked with a cooked grin.

My mom jumped, surprised with my sudden appearance. Bella, however, just smirked right back at me. I knew she could tell I was there, before I even spoke.

"Your mom was just telling me how precious of a child you were," she sarcastically answered.

I left the door frame and went over to the counter. I rested my elbows on the hard granite and leaned forward towards them. "Are you mocking me, Ms. Swan?" I looked at her directly, with a raised eyebrow.

Bella mimicked my new position. "You don't have a problem with that, do you?" She held eye contact with me, daring me to continue.

"What if I did?" My tone was husky, barely above a whisper.

She laughed and stood back up to a standing position, breaking our eye contact. "Well, I guess you're just shit-out-of-luck then, Mr. Cullen."

To my surprise, my mother started laughing and she patted Bella's arm. "I like her, Edward," she said, motioning towards Bella while looking at me. "You need a woman who can stand eye-to-eye to with you."

I was barely registering the words my mom was saying, for I was busy staring at the beautiful woman across the counter who was matching my stare head on. I had missed this feisty side of Bella; I liked that she challenged me. Damn, she was sexy, too.

"Isn't this a nice picture!" We all turned towards my dad who was walking into the kitchen. He went over and kissed my mom, before pulling me into a hug. "It's nice to see you, Son."

"You too, Dad," I said sincerely.

"And Bella," he said, reaching his hand out to take hers, "Edward must be losing it, because I swear you are so much more beautiful than he let on."

I groaned and she laughed with a blush rising up in her cheeks. "Thank you, Mr. Cullen," she responded tentatively.

He turned over to look at Esme. "Did she try to pull the whole Mrs. C. with you too, love?" he asked her.

"She sure did." You could tell my mom was loving this.

"Well, Bella, please, none of that. Call me Carlisle."

"Okay, Carlisle." She nodded, smiling at him.

Conversation, between the four of us, was easy flowing. We spent about twenty minutes in the kitchen. My parents asked Bella a shit load of questions ranging from college, to Alice and Emmett, and even heavier topics like her dad. She took it all in stride, though, and I was happy to see her not get flustered or defensive.

Jasper, Alice and Emmett came back soon after that, and we all sat down in the dining room for dinner. My mom, being the hostess she was, kept the talking going with light, easy topics. Alice and she clicked right away, which did not surprise me. About halfway through, I took Bella's hand under the table and started drawing circles with my thumb. Not long after that, I felt Bella's foot make its way up my leg, slowly caressing my calf. I don't know how such a simple gesture went straight to my cock, but nonetheless, it didn't take long until I was adjusting myself to ease the pressure.

Bella noticed my predicament and winked at me before returning to the conversation she was having with Carlisle. I swear I was going to kill this woman! I released her hand and instead, started to rub her thigh gently. It was innocent at first and then I got bolder, inching ever so slowly down her silky skin, never quite touching where she wanted me most. I made the trial with my fingertips, back and forth, repeatedly. I noticed how her breathing got more shallow and increased in pace slightly. She turned to glare at me after a good five minutes of my pleasant torture, and I merely winked back at her. I don't think she realized that two of us could play this game.

After we were done eating, we all contributed to clearing off the table and cleaning the kitchen. Bella took position at the sink and began to rinse off the plates, while I loaded them into the dishwasher.

"That was cruel," she hissed, loud enough for my ears only.

I laughed and shrugged. "You had it coming."

She didn't respond, and I continued to load the rinsed plates. I felt something cold and wet hit my face and it took me a moment to register that Bella had the sink hose pointed right at me. I tried to duck out of the way but she just followed my movements. I got behind her and wrapped my arm around her waist and with the other I grabbed the hose. I finally got it from her grasp and started soaking her instead. She squealed and tried to back away but it was too late for her. She found her way up to the sink and turned off the water.

I took one look at her and started laughing hysterically. "You look like a wet dog!"

She used her hands to brush away the hair on her face and rung it out in the sink. "Yeah, well you look like a drowned rat!" She took a step towards me, closing the distance. "A very cute drowned rat."

I wrapped my arms around her and brought my face down to kiss her. Her fingers went to my wet hair and pushed it back from my eyes. I moved our bodies so I was pressed up against her while her back was at the counter. Our kiss began to get more passionate and a moan escaped Bella's lips.

There was a cough behind us and I turned quickly to see everyone staring. I stepped away from Bella quickly and saw that her face was flushed with embarrassment. My mom was beaming, which took me by surprise. Carlisle smirked at me before retreating to his office.

"Clean this up," Esme said, pointing to the water that was flowing at our feet. Her smile was a clear indicator that she wasn't angry.

"Well, that was awkward," I whispered to Bella, after everyone exited the kitchen.

"To be honest, I forgot where we were." She picked up a towel and began to soak up the water.

I bent down so I could be eye level with her and kissed her lips gently. "I did too. You kind of consume my mind whenever I'm around you. I lose track of everything else." I smiled.

She returned my smile and nodded. We cleaned up the rest of the kitchen in relative silence. Jasper put on a movie in the living room and everyone, with exception of Carlisle, curled up on the couches to watch it. It was simple and relaxing. About an hour through the movie, I felt Bella's breathing regulate against my chest. I looked over and found her asleep. I gently picked her up from the couch and carried her up to my bedroom. I lay her down gently on my bed and brought the covers up to cover her.

I kissed her forehead and breathed in her lovely smell. "Sweetest dreams, princess."

I went back downstairs, and instead of sitting back down on the couch to finish the movie, I headed to Carlisle's office. I knocked timidity on the door and he muttered for me to come in.

"Edward, I was wondering when you were going to make your way in here," he said smiling.

"You know me too well, Dad." I took a seat across from him and sighed.

"Bella seems wonderful." I looked up and saw him looking at me intently.

"Yeah, she is."

We sat there for a few moments not saying anything. "What's on your mind, Edward? You know I can read you like a book."

I laughed lightly and leaned back in the chair. "It's just, well, I want your opinion on something."

He motioned for me to continue. "I don't know if you remember, but when Bella was fourteen her mom left. No notice, no good-bye, nothing."

"Yes, I remember. It's hard not to hear about stuff like that in this small of a town."

"Well, it completely tore Bella apart. She's been carrying around that burden for a long time now, blaming herself or going as far as not letting anyone in so she can't be hurt again. It's downright painful to watch when she has a breakdown over it." I paused and focused on my hands in my lap. "The thing is, Dad, she wants to go and find her. She has convinced herself that if she finds Renee, she'll find the closure she thinks she needs."

"You don't think this is a good idea?" he asked.

"Do you?" I looked up at him then and saw him sincerely contemplating his response.

"I don't think it's your place to tell her she can't. If this is something that Bella thinks she needs, then it's something that you're going to have to let her do."

I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair. "That's what I thought too. It's so hard though!" My voice was laced with frustration. "You should see her when she breaks down; it's like she builds this wall over heart. She cuts everyone out." I took a deep breath. "I wouldn't be able to stand it if she cut me out, if this thing goes badly."

"How deep are your feelings for this girl?" He sounded surprised.

I lifted my head and my eyes met his.

"Oh boy," he responded. "That serious?"

I nodded.

"Well, son, it sounds like this is just a risk you're going to have to take. Is she worth it?" Before I could respond, he continued. "Is holding her through the tears worth seeing her smile? Is bearing her screams worth listening to her laugh? Is it worth the distance she puts between you when she finally lets you back in? It is worth being able to hold her at night? It is worth your sadness for her happiness?"

I started at him for a long while. "Yes," I finally whispered.

"Then there's your answer. Go help her find her mom, Edward. If that's what she needs then help her do that. Who knows how much the two of you might grow together as a result."

"Thanks, Dad."

He wrote a number down on a piece of paper. "His name is Jenks. Give him a call and I'm sure he will be able to help you. Just say you're the son of Dr. Cullen and you will have no problems."

I left his office with the piece of paper secured in my wallet and made my way back upstairs. I opened the door slowly and the light from the hallway illuminated Bella's body beautifully. She had the covers thrown off of her and had torn off most of her clothing in her sleep. She lay in front of me in nothing but her bra and underwear. I shut the door and locked it and made my way over to the bed.

I removed my clothing and climbed up so I was resting on top of her. I couldn't take the sexual tension between us anymore. It had been too long since I'd felt her and consumed her. I nudged her legs apart so I could rest between them and put my weight on my arms. I began with kissing her jaw, slowly making my way down her neck. I licked right at her collarbone and she moaned, stirring beneath me.

"Hey," she said voice thick with sleep.

"You striped in your sleep. I couldn't help myself."

She hummed in response and moved her neck so I could have better access. "I've missed your body," I told her. She wrapped her arms and scratched her nails lightly down my back.

I pulled back from her and rested on my ankles. "Sit up," I said pulling her forward. When she was in a sitting position, I put my arms around her and unclasped her bra, letting it fall from her body. I took her breast in my hand and started massaging it as I went back to kiss her. "You are so beautiful, Bella."

I pulled her up on my lap so she was straddling me. She started moving her hips against my erection, earning grunts from me. She still had her panties on, the thin fabric soaked with her arousal. I pushed her off of me, throwing her back to the bed, probably a little bit more forceful than I usually was with her.

I started kissing her stomach, sucking and licking as I went. I continued to move down her body, and I removed her panties with my teeth. I kissed my way back up her leg, and before I got to her center, I went to the other leg, starting with the ankle and licking my way up. She was breathing so heavy, hands curled into the sheets. "Please," she whimpered.

With a long stroke of my tongue, I went from her sex to her clit, moving back and forth slowly. "Edward," she pleaded. I went a little faster, switching between using my tongue and my teeth. She was trembling violently beneath me. I knew she was close.

"Baby, you have to be quiet," I warned. She took the pillow that was next to her head and covered her face. I went back to my ministrations and used my fingers to pump in and out of her. It didn't take much longer before her body went rigid in climax. Her back lifted off the bed, and I could tell it took everything she had to be quiet.

When her body collapsed back down, I moved up and rested my weight back on my elbows. I threw the pillow away from her face and looked at my beauty. Her eyes were closed and her mouth was open, breathing heavily. I kissed her eyelids gently.

"Look at me, Bella." Her eyes opened slowly. She held my gaze as I lifted her knees up and pushed into her. Both of us had to be careful of the noises that escaped. I held her knee up and put her leg over my shoulder so I could go deeper. Her heat enveloped me, and I lost all train of thought.

"Harder," she pleaded. I increased my pace and tried to go as deep as I could. We kept this position for a while. I rested my forehead on hers and she lifted her hips to meet each of my thrusts.

"Edward," she moaned.

"Come for me, baby." I couldn't last much longer.

I felt her body explode and I bit her shoulder, following in my own climax. I collapsed down on top of her, unable to hold myself up. My head rested on her heart and she ran her fingers through my damp hair.

I drifted off into sleep and right before I slipped all the way under, I heard Bella softly whisper.

"Stay with me, Edward," she pleaded.

****

**BPOV**

I awoke the next morning and found my body was wrapped around Edward's. He was still resting on my chest and my legs were intertwined with his. I breathed a sigh of relief that I didn't wake up alone again.

I gently started rubbing my fingers through his hair and I felt him rustle beneath me. He lifted his head and smiled at me.

I returned his smile. "Hey, sleepyhead."

He lifted himself up and pushed my knees aside so he was resting between. He leaned down and began kissing my collarbone. "Hey to you, love"

"You don't waste any time, do ya?" I laughed at his eagerness.

In response, he rubbed his already full erection against my leg. "This is entirely your fault. And as punishment," he said between kisses, "you're going to take care of it for me."

Edward and I made love once on the bed and again in the shower. Let's just say that it was a fantastic morning.

"Hey, Bella, can I tell you something?" He was towel drying his hair and I was getting dressed.

"Of course."

"I talked to my dad last night and he gave me the number to a private investigator."

"Oh." I was a little taken off guard.

He came over and wrapped his arms around me. "You still want to do this? You know you can change your mind at any moment."

"No, it's okay. I still want to." He kissed the top of my head.

"Okay, then. We can call him later today."

I smiled at him and kissed him softly. "Thank you."

We went downstairs after we were done getting ready and found the others gathered in the kitchen. I sat down next to Alice at the breakfast bar and she winked at me. "Looks like you had a good night last night," she said quietly so only I could hear.

"Yeah and apparently I wasn't the only one." I nudged her shoulder after I took in her post-sex glow and she laughed. "Poor Emmett," we said in unison which set us both into a set of laugher.

"Poor Emmett what?" Emmett asked, seeming offended. Alice and I looked at each other again and began to laugh harder.

"I don't think you want to know, man," Jasper chimed in.

"Yeah, I think that's a safe bet," Edward added.

Emmett huffed but didn't press it. We calmed down and ate our breakfast in harmony.

"So Bella, I was thinking we could do a little sightseeing today," Emmett suggested.

I pushed my French toast around hesitantly. "Didn't you guys do that yesterday?"

"Well, we got the boring drive-through version, but I would love to see where you grew up."

I looked up and met Edward's gaze. He was watching me carefully.

"Uh, sure. That would be fine."

"Great!" Alice squealed.

The five of us piled into Jasper's Jeep and we took off into the direction of town. We drove around aimlessly for a while, taking in the never-ending sight of green. Luckily, the weather was decent, and the clouds were holding back the inevitable rainfall.

"Hey, wait," I called out to Jasper. "Turn down this street right up here, on the left." He did as I asked.

"This one right here, pull into the driveway."

I sighed and took in the sight in front of me. "Wow," I muttered.

"Where are we, Bella?" Edward asked softly.

I didn't answer him. I crawled out of the Jeep and stood in wonder at the sight before me. The others followed out of the car and stood in the overgrown grassy yard.

"Bella?" Alice asked.

"It's my home," I finally responded. Edward wrapped his arms around me and kissed my temple.

"It looks like shit!" Emmett bellowed. We all looked over and glared at him.

"Oh, don't get your panties in a bunch, ladies," he chided. "I meant the landscape and the siding. This place needs some serious maintenance done."

I sighed and couldn't help but agree with him. "Charlie hasn't been able to take care of it, since he's been in Seattle," I noted sadly.

"Okay then," Emmett said, walking forward. "Then let's get started."

"What?" we asked in unison.

"I said, let's get started. We're very capable of doing some simple yard work. I'm sure the inside needs some help too. With the five of us here, we'll be done in no time."

I walked up to Emmett and wrapped my arms around him. "This is why I love you."

He kissed my temple. "Bella, you would do the same for any of us. Come on." He pulled me under his arm and walked me up to the door of the house.

I lifted the rock up that was placed next to the front door and grabbed the spare key. Charlie was always so predictable. The door opened with a loud squeak and the five of us entered in slowly. I stood in the entry way of the house, looking up the stairs and around to the living room.

"Hasn't changed since I saw it last." I sighed and leaned against the wall for support. This place brought back so many memories.

"Okay, Bells. Where do we start?" Alice asked.

"Umm," I thought, "well, the lawn mower and weed eater should be in the shed out back. And Alice, maybe you could help me dust, vacuum, that whole deal?"

"Absolutely." She smiled at me.

We spent the next few hours working on the house. All the guys were out back, and Alice and I got a lot of the inside cleaned. I cleaned out the fridge and was scrubbing down the kitchen when the boys came back in.

Apparently, it started pouring down rain a minute ago. "Wow, look what the cat dragged in," I said laughing at them. They were soaked; it was absolutely adorable.

Edward came over and crushed me into a hug. "Edward! You're so gross, stop!" I squealed. He rubbed his wet hair all over me, trying to soak me in the process.

I turned around so I was facing him and I hopped up into his arms so he was holding me with my legs wrapped around his waist. "What is this new-found habit of us getting each other wet?"

His eyes darkened and his crooked grin made its appearance. "I don't know about you Bella, but I've always enjoyed getting you wet. That is most certainly not a new-found habit."

I smacked his arm. "I didn't mean it like that. You have such a filthy mind!"

He hummed and nodded before he kissed me. It was hard and passionate. He licked my bottom lip and brought it into his mouth. He bit it lightly, earning a moan from me. I opened my mouth and invited his tongue in for some play time. Damn, it felt so good.

"You feel so good, baby," I said huskily as he kissed my neck.

When I opened my eyes, I realized where we were. "Edward."

"Hmmm," he said as he kept kissing me.

"Edward, we have to stop."

"No."

I laughed and pushed back from him. "Edward, there are other people here."

Edward looked around the kitchen, which was now empty, and went back to assaulting my neck. "No there aren't," he mumbled.

"Baby, please."

He groaned and let up. "Fine."

I took his hand and led him through the house to find the others. They were sitting on the couch in the living room.

"This is a pretty great place you have here, Bella," Jasper said.

I smiled and sat in my dad's lounge chair. "Yeah," I agreed. "Charlie loves this place."

"Have you been back in your old room yet?" Emmett asked.

I shook my head. "I haven't been in that room in years. I'm sure Charlie has changed it."

"Come on." Edward stood and held his hand out for me.

"Edward, I don't think so."

"Bella," he scolded. "You're room won't bite you. There's nothing to be afraid of. I'll check for monsters under the bed and everything."

I stood up and half smiled at him. "Smart ass."

He pulled me grudgingly up the stairs and stopped when he reached the top. I led the rest of the way and opened the pale wooden door, expecting the worst.

I got inside and laughed lightly. "I guess I was wrong. It looks exactly the same."

Edward hummed and walked around, looking at all my childhood belongings. "How come you never brought any of this stuff with you, when you moved to New York?"

"I guess I didn't see the point. I didn't want anything to do with this life anymore. I tried so hard to leave that girl in Forks."

"Did it work?"

"Honestly, I don't really think it did."

He nodded in understanding. "You know," he said while looking out my window, "it would have been so easy climbing up that tree and sneaking in here."

I laughed and climbed on top of my bed, lying down on top of the covers. "I wish we were friends in high school."

He sighed but remained where he was. "You wouldn't have wanted to be my friend then, Bella. I was really messed up."

"What do you mean?"

"I didn't give a shit about anyone, and hurt most people who walked into my life."

"For any reason?"

He laughed bitterly. "The worst part is I didn't have an excuse. I had everything given to me. I was just bitter. My dad was really hard on me growing up, and I just blew up on everyone instead of dealing with it."

"Yeah, I know how it is to blame others instead of dealing with life."

"There is so much I wish I could take back."

"Me too."

He sighed and came over to where I was. I scooted over and made room for him to lie down beside me. He propped his elbow on the pillow and turned his body to face mine. He looked at my face, examining my emotions.

"What are you thinking, love?"

"I was just thinking of how I don't want to just deal with life, but how I actually want to live it and enjoy it."

He nodded in agreement. "There's a lot out there to enjoy."

I looked over at him and smiled. "There is now."

A moment later, Edward's cell phone started buzzing in his pocket. He reached in and pulled it out, muttering that it was the hospital, before he opened it.

"Edward Cullen," he answered. His face dropped after a moment. "Shit." He brought his hand up to his forehead and started rubbing his eyes. "Okay, we'll leave now… Yeah… Okay… Thanks."

"Edward, what's wrong?"

"Bella, we have to go."

"What? Why?"

He climbed off of the bed and held his hand up to help me up.

"It's Charlie."

* * *

**Chapter End Notes:**

**Ohhhh snap. Yeah, I left you with a cliffy.**

**Now please review lovers. They make me so happy!**


	18. Chapter 18

**Author's Chapter Notes:**

**Thank you for the continued support of this story.**

**Twilightzoner- you are a miracle worker. Thank you so much**

**SM still owns Twilight.**

**As you read, make sure you take notice of the dates and times. The chapter goes out of order and can get confusing if you don't pay attention. But I promise it all comes full circle. Side note- Bella and Edward were at Charlie's house in Forks on Sunday, so just keep that in mind.**

**Chapter Eighteen: I'll See You Soon**

**Tuesday 11:00 am**

The steady beeping was the only indicator that any life remained in him, even if it was superficial. It kept its rhythm, _beep…beep…beep_. All my attention was on that redundant sound. _Beep…beep…beep…beep…beep. _

"Bella?" The soft voice brought me out of my trance. I turned my head slightly and saw the group of people standing in the door frame. "It's time, honey."

I nodded but remained where I stood. My eyes went back to the rise and fall of his chest. I noticed how that had been the steadiest his breathing had been since I've been here. The irony didn't pass me.

The white coats flooded through the room, but I didn't take notice of any of them. I barely recognized someone asking me a question. "I'm sorry, what?" I asked, unsure of who I was addressing.

"I wanted to know if you wanted to say any last words."

I shook my head as a single tear escaped my eye. "I already said my good-bye." My voice was soft and broken.

A few moments passed, and suddenly the beeping stopped and his chest rose one last time before sinking down into stillness. I vaguely remember my eyes shutting and my legs collapsing underneath me. That last thought that went through my head, before the blackness took over, was how the strong, familiar arms kept me from hitting the ground.

**Monday 10:00 pm**

It had been hours since I lay down here. I curled up on the side of the bed and wrapped my arms tightly around my dad. My head rested, tucked into the crook of his neck, while my ever flowing tears continued to stream down my cheeks. I shut my eyes, allowing my memories to overwhelm me.

_"What flavor do you want, Bella?" Dad was holding me in line at the ice cream store. I couldn't have been more than four._

_"What are you getting, Daddy?" _

_He pretended to seriously study the different flavors in the cooler below. "Hmm, I might get pink bubblegum with gummy bears in it."_

_"But Daddy, that's my favorite!" _

_"It is? I had no idea!" _

_"Do you want to share one with me?" I asked him. _

_"You want to share with your old man?" _

_I giggled and nodded. He kissed me on my cheek. "That's my sweet girl." _

_"You look beautiful, Bella." I came down the stairs, awkwardly, in my yellow prom dress, trying not to fall in the process. _

_"Uh, thanks," I mumbled, embarrassed. _

_He shifted uncomfortably on his feet. "I hope you have a nice time tonight. Prom is a big deal, you know." _

_I rolled my eyes and grabbed my keys off the counter. "It's just a stupid dance."_

_"Is your date not picking you up here? I would love to meet him." _

_"No. I'm meeting him at his house for pictures." I was about out the door when he stopped me._

_"May I come?" _

_"To what?"_

_He rubbed his hand over his face. "Um, never mind."_

_I looked at him expectantly. "Okay, then. Night." _

_He smiled weakly. "I'll wait up for you."_

_"Daddy!" I ran into the living room and flung myself at him. He was in his chair watching the game. He picked me up and sat me so I was squeezed into the side of the chair with him, and he put his arm around my shoulder. _

_"How is my princess doing today?" _

_"Today, I played on the playground with Jessica, and I fell and skinned my knee. But I didn't cry so the nurse gave me a lollipop," I told him proudly. _

_"Well, that sounds like a pretty good first day of second grade." _

_"I wish I didn't have to go to school at all." I pouted and crossed my arms over my chest. _

_"How come, Bella? Don't you have fun at school?"_

_"But I never get to see you."_

_"I'm right here, Bells. I'm always going to be right here."_

_"Happy Birthday, baby girl!" My dad embraced me into a hug, lifting me up and twirling me around in the process. _

_I blushed and thanked him. "Thirteen! Wow," he continued, "you're practically an old woman."_

_I laughed and pointed at him. "Which makes you ancient." _

_"Hey!"_

_"What are you guys laughing about in here?" my mom asked, joining us in the kitchen. _

_"Just how Dad used to chill with the dinosaurs," I said, smirking at Charlie. _

_He surprised me by running towards me and tickling me until we were both on the floor laughing ourselves into hysterics. _

_"You two are crazy," Mom said, dismissing our behavior. _

_"Hey! I'm a teenager. I have an excuse to act crazy."_

_"Oh boy!" my dad stated dramatically. "Here comes the teenager excuses! When will it end? Soon it will be, 'I can't do my chores because I'm a defiant teen.' Or, 'Dad, give me money so I can go buy awful music and holey jeans.' Or, even yet, 'I can't stand to be around you. My life sucks, I'm a teenager!'"_

_I smacked him playfully in the arm. "Oh, shut it. You know I'm not going to be some emo I-hate-my-life kind of teen. That's so clique."_

_He stood up from the floor and extended his hand to help me up. He pulled me straight into a hug then. "Good. I don't want to lose my sweet little girl to the wicked teenager travesty."_

_"No worries, Dad. I'll always be your girl."_

_I threw my few belongings that I was taking with me, into a box on the floor beside my bed. I packed my clothes and stuffed the remainder of my pathetic life into my suitcase. Charlie came to stand at the doorway. _

_"You almost ready, Bella? Your plane leaves soon."_

_"Yeah, I'm done."_

_"You're not taking this with you?" He picked up a snow globe that he had gotten for me for my eighth birthday._

_"I'm going to college, Dad. No I'm not taking that with me." I was sharp and held no sympathy in my tone._

_His face dropped, but he composed it quickly. "Right, of course," he mumbled. _

_"You're going to call every once and a while, right?" he asked, as I was about to walk through security at the airport. _

_"Sure, whatever." I gave him a quick, awkward side hug, and I didn't look back as I left for New York._

I didn't call him more than twice that year.

My sobs were now loud, echoing through the small hospital room. I gripped onto my dad harder, knowing that he wouldn't feel the strength of my grasp. My tears soaked through his hospital gown, but I knew he wouldn't feel the evidence of my pain. His body was here, but his soul was already gone. The only thing keeping him alive was the power of the machines and even that wouldn't be the case, come tomorrow morning.

I didn't even try to lessen my cries. I just held on tighter and allowed the pain to break through my already crumbling heart.

**Sunday 4:00 pm**

Edward's cell phone started buzzing in his pocket. He reached in and pulled it out, muttering that it was the hospital, before he opened it.

"Edward Cullen," he answered. His face dropped after a moment. "Shit." He brought his hand up to his forehead and started rubbing his eyes. "Okay, we'll leave now… Yeah… Okay… Thanks."

"Edward, what's wrong?"

"Bella, we have to go."

"What? Why?"

He climbed off of the bed and held his hand up to help me up.

"It's Charlie," he said.

I shot up out of bed. "What? What about Charlie?" I started to panic. My eyes pleaded with him to tell me he was fine, that everything was fine.

"I don't know exactly, but we have to go." He didn't wait for me to follow him, as he walked out of my bedroom and down the stairs.

"Edward!" I called out for him but he didn't answer me.

"Edward! What did they say?" I was borderline yelling at him, trying to get him to give me something to go off of, so I wouldn't be stuck thinking the worst.

The rest of the group stood up from the couch, when they heard our frantic voices coming down the steps.

"We have to go," Edward said to them, heading straight for the front door.

"Edward, stop!" I yelled, firmly, the volume of my voice shocking to my own ears.

He stopped dead in his tracks, taken off guard. "What?" he asked frustrated.

"What the fuck is going on!?" I refused to move from my place on the stairs, until he answered me.

"I don't know what the fuck is going on!" he yelled back, his volume matching mine. "All I know is that I got a fucking call from the hospital telling me that he is stats are slipping, fast. They had to revive him once and he is stable now but they fucking need me there. He is my patient, and I need to be there and we don't have time for this! Let's go!"

"He's your patient? I'm so fucking sorry, Edward. _It's not like he's your dad or anything_." I was fuming and probably bright red. His face immediately softened, and he came over to where I stood, wrapping his arms around me.

"Fuck, Bella, I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking."

I hugged him back and started crying into his chest. "We have to go," he told me after a moment. I nodded and took his hand, as the five of us headed out the door and into the rain.

Time, space, and feeling ceased to exist during the car ride back to the Cullens'. I sat in the back of Jasper's jeep and aimlessly stared out the window, the images of the small town I grew up in barely registered in my mind.

When we pulled up the long driveway, Edward jumped out of the car and ran into the house. We all filed suit, racing to our rooms and throwing our stuff together. I didn't notice the tears running down my face until Edward stopped and looked up at me. He slowly came over to where I was standing and took my wet face in his hands, gently wiping away the tears with his thumbs.

"Tell me it will be okay, Edward," I pleaded.

He sighed and closed his eyes. "I wish I could, Bella. Really – I want nothing more than to tell you he will be okay, but I can't promise that."

The tears continued to fall down my cheeks. He finally opened his eyes and his locked with mine. "But baby, I promise that you will be okay. You will make it through this." I dropped my gaze and looked at the floor. "Please let me help you, Bella."

I sighed and wrapped my arms around him.

"Please don't push me away," he whispered so softly I wasn't sure if I heard him correctly.

"You guys ready?" Emmett asked, coming into the room. I quickly wiped my face, and Edward kissed my head before backing away and picking up our bags.

"Yeah, let's go," he said, as we walked out.

Alice and Jasper were in Jasper's car already and Esme was waiting besides Edward's Volvo for us.

"Keep me updated," she said, pulling Edward into a hug. He kissed her on the cheek quickly before putting our bags in the trunk.

She came over to where I stood and embraced me in the most motherly hug I think I have ever felt. "You both will be in my prayers, honey."

A sob broke through my composure as I squeezed her tightly. "Thank you for everything," I mumbled.

She smiled back at me and ushered me to the car. "Drive safe, kids."

The car ride back was strained, to say the least. Edward and I didn't talk. He squeezed the wheel for dear life and randomly cussed out other cars, pedestrians, stoplights, and speed limit signs.

I, on the other hand, just kept my eyes on the passing scenery, willing the numbness to fill my body and pause my racing mind. My eyes burned from the tears, and my head was pounding so hard, it felt like Emmett was having a fucking dance party on my temple. I brought my hands up and tried to rub out the pain.

However, the pain in my head and my eyes felt like soft feathers compared to the intense pain that was breaking through my fragile heart, crushing it in its wake. I haven't felt this kind of shooting pain in so long. I felt like my chest was growing tighter and tighter by the second, a fire burning around my heart. There was nothing I could do to stop it, I was too weak.

So instead of fighting it, I hit my head on the back of the seat, in frustration, and let the pain take me, pulling me under. I did not resurface.

The sun had already left the sky, by the time we made it back to Seattle. I became so angry at the city while we drove. It was alive and moving. People walked down the streets without a care in the world. I, irrationally, felt incredibly betrayed.

We hastily parked in the employee parking garage and sprinted towards the stairwell, completely bypassing the elevators. Edward and I took two steps at a time, racing to a destination where the outcome was still uncertain.

We broke through the doors to his floor and almost took out a few nurses in our attempt to get to his room. When we made it to the entrance of his room, Edward stopped and just stared at the door. I tried to push him aside.

"Edward, what are you doing," I said aggressively, trying to push him out of the way.

"Bella, wait." He held onto my arm so I couldn't go inside.

I looked at him incredulously. "Bella, please. Let me go check on him first."

"Like hell!" I tried to release his grip on me but he wouldn't let up.

"Bella, I don't know what we're going to find when we go in there." He begged me with his eyes

to hear him out.

"I'm not a fucking child," I seethed. "I'm going in. Now get the fuck out of my way."

He released me, and I shoved past him, opening the door to the grave image. Charlie was lying limp on his bed. The only evidence of life was his ragged breathing. His chest rose and fell unevenly, his breaths sounding more like he was inhaling sharp needles than air. Honestly, he didn't look much different than the last time I saw him only a few days prior.

I went over to bed and sat in my chair. He was asleep, but I would stay here all night for him. Edward followed me into the room and went straight into doctor mode. I picked up Charlie's sleeping hand and held it with mine.

I wasn't sure how long I sat there. Edward had left a while ago to his office to call some of his colleagues to see if they had any further insight. Alice sat in here with me while Jasper and Emmett sat in the waiting room.

Everything was quiet, except for the constant beep of the machines and his heavy attempts at breathing. I memorized his every feature within that time, engraving it into my mind so I would never forget. I played with his hand, lightly running my fingers down and through his. His hands were soft and almost clammy. When I was younger, I always remembered my dad having very tough, calloused hands. It was evidence of years of fishing, fixing up the house, and playing baseball. I smiled at the memories and used my other hand to push the fallen hair out of his eyes. That feature was so different than my memories, as well. It was thin and gray, nothing like the full black hair of my youth. His eyes had found more wrinkles over the years, indication of his age and worry. I also saw a scar in the shape of a small circle on his bicep. My own worry and interest piqued at the sight of that, but in all honesty, those things didn't matter now. What mattered now was that I continued my mental memorization of this man before me. I knew that I didn't have much time left with him, and I never wanted to forget. I promised myself then that I would never forget.

What seemed like only a short time later, large hands shook me from my sleeping state. I sat up painfully, sore from my position on the chair, and looked up at Edward. His eyes were red and dark circles ran underneath. I glanced at the clock beside me and saw that it was a little after eight in the morning. He must not have slept at all last night.

He pulled up another chair and sat beside me. However, I disregarded my own chair when he sat down, voting to crawl up into his lap instead. He held me close, his arms encompassing me. I rested my head on his chest, lips almost at his neck, and breathed him in.

"Bella, I've tried to think of everything, but I'm so sorry."

I shook my head and shushed him. "Edward, this is not your fault, please stop."

"I can't save him." I felt his tears fall down his face and I held onto him tighter.

"Baby, you did everything you could."

His sobs began to increase in volume and shook his body with their force. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry," he repeated, over and over through his cries.

I wasn't sure if he was apologizing to me, or to Charlie.

We sat there, holding onto each other for a while. Edward's cries lessened eventually, but you could still see the pain behind his eyes.

"Is there any way I could say good-bye to him?" I asked softly.

"Well, right now he's being sedated with morphine. But I could ask the nurses to come in and lessen the dosage for a bit, enough for him to be conscious enough to talk to you."

"How much pain is he in?"

He sighed. "A lot."

I was reconsidering my request to wake him. The last thing I wanted was for him to suffer more than he had to. As if Edward could read my mind, he spoke.

"Bella, Charlie would want to say good-bye to you, too."

I looked over at Edward and nodded. He kissed my temple and lifted me off his lap. "I'll be right back." He walked out of the room, and I felt even emptier. I sat back in my chair and resumed holding onto Charlie's hand.

It could have been ten minutes or an hour, but eventually, Edward came back into the room with a nurse following suit. She smiled at me sympathetically and made her way over to Charlie's IV. They told me it would take a little while for the morphine to lessen enough in his blood stream before he would wake up. The nurse left after that but I asked Edward to stay with me.

I sat there, one hand intertwined with my dad's and one holding on to Edward's for dear life. Time inched by slowly as Charlie began to resurface. When he finally blinked his eyes, you could visibly tell how much he was hurting. His body recoiled and twitched with tremors. His cough was violent and his eyes were streaming with tears.

Edward stood up and leaned over him as soon as he looked conscious enough to process information. Edward told him what was going on, and in no certain terms, informed him that this indeed was his last chance to say good-bye to me. I watched as Charlie lifted up his weak arm and placed his hand on Edward's cheek lovingly.

"Thank you for everything, son," he rasped. "Promise to always continue to love her, and I will die a very happy man."

Edward dropped his head and went down to hug him carefully. "I promise." He lifted himself back up and went to leave the room, giving me time to be with my dad. "Good-bye Chief," he called on his way out.

The tears were streaming down my cheeks as I went over and stood beside my dad.

"Don't cry, baby girl."

"I'm going to miss you so much, Daddy," I sobbed.

"I know, baby, but I'm not going far." He pointed to my heart. "I'm always going to be right there."

I nodded and tried to wipe the evidence of my pain from my face.

"I love you, so much, Bella. And I'm so proud of you."

"I want to make you proud."

"You always have, sweetheart."

"I love you so much."

He tried to smile, but you could tell he was suffering.

"I'm scared, Dad. I'm so scared."

"There's nothing to fear, baby. You have so much to look forward to in your life. You're going to get married and have the most beautiful babies. You're going to grow old and you're going to be happy. And then you'll get to join me in the next life."

"Dad, I want you to be there when all that happens."

"I will be, baby. I'll always be looking down on you. I'll never leave you."

"I'm so glad I got to be your daughter."

"I'm so glad I got to be your dad."

"I love you."

"I love you too, baby. I'll see you soon."

I nodded. "I'll see you soon."

I bent down and kissed his cheek before I pressed the red button beside his bed for the nurse to come back in.

She arrived a few minutes later. Charlie's eyes locked with mine as she re-administered the morphine. His brown eyes slowly drifted shut, and I knew that was the last time I would ever see them.

**Chapter End Notes:**

**Sigh*. Okay, I'll be under the table hiding from angry mobs of readers while still crying over Charlie.**

**If you miss him though, go read the outtake. **

**And I changed my twitter name to kas90_ …I'll be posting chapter teasers, so go follow me**

**But please review. This chapter was torture for me to write. Tell me if you like it. It doesn't even have to be a long review, just a word or two of love. **


	19. Chapter 19

**Author's Notes:**

***Hides under desk* I know guys, I know! *ducks from tomatoes* **

**It has been almost two months. I'M SO SORRY! Real life is just that… real. And this chapter is super short. *fail… again, I know. **

**Next update will be sooner. I won't ever go that long again. I fully plan on finishing this story and getting back on track with regular updates. **

**Thank you sincerely for all the reviews from chapter 18. They were delightful. **

**If you don't remember what happened last chapter, Charlie passed away. Can I just tell you how much I hated myself for writing that when I watched Eclipse the other day? Anyway, I'll let you guys read now. **

Chapter Nineteen: Progress

Time passes. Wounds heal. Life goes on.

Even for me.

I turned the busy corner and walked into my favorite coffee shop. I stood in the long line and listen to the loud chatter that surrounded me like a soft blanket. I breathed in the smell of ground coffee beans, fresh cinnamon rolls, and blueberry muffins. I didn't even need to mutter my order to the lady behind the counter, for she has taken my order here for years.

I grabbed the seat of a table nearby from a middle aged man who had just stood up to leave for his day. I leaned back in the hard wooden chair, and gazed out the wall sized window to the traffic of people outside. There were all sorts of people, tall, short, Asian, African-American, Mexican, Italian, heavier people, sickly skinny people, and people of all ages.

But they were all the same in one way. They we are New Yorkers and they were all home.

Just like me.

I left Washington a little over a month ago. Some people, one in particular, don't understand why I left, but there was nothing left for me there. I went to be with my dad, and I did just that. I learned about him, I grew closer to him, and I found that I loved him even more than I ever thought possible. I got more out of that visit then I could have asked for, but he left me. He left all of us.

I didn't stay for the funeral. Some might call me a coward, but I already said goodbye to him without the big show. I stayed for a week after his death, and I planned and made sure I paid for everything, so he could have a nice showing for everyone who didn't get their chance to say their piece. I bought the flowers for him that he always got for my mom; I knew he loved him, even if he wouldn't admit it. I made sure I picked out the best pictures to be hung around his casket, and I made a book for everyone to sign, if they so felt the need. I set it up that people could donate money to finding a cure for his specific kind of cancer, and I was promised that people would be there with the guns that would go off when he was lowered into the ground. I wanted the best for my dad; I just couldn't be there for it. I hoped he would forgive me, wherever he was.

I walked along the paved sidewalk with the monstrous sea of bodies and made my way to my second favorite place in the world… my gallery. I pushed the tall, glass door open and stepped into the quiet surroundings of my passion. I looked around the covered walls at the hanging art, and it reminded me, again, why I needed to be here. This place was healing me, fixing the holes in my heart that the people I loved had left behind.

"Can I help… Oh! Bella! Good morning!" Angela came out from around the corner and welcomed me in a hug. She was a hugger, just like…

"You're here early!" she acknowledged, interrupting my thought.

I smiled ruefully and hugged her back. "Yeah, I needed to focus on something else besides my own life today," I mumbled.

She smiled sadly at me, always smiling sadly. Why couldn't people just give me a real fucking smile anymore? "I understand."

I decided not to make the remark that she didn't actually understand and chose to instead nod my head and make my way to the back. I sat at my desk, in the storage room that I conveniently made into an office, and got to work on all the things that I had to get done in order to keep this place running. Angela had been such a god-send to take care of all of this for me when I was gone, but it was nice to be put back to work. I felt useful and needed.

I sat at my desk for about an hour before my phone rang. I rummaged through my purse until I found the obtrusive object and muted the terrible sound it made. I took note of the Washington area code before pressing to ignore the call and placing it back in my purse.

It beeped, signaling a new voice mail, not thirty seconds later.

I continued on with my day and eventually made it out on the show floor to help customers and aspiring artists. I met one man, probably in his early fifties, find a piece for his dining room. His salt-and-pepper hair, mustache, and build all reminded me of my father. I sold him three pieces that afternoon and cried in the bathroom when he left.

It was the first time that week I cried… progress. It was all about progress.

I took my lunch break around two and walked to the deli across the street. I felt my phone vibrate in my purse for the third time that day, from the same number, and I once again hit ignore.

Thirty seconds passed, and I now had another voice mail.

I ordered my typical club sandwich and diet coke from the teenage boy with bad acne who was behind the counter and took a seat on the empty couch on the side wall. I took off my two inch, black heels and tucked my feet underneath myself. I leaned back, resting my head on the soft cushion behind me, and shut my eyes, waiting for my food to arrive.

Images passed through my closed lids, colorful memories teasing me. As soon as I saw the bronze hair and green eyes, I shot my eyes open and sat up. I couldn't think about that right now. I smoothed out my gray dress pants and looked up to see the boy return with my sandwich. I thanked him and ate in quiet solitude.

When I was finished, I pulled out my black Mac and booted up my machine. The background images on my desktop made me smile genuinely. There were pictures on there of Alice, Emmett, Jake and I from college, my 21st birthday, random concerts, and the four of us on graduation.

How did life get so complicated since then?

I should probably call Jake. I knew he went to Forks for Charlie's funeral, and he had called me a couple times since, but I never had the nerve to answer. What would I say to him? Things were just so different now. It was always hard staying close to both parties after a break up, and I happened to choose Alice after Jake broke her heart for Nessie. I'd stayed acquaintances with him, but we'd never gotten back to where we used to be, and I didn't foresee us ever doing so, either. We're both so different now. He's married and I'm… well, I'm just different.

But I guess I could act my age and call him, regardless of the past circumstances.

I pulled my blackberry out of my purse and dialed his number. I held my breath, desperately hoping for his voicemail. By the fourth ring, I thought I was in the clear.

But not quite.

"Bella?" His voice was familiar and deep.

"Uhh, yeah." _Really Bella? That's the best you could do?_

"Hi. I'm so glad you called!"

I un-tucked myself and leaned forward, resting my elbows on my knees, cradling my head in my free hand. "Yeah, I'm sorry I haven't called you back before now. Things have been kind of busy lately."

"Right, yeah. I totally understand."

There was a moment where neither of us spoke. _Well, this is awkward._

"So how are you?" he asked.

"I'm fine," I answered automatically.

"Bells…"

"I'm fine, Jake. Really."

He sighed. "Okay, fine. How are things at work?" He sounded frustrated with my evasiveness.

"They're good."

"Just good?"

"Yes, Jacob. Just good." I wasn't sure why I was growing so short with him.

"So… why did you call me?" he asked after a minute of silence.

I took a few moments to find a good answer to his question. I guess I didn't have one. "I just felt I should."

He sighed again. "Well, I'm really glad you did, Bella. I miss you."

"Jacob, you know things are different now."

"I know, I know. Still doesn't mean that I don't miss you."

"Yeah… well I miss you too. I miss the four of us."

"So what are you up to these days?" he asked, conveniently changing the conversation.

"Same old, I guess. I got back to New York about a month ago, and I've just been working, catching up on things."

"That's good."

"Yeah. Uh, what about you?"

"Just work and family stuff."

"Good, good."

"Yeah."

"Well, um, I should go," I muttered.

"Right, yeah, of course."

"It was good talking to you."

He laughed. "I would hardly call this talking, but yeah. It was nice. You should call more often."

"I'll try…"

"Right. Bye, Bells."

"Bye, Jacob."

I hung up the phone and practically threw it back in my purse. _Well, that was weird._

I really needed to get some writing done, so I pushed the beyond awkward conversation with Jacob behind me and opened up my current project. I got my headphones out and plugged them into my laptop, the sounds of Kings of Leon filling my ears.

I sat and stared at my screen for a while, willing the words to come to me. I placed my fingertips on the keyboard, hoping that this chapter would literally write itself, but nothing happened.

_One word¸_ I thought. If I could just get one word down it would be better than nothing. _It would be progress._

"Hope," I wrote.

Okay, I could start with that. Just how did my character show hope? My main female, in my novel, Kristen, just cheated on her boyfriend Michael with some Brit named Rob. How does that show hope?

Okay, new word.

"Strength."

No, that didn't work either.

"Fate."

Yes, _fate_ fit perfectly. With my newfound word inspiration, I wrote non-stop through the rest of my lunch hour… or two hours. I looked down at the clock on the corner of my screen, and realized I was incredibly late. It was already going on four, and I was supposed to let Angela off an hour ago.

I rushed to pack up my belongings, hastily saving my work and shutting down my computer. I packed it all in my bag and made my way out the door, waving goodbye to the boy, right as I left. I jogged across the street, carefully making sure I wasn't taken out by a yellow cab in the process.

I pushed the giant door open to the gallery and found Ang talking kindly to an older woman. She smiled at me as I entered and I mouthed, "I'm sorry!"

I sent her home as she wrapped things up, and sat on the long bench that looked out onto the street. I rested my head against the back wall and shut my eyes for only a second.

I really missed him. _I missed both of them._

I sighed and checked my watch, for what seemed like the hundredth time that hour. It still wasn't time yet. I was ready to be home, nested into my favorite spot. I thought I was going crazy, when I saw a bronze haired man pass by my studio.

"Edward!" I shot up from the bench and ran towards the man. I pushed the heavy door open onto the crowd of people and struggled my way through the masses.

"Edward!" I shouted.

I finally caught up with him and tugged his arm. He turned around, and I was met with eyes that held no love or compassion for me, whatsoever.

Those were eyes that didn't belong to Edward.

"Can I help you?" he asked.

I shook my head and released my hold on him. "No, I'm sorry. I thought you were someone else."

Without responding, he turned around and walked away.

I walked quickly back into the shop and grabbed my purse. I locked things up and headed home. It was time.

I decided to bypass the walk and hop into a taxi instead. The driver ignored my impatient behavior and dropped me off at my place without saying a word. I sprinted up the steps of the apartment building and rummaged through my purse to find my keys.

"Damn it," I muttered to myself, when I couldn't find them.

I finally retrieved them, after dumping most of my belongings on the floor, and jerked my door open.

"Baby?" a voice cried out from the bedroom.

I headed that way through the living room, passing the kitchen and the bathroom and opened the already cracked open bedroom door. The most beautiful sight awaited before me. I kicked off my shoes and lifted my shirt over my head, discarding it on the floor.

I scooted up the bed and curled myself under the covers, tucking myself into his chest.

"Did you know that this is my favorite spot?" I asked, wrapping my arms around him and squeezing him tightly.

He laughed and kissed the top of my head. "Well, I love having you right here."

"I thought I saw you today."

"I've been here all day, baby."

I laughed, shaking my head. "Oh, I found out the hard way that it wasn't actually you."

"I'm sorry, love."

We lay in silence for a few moments.

"Why didn't you answer my calls this morning?" he asked.

It took me a minute to respond. "I just couldn't talk to you while at work. I really don't want to be that dependant on you. I want to be able to get through my day on my own."

He kissed the top of my head again. "Is that why you're home from work three hours early?"

"It's progress, Edward."

"That it is, baby."

**Chapter End notes:**

**Soooo… yes, I know, that was short, but important. Next chapter will be moving forward with some flashbacks from the past month. **

**Again, sorry for the delay in updates. Won't happen again.**

**Please review and tell me how much you hate me for making you wait forever. **


	20. Chapter 20

**Author's Notes:**

**Here it is – Chapter Twenty. Can you believe I got it out so quickly? No? Me neither. I actually had an unfortunate run in involving a deer and a now shattered windshield, so I had to take off work this week, since I am now car less. Sad day, right? Happy news for you though, I got to write!**

**Also, for people who love me… I wrote a one shot for the "Don't Mess With The Help" Contest, that I believe is still in the public voting process. So… if you want to drop over on and check it out, its called "Building Destruction." Even if you don't want to vote, you can read it if you'd like. It's and Edward / Rosalie pair up.**

**Some love to people who need it: Twilightzoner. Thank you for all the head aches that have been caused from this little joy. I truly appreciate everything you do for this project.**

**And for those of you who are reviewing, I don't think you can understand how much a little drop of love can affect my whole day. Even if you're reading, just say hi to me. I love checking out the profile page of my reviewers, and I'll usually read your fic if I see that you've written something. Just saying…**

**Stephanie Meyer still gets claim. I just sit back and bask in envy. No copyright infringement intended.**

**Oh, and for some clarity, all the writing in italics is from when Bella was still in Washington, right after Charlie died, and the regular stuff is present time. **

_**Chapter Twenty: Marco, Polo**_

_"Where are you going?"_

_"I'm leaving."_

_"Well that's fucking obvious… but why?" He pleaded for an answer. The desperation in his voice ripped me apart._

_I turned around to look at him. He looked as torn up as I did. He hadn't shaved in days; his eyes were red and dry from the waves of tears passing through._

_"I don't belong here."_

_"You belong with me."_

I followed the smell of bacon and eggs through the apartment and ended in the kitchen. I hopped up onto the counter and let my legs hit the compartment doors below.

"I'm not sure what you did with my Edward, but you can keep him if this new guy will be cooking me breakfast every morning."

He turned around from the stove top and smiled at me.

"It's about time you get out of bed. I was beginning to think you slipped into a coma."

"A girl needs her beauty sleep, you know."

He left the cooking station and came and wedged himself between my legs, placing a gentle kiss on my nose.

"You would be beautiful even if you didn't sleep for a hundred years."

I wrapped my thin arms around his strong neck. "Nah. I think only you could pull that off, baby."

"If I could bypass sleeping and instead watch you every night, I would."

I laughed light-heartedly. "That's kind of creepy. My own personal night-watcher." I shook my head at the ridiculousness of it.

He kissed me again. "You mesmerize me, Bella," he whispered.

I found his soft lips and pressed mine onto them firmly. Let's just say that breakfast was forgotten about and ended up pretty burnt that morning.

_"You can run away from this!" Alice stopped me in the hospital, right as I was about to leave for the last time._

_"I'm not running away from anything!"_

_"You need to stay here, Bella. You owe that to him."_

_"Owe what to whom, Alice? Are you saying I owe something to Charlie, or to Edward?"_

_She paused, rubbing her tired eyes with the palm of her hands. "Both," she said, quietly._

_I blinked away the tears and continued walking, leaving a small, loyal girl in my wake._

_"You're making a mistake!" she called after me._

_The glares from the nurse staff bounced right off me as I left. I didn't stay to tell her that it wasn't a mistake at all, that this was bound to happen all along._

_Shouldn't she have known by now? People always left._

"I don't want you to go to work today." He swept my wet hair off my shoulder and kissed my neck. I met his eyes in the reflection of my bathroom mirror.

"I don't want you to leave tomorrow," I responded sadly.

He wrapped his arms around my waist and held me tightly. "Come with me."

I turned around so I was pressed between the counter and his toned, sculpted body. "I can't."

He sighed and rested his forehead against mine. "I know."

"I want to."

"Really?" he asked, dubiously.

"Well, not really. But not because I don't want to be with you. I want to be with you always."

"But…"

"I can't leave here again, Edward. This is where my home is. This is where my heart is."

He pulled my hand up to his chest. "No, Bella. This is where your heart is. When will you finally see that?"

_"It's going to be a beautiful service, Bella."_

_I finished the last touches on the picture board and made sure that all the right flowers were ordered._

_"Thank you, Jasper. I don't know what I would have done without your help. I couldn't ever repay you enough."_

_He came and enveloped me in a hug. I froze for a moment, before I wrapped my arms around his waist, surprised with his close proximity and intimate action._

_"We all care about you. Even if he has a terrible way of showing it."_

_The tears came flooding back, and my chest heaved in sharp pain. Jasper's hold tightened as he held me as I cried._

_"He'll come around. He's just hurting right now too. You know he blames himself for not being able to save him. He thinks you blame him too."_

_"What!" I yelled, removing myself from his embrace._

_"Did you really expect anything else, Bella?"_

_"This wasn't his fault."_

_"Then why are you leaving him?"_

_"It's not him that I'm leaving." I wiped the remaining tears from my face._

_"Go talk to him. Figure this out."_

_"There's nothing to figure out, Jasper. I don't live here. He knew that."_

_"You're quitting."_

_"Excuse me?" I seethed._

_"You're quitting because you think it will be too hard, too painful."_

_"You don't understand."_

_"I think I do."_

_I looked at him incredulously._

_"Bella, just listen. You don't need to figure out everything today. Please just go talk to him. Tell him that you don't blame him, that you're not angry. Take some of his agony away. You're the only one who can do that."_

"Edward, where are you going?" I giggled as he shuffled backwards out of the bathroom.

"Come find out, baby!" he yelled from the bedroom. I rewrapped my towel around my body and tucked it into the top, securing it in place as I followed Edward. I stopped in confusion, as he was nowhere to be seen.

"I don't know what kind of games you're playing, Edward Cullen, but I'm not laughing!"

"What was that, baby? I can't hear you!" he screeched playfully from the living room area.

"You know, my apartment really isn't that big." I walked out of the bedroom, fully expecting to see Edward pop out from behind the couch. Except when I checked behind there, he wasn't there. Nor was he in the closet, or the kitchen, or Alice's room.

"Edward Anthony Cullen," I said sternly, playing my hands on my hips.

"POLO!"

I laughed out loud, tension easing my body immediately.

"Marco?" I asked timidly.

"Polo!" I followed his teasing high pitched voice back through the apartment.

"Marco?" I bent to my knees to look under the couches. Stupid places I knew logically he couldn't be, but I insisted on checking anyways.

"Poooollllllooooo."

I ran back into the bedroom, turning around the corner, "Hah!" But sadly, no Edward.

"Okay, sexy polo man, Marco is getting frustrated!"

Strong arms suddenly wrapped around me from behind. "Mmmm, does frustrated Marco also mean horny Marco?"

I turned around into his embrace. "As long as you never refer to me as horny Marco again."

He undid the knot in my towel and watched as it dropped to the floor. "Deal."

_I knocked timidly at the door of his apartment. I waited for a response, tying my hair up in a ponytail to get it out of my face._

_I knocked harder the second time, when there was no answer._

_"Damn-it Edward, open the damn door!"_

_I banged on it again, this time with my forehead in frustration._

_"Please let me in," I begged earnestly._

_When I still had gotten no response, I slid down the door until my back was pressed up against it._

_"I'm too tired to do this, Edward," I said, not actually expecting anyone to hear me. "I'm worn out. My eyes hurt." I brought my elbows up to rest on my knees, holding my pounding head in my hands. "I just want to go home and live simply for a while. I want to go back to my gallery and… damnit, I want to feel something other than pain. I need something to fill me that doesn't constantly remind me of him."_

_I sighed in defeat, sitting in silence for a while._

_"I need a change in scenery," I added, still talking to myself._ _"I need my old friends. I need regularity. I need some fucking balance. Lately, I feel like I have been all over the place. I don't know where my head's at, let alone my heart._

_"I need you to understand, Edward, that this isn't about me leaving you, or running away. This is about me dealing with this the only way I know how. I need to do this for me._

_"I need to do this for us. We won't work if I stay here. I'm not me here anymore. These past few days, I have become a shadow of myself, constantly surrounded by death and absence. I just need some time to rejuvenate and get myself back together. But I can't do that here. I need to go home, the only home I've really felt secure in. Please, please understand._

_"This isn't about you. But Edward, it breaks me to know that I'm causing you pain, that you blame yourself for this. I don't blame you. If anything, I wouldn't have come this far without you. You were such a huge part in my new relationship with Charlie. I know you loved him so dearly, and he loved you._

_I sat there for a few moments in silence as the tears started to run down my face, their own declaration of my feelings._

_"I love you, Edward. Please forgive me."_

_I removed myself from his entrance way and pressed the button for the elevator. I stepped inside, hesitantly and turned to look at the door before me. "Goodbye."_

"You taste like honey." Edward licked his way from my collarbone, up my neck and behind my ear, gently placing kisses where his trail followed.

I wound my hands up through his hair, stroking his soft scalp with my fingernails, enjoying the texture of his amazing hair. I pulled him closer to me so my mouth could be on his.

"Hey, Edward?" I asked breathlessly into his ear, as he found the skin on the other side of my neck.

"Yes, baby?" He brought his hand up my side, teasing my breast before palming it fully.

"Make love to me again?"

I felt him smile. He lifted his head up so our eyes met. "Say please?"

I released his hair, reached between us and found his already hardened cock. I stroked him firmly as he hissed out a few vulgar words.

"Please," I said seductively.

He kissed me gently as I aligned him up at my entrance. "I'll never get enough of you, Bella."

I gasped as he eased himself into me. "I really fucking hope not."

_There will be times in your life when you will have no idea what the right choice is. The right choice for you could be the wrong choice for someone else. The right choice for you could cause immense amounts of pain for someone else. The right choice today could become the wrong choice tomorrow._

_How were we supposed to decipher anything anymore? I stood outside the airport for hours, trying to figure out if I was making the wrong choice. Within that span of time, I whistled for six cabs, actually got into three of them, and went around the airport block I don't even know how many times. Eventually, however, I knew the right choice all along._

_I walked into the large building, completely dried out of tears and ambition. I checked in on the small computer and handed over my bags to be tagged and loaded. I looked out the large windows one last time before I headed up the escalator._

_I handed my printed ticket to the older gentleman, who checked my I.D. and wished me a nice day. I smiled, thanked him, and continued through security. I removed my shoes, belt, and watch into a small box, all the while subconsciously checking for a tall, bronze-haired man to come running through._

_I berated myself enough times to count on two hands, and reminded myself, again, that this wasn't a movie, and he wasn't coming after me. I passed the time before boarding by stopping at Starbucks. I ordered my favorite skinny, vanilla, white-mocha, with two sweet-n'-lows and wandered around the small magazine shops, hoping to see something that would take my mind off of my pathetic situation._

_I checked my cell-phone, noticing my three missed calls from Alice. I talked to her the night before, after I got home from Edward's. She wasn't angry with me, but she didn't understand. She was going to stay another week with Jasper before flying back to New York. She hadn't decided yet what their future looked like, but she implied quite clearly that she wasn't throwing something great away, since that's apparently what I was doing._

_I sighed and pressed my phone off. There was only one person who I wanted to call me, and he made clear with his silence that that wasn't going to happen. I finally found a seat near my gate and waited impassively for my flight to be called._

_About ten minutes later, the blond lady at the entrance-way called my flight number. I looked back over my shoulder one last time before I handed her my ticket and walked on board. There wasn't any bronze-haired man to be seen._

"Do you have everything?" I did a last scan of the apartment as he was zipping up his small duffle bag.

"Bella, I barely packed anything to begin with. All the stuff I have is what I bought while I was here. So… if I forgot anything, I can just save it for the next time I come visit."

I walked out of the bathroom, and he came to meet me, wrapping his arms around my waist, leaning down to kiss me softly.

"So does that mean I can keep your T-shirt?"

"You mean the one you're wearing?" he asked, amused.

"Maybe," I said coyly, kissing his jaw. "And the one I took out of your bag and stuffed under my pillow."

He laughed loudly, his eyes crinkling from his amusement. "Of course you can. You can have anything you want."

"Hmm," I mumbled, running my hands up and down his chest. "Anything?" I began to undo the buttons of his shirt.

"Baby, my plane leaves soon," he protested, yet his body did nothing to prevent me from undressing him.

"All the more reason to hurry and get you naked, right?"

He moaned into my mouth as his lips found mine fiercely. He grabbed my hips roughly and pinned me down on the bed. I felt the weight of him in all the right places, and his hair tickled my neck as he enjoyed ravishing my breasts.

"Quickly, Edward. You can't miss your flight," I moaned half heartedly.

"That would be tragic, now wouldn't it?"

"Edward," I chastened.

He stopped what he was doing and looked at me seriously.

"I don't know the next time I'll be able to enjoy you like this, Bella. Please don't take this away from me."

My face dropped and all amusement and joking left, as I brought his face back to mine. He kissed me with more passion than I thought possible.

_"Please take your seat, sir." The flight attendant made her way up and down the aisle, helping people lift their bags above and usher others to their seats. I found a seat by the window, not my first class option, but it would do._

_I plugged my iPod headphones in and selected shuffle. I wasn't even in the mood to pick out my own music. I couldn't help but think, now that it was too late, that this was indeed not the right choice. How could I be leaving him? He loved me. I finally admitted that I loved him back. I slammed my head against the headrest repeatedly._

_"Ladies and gentlemen, please take your seats and prepare for take-off."_

_I opened my eyes and smiled weakly at the middle-aged man beside me. I buckled my seatbelt and sighed to myself. This was really it. They closed to doors to the plane and locked them tight. I suddenly felt very claustrophobic. I quickly undid my seatbelt and made my way to the back to the wretched excuse of a bathroom._

_"Excuse me, ma'am, you need to sit down!" The flight agent called out to me, but I pushed my way right past her._

_I jutted open the door and locked myself inside. I breathed heavily, splashing water on my face, and tried desperately to regain my breath. "Pull yourself together, Bella," I scolded my reflection. "You can do this. You decided this. Stop being such a damn pussy!" I threw the paper towel away and looked at myself pathetically in the mirror before opening the cabin door and making my way back to my seat._

_I walked up the aisle way, unconcerned with the weird looks from the passengers I passed. I got back to my seat, and I had to climb over the man to be able to sit down._

_"Excuse me, I just…" My hands flew up to my mouth, as I was frozen between the legs of the man before me, unable to finish the step to get back to my seat._

_"What the hell are you doing here?" I gasped._

_"Excuse me, ma'am. Please take your seat. We need to leave now."_

_"Hold on one second, lady," I said to her, holding up my pointer finger in her direction._

_I focused my eyes back to the source of my astonishment. "Edward?"_

_I saw the tiredness in his green eyes, but the strength showed in his hands as he pulled me towards him. I sat awkwardly in his lap, straddling him with difficultly considering the armrests protesting into my legs._

_"What… What are you… You're really here!" I threw my arms around him, digging my face into his neck. His hands came up to stroke my back, pulling me closer to him._

_"It was hell to get onto this flight, Bella. I did everything I could to get to you."_

_I started kissing his cheek, his eyes, and his forehead, everything I could reach._

_"Ma'am, you really need to get in your seat now." I shot the flight attendant another death look, but obliged and moved over to my own seat, buckling up so we could leave._

_"I saw you run to the bathroom," he admitted. I paid the guy twenty bucks to switch seats._

_I smiled and kissed him again._

_"Bella, I have to tell you something." His face got serious as the lack of sleep really started to show through. "I heard you, yesterday."_

_"What do you mean?" I asked, confused. The plane had started to accelerate into the air, and it was hard to hear him clearly._

_"Last night, when you came over. I didn't hear you knock, I swear. I just got out of the shower, and I heard something by my door. I honestly didn't know what the hell it was because I saw nothing out of the peep hole. But then I heard your voice. Damn-it, Bella, you sounded so hurt. It fucking killed me to not open the door and let you in, but I was frozen. I didn't know what to do. I listened to your confession and I really didn't know what to think. And then you said you loved me, and I wished so fucking badly that I could have seen your eyes when you said it. But I felt it. I wanted to go to you then, but by the time I got my feet to move, you were already gone._

_"I spent all day trying to track you down. I hounded Alice, but she told me that you already left. I got my dad to pull some major fucking strings and find out what flight you were on. I don't even want to get into detail what I went through with the security here. Apparently, if you don't have any baggage and you're flying cross-county, they get suspicious. But please believe me that I tried. I tried to get to you. I couldn't let you leave thinking that I didn't want you._

_"I understand why you need to go back. And, baby, if you don't want me to come, then I'll get on the next flight back to Washington. But, Bella, I want to be with you right now. I need to be with you right now. You are the only thing I have left to hold onto. Your dad passing is so hard for me. Please, understand where I'm coming from on this. He was like my second father. I certainly viewed him as one. I loved him dearly, but I love you, too. I can't do this on my own._

_"Please, Bella. Don't make me do this on my own."_

"So where do we go from here?"

"Where do we go from here? Well, for one, you need to get on that plane, miss me like crazy, and call me as soon as you land."

"I miss you like crazy already." He brought me back into his embrace, right outside of the airport.

"We'll make this work, Edward. I want to make this work."

"I'll see you soon then, my beautiful girl?"

"Soon, indeed, my crazy lover man."

"Crazy lover man?"

I shrugged. "It has a nice ring to it."

"I sure do love you, Bella Swan."

"As I love you, Edward Cullen."

**Chapter End Notes:**

**So a few words before you review…. ;)**

**Please go follow me on twitter! Kas90_ (don't forget the little hyphen thing at the end.) I seriously do post teasers and I'm up for talking with y'all on there. **

**So yes, review review review. And check out Building Destruction. **

**Okay lovers… until next time. **


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter Notes:**

**Hello lovers. It's so nice to see you again. Here it is- the next installment of FTGH. **

**For those of you reviewing… thank you so much! I love your witty little hellos. This story needs some loving, so please, keep it up.**

**For the rest of you readers, thanks for just keeping up with this project. **

**Twilightzoner- my gratefulness to you is eternal. Thank you so much. **

**Chapter 21: Meet and Greet **

EPOV – November

I wasn't sure how my life had gotten to this point. This past year had turned everything about my normal routine on its ass. Charlie came into my office in January. Developing a relationship with him was both a prize and poison. My pain over his death had haunted me for months, but the wisdom, friendship, and daughter he left with me has been the most wonderful of prizes.

I still couldn't believe that it had been four months since his passing. When Charlie died in July, my entire world shifted.

Bella left. My sweet Bella ran away from me, from everything. I understood, of course I did. Washington wasn't her home, but yet, New York wasn't mine. I followed her, just like I promised her I would all those months ago. I stayed with her for a while, but I had responsibilities at the hospital in Seattle that I had to maintain. I couldn't give up my purpose there; I couldn't do that to me, or to Jane.

The past three months had been hard. Long distance took a lot more effort than I originally imagined it would have. We did everything we could to make it work. We texted, called, skyped, wrote letters, you name it, we'd done it.

I hadn't seen her in person, since I first left New York. I missed the smell of her hair and the softness of her lips. I missed holding her in my arms as I fell asleep after a long shift or on a lazy Saturday afternoon. I missed just being with her.

But as I sat in the unclean booth at the fifties diner, reminiscing on my Bella, I remembered why I was here. My eyes hadn't been off her since I first sat down. Her clothes rested loosely on her too thin body, her hair was cut above her shoulders, looking broken and unkempt, resembling the rest of her. Her weariness was displayed clearly in her features, the soft bruises under her eyes revealing her lack of sleep.

However, her dishevelment couldn't mask her beauty, and that was how I knew it was her. They looked exactly alike.

I got the email about a month ago. It was very simple, really. All it read was, _I found her,_ with an address to find her here. I stared at the computer screen for a while, either not believing the words I had read, or simply not knowing how to react to them. I still didn't know how to react to them, yet here I sat.

She had no idea who I was. She came up to take my order earlier, and I had been sitting here staring for over an hour with my now cold coffee. Every second that passed by, my hatred for her grew. Here she was, talking, walking, breathing, and all I could think about was how she wasn't where she was supposed to be. I noticed her kind words to others, and I thought about how those words should have comforted a lost teenage girl, how her breaths should have breathed in sweet strawberries instead of fried grease. I thought about how those thin arms should have hugged my girl, instead of carrying hot food out to strangers.

I had finally found Renee, I just couldn't bring myself to tell Bella.

BPOV

My days were long, my nights were longer. My days were kept busy with work, writing, and talking to Edward every moment in between. My nights were cold, lonely, and full of haunting dreams of the things I had left behind. Charlie visited me in my dreams, quite often. We would talk, he would hug me, and sometimes I would even cook for him. I missed him just as much, if not more, as Edward did.

But I couldn't allow myself to wallow in sadness or misery. If Charlie taught me one thing, it was to live my life. Not just go through the motions, but to enjoy every moment. So I enjoyed my gallery, I enjoyed working with Angela and writing at the coffee shop during my breaks. I enjoyed living with Alice again. I was getting back into my normal routine; Edward was now added to the mix.

I checked the clock from my cross-legged stance on my bed, seeing that it was only a little past four in the afternoon. Alice should be getting home from work soon. I decided to place the book I was currently reading back on the nightstand and shower. Alice, Emmett, and I were all going out tonight—a needed group reunion. Our schedules had been so busy, getting back into work, switching off traveling to Washington, and making time for our significant others.

I tried to convince myself, quite unsuccessfully, I might add, that our lives did not indeed sound like they came out of a fucking story book. Who just magically pairs up like the way the six of us had? It was ridiculous and corny, but at the end of the day, it made my friends happy. I was happy, and that's what mattered.

I sent a quick text to Edward before I climbed out of bed and headed to the bathroom.

_You make me happy._

_-B._

My shower ended abruptly when a familiar face whipped open the curtain and shut off the water. I didn't bother to try and cover up my body; Alice had seen me naked plenty of times.

"You know, you could have just yelled from the door to hurry up, instead of taking the liberty yourself."

"What's the fun in that? Now go hurry up and get ready, I'm starving and I still need to shower."

Alice quickly ushered me out of the bathroom. It was unfortunate that we shared only one bathroom, but that's the price you paid to live in NYC. I dressed casually in faded jeans and an OAR T-shirt, choosing to scrunch my hair instead of drying it straight. I applied my usual minimal makeup, knowing that there was no one that I was trying to impress. I smiled to myself, sure of the fact that Edward would think I was beautiful, even dressed like this.

Remembering my text from earlier, I walked over to my nightstand and checked my cell. I had two new messages.

_I'm fucking starving. Expect me in ten minutes._

I noticed when Emmett sent the text and compared it to the clock on the wall. He should have been here by now. I pushed the thought aside and continued through my inbox.

_Right back at ya, baby. Love you._

Emmett came barging into the apartment, his large body standing out in the small space. "Let's go, ladies!" he yelled out.

"We're back here, Em. Alice is still getting ready."

He walked into my bedroom and sat down on the bed. "Come on!" he whined. "I even told you that I would be here sooner than I had planned because I wanted you guys to be ready!"

I threw a pair of socks at him to shut him up. "Calm down. The world is not ending," I said cryptically.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, you say that now, but I'm about ten seconds away from going King Kong on all your asses and eating the whole town."

"Get a hold of yourself, big brother." Alice emerged from the bathroom in a towel, hair already scrunched and make up applied. "Let me just get dressed and we can go."

"I really hope you don't go Project Runway on us, Ali. We really need to go soon!" Emmett sighed in frustration and lied back on my bed, his legs hanging over, feet still touching the floor.

"What's going on with you, Em?" I asked seriously. "You're not usually this cranky." I went over to where he was sprawled out and sat next to him.

He kept his eyes shut but brought his arm up to cover his face. "I don't know, Bells. Things are just so complicated right now."

I stayed quiet and decided to let him continue at his own pace.

"I thought things were going great! Rosie and I were happy; well, I thought we were happy. She seemed fine a few days ago, and now it's like I'm the plague and she's trying her damnedest to stay clear.

"I don't know what I did! We were just talking on the phone one night, and I brought up flying back to Washington to have Thanksgiving with her and maybe going up and spending time with her family, and she freaked out!

"I've tried calling, texting, the whole deal, but she doesn't respond. I don't know what to do, Bellie."

I gently removed his arm from his face and looked him in the eye. "Maybe just give her some time. You're too good of a guy to pass up; she has to know that by now. Sometimes you just have to wait for women to deal with things on their own, before they can return to the guy. Trust me; Edward has learned that lesson many times with me."

"So you don't think I'm fucked?" A glimmer of hope floated through his words.

I laughed and shook my head. "I don't think so. Just give it some time."

He smiled softly back at me.

"Are you two horseshits ready to go?" Alice walked into the bedroom, looking way too glamorous for a night at the bar.

Emmett sat up from the bed and brought himself to his feet. He walked over to Alice, picked her up and threw her over his shoulder. I followed as he carried her through the apartment.

"Don't 'Are you ready to go?' me, Alice. I've been fucking waiting for your pixie ass for way too damn long!" His voice was back to being upbeat, and I breathed a sigh of relief. Emmett's personality could take many turns, but the somberness of his seriousness had me worried.

We climbed out of the cab and walked into a shabby looking bar that we used to go to regularly in college. The night continued on, and we all had our fair share amount of food and alcohol. Before I knew it, Emmett had gotten both Ali and I on the dance floor.

It felt so nice to just dance by myself, surrounded by my best friends. The music flowed around and my body responded, moving on its own accord to the loud sounds. Sweat began to make its way down my back, covering my skin in a salty coding.

Arms encircled my waist, and at first, I welcomed them. The images of Edward behind my eyelids took on a real form when someone stepped up behind me. But it was wrong, the smell wasn't right, the frame pressed up against me was all wrong, and I couldn't feel spark that I usually felt when I was with Edward.

After this realization, I quickly stepped forward and out of the grasp of this man. I turned around and smiled slightly, shaking my head. He was pretty cute. If I didn't have Edward to compare him to, I might have actually considered him very good looking. But his shaved head held nothing against bronze, silky locks, and his arms were too bulky and shoulders not wide enough.

He held no interest to me. I tried to make that clear when I walked over to Emmett and Alice and joined them more closely in my dancing. The message, however, didn't seem to go across well.

"Come on, baby. Don't walk away from me," he came up and whispered in my ear.

I squirmed away from his proximity.

"What? You don't want to dance with Mac-Daddy?"

My face scrunched up in confusion. "Did you just refer to yourself as Mac-Daddy?"

"You got it, Princess." He winked, trying to hold onto me again.

I lifted my hand and placed it firmly against his chest, stopping his advancement.

"I don't think so, pal. I'm not interested." I don't think a woman had said that to him before in his life, for the shock on his face was quite amusing.

"Is there a problem here, Bellie?" Emmett finally realized what was going on and stepped between me and this man. His eyes were locked with Mr. Mac as he spoke.

"The only problem here, Em, is this guy's ego."

"I was just leaving," the man stammered, obviously intimidated by Emmett's size.

"That's a great idea," Emmett spat. "Probably the best one you've ever come up with."

He just nodded and backed away, making his way back over to the bar. I laughed out loud, earning a sideways glace from Emmett. "It's just funny," I tried to explain.

"He was funny looking, sure." Emmett added.

"No, not that. In college, I hated when you played 'Bella Bodyguard.' It pissed me off to no end when you wouldn't let me take guys home or even dance with a stranger."

"I'm not following the humor here, Bella."

"Okay so now that I'm explaining it out loud, it isn't that funny. I'm just glad you're here to play that role now."

He wrapped me in a hug. "I'll always be protective over you. It's my job."

"No, it's not. But I'm glad you do it anyway."

"Okay, enough with the sap you guys!" Alice came over and started pulling on my arm. "Let's take shots!" I groaned while Emmett fist pumped. _What is with these men and fist pumping?_I looked at him strangely but followed him and Ali over to the bar.

"Alice, this is not a good idea. I've had enough to drink already."

"Oh, cork it, Bella. You sound like an old lady. Now, I don't know about you, but I'm going to enjoy the last few years of my twenties and get shit faced drunk just because I can, okay?"

I looked at her warily. "Okay, lady, but you're the one who has to take care of my drunken ass if I puke everywhere."

She winked at me. "I've been on puke duty for years; I'm a pro by now."

I smiled and took the shot from Emmett's hand. "What is it?" I asked.

Emmett just shook his head. "You don't want to know."

The three of us clinked our miniature glasses together and threw them back. The liquor burned but went down, nonetheless. At Emmett's insistence, two more shots of liquid fire were consumed as well. I could feel the poison work its way through my body.

I pulled myself up onto a barstool and rested my head on the top of the bar.

"You okay, Bellie?" Emmett asked, resting his hand on the top of my back.

"Oh yeah, straight peachy," I mumbled. "Just tired." My energy level was severally declining, the dancing and alcohol from before catching up with me.

"All right, all right. Let's go."

"No, no." I protested. "I just have to pee." I got off the stool, quite gracefully considering my state of sobriety, and headed toward the back to the bathroom.

"Come on, come on, come on." I did my own little potty dance outside the stalls, waiting for the girls who were occupying them to finishing peeing out the Niagara Falls. A minute later, a beautiful redhead emerged from the pink hole of release.

"Damn, lady. Did you spend the day at a fucking race track or something? You act like you have to pee like a race horse. Get some control," she sneered, walking pass me towards the sink.

"Watch your mouth, mermaid, or I'll piss all over you." I hurried into the stall and did my business, all the while wondering why it felt so good to pee after this many drinks.

When I opened up the stall door, the mermaid lady was still perched up against the sink, staring at me. _Staring eyes burning through my head, same thing._

"What's the matter, princess? Does Prince Eric have all your panties in a bunch?" I pushed past her to wash my hands in the sink she was trying to cover.

"You think you're so cleaver with your little Disney references."

I looked up at her through the mirror. "Yeah? So?"

"You really should watch who you piss off in this town." Her arms were crossed against her chest, her stance obviously not amused with my mouth.

"You know, you really do take the crown for over-reaction. Did your night not have enough drama that you needed to stay here and try and start something with me?"

"I'm not starting anything with you, I'm finishing it."

"Finishing what!" I threw my hands up in frustration. Was I that drunk that I couldn't understand why she was so pissy, or was she that spiteful of the world that she had to take it out on some girl who just had to pee?

"Take that as your final warning." She turned on her heel and stormed out.

I slouched against the wall, bringing my face to rest in my hands. "I'm so fucking confused," I mumbled to no one in particular. "What the hell just happened?"

"Bella?" Alice walked in, looking at me worriedly. "Why are you talking to yourself?"

"I'm a lunatic, Alice. Didn't you know?" Sarcasm dripping through my slurred words.

"Okay, it's time to get you home." She came over and tried to help me up, but ended up falling down beside me, which successfully threw us into a fit of giggles.

"Ali, what's taking so long?" Emmett's voice rang through from the other side of the closed door.

"We're stuck!" we both yelled, laughing in between breaths.

We could hear his groan as he swung open the door. He saw us collapsed on the floor and just shook his head. He somehow managed to pick us both up and throw us over his shoulders.

"Emmett," I began, "I think I'm gonna puke."

"You better hold it in, Isabella. I'm not kidding."

I covered my mouth with my hand and prayed for the contents of my stomach to stay where they were. Emmett got us out of the bar and into a cab, earning curious looks from the people on the street.

"Where are we going?" Alice asked, slouched down in her seat, eyes closed.

"We're going to my apartment. You two drunkards can have my bed and I'll sleep on the couch."

I was too drunk to question why he wouldn't just take us to our own apartment and instead rested my head against the window, waiting for the bumpy car ride to be over.

"I think I'm too old for this shit," Alice mumbled.

"I think we all are," Emmett added.

The cab finally pulled up to Emmett's building, and he helped the two of us out of the car, each of us taking an arm. We walked…stumbled…fell up the three flights of stairs to his level.

"Where's the damn elevator in this place?" I asked, angry with the new bruises forming on my shins from tripping up the steps.

"Broken," he answered.

"Broken? I'll show you broken." Alice threw her arms up in fists, pretending to punch the air.

I laughed as Emmett groaned. "I'm never letting you guys consume alcohol again."

"Oh, come on, brother bear. Where's your sense of humor?" Alice started punching his chest which caused Emmett to pick her up and throw her back over his shoulder.

"I don't think so, Ali." He carried her up the rest of the way, and I dragged along behind.

He opened the door to the stairwell but stopped dead in his tracks. I stumbled around him, trying to figure out why the hell he had stopped. I then saw a blond-haired form sitting up against his door.

She stood when she heard us, her face full of pain and fallen tears.

"Rosie?" Emmett asked, still holding on to Alice.

"I think we should talk."

**EPOV**

It had probably been five or six hours that I had been sitting here. The day was dwindling down and the sun was setting behind the cover of the clouds. She was still here, taking orders and delivering food to awaiting customers. Her smile never faltered as she spoke to them but it disappeared as soon as she turned away.

She brought me out the grilled cheese sandwich and glass of milk that I had ordered for dinner.

"I'm surprised to still see you here, darling." She placed the food in front of me and spoke as she refilled my coffee.

I nodded, avoiding her gaze. "It's a nice little place here."

She smiled wide. "That it is. It belongs to my family."

"Family?"

Her attention was diverted away from my question when someone called her name from across the diner.

My movements stilled, halted by the events that took place before me. At that moment, I couldn't have been happier that Bella wasn't sitting beside me, witnessing the exchange between the Renee and the person who had just walked in.

If her leaving wasn't enough to destroy Bella, then this certainly would.

**End Notes:**

**What could it be? Drum roll for next chapter, please…. **

**On a side note… I am fully aware that my A/N and End Notes are extremely ridiculous and not even funny at all, but please review anyway. **

**Preview for reviewers? I'll try that this time… throw them my way! **

**And go follow me on twitter! Kas90_ I have fun previews and updates on when I write and what I'm writing. I might even put my own avi pic up this week so you guys can stalk and see what I look like.. hmmm. **


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter Notes:**

**Hello, loves! Thanks for the reviews of last chapter. I loved them **

**Twilightzoner… thank you! I really do appreciate everything you do! **

**Please read this chapter with caution. It contains graphic content, including rape, and is not suitable for a young audience. This story is rated NC-17 for a very good reason. Please respect the rating and do not read if you are a minor. **

**Twilight and all the characters belong to Stephanie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. **

_From last chapter: Emmett, Alice, and Bella come home from the bar to find Rosalie outside of Emmett's door._

**Chapter 22: Labels **

"Rosie?" I heard him utter my name, voice laced with a mixture of relief and confusion.

"We need to talk." I had a whole speech planned out for him, practiced time and time again during the long flight to New York.

He gingerly put Alice down, placing her next to a very shocked Bella.

"Rose!" Alice squealed when she registered my presence. The smell of alcohol surrounded her, and I got a pretty good intake of it when she embraced me. Her small body stumbled into mine, hugging me tightly.

"Uh, she's had a few drinks," Emmett tried to explain.

I smiled slightly at his description of a few drinks. "I can see that."

"Let's go, Ali. Time to get you inside. You too, Bella." He placed his hand on Bella's back and guided her into the now unlocked door. Bella's expression hadn't changed since she emerged from the stairwell. Shock and a bit of anger etched across her face.

"Hello, Bella," I said softly before she walked past me into the apartment.

My voice broke her hard features and she smiled genuinely at me. "Rose is here!" she exclaimed.

"God, Emmett. How much did you let them drink?" I grabbed onto Bella's elbow as she tripped over her own heel, keeping her from face planting.

"Thanks," she mumbled. "It's this damn floor, it keeps moving."

I laughed. "Whatever you say."

Emmett looked unsure, standing in the entrance way to the kitchen, looking back at me and at his drunken companions. "Let me just get them to bed, okay? Ali is probably going to pass out any minute, and I would much rather not have it be on my bathroom floor."

I smiled at him and motioned him to continue. He picked Alice back up, and Bella followed them into the large master. I removed my jacket and placed it around the back of the couch, moving around it then to sit down.

Ten minutes passed before Emmett joined me back in the living room. He stood looking at me before beginning to pace back and forth.

"Drinks," he stammered.

"Excuse me?"

"Drinks. Uh, let me get us drinks." He left the space and headed for the kitchen. Before he got only a few feet, he stopped. "You want a drink, right?"

I smiled and looked down at my tangled hands. "Some water would be nice."

"Right." He headed back in that direction and nosily prepared my glass of water in the kitchen. He came back with it and an opened beer for himself. He handed it to me and sat down on the other end of the couch.

The sudden silence surrounded us like a harsh wool blanket, uncomfortable and unwanted. "I don't know where to start," I admitted.

He stayed quiet and let me continue at my own pace. "Emmett, I haven't spoken to my parents in years. My relationship with them is a lot different than what Edward has." I paused as pain began to vibrate through my chest.

I looked up at him, tears brimming my eyes. "They would never forgive me."

"Rose," he said sympathetically, moving over to comfort me. I held my hand up, motioning him to stay where he was.

"Emmett, the thing that scares me though, is that I don't think that you will forgive me, either."

"Rosalie, you just need to be honest with me." Emmett gripped his bottle tightly, looking at me seriously. "That's all I've ever asked from you."

"I know that. That's why I'm here." I placed the water down and ran my fingers through my long, silky hair, trying to find any distraction that I could. "I don't know where to start."

"You said that already, Rose. Whatever you have to say, just say it. I'll sit right here until you're done. I won't leave," he tried assuring me.

"Okay," I mumbled, still not ready. I kept my head down, gaze falling on my lap and my hands playing with strands of my hair.

"It all started in college. There was no way that I was going to stay in Washington, so I applied and got accepted to UCLA. My parents were upset that both Edward and I decided to go to school in California, and almost moved down themselves, but then Edward got hurt and that kind of put a halt to their moving plans. Things were hard for my family after that. Edward was really hard to be around. He wouldn't speak to anybody, including me, and he and I were actually really close before that.

"My parents were all gung-ho on trying to fix him. It was "Edward this," or "Edward that." I'm not trying to pull the "Forgotten Sibling" card, that's just how I felt at that age. My family literally just fell apart at the seams. So, I stopped going home. Eventually, Edward went to Italy, but that didn't help the situation with my parents at all.

"It just never got better. I didn't feel important to them. I didn't feel that whatever I did was good enough." I paused, hand stilling and eyes meeting Emmett's. "Until I met Royce.

Emmett met my gaze, facial expression unchanging. His features held sympathy and confusion. He asked me to continue, when I hadn't spoken for a minute.

I shifted my eyes to my hands, which were playing with each other in my lap. "It was about halfway through my junior year. Royce was a senior. He was charming, handsome, wealthy, everything I thought I was looking for. He called me his rose petal, beautiful and delicate, holding all the beauty without the thorns.

"Little did I know that he would be the one who added all the thorns to my life." A tear slipped down my cheek, and I quickly removed it with the tips of my fingers.

"At first, he was so kind. Always making time for me, taking me out and introducing me to everyone he met. We had so much fun together. He made me laugh. Genuinely laugh, something that I had missed in my life for so long.

"I'm not sure when things went downhill, to be completely honest. It's hard to judge things like that when you're the one living it. But as the months passed, and winter became spring, and spring into summer, Royce also changed. He had control over me, and he knew it. I was completely submissive to him, fully in his power. He was the gardener, and I was just the flower, at his will waiting to be crushed or bloom.

"He wanted me to do things, things that I would have normally said no to. He started me on easy things first, trying simple drugs or doing more risky sexual things in public. At first, I found it exciting, like we were exploring a new side of life together. But it all got more intense. The drugs got more powerful, and before I knew it, Royce would ask me to strip for his friends. It would maybe be five or six of us in the room, all guys and me, of course, and I would be naked. Royce said he was just showing off his beauty, because obviously my beauty didn't belong to me anymore," I remarked sarcastically.

"No one touched me at first, and I found the high of being admired by that many men exciting. But as with everything related to Royce, over time it all became more intense, more extreme. It started with Royce touching me in front of them, which led to having sex, with them as our audience, to doing simple sexual "favors" for the men in the room, and as weeks passed, being passed around as a rag doll for everyone to enjoy. They called it fun; I called it rape.

"I told Royce that I didn't want to do that anymore, and that was the first time he hit me. A simple strike across the face, barely even leaving a bruise, but after that, I didn't fight back, and the strikes got worse. Every time I would say no to him, even if it were a simple request I would deny, he would hit me. Because I surrendered the first time, he knew I would surrender every time. He was right.

"My life was miserable. It didn't belong to me anymore. I was a slave to him, to all those men. This lasted for a long time, the summer after my junior year, all the way through my senior year and graduation. It was right after graduation that I found out I was pregnant.

"He swore up and down that the baby wasn't his, and that I was a slut for sleeping around so much. It was my fault that I wasn't careful. I was too much of a whore, and he beat me within an inch of my life that night. I barely remember waking up, bloody and cold on his kitchen floor. I tip-toed around the apartment and saw him passed out drunk on his couch. I cleaned myself up the best I could, taking the few belongings I had left, and disappeared.

"At that point in my life, I had no regard for my safety, and if I wasn't pregnant, I probably would have stayed. But it wasn't just about me anymore. I was lucky that the baby survived the beating. I got a cab to the nearest woman's shelter and stayed there for about a week until they moved me to a shelter at a different city. They said it would be safer for me and my baby. I lied about my name and every aspect of my life. I was too embarrassed to go home to Forks. I could never tell my parents what happened, how I got to that point.

"I stayed in San Francisco for the duration of my pregnancy. But I knew that I wouldn't be able to support this child. My only job consisted of washing the clothes and cooking for the other women at the shelter. My baby deserved better.

"I put Annalisa up for adoption the day she was born. She was the most beautiful little girl I have ever seen." The tears were falling with force, a sob rocking through my chest.

"I'm very lucky, did you know that Emmett?" I asked, still not having the courage to look at him. "Every day I know that my little girl is healthy and happy. She lives in a great home with two wonderful parents. Mark and Kelly are exactly what she needs. They send me pictures and call every so often, updating me on her life. I've been there for every birthday and every holiday. She's my secret life, and for a long time, my only source of happiness.

"I moved to Seattle about three years ago. I got a really great job offer, and I wanted to be near Edward. After everything that happened with Jane, he needed me. Jasper had already moved to be near him, and the three of us rebuilt our friendship. Edward is my best friend."

"Does he know?" Emmett asked, voice sounding so unfamiliar.

"He knows bits and pieces. He knows that I got pregnant and that I put her up for adoption. He thinks that's why I was so broken. He doesn't know about Royce or everything that happened in college. He would probably hunt him down and kill the bastard."

"I want to," he said harshly.

I nodded my head, still unable to reach his gaze. I wiped my face one last time and took a deep breath. "So, that's it."

I stood up and retrieved my jacket off of the back of the couch, wrapping myself in its warmth. "You needed to know. That's why you couldn't come with me to have Thanksgiving with my parents. It had nothing to do with you. I know my parents would love you. And from what Edward told me from when you visited them before Bella's dad died, they did love you. I'm sorry that I can't be better for you, for them."

I turned around and headed for the door. There was no way that Emmett would want me after all of that. I knew that flying to New York. I was spoiled goods, a rag doll, and a whore. When I reached the door and grabbed the handle, strong arms wrapped around me, stopping my movements.

"Where are you going?" he asked, panicked.

"I'm leaving."

"Why?"

"Because there is no way you would want me after hearing that." My back was still pressed up against his chest, and I could feel him breathing heavily, his heart racing.

"Why wouldn't I want you?"

Another painful cry broke through me. "Did you not hear anything I said?"

"I heard everything."

"I'm a whore."

He turned me around, grasping me tightly by the shoulders, tears brimming his eyes. "No, Rose. Don't you ever say that about yourself," he said harshly.

"You were controlled and raped. You didn't want that. What happened was not your fault!"

"I could have stopped it. I could have left sooner."

"Stop blaming yourself. That bastard deserves to burn in hell for what he did to you. He got into your head and made you believe those lies. Rosalie, you're better than that. You lived through it and moved forward. You gave your little girl a life. You sacrificed everything to protect your child. I'm so proud of you."

"Please, stop," I begged, trying to push him away. I was backed up against the wall, no where left to go. "I don't deserve your praise."

"You deserve forgiveness. I have nothing to forgive you for, Rose. You need to forgive yourself." He looked at me, so convinced of his words.

"How?"

"You need to stop hiding." He stepped backwards, both hands rubbing the top of his head, debating something. He finally surrendered to his thoughts and dropped his hands to his sides. "You need to tell your family."

**BPOV**

I dragged my heavy suitcase out of my closet and ungracefully lifted it onto my bed. I unzipped the black luggage quickly, rushing to get through packing so I wouldn't be late to the airport. Alice said I should have packed days ago; I was starting to agree with her. I ran over to my dresser and randomly pulled articles of clothing and threw them into the bag.

Standing in front of my hanging clothes took a bit longer, though. I had no idea what to wear this afternoon, let alone what to wear for Thanksgiving at your boyfriend's parents' house.

"Alice!" I cried. I continued to stare at the line of dresses, switching the weight of my body from one foot to the other. I was in a hurry, and I really didn't have time for this.

"Alice!" I cried again. "Come help me!"

She walked leisurely into my bedroom, composed, calm, and smug. "Oh, Bella. I told you that you shouldn't wait until the last minute." She placed her hands on her hips and starred condescendingly at me.

"Fine, Alice. Don't help me," I said, rummaging through the clothes. "I'll just make us late to the airport and then we'll miss our plane and you won't be able to see your dearest Jasper until tomorrow."

She walked out of my closet, surprisingly without a snide remark, and returned a few moments later with a packed Vera-Bradley duffle. "I already packed for you. Everything you need is in here, and your Thanksgiving dress was shipped a few days ago to the Cullens' house. I found it online and I couldn't resist."

"Wait," I said, not comprehending. "What?"

"I. Packed. For. You. Now let's go!"

I squealed and hugged my best friend. "I completely forgot you got me this for my birthday!" I said, motioning to the bag.

"Well, you haven't had a chance to use it yet. Now get your ass out that door. I swear if you make me miss seeing my man tonight, I will remove every hair from your body."

We walked into the living room at the same time our front door opened. "Hey, Em," I said, handing him my duffle.

"I expect a tip for this bell boy service." He kissed the top of my head and hugged Alice before grabbing her bag and throwing it over his other shoulder. "I look like a Flower Patch Kid with these stupid girly bags."

"You mean Cabbage Patch Doll?" Alice giggled.

"Yeah, whatever. People are going to question my sexuality, regardless."

"Nothing new there, Emmy. Now get a move on!"

Emmett grumbled and walked out the door. He threw the bags into the trunk of his car and we all piled in.

"I wish you were coming with us. It just doesn't feel right to have us apart on Thanksgiving. That was always our holiday," I said sadly from the back.

Alice reached over and held Emmett's hand, her own sadness of being apart from her brother evident. "Please change your mind, Emmett. You can't sit at the apartment all by yourself. It wouldn't be right," she pleaded.

He squeezed her hand. "I won't be alone. Rose is here." It had been two weeks since she showed up at his door, and she had been staying with him since.

"Why won't she come? This is her family were on our way to go see."

"It's complicated."

I remembered Edward saying Rose hadn't talked to her parents in a few years. I wished so badly that she would change her mind. I knew how devastating it could be to lose a parent and how guilty it felt to know there was so much wasted time caused by distance and silence.

The rest of the ride to the airport was spent in relative silence, not counting the continuous noise of the busy New York streets. We said our goodbyes to Emmett and checked our bags, making our way through security and the mundane check points of airports. I stopped at Starbucks before finding our gate and got out my phone to touch base with Edward.

_"Hey, baby. Coffee and book in hand. Ready to leave already."_

I put the phone on my lap and started to flip through my copy of Alice Clayton's, _The Unidentified Redhead_. My phone buzzed a few minutes later and chirped with unmistakable sound of a new text.

_"Waiting impatiently for you."_

_ "Is that so?"_

_ "Well, you've kept me waiting long enough."_

_ "My apologies, Dr. Cullen. For the next week all my time is yours."_

_ "I plan to use it wisely."_

_ "I bet you do."_

I closed my phone and threw it in my purse as our gate was called. We boarded the plan with ease, and Alice and I fought over who got window seat. She won.

I sat in the middle seat of the large aircraft and settled in between my little pixie and a teenage looking boy. We all listened to the safety instructions, and as soon as I could, I ordered myself a Jack and Coke.

"You like to drink?"

I looked quizzically at the boy sitting next to me. "I like a drink when I fly. Takes the edge off."

He smirked at me and brushed his hair back with his hand, turning his head to the front of the plane. I ignored his weird behavior and retrieved my book from my bag under my seat.

"What are you reading?" he asked, leaning in close to catch the title.

I instinctively moved my body towards Alice and away from him.

"Ah, looks like a chick flick." He nodded his too small head and moved back into his own space.

"It's a book, not a movie," I retorted.

He looked at me as if I had just spoken French instead of English.

"You said chick flick… it's not a flick," I tried explaining.

He just nodded his head slowly, but the look of crazy was still held on his face.

"So, how you doin'?" he asked a few moments later, with the head nod and all.

"Okay, Joey Tribbiani."

"Excuse me?"

It was my turn to look at him crazy. "_Friends_. Joey, from _Friends_. You know, 'How you doin'?' You've never heard of_Friends_? Rachel, Ross, Chandler… "

He shook his head.

"Wow. How old are you?"

"Just turned sixteen." He winked and leaned in closer.

"Okay, kid. I am many, many years your senior. You need to leave me my old lady personal space."

"What if I like them older?" he hinted seductively.

"Doesn't matter, kid. I'm not big on the whole jail thing."

"Come on, babe. You're thinking too much into this."

I was shocked that this was actually happening. I could hear Alice giggle next to me, not helping at all as she pretended to ignore the situation and stare out the window.

"Okay, _babe_. I'm game." I leaned in so I could whisper in his ear. "You go back and wait in the bathroom on the left down there, and I'll meet you there in ten minutes."

A smile the size of the Atlantic spread across his wrinkle free face. He stood up quickly, nearly tripping over himself as he sped-walked to the small excuse of a bathroom.

"You're terrible," Alice whispered.

"He was annoying. This gives me a good twenty minute rest period, free of teenage hormonal interruptions."

We both laughed and got back to our books, enjoying the silence. The rest of the ride was easy going. Joey boy came back grumpy and quiet a good half an hour after our little chat, and to our enjoyment, he wasn't very talkative for the rest of the way. I was bouncing on the edge of my seat when the plane began to land. I was ready to be off this small carrier and in the arms of Edward. Alice wasn't much better than I, for her excitement matched my own.

Joey looked like he couldn't get away from us fast enough. We all pushed our way through the small isle and out of the big door. As soon as it was possible, Alice and I took off in a full sprint towards baggage claim. We ran past strange looks and dodged all forms of people, and I almost had an unfortunate collision with a garbage bin that was luckily avoided last second.

My breath was heaving by the time I saw his beautiful bronze hair. "Edward!" I yelled. He turned automatically towards the sound of his name and opened his arms just in time for my arrival. I collided with his body, the force knocking him back a few steps. My arms and legs wrapped around him, tightly gluing our bodies together.

I kissed him the first chance I got. It was a long, passionate, well overdue kiss. It held all my desire for him, my love for him rising to the surface. He held me to him, refusing to let me go.

"God, I've missed you," he said, eyes locked with mine.

I kissed him again. "I've missed you."

"Take me home, Edward?" He pulled me impossibly tighter.

"You got it, baby."

We said our goodbyes to Alice and Jasper, who thankfully drove separately, with promises to see each other in a few days. My hand was glued to Edward's as he carried my bag and walked us to his car. While away from him, I refused to let myself think about what it would be like if we didn't have to be apart. I would refuse to let myself think about all the things I loved about being near him.

But now that he sat next to me, concentrating on the road while at the same time drawing circles on my hand with his thumb, I let my mind take in all of him. I could smell the citrus scent of his body wash mixed with the natural scent that was Edward. I let my eyes wander to his messy hair, memorizing the way it fell in piles of disarray. I rubbed my free hand up and down his lower arm, messing up all the hairs that covered up his perfect skin. I let my fingers trail down his cheek and graze his lips.

"You're driving me crazy, Bella," he practically panted. "I'm trying so fucking hard not to crash this car with you just sitting there; touching me won't help our survival rate."

I pulled myself off my seat so I could kiss his cheek. After my lips touched his rough skin, I couldn't help myself. I pulled myself closer, practically over the middle console, and began kissing everywhere I could. I kissed my way up his next towards the back of his ear.

The car suddenly jerked to the side and skidded to a stop. Edward turned his head and kissed me hard. When he pulled back, he moved my body so I was rightly seated on my side and re-buckled my seat belt.

"I will fuck you in this car," he warned. "Please, Bella. Let me get us home."

I crossed my arms over my chest in a pout as he pulled away, only to re-lock my hand with his seconds later.

He couldn't get us back soon enough.

**End Notes:**

**Okay, so for some technical stuff… Annalisa is 5 ½ (will be 6 in January).**

**Some of you might question Rose's story… I really don't find it too out there from cannon. She was raped and beat, left for dead in Stephanie's version. This story just gives her the baby she always wanted. This chapter doesn't end with her story though. I'm thinking of adding more RPOV throughout.**

**Next chapter is Thanksgiving. **

**Hopefully these two will finally get some loving. Its been awhile since I've gotten to write some smut… que Kings of Leon music. **

**How did you reviewers like your preview? Did it work? I tried sending it through the contact button on your page. Let me know if you got it or not.**

**And the same will go for this chapter… If you review, you'll get a preview for Chapter 23. The preview is pretty hefty too. It won't just be a paragraph. **

**And no, I have not forgotten about Edward and Renee at the diner. Everything takes time!**

**Okay loves. Review this mess and then go follow me on Twitter! Kas90_ (don't forget the dash!) **


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter Notes:**

**So, yes, it has been a while. **_**Sigh. **_**So sorry, guys. In the past three weeks I have wrapped up my summer camp, packed up my life, wrote a piece for the Lost Love contest, moved back into my apartment, went on a leadership retreat for IV, changed my major, and started my new classes. Whew* I'm tired just thinking about it. **

**All of you guys who review… wow, thank you. I hope you enjoyed your preview : ) **

**Twilightzoner. You are amazing, thank you for your time, your patience, your dedication, and your thoughts. Oh! And I'm currently listening to your fic on ific podcast. **_**Vissisitudes**_** is so good! Thank you for sharing it with us.**

**Okay… enough with my ramblings, here they are, reunited again. **

**Chapter 23: That's Real Good**

_"I will fuck you in this car," he warned. "Please, Bella. Let me get us home."_

It was like cat and mouse. I jumped out of the car as soon as it came to a stop and took off running out of the parking deck. Edward was not far behind, catching up with me in an unfair amount of time. He collided into me and wrapped his strong arms tightly around my torso. I laughed as he pushed me into the elevator once the doors had opened. He had me up against the wall with his tongue in my mouth in one fluid motion. _Fuck, he was sexy._

I moaned at the sensation, lifting my leg and hitching it to his hip. He held it there with his hand, using the leverage to grind into me.

"Fuck, Edward." My head, of its own accord, hit the back of the wall, and my eyes squeezed shut. His mouth moved its way down my neck and across my shoulder.

There was a ding and the doors opened up to the lobby, an elderly couple entering into the small space. We both froze in surprise, looking at each other. Edward removed himself from me slowly, smirking and turning around to face the front. I straightened myself up as well and smiled timidly to the people who probably saw a lot more then they wanted to. She winked at me and smiled, tucking herself into her husband. Edward, clearly forgetting this before, pressed the button that would bring us up to his apartment. _Stupid, foggy, sex-focused minds._

He grabbed my hand and squeezed, smirk still in place. The couple got off a few floors below Edward's place, and as soon as they walked off the both of us were in hysterics.

"That just happened," I said between breaths.

"And boom goes the dynamite."

The doors finally opened to his private floor and we got off, the intrusion cooling our fire.

"Uh, Edward?"

He was in the process of unlocking his door when he answered. "Yes, baby?"

"My bags are still in your car."

He looked around him as if he didn't believe me. "Well, shit."

I asked for his keys to go retrieve them, but of course, he denied me.

"I'll go get them, you get comfortable in here." He kissed my forehead and pressed the button for the elevator.

I walked into the grand space, feeling somewhat like a stranger. I used to feel so at home here; it had just been so long since I walked into his apartment. The last time I was here, I sat on the outside of his door, telling him that I loved him for the first time.

That seemed forever ago. So much had happened. We both were changing, growing. I just wished we were living life together. Long distance was wearing on me, and I had the impression that Edward was feeling the same way. But how were we supposed to fix it? It's a lot more difficult than just moving across the country. We both had lives to attend to.

I walked around Edward's home, reacquainting myself with the space. Jane's paintings hung beautifully on the walls, creating both a warm and hurtful glimpse into Edward's past. Her memory stayed so pure in his mind, putting up another wall in my own heart. I knew it wasn't right of me to compare myself to her, but how was I supposed to measure up to that?

My mood had taken a sudden shift downwards. I didn't expect this time with him to be so difficult. Why were all these hesitations flooding back? I yawned involuntarily and decided to wait for Edward in his bedroom. That's where we were heading, anyway. His bed was so comfortable, yet foreign.

Everything seemed so foreign at that moment.

**EPOV**

"Why are you getting so mad at me?" She crossed her arms tightly over her chest, glaring at me with her brown eyes.

"I don't know, Bella. You tell me?" I demanded.

"You need to calm down." Her voice was hard, not soothing or _calming._

"I need to calm down? _I_ need to calm down. You're the one who needs to get their shit together. You're all over my fucking case all the time."

"I just don't understand why you have to go into work right now. You said you took the next few days off. This isn't fair, Edward."

I picked up my coat and shrugged it over my shoulders. "Life isn't fair, Bella. But it's my job to make sure that people get to continue living theirs."

I picked up my keys and slammed the door shut on my way out. Today and yesterday had been a complete disaster. Special time with Bella had turned into a whirlwind of insults, smart ass comments, and non-stop bickering. It was ridiculous. It's like we couldn't talk anymore. Where had that connection gone?

Knowing that she was leaving soon didn't help either. I couldn't tell where my anger had come from, but we both had been on edge around each other and obviously not handling it well. When my pager went off, I jumped at the opportunity to get out of the apartment and put some space between us. I didn't _need_ to go into the hospital, but my time would be much better used there for a few hours than they would have been at home.

I pulled up to the familiar building and made my way inside, passing the staff and families in track to my office. I changed into my lab coat, reminding me of my importance and purpose here. _They needed me._

I knocked quietly on the pale blue door. "Hi, Mr. Aarons." I walked into the bright room and began my routine. I checked his charts, his heart rate, pupils, breathing, new bruises, lesions.

"Feeling any better today?" I asked him.

"Oh, you know. At this age it's quite normal to feel like a bus is set you run you over regularly." He laughed lightly and cupped his side in response to the pain it caused.

I increased his morphine drip. "Do you have any family coming in for Thanksgiving tomorrow?"

"Just my Mary."

I smiled and took good notice of the gold band that seemed engraved to the skin on his left hand.

"That's good, Mr. Aarons. That's real good."

"What about you, son? Spending the holiday with your wife?"

I pulled up a chair and took a seat. "No wife, sir."

He crocked an eye at me. "You're too old to be a bachelor. What's wrong, the ladies not do it for ya? That's fine by me, Cullen. I'm not judging." His hands went up in a motion of surrender.

I laughed and shook my head. "The ladies suit me just fine, Mr. Aarons. My wife died a few years ago."

His face fell. "I'm real sorry to hear that, son."

"It's nothing to be sorry for." I sat back in the chair and crossed one leg over the other. "I found someone else who's real good for me."

He nodded. "But…"

I sighed in frustration and ran my fingers through my hair. "Women, though. I just don't understand them!"

He laughed, the sounds echoing in the small room.

"That is something you will never come to find out, either. My Mary, she's great because she loves me. But sometimes you just have to surrender to the unknown, boy. You'll never figure it out."

"It's just, she's in town for a few days from New York…"

He interrupted me. "She live there?"

"Yeah."

"That's the first problem, son. Living on two sides of the country is a sure doing for disaster."

"It's been fine for months now. We've both been looking forward to this weekend and nothing is going right! We keep fighting about the stupidest things!"

"You put too much pressure on it. Nothing will go right if there are expectations set."

"It wasn't my intention to set expectations. I just missed her. I wanted to spend time with her, hold her. But as soon as we got back to my apartment after I picked her up from the airport, she snapped."

"Snapped?"

"Yeah. She forgot her bags in the car so I went down to get them for her. When I came back she was passed out in my bed, so, instead of waking her up, I let her rest. The gentlemanly thing to do, right?"

He nodded.

"But as soon as she woke up, she bit my head off for letting her sleep so long."

"And?" he prodded.

"I asked her where all resentment was coming from, and she threw her hands up, accusing me of not wanting to sleep with her! How the heck did we go from letting her take a nap from not wanting to have sex?"

"So I let that go, right, and asked if we could just move forward with the night," I continued. "I asked if she wanted to go out to dinner. So we both got ready, things were fine, and as soon as we walked into the restaurant she flipped out again. She just shut down and sulked to the table. I had no idea what the hell happened from the car ride over there to that point, but whatever it was went right over my head. So, I asked her. I wanted to know so I could fix the problem. She told me that if I didn't already know then I didn't deserve to find out."

Mr. Aarons just smiled.

"Like, what the hell is that! Just tell me so I'm not in the dog house for the rest of the night!"

He laughed and agreed.

"Dinner was awful. We barely talked and left before dessert, and not because we were rushing to get back home, if you know what I mean." I sighed and moved around in my seat. "And, best part is, she made me sleep on the couch last night. In my apartment, _I_had to sleep on the couch."

"Did you go to her in the night?" he asked.

I looked at him confused. "No. She told me not to."

He shook his head. "Rule number one, son. When women say things out of anger, always do the opposite of what they tell you to do."

"Wouldn't that just get me back to square one?"

"I'm guessing your lady wanted you to come to her, reassure her that you still wanted her even after the argument."

"I don't even know what I did!"

"Think about it, which is more important? Showing her that you love her, or having all the answers?"

We were both quiet for a moment.

"Because I promise you, son, you're never going to have all the answers."

**BPOV**

If there would be a song stuck in my head right now, it would be called, "Fuck You World, Love Bella" by me, Bella._Yeah, take that world._

I slammed my fist against the wall, probably doing more damage to my own hand than the standing fixture. _Ugh,_ I groaned.

Edward had just walked out of the apartment. Who the hell was he? Walking out on me? _Fine then, world. I'll show you some fuck you right back._ I picked up my purse and walked out. I opted to take the stairs, instead of the elevator. The burn in my legs really picked up six flights in, a nice bonus to my already peachy mood.

The outside Seattle air felt like ice in my lungs, the chills of approaching winter making an early appearance as I stepped outside. Of course I forgot my jacket in the apartment. _Figures, right?_

I turned left and began walking. I rubbed my hands up and down my arms in attempt to keep warm, but to no avail. I walked passed buildings, park benches, and bus stops. I walked through alleys and made random turns, just because I felt led to go that way. I walked around trees and under lamp posts. I walked past dogs on leashes and stray cats. I wasn't sure which one I felt worse for.

I walked as the sun continued to move in the sky. I finally stopped and sat down on a bench covered with shade. I put my elbows on my knees and rested my tired head in my hands, and I let it all out. I cried because I was angry. Angry with Edward, angry with myself. Angry that this fucking weekend, that was supposed to go so well, has hit rock bottom and then some. Right about now it's swirling around in the gutters, passing the bottom rocks in envy.

I felt the tears fall down through my fingertips and numb my already cold skin. My face burned from the wind, and I knew I needed to find a place inside. I lifted myself off of the bench and tried to wipe my face with my sleeve, successfully smearing black all over my white shirt. I hurried up across the street and walked into the first door I came in contact with. The red bricked building looking oddly familiar.

_The art gallery!_ I remembered coming here months ago with Alice and Emmett. I ran my hand over the white walls in awe.

"Can I help you?" an older man asked.

"I'm just looking, thank you," I said kindly and as clearly as I could in my post breakdown state.

"Let me know if you need anything." He slipped back behind the counter and resumed whatever work he was doing.

I slowly made my way around the grand space, taking in and observing all different types of art work. I came across my flower painting from a few months back, surprised that it was still hanging on the wall. Usually, a painting like this would have been sold or taken out of circulation after so many months. But I was glad. I really did love this painting.

_I came up to one painting in particular. The background was a mixture of dark blues and violets. Each stroke held its own meaning and they eventually faded into black. It was depressing and dark, but out of the darkness appeared a beautiful white daisy._

_A lady dressed in a bright yellow dress came and stood beside me. "Beautiful, isn't it?" she said._

_"Yes," I answered. "What does it mean?"_

_ She smiled, still looking at the painting. "What do you think it means?" she asked._

_ "It's dark," I observed._

_ "In parts, yes," she agreed. "What else?"_

_ "I don't understand the flower, it's almost as if the darkness is sucking it in, destroying it."_

_ She didn't say anything for a moment as she pondered my assessment. "Or the flower is simply emerging from the darkness, the beauty of it overcoming the evil."_

_ "Is it that simple?" I asked her._

_ She turned and looked at me then. "It's never that simple, but nonetheless-"she turned back to the painting, "-the flower, in all its beauty and innocence, represents strength. Not even the darkest hues can destroy it. But at the same time, it stands out most prominent against the black. It wouldn't look as important if it were against yellows or oranges."_

_ I just nodded and hummed in response._

_"It's not the easy parts of life that define us-it's the dark and the pain. But the flower is so much more beautiful this way." She looked me straight in the eye, and I had a feeling we weren't really talking about the flower anymore._

Of course, with the emotional state that I was in, I started with the tears _again_.

_Come on, Bella. Pull yourself together, woman! This is ridiculous._ I scoffed at my own inner monologue and told her to fuck off but wiped my eyes, nonetheless.

I vaguely caught bits of conversation that the man behind the counter was having over the phone. They were words like_what do you expect me to do?_And _I'm trying to!_

I left the flower painting and positioned myself further away, trying not to be intrusive. I heard the phone slam down a few minutes later and looked up at the noise.

"Sorry," he mumbled.

"It's quite all right." I looked back at the sculpture and then returned my eyes to him. "Is everything okay?"

He smiled—an old man, jolly grandfather, kind of smile. "Life's complications, that's all, dear."

I smiled and nodded my head.

"You know, I can ask the same of you," he said, taking in my tear stricken face.

"Just overly emotional."

He laughed and came around the counter to stand near me. "Quite a piece," he commented on the statute I was standing in front of.

"Who is the artist?"

"Jon Riley."

"Ah, yes! I should have known." Realization dawned on me. "I have some of his pieces in my gallery up in New York."

He cocked his head in my direction. "You own your own place up there?"

"Oh yeah, I've called it mine for about four years now. It's my favorite place in the world."

He smiled genuinely. "I know this feeling. It's been about twenty for me and this here place." He looked around at the inner walls. "A good twenty years here."

"You're the owner?"

He nodded. "Yes, but hopefully not for much longer."

"How come?"

"My wife has been begging me to sell the place. She wants to retire and move down south. Can't blame her, though. I just can't sell this place for the life of me. Who wants a gallery in this market?"

"The right person will come along," I assured him. "And they will love this place as much as you do."

He patted my shoulder and smiled so wide. "I really hope so."

The large clear doors were really hard to walk through, but I forced my legs to continue on, regardless. The inside hadn't changed; the blue chairs sat on the left side, full of needy people. The reception desk was still white and covered with charts and surrounded by people. The lights were just as bright as the walls were bare.

I walked past all of it, heading towards the elevator. Once inside, I huddled up against the wall to make room and felt the coolness of the metal covering. After the ding, I exited and took a right, passing identical looking doors.

The mahogany door stood out from the rest, and I gently knocked before I walked inside. The lights were on, but the place was vacant. I took a deep breath, walked around the large desk, and sat down in the big, black, leather chair. It squeaked in protest but did its purpose and held me upright.

All I could do now was wait.

**EPOV**

My heels dragged as I made my way back to my office. I felt like my body was wound as tight as it would go, needing a release so I didn't explode. _In the mental sense, of course. I'm not seventeen, pervs._

_Who are you calling a perv? You know you meant physical release. Don't deny it, Doc._

_ Yeah, fuck off._

"Edward?" Bella asked. _Bella?_ I walked into my office and saw her sitting in my chair.

"Are you talking to yourself?"

I felt my face deepen with color. "Uh, no?"

She laughed, the first laugh I heard from her in a while. "I think you were."

I stood awkwardly in my doorway. "Bella, what are you doing here?" I asked softly, confused.

Her face fell and she looked down at her hands in her lap. "I came to see you."

"Why?"

"Because I love you, Edward. Do I need another reason?"

I sighed and rested against the back wall. "I've missed hearing those words."

"Just because you piss me off, Doc, doesn't mean that I don't love you. Hell, it's probably because I do love you."

I walked over to her and knelt in front of the chair. "Why have you been so angry with me, then?"

She picked up her hand and ran in through my hair gently, her eyes focused on what her hands were doing.

"I don't know," she whispered.

I kept quiet.

"I've just missed you." Her voice caught and tears sprang in her eyes. "And I'm so damn emotional!" she exclaimed, laughing lightly out of frustration.

I cupped her face with my hand.

"I just had such high expectations for this weekend," she admitted.

"Me too, baby."

"I'm sorry I've been so difficult."

"Difficult is a little bit of an understatement." I smirked and she smacked my shoulder.

"Can we start over?" I asked.

"The weekend is halfway over, Edward. We leave for your parents' house tomorrow!"

"That's okay, baby. I just want a clean slate, starting now."

She smiled and nodded. "I would like that."

I leaned up and captured her mouth with mine, pressing our lips firmly together. Forgiveness laced through our kiss, passion burning through bodies.

"Stand up," I told her.

She complied and rose to her feet while I went over and shut and locked my office door. _Not letting strangers walk in on us this time._No way was I going to have a repeat of the elevator fiasco.

I walked back slowly over to her and removed my lab coat and shoes in the process. She followed suit with her own clothes. When I kissed her again, we were both naked and ready. I lifted her up onto my desk and kicked the chair out of the way.

I admired the lines of her body, feeling her curves with my hands and reacquainting myself with my beautiful woman. She truly was amazing. I kissed her shoulder and down her arm, placing a kiss in her palm when I reached her hand. I kissed the middle of her chest before bending down and kissing her navel.

"Edward, please," she begged.

"Patience, love. I've missed your body."

Her breath escaped her lips as I spread her legs and kissed the side of her knees. My hands rubbed up and down her bare legs, kneading her inside thighs with my thumbs. She fell back and held herself up on her elbows. I made more room for her on my desk by pushing the keyboard of my computer aside and removing the stack of papers.

"You're the favorite accessory on my desk, Bella."

"I want to be more useful than an accessory, Edward. Come on, you're driving me crazy."

I smirked and kissed her. "That's the point, baby."

She gripped my hair and brought my lips back to hers. She released me after a moment, but there was a spark in her eyes.

"Stop prolonging the inevitable, Edward, and do something your good at, already." She grabbed my length and aligned it with her entrance. "Fuck me," she demanded.

I moved my hips hard, connecting our bodies in an instant. It took her by surprise, and I gave her a minute to adjust. I swore in concentration, trying not to lose it so quickly.

"Ready?" I asked her.

She nodded her head, a smile playing on her lips. "Always."

I gripped her lower back to hold her in place, and she tightly wrapped her legs around my body. I moved quickly, forcefully entering her, only to remove myself almost completely and doing it again.

She cried out my name, throwing her head back, barely able to keep herself upright. It was a delicious torture between the pleasure of her body and the pain of control. I needed this to last longer; I owed it to both of us.

I shifted my hips and entered her at a new angle. She completely abandoned holding up her body and fell onto the desk, her back pressed firmly against the smooth wood.

"Come on, Bella," I pleaded. She reached down and touched herself. I felt the inside of her react to the pleasure. She was close. I felt it. I craved it.

"Get up here," I demanded. I helped her sit up while not stopping moving inside her. She wrapped one arm around my neck and kept one hand where we were joined. I held onto her back with one hand and held the back of her neck in the other, bringing her mouth to mine.

I kissed her hard, pushing my tongue inside, matching its movements with the thrusts of my hips. The added sensation threw her over, and I felt as her climax held me to her. I tried to silence her cries but didn't have much luck. She sank against me when she came down from her high, but I kept moving, holding her to my chest. Her arms held me tight, holding on for dear life as I continued.

She purposefully tightened herself, and I felt myself lose it. She put her hand over my mouth as I cried out her name. I collapsed on her shoulder, and she wobbled under my weight.

"Oh, Bella," I sighed.

She stroked my back gently. I lifted her up while still inside of her and sat us down in my chair. She rested her tired head on my shoulder, kissing the inside of my neck.

"That was quite a way to start over our weekend," she commented.

"I should have done that yesterday."

She kissed me again. "Let's make up for it when we get home. Are you done here?"

"Yeah, I was on my way back to my office to get my stuff when I found you."

She smiled. "Good."

We stayed where we were, looking at each other. "What time are we leaving for your parents tomorrow?"

"Early, probably around nine."

She hopped off my lap. "Okay, Doc. Let's go then. We got a lot of making up to do before we hit the road."

I laughed and started to dress. When we were both as straightened up as possible, we left the office hand-in-hand.

I held onto her tightly as I passed Mr. Aarons' door. "Hold on one second, Bella."

She looked confused but didn't question me as I stuck my head into his room.

He was surprised to see me. "Back so soon?"

I laughed. "Just wanted to say goodbye, Mr. Aarons."

He smiled. "Bye, son. You going home to that woman of yours?"

"Sure am."

"Good, boy. That's real good."

**End Notes:**

**So I'm guessing this chapter wasn't what you were expecting? Yeah, me neither. I fought with this chapter for a while and had a completely different outline for it. But as you know, this isn't my story; it's theirs, so that is why it took so damn long. I'm really sorry. If you follow me on twitter (kas90_) you know all about my frustrations with ch 23. **

**Anyway, thank you for your continued support. We surpassed 200 hundred reviews for FTGH last chapter, which I was very excited about. Let's see if we can get to 300 by the time I'm finished with it. *hint hint* **

**And remember, if you review you get a preview for the next chapter. Its totally worth the thirty seconds. **

**Okay, okay, I'm done begging for reviews. I'm gonna let Bell and Doc play now, so until next time, my lovelies. **


	24. Chapter 24

**Look who's back! *waves* It hasn't been that long… a little over a week. Whew! High five? …Anyone? **

**Twilightzoner… I'm so glad you put up with my lack of commas and tense problems. Thank you! **

**Reviewers… my day is made with your thoughts. All of them are so wonderful. I hope you enjoyed your massive preview. 951 words… just sayin. **

**And here we go again… will it ever end? Unlikely, at this rate… **

**Chapter 24: A Poppin Ramen Holiday **

"I spy, with my little eye, something… blue!"

"Alice, we are not playing eye-spy," Edward grumbled from the driver's seat.

"The sky?" I humored her, looking out the window while Edward made an audible groan of annoyance.

"Really, Bella? Out of everything, you think I would pick the sky? The most obvious answer out there," Alice said, condemning.

"Am I right?" I turned in my seat and smiled at her.

"Damn it," she sulked, leaning back in her seat.

Jasper and I laughed while Edward kept his stern face focused on the road ahead of him.

"What's got your panties in a bunch, Eddie?"

"Don't start, Jasper," he said sharply. The air in the car suddenly got very heavy.

"I spy," I began, trying to break the tension…

"With your little eye," Alice added.

I laughed and started over. "I spy, with my little eye-" I looked around the car, the scenery outside "-something green."

I saw Edward smirk, relaxing a little bit. I reached over, pried his right hand off the steering wheel, and wrapped it in mine while Jasper and Alice began guessing.

"The trees!"

"No, Alice."

"Your shoes."

I lifted up my converses. "These are black, Jasper."

"The numbers on the dash?"

"Nope."

"Alice's nail polish."

"Good guess, but no."

"My dress?"

I shook my head.

"The shrub."

"No."

"The flowers?"

"Nuh-uh."

"Edward's bad mood?" Alice shot in.

"Not even that." I winked at him.

"I think I know what it is," the man of silence finally added.

"Okay…"

"You spy…"

"With my little eye," I added, pointing to said eye.

"You spy, with your little eye… my little eye." He turned and looked at me, smiling my favorite lopsided smile.

I just giggled and nodded, leaning across the console to kiss him.

"Ugh, you guys are gross," Alice mumbled.

"Bite me," I said between kissing Edward's cheek and neck. At least it brightened his mood a little bit.

"What's bothering you, baby?" I asked him softly once Jasper and Alice got going with their own conversation. He simply brought our tangled hands up to his mouth and kissed my knuckles, keeping my soft hand to his even softer lips.

"It's nothing. I'll lighten up," he murmured. "Promise." He smiled over at me but didn't release his grip of my hand.

"I love you. You know that, right?" I rested my chin on his shoulder, the pain of the awkward position worth the pleasure of touching more of him.

He smiled so brightly and closed his eyes for a second before returning them to the road. "It's impossible not to love you, Bella."

"Are you going to tell me what's bothering you?"

He turned his head and kissed my forehead. "Please, don't worry, love. We'll talk later. Just enjoy the ride now, okay?"

I nodded and went back to my own seat, feeling the denim of my jeans slide across the leather of his Volvo. I picked around my purse until I found my sunglasses to shield my eyes. It was amazing that I even needed them. The sun was bright _and_ the sky was blue. If I didn't live in New York and experience this regularly, I would have thought that this was the second coming.

With consent from Jasper and a begrudging shrug from Alice, I had Edward roll the windows down and turn up the music. If we were going to have a road trip, we were going to do it right. Plus, if I had to listen to Alice sing about another beer bottle on the wall, I was going to snap.

I fumbled through Edward's iPod, laughing at the typical guy music on there. He had his good moments, with some great classical pieces and some legendary hits, but as soon as I scrolled through his _Guilty Pleasure_ mix – yes, it was titled Guilty Pleasure-I lost it.

"Dirty Pop? Really, Edward?" I said, laughing. "I didn't know you were into the whole boy band scene."

"Do you ever wonder why, this music gets you high? It takes you on a ride," he sang along with the sounds of Justin Timberlake and Lance Bass, bopping his head and dancing in his seat. _Apparently his good mood was back._

Jasper chimed in through the backseat. "Feel it when your body starts to rock! Baby, you can't stop. And the music's all you got."

"It must be pop!" they said together before not so successfully attempting the beatboxing section of the song. _How embarrassing,_I thought. Funny as shit, but I was embarrassed enough for all of us.

"So," Alice chimed in when the song ended, "how mad would you be if I posted that on You-Tube."

"Alice," Edward said deadpanned. "You did not record that."

She burst out laughing. "You bet your sour ass I did."

"Let me see, let me see!" I reached my hand out for her Blackberry. I sat back in my seat and re-watched their performance, laughing harder the second time.

"You will delete that," he warned.

"Don't get all worked up, Edward," I said sweetly. "You know I think you're cuter than JC. Maybe not Justin, but you have JC beat!"

He looked over at me, and his face finally relaxed, a smile gracing his beautiful lips. "You will pay for that comment."

"Oh, I'll hold you to that one," I challenged.

"You sure about that?" he asked wickedly.

"And we're done," Alice said, taking her phone back. "That conversation officially went somewhere that was definitely not appropriate for Alice ears."

We all laughed and went back to the comfortable sounds of our favorite guilty pleasure boy band, while I so luckily got to hold the hand of my favorite, terrible-sounding, incredibly delicious, not-so-much-of-a-boy-but-a-man boyfriend.

"Esme, are you sure you don't need help with anything?" I asked, walking into the kitchen, trying to find something to do. Edward had been locked away with Carlisle in his study for a while now, and Alice and Jasper were… not available.

She smiled lovingly at me and passed me an apron. "Usually, I would say no, Bella. I'm very protective of my Thanksgiving meal."

I laughed. "That doesn't really surprise me."

She came around the granite counter and tied the teal apron around my waist before wrapping me in a warm embrace. "But I would love your help this year."

"I'll try not to screw it up." I winked and started chopping up onions.

"Eh," she shrugged, "if it's really bad, Dominos is always open. I doubt the boys would care either way."

"I'm sure TV dinners would also suffice," I added.

"Easy-mac, maybe?"

"I hear there's turkey flavored Ramen Noodles."

She laughed deeply. "Yes, that would be perfect. They would never know the difference."

"_Men,"_we said at the same time, sending us into a fit of laughter.

"Okay, okay, you guys are officially cut off," Edward's voice chimed in from the entrance way, striding into the kitchen alongside Carlisle.

"Edward, dear, I would like to see you try and take away my alcohol. There are some necessities in life, and my cabernet is something that I advise you do not mess with," Esme countered, leaning over to kiss her husband as he wrapped his arms around her.

"Speaking of which…" Carlisle picked up her empty wine glass and went to the fridge to refill it.

"You know that it's barely noon yet, right, Mom?"

She winked and causally lifted her now full glass towards Edward before taking a sip. "Don't you have a football game to watch or something? You're ruining the whole cooking, drinking, bonding with your pretty girlfriend experience for me."

"Nuh-uh, Mom. I'm stealing her back." He wrapped his strong arms around my small waist and started pulling me backwards.

"Edward Anthony Cullen, you let go right now," she snapped, her voice causing everyone in the room to stop.

Her outburst was followed by giggles, but Edward released my waist, anyway. "Now get out of here, boys. The kitchen is off limits to you for a while. Bella, dear, you get back to work, unless you boys would rather have Roman Noodles."

"You mean Ramen, Ma?"

"I said, out!" She took up a dish towel and hit the guys with it until they left.

"So bossy," they murmured as they walked away.

"Whew!" she exclaimed. "Now… where were we?"

"BELLA!"

"Bella, Bella, Bella!"

"Belllll-a"

"Bel…"

"Jesus, Edward! What the hell is it?" I rushed into the living room, hands covered in stuffing mess.

"Hi, baby," he said sweetly.

I narrowed my eyes at him before taking notice of the center table covered in empty beer bottles.

"Hold on," I murmured, heading back into the kitchen to wash my hands and remove my apron. I walked back into the room and sat down on Edward's open lap. He immediately tucked me into his side and rested his head on top of my own, making happy, drunken noises.

"How much have you had to drink, love?" I asked, chuckling.

"I'm not drunk from beer, _Bella_," he said as if it were obvious.

"Oh, really?"

"I'm drunk off of _you_."

"That many, huh?"

He smirked and leaned in to kiss me. "You taste like honey," he commented.

"You taste like Sam Adams."

"Lucky for you." He winked.

I sighed, running my now clean hand through his shiny hair, thinking about how lucky I truly was to be spending Thanksgiving with him and his family.

"Dad would have loved this," I said softly, not meeting his gaze. He nodded and kissed me again.

"He would have."

I smiled and lifted myself off his lap. "Back to work," I said, lifting my voice to sound less depressing. "Another beer, honey?"

"Yes, darling." He winked and pulled me back for another kiss, refusing to let me go after I tried to pull away.

"I'm thankful for you," he said, voice barely above a whisper.

"I'm thankful for you too, Edward."

"Isabella Marie Swan! Why are you still in this kitchen?" Alice came strolling through as I was putting the last few touches on dinner.

"You need to go get ready. I didn't buy you that dress for nothing."

"Hold on just one more second," I said, not really intending to go change at all.

She took a hold of my wrist and halted my movements. "Bella," she reprimanded. "I'll finish this, you go get ready."

I grudgingly stopped what I was doing and walked up the stairs towards Edward's bedroom. I opened the door, humming to my own little tune, and stopped when I found a little present for me on the bed. It was wrapped in a soft down comforter and bronze hair.

I tiptoed towards his bed, looking down at the beautiful man passed out cold under his covers. I ran my hand through his hair and he stirred adorably beneath me. I kissed his forehead before turning and heading towards the attached bathroom.

The stream of water was burning liquid, consuming my skin, turning it light pink at its mercy. The heavy flow seeped through my hair, washing away the smells of a Martha Stewart kitchen. I poured out a small amount of his shampoo, moaning lightly when I felt the tingle on my scalp._This must be really expensive shampoo._

"Having fun in here without me?" I turned around suddenly as Edward stepped into the shower in all of his naked glory.

"Oh yeah, baby," I moaned, rubbing my scalp. "My fingers just feel so good."

He reached down to my core. "As good as mine?"

I gasped at his touch, smiling as his erection joined the party. "Not everyone was blessed with long fingers like Edward Sissorhands."

"I guess I should put them to good use then." He tipped my head back and washed out all of the shampoo from my hair before trapping my body against the shower wall.

"I can think of something else you could put to use."

"And what would that be, exactly?" His husky voice traveled through my ear and shot heat right to my center.

"If you can't figure it out then you don't deserve to use it." I smirked.

"I'm trying to think who would be more disappointed." He reached down between us. "You seem pretty excited."

I brought my fingers up and ran them down his tight jaw. "My fingers were doing a fine job before you came in here."

"Are you willing to demonstrate?"

I stopped. "You're kidding, right."

He smiled wickedly. "Not in the slightest." He took my hand in his and turned it so my fingertips were pressed to my neck and his hand was secured around it, guiding me. "Look at me," he commanded. My eyes met his and the moment became that much more personal. He slowly led my hand down my neck, across my breast, and past my stomach, making achingly slow movements, all without breaking eye contact.

"Edward, I want you to do it." My breathing was getting heavier with each stroke.

He shook his head. "Just feel it, baby." He let go of my hand when I got into a rhythm and brought them instead to my breasts.

"Kiss me," I pleaded.

His lips crashed to mine, and I rocked my body to the movements of his tongue. He set the pattern for my strokes, and I felt my knees get weak with each passing movement. The pressure continued to build, gloriously preparing my muscles for the delicious explosion.

"Please," I panted. He removed my fingers and entered me, causing my world to crumble in a spiral of ecstasy. He held my leg around his waist, hooking it there for leverage.

"I'll never get enough of you," he half moaned into the curve of my neck.

"I never want you to."

I felt the water transform from fire to ice, only aiding in the bringing of my second orgasm. "I'm so close." My voice was begging.

He bit my shoulder, the pain mixed with the ice droplets sending me over the edge yet again. I was barely able to notice the heat shooting into me as Edward let go as well, my high clouding any thought process.

He liked the spot he bit, humming into my neck. "You are absolutely delicious."

"Do you like my new dress?" I asked him, smoothing down the fabric on my body.

He smiled as he buttoned up his white shirt. "You look lovely, Bella."

"You ready?" I asked as his fingers pushed through the last button.

"Come here for a second."

I took the few steps over to him, wrapping my arms around his waist as he gently pushed my hair back behind my ear. "You okay?" I asked.

He nodded, smiling slightly. "Can we put some time aside to talk later? There are some things that I need to tell you."

My brows came together as a worried expression outlined my features. "Is everything all right?"

"Yes, of course. No need to worry, I just want to talk." He kissed my forehead and smoothed out my face with the tabs of his thumbs.

"Okay, I trust you." I removed myself from his embrace and laced my small hand in his, making the walk down to the dining room together.

"There you two are!" Esme said in her own greeting. "Dinner is about ready. Edward will you get the drinks?"

"Sure, Mom."

I offered to help but was beat out into the dining area by another one of Esme's dish towels. I took a seat across from Alice, smiling at my best friend and thinking how happy I was to be spending another holiday with her.

Everything on the table looked delicious. Stuffing, rice, cranberry sauce, green bean casserole, my stomach cheered at the sight. Edward shuffled in with his mom, carrying wine glasses and filling them up for us.

"The only thing missing now is the turkey!" she exclaimed and turned back into the kitchen to go retrieve it. The sound of the doorbell took me by surprise, and everyone simultaneously looked up at each other.

"I got it," Edward said, kissing my head before he walked out of the room.

The person who walked through door of the dining room a few moments later had everyone's faces turn white as ghosts. There was a loud crash behind us, and we all turned around to see that Esme had dropped the turkey all over her pale carpeted floor.

"I guess Ramen it is," I quipped uncomfortably from my seat.

**End Notes: **

**Well, sorry for the cliff. Okay, not really. I actually enjoy them quite thoroughly. **

**I hate to do this but I'm not sure if the reviewers will get a preview this time… I really don't want to give the next chapter away. I really hope that doesn't discourage you from reviewing, though.**

**ALSO! Go check out the Love Lost contest… **.net/u/2458839/Love_Lost_Contest **Since I provided the link, you must go check it out… and vote! I can't tell you which one is mine but after the contest ends I'll post it on Twilighted and on ffnet. **

**Okay, friends. Please review. This fic needs some serious lovin. **


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter 25: Cry of Desperation **

**Hello friends, yes it has been a while. I just couldn't figure out how I wanted this chapter to play out… but now you're left with this. Hope it was worth the wait. I'm so excited to post it for y'all! Probably one of my favorites… **

**Oh, and for those of you who reviewed last chapter- you rock. Even without a promise of a preview you guys rocked that review button. Sincere thanks : ) **

**READ THIS A/N! ….**

**So, remember that time when Rosalie showed up at Emmett's door the night he, Alice, and Bella went out to the bars. Rose told him that night everything that happened with Royce (rape, beatings, her daughter). Yes, well, if not, please re-read the first half of chapter 22. **

**This chapter is taking off from that night. Sorry if you're not into RPOV. I think it's needed. Everything will come full circle though, lovelies. Don't you worry. **

**Twilightzoner… beta / validater extraordinaire. Thank you! **

**SM still gets all the rights. **

**Okay, enough of my rambling. Drum roll, please… **

**RPOV**

I pleaded and insisted that I stayed in a hotel. I could almost feel the plush, comfortable mattress supporting my small frame, and I could physically taste the silky chocolate that they placed so delicately on your pillows. However, reality came in the forms of sharp springs as I twisted and turned on Emmett's worn couch. He begged me to stay here- begged, bargained, shamelessly took my wallet, keys, and phone, so I was forced to stay. At first, I thought it was sweet. Now that I could smell Alice's puke, however, I was sure that this was some form of punishment.

Nonetheless, I stepped over a sleeping Emmett, who was sprawled out on the ground, and lifted myself up, the pads of my manicured feet nosily making their way over to a very sick Alice.

"Rose, go back…" _Hello, projectile vomit._ "…to bed." She looked at the swamp colored acid mix that was now spewed all over the wall and raced to the bathroom before she had a repeat performance. I followed her quickly and used my hands to hold back the stray hairs that threatened to get mixed into the mess. She collapsed over the toilet and her stomach attacked again.

I reached over the sink and grabbed the hand towel, wetting it before placing it on her forehead. "You don't have to do this, Rosalie," she said weakly.

I stroked her black hair and remained quiet. I didn't bother mentioning that even though everyone else thought I was a bitch, I took care of the ones I loved, and I loved her brother, so, therefore, she was included in the small circle of protection I had built up over the years.

"How does some water sound?" I asked. She nodded her small head in response.

Alice looked like a small child, curled up around the porcelain bowl. I held the cool glass up to her lips and instructed her to take small bits at a time. She obliged cooperatively with closed, heavy eyes. After about another half hour of sitting with her, I helped her to her feet and led her to the couch. I took the kitchen garbage can, replaced it with a fresh bag, and placed it next to her incase her body tried to dislodge the alcohol again. She was asleep within minutes.

I continued to clean up the mess in the hall and the places where she missed the bowl in the bathroom. I wiped the entire areas down with bleach and started the washer with the spoiled towels. It was breaking dawn by the time I had finished, and I checked on Alice again before I took up residence on the neighboring arm chair.

I really didn't intend on falling asleep, but when I awoke, the apartment was left vacant. The sun was blinding, shining through his larger than average windows. _Larger than average_- that saying applied to many things Emmett… his frame, his heart, his…ahem.

I rubbed my smudged eyes, wondering again how much it was a miracle that he had accepted me last night. He heard everything, and I wasn't exactly vague in my descriptions, and yet, he still wanted me. He held on for dear life when I first tried to leave, his large hands probably leaving imprints in my skin.

He wanted me to tell my family, he thought that would be what would be best for me, but I shook my head. _"Please, don't make me do it,"_ I pleaded, tears of fear flowing freely.

He told me he wouldn't force me into anything, and I literally collapsed in relief. We didn't talk much after that, and I wondered where conversation would lead us today. I cleaned myself up in his bathroom, using his shower to wash the filth of the memories from my skin. I still felt physically ill when I thought about what happened in my past. The bruises had long faded but the scars were daily reminders. I had stretch marks from Annalisa, a faint mark above my eyebrow from banging my head after one of the random friends threw me off of him after he had finished, and other random scars across my body from that dreaded time.

_How pathetic,_ I thought. And poor Emmett. He would always be subjected to these imperfections on my body- outward evidence of the ugliness that had become me.

"Rosalie?" The bathroom door creaked open and Emmett's strong voice filtered in.

"Yeah, I'm in here."

"I'm going to make some coffee, would you like some?"

"That sounds great, thanks," I said from behind the cover of the curtain. I finished my shower and dressed in Emmett's bedroom before I met him in the kitchen.

"Hi," I said quietly, propping myself up on a stool. "Where were you this morning?"

He smiled and placed a steaming, blue mug on the counter before me. "I took the girls back. They were both pretty messed up this morning, I figured they would like to sleep it off in their own beds.

"Thank you, by the way," he added, looking at me through his long lashes from his leaning stance against the opposite counter. "Alice told me all about her late night activities. I really appreciate you taking care of my family, and then cleaning up on top of that."

I smiled. "You don't need to thank me for a thing, really."

He put his mug down and strode to where I was sitting, turning me around so he could stand between my knees. He gently took my face into his hands and pushed the fallen hair back.

"Yes, I do." He kissed me then, pressing his lips firmly against mine.

"You are magnificent, Rosalie. Absolutely magnificent."

*-*x*-*

"So," Emmett began, "what would you like to do today?"

We had just finished washing the dishes from breakfast this morning. It had been a week since I'd gotten here, and staying with Emmett had been amazing.

He worked during the day, while I stayed in his apartment, having brought work from back home. He was an architect, designing beautiful buildings for cities across the country. I did freelance editing work for a publishing house in Seattle. I loved the flexibility of my career.

"Why don't we stay in," I suggested.

"Rosalie, you haven't left this apartment in a week. It's beautiful outside! Let's go out and get some fresh air. Can I tempt you with all the great touristy spots of New York?"

I laughed, wrapping my arms around him. "You tempted me with all the touristy spots last time I flew out here to visit."

"Oh, there are plenty touristy thing-a-ma-dads we haven't gotten to yet. You're going to have to move here to be able to get through all of them!"

"Sounds tempting."

He kissed the top of my head. "That is does. However, no heavy topics today. Just fun, ridiculous, Emmettfied fun."

"I'm up for being Emmettfied," I said seductively.

"Nuh, uh, baby. Later, later. Now, we're getting you out of this apartment." He led me out of the kitchen by my shoulders. "Go get dressed," he said, slapping my ass as I walked away.

I turned around, feigning shock and grabbing my behind. "You're going to pay for that!"

He laughed. "Good. I'll be looking for some rosy-punishment. Get it? Rosy punishment, as in you're Rosy."

"Yeah, yeah, I got it without the explanation, baby."

"Always so smart," he sighed.

An hour later we were both showered, dressed, and ready to leave.

"Aren't you going to be cold?" I asked him, taking in his simple attire of jeans, tshirt, and jogging jacket.

"Nah, I'm used to it. The cold doesn't really bother me."

I just shook my head. I, on the other hand, wrapped myself tightly in dark jeans, high boots, a sweater, scarf, peacoat, and gloves. "It is November out there, babe. A cold, very cold, November."

He laughed. "Yeah, yeah. I'm not worried."

"Okayyyy," I said, unbelieving. "You ready, big man?"

"Yes, little lady."

I grabbed my purse and walked out as he locked the place up. We walked hand in hand down the hallway and out of the building.

"So where are we going?" I asked as we stepped outside.

"Places."

"How elusive."

He looked down at me, a smile so big that I had to smile in return. "I'm going to spoil you rotten today, Ms. Rosalie."

"Is that so? I don't deserve to be spoiled."

"Blah, blah, bullshit," he said as he pulled my hand and began walking down the sidewalk.

"Well, do I at least get to be clued in on this little adventure."

"No-sir-re-bob, little thing."

"Okay, okay, big man. Do you're magic then," I surrendered, smiling.

"Magic? Can I use my big magic stick?"

I laughed, a deep belly laugh. "I suggested that earlier! You turned me down for touristy shenanigans."

"Ugh," he grunted. "I guess you're right. Well, I'll work my romantic, awesome, charming magic now, and then we can have the big magic boom-boom tonight."

"Big magic boom-boom?"

"Yeah, baby- me, you, boom-boom in my room-room," he chanted, shaking his hips.

"With the magic stick," I added.

"Oh, he will be there."

"Wouldn't want to have him miss out on any of the fun, now would we?"

"He's always up for the party, baby."

"Haha – up. Get it? _Up_ for the party," I said laughing.

"Yes, and I got it without the explanation."

I laughed again. "I think I'm turning into you, Mr. Brandon."

"Or just falling for me."

"Falling hard."

He leaned down to kiss me. "It's a good thing I got big arms to catch you."

"Look at you being all charming," I cooed, nudging his arm.

"Charming is one of my specialties, baby girl."

"Yeah, as long as I'm the only one being subjected to your charming ways."

"The one and only."

*-*x*-*

"Ice cream… in November?" I asked incredulously.

"Ice cream doesn't have a time limit, sweet cheeks. Its tasty goodness deserves to be enjoyed year round." He opened up the door to the ice cream shop on the corner and the little bells alerted the teenage Justin Bieber look-a-like to our presence.

Emmett, such a child trapped into large body. A large body that had pressed itself to the viewing glass, leaving nose prints on the frosted plates.

"Honey, someone has to wash those glasses, you know. Try not to get your snot everywhere."

"Oh, Rosie, Rosie, Rosie. You really got to get a good view of the cream, babe. This is a big decision that a lot of factors go into."

"What kind of factors, exactly?"

"Well, first," he said, point to the glass. "Come closer, cheese-nip, and take a look."

I leaned down with him. Yes, I was well aware how ridiculous must have seen to teen-bob over there.

"What exactly am I looking for?"

"You see the little ice bits? That means it's not going to be as good, so even though it might be your favorite flavor, you wouldn't get as much enjoyment out of it, then you would be left disappointed. We wouldn't want that, now would we?"

I laughed and shook my head. "Guess not."

"And you see that there?" He pointed to the chocolate mixture. "That chocolate bunch has some mint mixed in, from when they didn't wash the scoopers out all the way. Now, I know that my Rosie bear doesn't like mint, so I would be one unhappy camper if you got mint in with your chocolate."

"You are a sweet one," I said, nudging him a little.

"Just incredibly thorough," he replied, looking at me through his long lashes.

"Yes, that you are," I agreed.

"So, uh, you guys see anything you want, yet?" J-Biebs asked, interrupting our stare down by the frozen treats.

"I'll take birthday cake with sprinkles, gummy bears, and oreos," Emmett said loudly.

"Size?"

"Extra large," he responded smugly with an added smirk.

I laughed and looped my arm with his as we stood.

"And for you?"

"I will have…"

"This is a big decision, Rosie," Emmett whispered in my ear.

"…Strawberry."

"Okay, then."

"No, wait, I'm not done." He turned and looked at me impatiently.

"Strawberry ice cream, with white chocolate chips, chocolate syrup, and whip cream… extra large, with a cherry on top, please."

"That's my girl," Emmett said proudly, draping his arm over my shoulder.

"Gotta go all out if you're going to do it," I replied.

"Is that your life motto?" he asked me.

I laughed, "I don't think that really clarifies as a life motto, but sure, why not? _Gotta go all out_." I laughed again. "I kinda like it," I said, smiling up at him.

"I like it, too, baby."

*-*x*-*

"So, you're planning on spoiling me rotten with a new wardrobe?" I asked as we threw away our finished ice cream and walked into a boutique across the street.

He laughed and held the door open for me. "Not exactly… but, I know you only flew out here with a few things. So… I thought we could get you some new stuff, you know, so you don't run out of clean underwear or anything."

"Is this your big plan to get me to stay in New York longer?"

"Is it working?" He looked at me shyly, unsure of himself.

I smiled and took his hand, leading him deeper into the store. "The fact that you're willingly subjecting yourself to shopping with me is enough to get me to stay a little bit longer."

"Well, you know," his smile was back, "a key condition to this grand plan is that you have to try on everything for my personal viewing pleasure."

"Okay, big man. You can look… you just cant touch," I said, winking.

He groaned. "That's the sweetest kind of torture, ladybug."

"Now, you can have a seat right here," I instructed, leading him towards a big couch that was in the middle of the store. "I have some shopping to do!"

*-*x*-*

"Where are you going?" I pouted, lifting my heavy head from the pillow. Emmett had just slipped his t-shirt over his strong torso.

"I have to take Bella and Alice to the airport. They're flying out to Seattle today."

I sighed, laying my head back on the comfort of packed feathers and blocked out the unwanted uneasiness that statement had just caused me.

Another week had past since I have first arrived, and a week since the grand ice-cream, shopping adventure, that was delightedly followed by a redbox movie and couch sex. Life with Emmett here was just so… simple. Uncomplicated. Easy. _Liberating._ I was no longer deadpanned with haunting memories day in and day out.

But like all good things, it couldn't last forever.

"I'll be back, okay. Do you want me to pick up breakfast on my way back?"

"No, I'll cook something eventually."

He laughed and kissed my forehead. "I'll stop at McDonalds."

I smiled and drifted back to sleep.

When I awoke an hour later, I climbed into the shower, trying again to push back unwanted thoughts of my family. Did I miss them? Of course. Did I deserve to see them? Absolutely not. Not after all this time, not after the things I did. I was a disgrace, a bad seed, unworthy.

I stepped out after the water had run cold and got dressed, blowing out my hair and applying my usual makeup. Afterwards, I packed it all.

I removed my clothes from the dryer, folding mine before stuffing it in my suitcase and hanging up what was Emmett's. All of my shoes, my new clothes, my accessories, they all went into the bag.

It was time.

I heard the door to the apartment open, and I left the bedroom before Emmett had the chance to come in.

"Hey, babe," he called out, carrying a large bag of McDonalds, true to his word.

"Hi." I lifted myself on my toes to give him a kiss.

"Mmmm," he hummed, putting the bag down on the counter and wrapping his arms around my waist. "You always smell so good, Rosie."

"And you," I said, kissing his neck, "smell like sausage Mcmuffins." He laughed and released me, opening the bag, the smells being released filling through the small kitchen.

"I already had some in the car, but I'm already hungry again so I got more for me, just in case."

"What did you get me?" I asked, peaking over the bag.

He handed me some small container with blue and red smeared liquid and yogurt resemblance thing inside it.

"And that is what, exactly?"

"I don't know. Don't girls like this shit?"

I raised my eyebrow at him and took the bag, seeing what else was inside.

"Now, this is more like it," I said, pulling out a chicken biscuit.

"Hey!" he objected.

"Hay is for horses, baby; good greasy food is for me. Thanks!" I kissed him on the cheek before taking my biscuit to the table.

"Women," he grumbled behind me. I giggled and took a bite, it was delicious.

I didn't notice that he had left the kitchen until he walked back in, incredibly somber.

"What?" I asked, mouth full of chicken.

"When were you planning on telling me you were leaving?"

Oh. _That._

"Maybe you should sit down." I swallowed the remainder of the food.

"No, Rosalie, I don't want to sit down."

"Emmett, please, it's not what you think," I tried to reason.

"Then what is it?" he asked, getting heated.

"Nuh, uh, no way," I said, shaking my head. "I am not going to allow this to escalate into something it's not," I relayed with strength. "Now, please, sit down and let me talk before you self combust."

"I'll stand."

Ugh, men. "Fine." I also stood. "Thanksgiving is in a few days," I began.

"Yeah? And?"

"Emmett… I haven't missed one holiday with my daughter."

Things clicked in that stubborn head of his.

"When are you leaving? Gosh, Rose, I wish you would have told me you weren't going to be here! I would have gone with Alice," he whined, rubbing his forehead with the back of his hand.

"I was actually hoping you would come with me," I said nervously, playing with my hands.

He was quiet for a moment, not really looking at me.

"Is that such a good idea?" he finally asked after a long stretch of silence.

I was taken aback. "Why wouldn't it be a good idea?" I asked defensively.

"She's your daughter, Rose. You really want to bring me into that picture?"

I felt like I had been slapped across the face. This was his form of rejection. "What are you trying to say, Emmett? Do you not want to be brought into the picture?"

"That's a big step, Rosalie. I just… I don't know. I'm not really dad material; I'm not ready for all of that."

"I'm not asking you to be her father."

"Then why even meet her?"

Shocked. Yes, I was shocked. I'm pretty sure I stood there with my mouth agape for at least a minute before pulling myself together. Not ready for that? I was taking a huge leap of faith, bringing him further into my life, after months of being together, practically living together for these past two weeks, after everything. I knew, _I knew,_ he didn't really want me. _Why even meet her?_ Was he joking?

Because Annalisa was a part of me. He didn't truly want me if he didn't even want to at least meet her. How could I have been so stupid? So delusional?

I walked right passed him, ignoring him as he called my name. I lifted up my purse and my bag, walking out of the apartment door with strength.

"Rose, don't go. Come on, let's talk about this."

I turned around, anger blocking out any potential tears. "I came to you, I told you about my past and about my demons. You said you accepted me, that you understood. You said you still wanted me. You are a dirty liar," I spat and turned around, walking out and away from just another man who didn't get it.

The cab was surprisingly easy to get, waiting at the airport, however, was a nightmare. It was packed with seas of people. I dished out a shit load of money to get a ticket to California this last minute, and I still had to wait six hours before the flight left.

Six hours. Have you ever sat still for six hours? Especially while fuming, six hours in an airport was torture. I was teetering on a cliff of full-on impending rage and just as equally emerging red- -blotchy-swollen-face-snot-running-everywhere-loud-empalling-wails crying.

Rage won.

I paced, I paced that floor like it had never been paced before. My shoes' lining were being worn thin from my continuous pacing. It was the whole crossed-arms-over-chest-head-down-muttering-incoherent-words-to-myself pacing.

People looked at me as if I were crazy. Mad crazy. Crazy to the point of insanity, crazy.

But crazy came with my rage.

Rage. Oh, yes, I was raging.

I think I even stomped my foot and yelled "Rage, Rage, Rage!" at one point.

Yup, definitely crazy.

"Ma'am," a security guard approached me. "Ma'am, I'm going to need you to come with us." I looked around, and sure enough, about five different guards had come within my vicinity while all the other civilians had been removed.

_Come on, people! I'm not _actually_ crazy!_

"I'm not crazy!" I told them. _Brilliant, Rose. Just brilliant. _"I mean…I'm just upset, okay!" Oh no… here they came… they were going to come sooner or later.

Blessed waterworks.

It was a mess. I literally collapsed in the poor security guy's arms, uttering more disjointed thoughts. I'm pretty sure things emerged from my mouth like, "biscuit…then bam!...doesn't want…not ready…let me…asshole!"

Okay, maybe a little crazy.

An hour later, three hours into my waiting period at this point, I found myself in the security guard area. I refused to call it a jail, but it sure felt like it. I had calmed down sufficiently, and I was just waiting to talk to someone so I could be released.

"Ms. Cullen?" a woman asked, looking around the small room. I sighed, rising from the chair.

"Yes, that's me."

"Ms. Cullen, you are free to go. Your background checks came back okay, but please, ma'am, control your behavior. This is an airport, and with recent events this past decade, we do not need people acting out like you did today. Do you understand?"

I felt like I was being reprimanded by my mother. "Yes, ma'am."

"Very well, then. Here are your belongings." She passed me back my purse. "Have a safe trip."

Well that was a mess. At least it killed some time. I made my way back to my gate and sat as far away from the other passengers as possible. I was exhausted. My emotions were wiped thin, and I could feel the heaviness set in.

I allowed my eyes to shut, leaning my head against the back of the chair. I was just so…very…tired.

"Uh, miss? Miss, wake up."

I jolted awake, straining my neck in the process. I looked up to find an older man standing above me.

"Miss, the plane was called."

"Uh, thanks," I mumbled, grabbing my purse that I had earlier wrapped around my leg, and made my way to the gate.

The seats on the plane were large and almost comfortable. I settled myself in for the cross country flight and begged sleep to reclaim me. It didn't.

I sat there, for hours as the large aircraft brought me back to the west coast, unable to keep my mind from harassing me with thoughts of my life. I had never felt so lonely. People surrounded me, loaded into this vicinity, but I felt invisible.

I felt weak. Over these past few months I had put so much of my energy and commitment into Emmett. I used him as an escape. He made me feel things, good things. I saw my life in a new light when I was with him. But once again, like all men in my life had, he disappointed me. He let me down. He… didn't want me.

I tried to convince myself that all men in this world weren't totally fuckups. My brother, for example.

Oh, Edward. God, how I missed him. I missed Jasper, too. I have felt like those two have just put up with me, dealt with me, over the years because they felt obligated. I hated being their burden.

I also thought about my parents. I really did miss them. I've been ignoring their calls, unsure of why I didn't just change my number. I think secretly, I always believed I would answer one day. But I didn't need to become their burden too. I'm not sure why they haven't come looking for me. I bet Edward had let them in on some stuff. I didn't know. I usually just blocked it all out as best as I could, trying not to allow myself to think about it.

But right now, I was bombarded.

The flight eventually ended, and it was incredibly late when I landed. California was beautiful, and I was happy to be back. It had been a while since I had visited Mark, Kelly, and Annalisa. I retrieved my bag and caught a cab, taking me to a hotel close to their house.

I was in a daze for the whole ride and check in process. I didn't bother changing or showering once I got my room. I merely threw myself onto the bed, literally begging my body for sleep.

It finally complied.

*-*x*-*

Thanksgiving was in two days, and I was happy with the amount of time I was given to spend with Annalisa. She had gotten so big! And she was so smart. I was so proud of my little first grader.

"Auntie Rosie, can we go to the park?" We were all sitting in the family room of their house, Annalisa on my lap.

"You have to ask your mommy," I replied. Was it hard to hear her call Kelly mommy? Yeah, but I didn't deserve that title. It was better that Annalisa didn't know the whole truth. She was too clean for that, too pure.

"Of course," Kelly complied. "Rosalie, you can take my car," she said, smiling. "Dinner will be at six, so just make sure you're back by then."

"Yay!" Annalisa cheered.

Her blonde hair bounced in its curls as she ran to the parked car in the driveway. We made our way to the park, listening to the Jonas Brothers and Hannah Montana on the drive there.

I loved it. I was so happy with her. She made my life so complete. But at the same time, it was so painful.

"Swings!" Annalisa ran across the playground at a full sprint. "Auntie Rosie, come push me!"

So I pushed, she flew, we laughed, and it felt… normal. Childhood could be so simple. I missed simplicity. We played together for a while at the park. She loved the jungle gym and I was more than content to just sit and watch her. I was so happy that such good could have been brought out of such evil. And I was sure of that…she was good. The only good I have to show for.

The rest of the night went by way to quickly. I was able to read Annalisa a few stories before bed, and tucked her in nice and tight. I checked for monsters under the bed and in the closet, and I made sure her princess nightlight was turned on and working properly. I kissed her on the forehead before saying goodnight, she told me that she loved me, and I told her that I loved her more than any other person in the world.

It was the truest thing I had said all day.

We all have to sacrifice for the ones we love the most. I loved her the most and I sacrificed her for it. She was too important to bring into my life of hell. I could have never been able to give her a bed to sleep in, or even take her to the park, six years ago. I was so broken, so traumatized and damaged. Mark and Kelly were just what she needed. They were good. They fit. They deserved her.

The next day went off in a similar fashion. Annalisa was on holiday from school, so the four of us went out for the day and just spent time together. I really felt a part of their family.

But my thoughts couldn't escape Emmett. With each passing moment with Annalisa, I grew more and more angry with him. How could he not want to meet her? This perfect joy, this being who I made, who I love? I was hurt. I was angry. Even though I thought having another raging fit like I did in the airport wouldn't be the best around my girl. So I hid my anger, instead focusing on laughing when Anna told a joke, or splashed in the puddles along the sidewalk from the rain last night. I talked with Kelly about her schooling and her friends.

"Ice cream!" Annalisa yelled, taking me away from my own anger bubble of undependable men.

"It's too cold, honey," Mark said, continuing to walk right past the shop.

"It's never too cold for ice cream!" Annalisa fought.

_Well, this sounds familiar. _

"Oh come on," Kelly aided for Annalisa. "We'll eat inside so we won't get too cold," she said, wrapping her arms around Mark.

He caved.

Annalisa ran up to the display, pushing her nose up against the glass. "Auntie Rose, what are you getting?" she asked me.

I came down and pushed my nose right up beside hers. "I don't know!" I said playfully. "We have to give the ice cream a really good inspection before we decided."

"We do?" she asked.

"Oh yeah," I began. "We wouldn't want you to have frosted bits in your ice cream, or to have it mixed with another flavor when the workers didn't wash the scoop out good enough."

She smiled up at me. "You're so smart, Auntie Rosie."

I kissed her head. "I've just done this before, that's all."

"Well, I want chocolate. Does this chocolate look okay?"

"It looks great to me. I think I'll get chocolate, too."

*-*x*-*

Bedtime was the same as last night. Stories, monster checking, nightlight switching, and 'I love you' exchanging.

I descended the stairs quietly, not wanting to awake the sleeping beauty and found Kelly sitting at the kitchen table with a glass of wine.

"Mind if I join you?" I asked her, removing a wine glass from the cupboard.

She smiled. "I was actually hoping you would."

I took a sip from the crisp wine and sighed delightedly, having a seat across from Kelly at the table.

"Thank you for letting me stay here with you guys, I love being here," I began.

"Oh, Rose, you know you're a part of this family. You are welcome here anytime. You know that."

I smiled, nodding.

"So are you going to tell me what's bothering you?" she finally asked.

"What do you mean?"

"Rose, you might think that no one knows what you're thinking, feeling, but I see right through you."

I looked up, matching her stare, lips unmoving.

She shrugged. "I'm not going to force anything out of you, love. Just know that you are welcome to share. I would love to listen… and possibly help, if you would let me."

I sighed in surrender. "I really, really hate people," I whispered.

She laughed.

"Well, men more specifically," I continued.

"Who's the newest bastard?"

"Ugh," I groaned. "So there was this guy… a really sweet, charming, loving, caring, sweet guy. And Kelly, I fell _hard._ I thought he was so perfect. He was so forgiving about everything, so welcoming. But then he just… failed. He let me down. He really, really hurt me."

"Honey, we're always going to be hurt by the people we love. That's a part of being in love with someone. They're going to let you down, loving them is what allows you to forgive."

"I don't know if I can forgive him, if I even want to forgive him."

"Well, Rose, you just sat here telling me that he was forgiving of you, when you didn't think you felt worthy of forgiveness."

"That's not the same," I tried to reason. "It was about Annalisa. He doesn't want to meet her, Kelly. He doesn't want to be a part of her life. Which really means," my voice got louder, "that he doesn't want to be a part of my life!"

"That's not what that means, honey."

I think my stare of death had her retreat a bit. "Just here me out… Did you find out why he didn't want to meet her?"

"He said some bullshit about not wanting to be brought into that picture, that he's not dad material. I'm sorry, but I never asked him to be her father!"

She sat there for a minute.

"Rosie, why wouldn't he think he would be good dad material? Do you maybe think that he's scared, that he doesn't think he's good enough? Do you know the relationship he has with his parents?"

"Uh… not good, I think."

"There you go, babe. We all have our demons. I think you just found his."

"I'm confused. Are kids or his parents his demons?"

"Being a dad for a man is one of the scariest thoughts they have. They know they are responsible for another life, being the supporter, the provider. It's a huge deal, and they know this. And if he doesn't have a good relationship with his dad, I'm sure he's scarred in that area. Honey, he knows how important Annalisa is to you. If I were him, I wouldn't want to mess that up either."

"But Kelly, I wasn't asking him for all of that."

"Weren't you? On some degree, at least?"

I thought about it for a minute. What did I expect of him? To come here, meet her, fall in love with her? Maybe?

"I want him to love her because I love her," I admitted.

"Do you love him?"

"Yes."

"Then forgive him, explain this to him, and help him, Rose. We all need help in confronting our fears," she said, her tone trailing off, insinuating.

"What are you insinuating?" I asked, semi defensively.

"You haven't overcome all your demons yet either, honey."

I sat quietly.

"Oh, lose the death glare!" she chided. Apparently, I wasn't too keen on hiding my immediate emotions.

"I'm doing great in my life! I have a job, I see my brother a lot, and I don't think focus on the many negatives in my life anymore. I'm doing well, Kell."

"When was the last time you talked to your parents?"

"Okay, that's not fair!"

"Care to explain?"

"My parents… they aren't my demons, they just… I just don't want to burden them, that's all. They don't need to know everything."

"Okay, Rose, let me ask you something. If Annalisa did something to disappoint you, which she will, would you love her less?"

"Don't go there, that's not the same."

"How is it not the same? There is something so concrete about a parent's love for their child. You are their child, like Anna is yours."

"She didn't do what I did."

"But if she had?"

"Please stop."

"You need to go to them, Rosalie. Nothing you could do could stop them from loving you, and the only burden you're putting on them is staying away."

I remained quiet.

"Just think about it." She rose from her chair, kissed me on the head, and left me to my thoughts.

*-*x*-*

The next morning, I awoke to Annalisa crawling in bed with me.

"Happy Thanksgiving, Auntie Rosie," she said, curling up beside me. "I'm thankful for you."

I hugged her tighter. "I'm thankful for you, too, honey. So very thankful."

"Are you going to come downstairs and play with me?"

I laughed. "Absolutely."

"Can we play with my new dolls."

"Anything you want."

"Okay, good!" she kissed me and scampered out of my bed and down the hall. I sighed, lifting myself from the bed and checking my phone.

_One new message_.

"_Happy Thanksgiving, Rose. I miss you." –Edward. _

I put the phone down, unable to text him back at that moment. I finished waking up, showered and got ready, and made my way downstairs. Everyone else was up. Mark was in the kitchen cooking and Kelly was watching Sports Center. I really did love this family.

I got a cup of coffee and sat down on the couch next to Kelly. Annalisa was playing with her dolls on the floor by our feet.

"How did you sleep?" Kelly asked.

I took a sip of my delicious caffeine. "Tossed and turned a lot."

"I'm sorry," she said sadly.

I smiled. "Don't be, really."

"I dreamt about you last night."

I laughed, "No you didn't."

"Oh, yes, I did. Do you want to know what it was about? It was so weird."

"Sure," I coincided.

"Okay, so it started off that you, some guy, and two other girls were in this room and you were all cartoonized like the Simpsons characters."

"Oh, God."

"It gets better… So you were so excited, you were pacing back and fourth across the room eating a cookie, and somewhere along the line you all became humans again, but you were pacing, saying how good these cookies were because they were the flatter, hard, kind you like, anyhow… you were pacing, and you were so happy because you and this guy just got engaged. But then you had three bits of the last cookie in your hand after you took a huge bite of it, and you gave it to the two girls, but before you ate it you took one of the pieces back and you gave it to your new fiancé. You told him, mouth still full of cookie, that you would always have enough for him. He was so blown away by this statement and kissed you like his life depended on it. Then I woke up."

"Huh," was my only response. "I don't even like The Simpsons."

She laughed. "Yeah, it was weird."

"That is weird. What do you think it means?"

"Ha, I have no clue."

"Hmm. Random."

"Agreed."

The morning was kind of somber, which was disappointed considering that it was Thanksgiving. I could couldn't get what Kelly said last night out of my head. I felt so far away from the three of them, even though we were in the same room.

About an hour later, Kelly came back into the living room, handing me an envelope.

"What's this?" I asked.

"Don't feel like I'm pressuring you into using this… you don't have to if you don't want to. But I know that look, and I know you. It's time, Rose."

She walked out of the room again and I opened the envelope.

She was right, it was time.

*-*x*-*

"Now boarding Flight 261 to Seattle." The overhead speaker came on and I lifted my purse and headed to the gate. I handed them the ticket that Kelly had bought for me and walked onto the plane.

"_We will be here when you get back," _she said before I left. _"We will always be your family." _

I allowed silent tears to stream my cheeks during the short flight. I was finally calling out, going home, facing this. And I was scared shitless.

It was my own cry of desperation.

*-*x*-* *-*x*-*

**A/N:**

**Wow, okay. What a chapter, huh? Is that what you expected? I know that it's kind of out of story line with EandB but this story is about Family Ties (hint hint) and overcoming demons. (If you haven't caught on to that main theme, yet) **

**Thank you for those of you reading this. I can't believe you guys are on this journey with me, it's unreal. I love investing myself into the characters, and y'alls feedback is so encouraging and absolutely delightful. **

**FTGH has a forum now! Special thanks to Longing for Edward for creating the forum on Twilighted. It's so fun… and addicting. I've been posting mini teasers for this chapter, and if a chapter is taking longer than usual to post, I will continue to do that. So go over, check it out, play with us. **

**Also! Follow me on twitter… kas90_ **

**Okay, friends. You are awesome. Please review! Promised teaser next time for reviewers : )**


	26. Chapter 26

**So this week marks one year since I posted Chapter 1. I never expected this journey to take this long… and however long it takes to finish. Thanks to all who have kept up with this fic. I love all of you readers, even those who hide in the shadows. This experience has taught me so much about writing, and I have made so many friends along the way. So, cheers to you all. **

**Twilightzoner… I could never thank you enough for your continued support of this story and your dedication to continue to validate this for me. But I'll keep trying every chapter… thank you, thank you, thank you!**

**These characters deserve to tell their story… don't hate the messenger. **

**This chapter takes off from the end of chapter 24… it's still Thanksgiving for these folks. Kind of fitting for the time of year, isn't it? **

**Chapter 26: Gone **

"Do you have any candy?" I asked.

"What? No?" he answered confused.

I opened up the car console and started digging around. "Come on? No Jollyranchers or Peppermints?"

"Bella, stop snooping. No, I don't carry around a candy store in my back pocket."

I rolled my eyes. Someone was grumpy…

"Don't roll your eyes at me," he scolded lightly.

I faced him in the car and dramatically rolled my eyes in his direction.

He finally let out a glimpse of a chuckle and dug around in his coat pocket, pulling out a semi-melted Milky Way.

"Yes!" I exclaimed, taking the candy and unwrapping its delicious gooiness. I moaned audibly as the chocolate met my tongue. "I knew you wouldn't let me down, Doc!"

"What's with the candy fetish all of a sudden, Bella?" he asked, eyes staying focused on the snow covered road.

"I'm just starving! We didn't exactly eat dinner, remember?"

Edward grumbled. Okay, probably not the best idea to bring _that_ up. He and I were actually on our way to Dominos, picking up some pizza since the turkey was laid to rest on the dining room floor. It had been a few hours since Rosalie had walked through the door, and after she, Edward, Esme, and Carlisle talked, Edward demanded we leave to go get some food.

Personally, telling by his sour attitude, he just needed some air. I asked him if everything was okay, and he told me he was never allowing me near another man again. Something about pigs, bastards, and killing some motherfucker. His words, not mine.

Whatever Rose had said really affected Edward. He was fuming, barely breathing right, and every few seconds kept shouting a various slew of swear words. Carlisle wasn't much better. When I passed him in the hall on the way to the front door he had a tear-stricken face that looked positively destructive in its anger. Esme stayed permanently attached to Rosalie, refusing to let her go, the only words escaping her lips were, "I'm sorry," and "I love you."

I had no idea what happened in there, but it affected all of the Cullens.

"Do you want me to distract you?" I asked, mouth still full of candy bar.

"Bella, no offense, but I really don't want to think about sex right now."

"Sex? Where did you get that idea? I was going to sing Christmas songs to you. Oh, Christmas tree, oh Christmas tree!" I began in my best Sinatra voice.

I saw a hint of a smile, so I continued. "How are thy leaves so permanent!"

He laughed. "It's verdant, not permanent."

"What are you talking about?"

"The lyrics. You got them wrong."

"Pssh, what you talking 'bout, Willis?"

He took my hand, bringing it up to his lips and kissing my cold skin gently. "I really do love you, Bella."

"I love you too, Santa Baby."

"Santa Baby?"

"Yup, totally going to call you that for the rest of the holiday season."

He chuckled again. "Whatever you want, Bella."

"So does that mean you're going to hurry down my chimney tonight?" I asked, wiggling my eyebrows at him.

"What does that even mean?"

"Oh, you know what it means."

"Bella, I will never just hurry down your chimney, which is a terrible sexual innuendo, might I add." He looked over at me seriously since we were stopped at a red light. "I will always cherish your chimney. I will never, ever take it for granted, nor will any of the little fucker elves get a ride down it either."

I blinked a few times. "I'm not sure I'm following ya, Santa."

"I will never do to you what happened to my sister, okay?"

"I don't know what happened to her, Edward."

"I'm just promising you that, okay." Tears were now springing from his eyes.

"Okay," I agreed, kissing him softly. The light changed to green, putting an end to the conversation.

Something was going on in his head; sadness and regret danced solemnly behind his beautiful green eyes. He held onto my hand tightly, refusing to let me go. The rest of the night he stayed glued to my side, looking at me every free chance he got. I tried to lighten things up after we got back to his house, but something was eating at him, and no matter how many Christmas carols I tried to sing or jokes I tried to tell, he stayed serious, only sparing a small smile at my failed attempts.

When it was finally time to head upstairs for bed, Edward followed, just a step behind me.

"Edward?" I finally asked when we got back into his room. He shut and locked the door, keeping the light on and turning around to look at me. His hand went straight to his hair, pulling on it nervously.

I walked up to him, trying to console him. He pushed me away slightly.

"I need to talk to you about something, Bella. It's been eating at me all night."

"Okay…" I prompted, taking a seat on the large bed. He began to pace back and forth in front of me, taking a while to finally speak.

"Bella, when we were in the car, and I promised that I would always cherish your chimney, as soon as I said it, I felt like a total ass."

"What? Why?"

He held up his hand. "Just let me finish, okay?"

"Okay…"

"I didn't know you in high school, hell, I didn't know myself. I was a terrible person who never gave anyone a second thought. I was cruel, disrespectful, arrogant, and I hurt you and everyone around me. I was destructive. I know that now, and I can look back on my childhood and see the changes in myself. I know it's hard for you to think about Jane, it's still hard for me, but I like to think that she changed me. Things with her were the extreme opposite of the life I lived before hand. But… God, Bella, this is so hard to say.

"I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry. Our night at the reunion, God, Bella, I attacked you! I didn't cherish you! I didn't love you. I became an animal, I took you, I ravished you, and I'm so sorry. After hearing what happened to my sister tonight, I am sick with myself for what I did to you. You didn't deserve that. No one deserves that. I retreated to my old self when I saw you, becoming obsessive and out of control. It was extreme…everything with you has been extreme. And it was so unfair to you. I swear to you, Bella, that was never my intention. I truly did want to court you and make love to you, not fuck you up against the wall. My behavior was inexcusable, and this is me saying I'm sorry. This is me begging for your forgiveness, because even if you can't see it, or if you deny it, I am the biggest fucker on the planet for treating you that way. I knew better, but yet, that didn't stop me."

He got down on his knees in front of me, his eyes pleading.

"Please, Bella, please accept my apology. I promise never to treat you that way again. I know it was a long time ago, but I feel sick about it. I'm so sorry," he sobbed.

_Holy shit._ What was this? My mind couldn't keep up with his confession. I never thought of our reunion night as an attack. I wanted it just as much as he did. It was a compulsion, a raw, intense need between us. It has been since that fateful night. Things with Edward were never conventional; we were both really messed up in a lot of ways, and each of us had our own issues. I never even thought to compare his purity-until-marriage with Jane against our night together at the reunion. I guess I could see his point, but it wasn't his fault. It was both of ours.

But I guess he had his demons, and I had my own.

I got off the bed and got on my knees before him, grabbing a hold of him and bringing his body to mine. He wrapped his arms around me and tucked his head into the crook of my neck, his sobs wracking his body. I hadn't seen him this defeated since my dad's passing.

He clung to me, whispering apologizes in my ear between shattered breaths. I tried reassuring him, tried to tell him it was okay. I told him that I loved him, and that our past is just that… ours. It didn't need to be compared against anyone else's, not to his and Jane's and not to Rosalie's.

I stoked his back and grazed my nails through his hair. Eventually he calmed down, his heavy weight resting almost completely against my small frame. I tried to stand up, and when he got the hint of what I was doing, he held on to me tighter, shaking his head.

"Come on, baby, please," I said. He finally released me and I pulled him up to his feet. I started removing his clothing, following with my own. His face looked so broken, so haunted. I pulled the covers back and climbed into the big space with Edward following. He lay beside me, and I pulled the covers around us, tucking myself into his chest. He wrapped his arms around me again and kissed my forehead.

"I never want to be without you again, Bella," he whimpered softly. "Please don't leave me."

I kissed his chest and nodded my head, sleep claiming us shortly after that.

I woke up a few hours later to a brightly lit room. Edward and I never turned out the room light before climbing into bed, and now I was up at,_ugh, 2:58 a.m.,_ because of it. I gently removed myself from a passed out Edward and covered myself in one of his T-shirts and sweat pants.

I decided to go to the kitchen and get some water before heading back to bed, and I was surprised to see Esme sitting at the counter when I got down there.

I tried not to frighten her when I walked in, but she jumped anyway.

"Oh, Bella, what are you still doing up?" she asked hoarsely, her emotions displayed all over her face.

"I just came to get some water," I said, heading to the cabinet to get a glass. "Would you like some?"

"How about some tea?" she asked instead. "I can start the kettle."

I smiled warmly. "That sounds great."

She got off the stool and began the tea while I sat on the stool beside hers.

"So what are you doing up at this hour?" I asked her, resting my tired head on my perched fist on the counter.

"A lot on my mind, that's all," she said with a thick voice.

"Anything you want to talk about?"

She sighed heavily, rubbing her own tired, bloodshot eyes. I could tell she was trying to contain her tears, trying to keep the emotions at bay.

With a shaky breath, she began, "I'm a terrible mother, Bella."

"What? Esme, no!"

"I let it happen, all of it. I didn't push, I didn't go to her. I didn't look for her. I reasoned with myself, telling myself that I was just giving her space, that I shouldn't suffocate her, and yet, this happened. I have a granddaughter! A granddaughter!"

_Whoa, didn't expect that one._

The tears broke through her carefully placed demeanor. "And my Rosie is so hurt, so scarred from the path that life led her down. I hate myself for making her think that she couldn't come to me. My one job as a mom was to always be there for my children, and I failed… miserably."

"Esme, you didn't fail. You did what you thought was best. You had no idea what was going on in her life. She knew she could have always come home and she didn't. Don't blame yourself."

"There's no one else to blame beside me, Bella."

"That's not true and you know it," I tried to reason. "We all make our own decisions, and we have to live by those choices. Rosalie made hers and she is living by them."

She took another shaky deep breath, wiping away the continuing tears that streamed down her beautiful face. "I don't know how to fix things…to fix her," she admitted.

"Just be there, Esme. Don't ever leave her."

I think realization finally dawned on her. "Oh, Bella, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean…"

I shook my head. "I wasn't referring to my own mom, really. She made her choices as well."

Esme came over to where I was sitting and wrapped her arms tightly around me. "I will always be here for you, Bella. No matter what, okay? I won't fail you."

I hugged her back tightly. "That's because you're a great mom…to all of your children."

She started crying again. This was the second Cullen crying in my arms tonight. Whatever happened to Rosalie must have been incredibly traumatic if it has had this affect on her family.

"What's going on?" I heard a deep, tired voice from the entrance of the kitchen and glanced to see Edward standing there, rubbing his eyes. Esme left my arms to go hug her son. He hugged her back but looked at me confused.

"We were just talking," I explained.

"Why are you crying, Mom?" He gently stroked her back and kissed the top of her head. She continued with the tears.

"Bella, can I have a second with my mom?"

"Sure," I replied, standing up from my chair and grazing Edward's arm encouragingly as I made my way back upstairs. I waited in bed for him, lights off and covers wrapped tightly around me. It was going on four a.m. when the door squeaked opened and my doc tiptoed through.

"I'm still awake," I whispered, and he nearly jumped out of his skin.

"Shit, Bella," he panted.

"Sorry," I said, laughing lightly.

He climbed into bed with me and scooted close, embracing me with all that was Edward. "I woke up without you earlier; I nearly had a heart attack."

"Why? That's ridiculous."

"Bella, the last thing we talked about before going to bed was how you were never going to leave me, and I wake up and you're gone."

"Oh, Edward," I ran my hand up and down his back. "I was just downstairs."

"Yes, but try convincing that to a coma-stricken Edward…it did not go over well."

I laughed and held him closer. "Is everything okay with your mom? With Rose?"

He sighed. "Not really… but it will be."

"Did you know that Rose had a daughter?"

He took a second to respond. "Yeah, I knew… but I didn't know exactly how she came about. I've never met her… I want to, but Rose won't let me. I have to respect Rosalie in the decisions she makes for her life, and for her child's."

"Yeah, I can understand that."

"You are very understanding, Bella."

I laughed without humor. "Not really… I can be pretty stubborn and unreasonable."

"Not in my eyes, baby."

"You have a lot to learn about me, then, Edward."

"I think we still have a lot to learn about each other," he said seriously.

His somber tone really struck something within me. "Yeah, I guess you're right."

He pulled back so he could look at me in the eyes, the light from the window providing just enough illumination to see each other's features. "Bella, things are going to be different with us from now on, okay. I'm serious about this… with us. You aren't just another girl to me… I love you, you know that already, but I'm going to really pursue you now, give you everything I have."

"Edward, why are you so serious tonight? This is our second big talk in a span of only a few hours… what has gotten into you?"

He sighed, stroking my cheek gently. "Are you serious about us?" he asked.

"Of course I am."

"You're sure you want to be with me."

"Yes, of course. We've been together for months now."

"Then we need to figure things out."

"Like what? I thought we were working."

"We are working… when were together. Not when we're on opposite sides of the continent."

"Edward, we really shouldn't be having this conversation right now. It's the middle of the night."

"Then when is a better time to have it? Because I'm tired of living away from you. The fact that you're leaving in a few days doesn't help things much. Our lives are right now… this moment. You said you were serious, well, I'm serious, too. I want you, Bella. No one else… you are it for me."

"I'm not making any irrational decisions about our future tonight, though. You know I love you… please, don't push me."

"Don't push you?" His voice began to escalate. "I've done nothing but be patient with you."

"What exactly are you asking me, Edward? Are you asking me to move to Seattle? I don't see how that's really fair." My voice rose to match the level of his.

"What's not fair is you keeping me at arm's length, avoiding this topic whenever I try to bring it up," he shot back.

"When have you brought it up! This is the first time you've ever mentioned this!"

"Bella, I've hated the long distance… you knew this!"

"It's not like I'm a big fan of it either, but what do you expect me to do?"

"I want you to move for me."

"Why do I have to be the one to move? Who says you can't move to New York?"

"I can't leave the hospital."

"Why not?"

"I have a practice there… all my work over the years… I can't give up on Jane like that."

"Jane, really? You're going to bring her into this?"

"Don't go there, Bella!"

"What? Why not, Edward. You spew this crap about how I won't let you in, but you know what? You can't let go of Jane. You're never going to be able to. But guess what, Edward? You're never going to move forward with me if you can't separate yourself from the past."

"I have separated myself, Bella! What the hell do you expect me to do? She was my wife!"

"I know exactly who she was, Edward. You've made it pretty damn clear!"

"Bella, I'm lying here, telling you that I want a future with you, that I want you to move to Seattle with me… and you say I can't move forward? I think that's a pretty pathetic excuse to hang on to your own demons."

"Oh, you really have nerve, Edward. I've faced my demons, I came to Seattle and saw Charlie, I stuck through with him until his death, and I didn't give up on you just because he died."

"Yeah, what about your mom? Remember that time you told me you wanted to look for her? Whatever happened to that?"

"It doesn't matter! I changed my mind!"

"Really? Is that why you still won't talk about her. I think you're scared. You won't commit to me fully because you're still afraid that I'll do the same thing she did. Or better yet, that you'll do what she did."

"Stop," I warned seriously. "Take it back."

"No, Bella, it's the fucking truth."

I threw back the covers and climbed out of bed.

"There you go, running away!"

"Fuck you, Edward!"

"No, Bella, because guess what? I found her! I went and I found her. I met her and I saw her. I talked to her, and I saw everything."

"You did what!" I exclaimed.

"She has a new family, Bella, a daughter, that looks just like you."

It was like my heart was breaking all over again. "You're lying."

"Not in the slightest," he spat.

"Why would you do that?" My voice did little to mask my coming tears.

"I did it so I could find out why she left. I did it for you, Bella."

"I didn't want you to!" I yelled, anger suddenly overtaking sadness. "This is my past, my mother! You had no right to intrude!"

"Bella, I want a life with you, and you won't have one with me until you figure this shit out with your mom. She left… years ago! You need to stop acting like a petulant child and go face her."

"I didn't leave, Edward! I'm not the one who abandoned their family, so why is it my fucking responsibility to go find her?"

"So you can move on with your life already!"

"God, I'm so fucking sick of you telling me to move on with _my_ life. Take your own goddamned advice!"

"I told you! I moved on!"

"Really? Is that why Jane's paintings hang all over your fucking apartment? Is that why you automatically dispose of every option of leaving the hospital? I'm constantly living in her shadow, Edward, and you fucking know it."

"You will never be her, Bella."

There. Right there. I knew it all along. "Then why even try?" I surrendered. I pushed my hands through my hair and held them to my head for a second. "You know what," I began, "I'm going to sleep in the guest room tonight, and I'll be gone in the morning."

"What the hell do you mean you'll be gone?"

"You fucking heard me. You lied; you went behind my back and did something that was none of your business. You sit there and point the finger at me, but you have three pointing back at you! I refuse to continue to invest myself into someone who will never be able to give himself fully to me. And you know what? Maybe I can never give myself over to you fully, either. And if that's the case then all of this is just a big fucking waste of time."

"Yeah, I guess it is, then," he spat angrily. "So, please… go on… leave. You're probably a fucking expert at it since it must be hereditary."

I groaned in annoyance and walked out of the room, slamming the door behind me.

Sleep didn't come very easily, but in the morning… I was gone.

**A/N:**

**As I said above, don't hate the messenger. This was coming… these kids are like fireworks when they get offended. This story is taking its last few laps, and hopefully the chapters won't take too long. It won't be easy for them here on out… these stubborn little shits have a lot to work out. Don't give up on them, though. They will get their well earned happily ever after… eventually. **

**Please review… promised preview for reviewers. **


	27. Chapter 27

**I think the general consensus from the last chapter is that Edward is an ass and they need to figure their shit out… yes, I agree. **

**You can thank chapter 26's reviewers for getting this chapter out so early. It wouldn't have been posted until next week, but their general freak out to the preview made me post it early. All I have to say is: have faith. **

**I don't own any of it. No copyright infringement intended. All characters are fake. **

**Chapter 27: Destiny **

"Baby! Are you ready to go? The cab is downstairs!"

"I'm coming, I'm coming! I just need to grab my charger, hold on."

I walked back into our bedroom, grabbed the small device from the bedside table and wrapped the cord around it, stuffing it into my duffle.

"You done? Can I go ahead and take it down?" he asked, motioning to my bag.

"Yup!" I zipped it up and handed it to him, placing a kiss on his soft lips before he walked out of the room.

I took one last lap around the apartment, making sure I wasn't missing anything. Dress – check, shoes – check, wedding band – check.

I pulled the black box from my purse and checked the contents one last time… a shiny gold band glimmered back, putting a smile on my face. I was ready.

Placing my sunglasses on my head, I made my way to the awaiting cab. It was a beautiful day in New York… sunny, warm, with a slight breeze – an overall perfect summer day. Sadly, we were leaving, though, but only for the weekend. We always came back here… this was our home.

"Did you get everything set up with the gallery?" he asked, slinging his long arm over my shoulder.

"Yeah, Angela said I was good to go, practically threw me out of the place this morning."

"She does know how to take care of you," he joked.

I laughed, lightly smacking his leg. "Yeah, when will you ever learn, huh?"

He laughed and shook his head. "Eventually… but I'm sure having fun trying," he hinted, his mouth finding my neck.

I pushed him away playfully. "We've been out of the apartment for five minutes and you're already ravaging me again." I laughed.

"What can I say, baby? You're irresistible."

The airport was surprisingly vacant, well, as vacant you could get at JFK. We didn't have any problems checking in, and security was quick and easy to get through. Once settled in the first class lounge, I ordered a drink and tried to relax. I was excited… sure, who wouldn't be excited… but I was also nervous, and for good reason.

This trip was forcing many memories on me, memories that I haven't confronted in a long time. But it would be okay… it always ended up okay.

I looked over at the tall, beautiful man sitting next to me, and I grabbed his hand tightly in mine, bringing it to my lips and kissing it softly.

"I love you, Bella," he whispered.

"I love you too, Ben."

X*x*X

When looking back, smiling is the only thing I could do. It was a healing time in my life, that was for sure. I would like to think that we all go through stages, different seasons where it was imperative that someone else was there to guide us along through it. I knew that I wouldn't have survived my father's passing if it weren't for Edward.

I would have probably run away from the hospital that first day and never looked back if he wouldn't have come out to confront me. Then I would have always regretted not reconciling with Charlie. My relationship with my dad was the best thing that came from my relationship with Edward. So I cannot help but smile on that distant memory…

Edward was a good thing…

Yes, this is what I told myself every time my mind stumbled upon him. So, if smiling was the only thing I could do, then I would smile… for him, for me, for Charlie.

Life had definitely been different for me since then. Leaving the Cullen's house that morning was one of the best decisions I had ever made. It was unexpected… but it was good. I never did go back, I never bought the art gallery in Seattle, I never had any more proclamations outside Edward's apartment, and I never walked back into Seattle Grace Hospital.

I haven't heard from Edward since that day, either. He didn't surprise me on the plane, he didn't show up at my doorstep in New York, and he never called.

That was three years ago… three years of healing, maturing, and smiling.

Life goes on… and what's life if you don't live it, right?

X*x*X

When I first got back to New York, after that Black Friday, post Thanksgiving, morning, I was a mess. I was heartbroken, angry, and too stubborn to make amends. I felt utterly betrayed. What he did with my mom, at the time, I felt was inexcusable. He lied to me, and that was what hurt the most. The first winter months of the post breakup, I did a lot of reflection. I analyzed every aspect of my relationship with him.

I tried to think back of every memory, every laugh, and every fight. I would battle with myself, telling myself that if I did this differently, or said this at a different time, than things would be different. If he this… or if he that… but after a while of the 'what ifs' I was still left heartbroken and a mess. It got me no where.

I would go over in my head what he said to me that night, how he said that I would never be able to give myself to him. He was right. At that point in my life, I wouldn't have been able to… but not just to him, to anybody.

I was still just a shell of myself, a broken little girl who still had pieces missing. Pieces that life stole away, leaving me with gashing wounds of trust issues, abandonment fears, and the inability to love. Edward recognized this, but becoming aware of the problem, by itself, wouldn't fix it.

But Edward had issues of his own to deal with. He was hanging on to a love that left him too early. Who would I ever be to Jane? Runner up, that's who, the winner by default, second place… and at the end of the day, not good enough.

Over my very dark winter season after leaving him, I finally realized that I would have never been able to fix him. I could not be the superglue that held his heart together. Edward would be okay… he would learn and grow and figure things out.

But I had to do the same; I had to move on; I had to live my life… one that would make Charlie proud. His opinion was the only one I really cared about, anyway.

I met Ben Elliott a little over a year ago. Ben was a good man, he made me laugh; his carefree spirit was such a needed distraction to all the dark places in my life. Ben was easy to fall in love with. Ben was just an easy person to love, and he loved back with no question, no strings, and no judgment. I wasn't compared to anyone else with Ben. I was loved for who I was as me… I knew now how important that was in a relationship.

We moved in together last month, taking the next step, in what I hoped was a forever thing. I felt safe with him; it wasn't a constant energy, a buzzing excitement. But it was secure… easy. Simple.

I liked simple.

X*x*X

"Bella, you're practically shaking, what's wrong?" Ben asked, trying to steady my arm with his hand.

We finally arrived in California, and I was a mixture of nervous and excited. I haven't seen Carlisle and Esme since Alice and Jasper's wedding last spring, and I wasn't sure of what their take on Ben would be. This would be the first time they met him, and I knew they both secretly hoped for Edward and I to reconcile. They had to realize that Edward and I were never going to happen again… it's just a lot easier to say that when I was across the country, not walking into Emmett and Rose's wedding rehearsal with a boyfriend on my arm.

Rosalie and I were actually surprisingly incredibly close. I would have never guessed for us to become friends, especially after everything, but she flew out to New York shortly after Edward and I ended things.

She came looking for Emmett; that woman was head over heels with mine and Ali's big brother. Things weren't easy for them for a long time, but they worked it out. They were destined to be together. When fate calls two people to become one, they would eventually get there.

But while they worked through things, Rosalie moved in with me, since Alice stayed in Seattle with Jasper for a while. We didn't speak of Edward… but we talked about everything else.

She opened up to me about Royce, the terrible things she went through, and how it is a continuous, daily struggle for her. I had no idea… when everything went down at Thanksgiving, I would have never of guessed that that was the reason she never came home. I have a new, steadfast respect for Rosalie, and she has morphed into one of my closest friends. She and Emmett moved out to California a little over two years ago, but my friendship with her stayed strong. And now I was the maid of honor at her and Emmett's wedding.

Throughout the whole trip, I would try and steady myself. I would remind myself that I had nothing to worry about this weekend. Everything was going to go smoothly with no unruly complications.

Edward wasn't going to be there. I was promised this. He wasn't there for Alice and Jasper's wedding, and I had no reason to worry about him being here for this one. Apparently, he didn't even live in North America anymore. Last time I heard, he moved to Italy about six months after we ended. He was finally back with his Jane…

I tried not to be bitter about this.

I had no idea why he wasn't coming to his own sister's wedding, but it wasn't my place to ask. He wasn't a part of my life anymore, and I wasn't about to intrude into his personal business. That was his specialty.

_Okay, Bella, enough with the grudge…_

I pulled myself from my own destructive thoughts and concentrated on the moment. Our rental car had pulled up to Rose and Emmett's house, thanks to Tom-Tom, and their place was already packed with other vehicles. I took one last shuttering breath before opening the door and stepping out.

"Bella, honey, why are you so nervous?" Ben asked, meeting me on my side of the car.

I tried to smile genuinely. "I'm just excited for you to meet them," I answered, grabbing his hand and leading him to the porch.

He laughed. "Afraid I'm going to screw it up?"

He always did know how to lighten up the situation. "Yes, actually, I just know they are going to hate you. Probably won't even let you come to the wedding," I joked.

"I'll be there whether they like it or not, Bella… I'm not missing the sight of you walking down the isle."

My face froze, and I didn't have the chance to really react or rebuttal, because the door was pulled open right as Ben muttered the words.

"Bella!"

"Carlisle!" Plastering a grin on my face, I walked into Carlisle's open arms, embracing him tightly.

He held onto me warmly, and whispered that he was so glad I was here in my ear. Even though I haven't seen him or Esme much, they still remained close. I talked to Esme on the phone at least once a week, and Carlisle was so helpful in helping me figure everything out with Charlie's will and estate. Over the past few years, they have become my family, with the exception of one, of course.

"Carlisle, this is Ben." I released myself from his hug and motioned over to my boyfriend. "Ben, this is Dr. Carlisle Cullen."

They shook hands, Ben keeping his shoulders wide and stance strong, but not cocky. This man knew how to respect an elder, and he knew how important Carlisle was to me. It was like he was meeting my father for the first time…

…But not really.

"Ben, it's nice to meet you!" Carlisle stepped to the side so Ben and I could walk through the doorway. "I take it you had a nice trip out here? We're so glad you were able to come!"

"It was very nice, thank you. I'm excited to finally meet the famous Cullens. Bella talks non stop about you guys."

Carlisle smiled warmly. "Well, we sure do love our Bella."

I blushed, looking down. Yeah, I loved them, too.

"Now come in, the girls are upstairs getting ready and the boys are out back playing some poker."

I kissed Ben quickly before leaving his side to go upstairs. I had no doubt that he would be fine with the guys out back. He already knew Jasper and Emmett, and his personality fit in with everyone. Ben wasn't a very complicated person.

I climbed the stairs to Rose and Emmett's home and followed the sounds that led me to the ladies.

"Bella!" A simultaneous shout of my name rang out.

"Hi!" I greeted, hugging them individually. Fist with Alice, then with Esme… and then to Rose.

"So the old maid is finally tying the knot, huh."

"Old maid? Whatever Bells, you're just as old as I am. And 31 is not old."

"Uh, don't remind me." I laughed. "But you look beautiful, Rose, really."

She did a little twirl in her white rehearsal gown. "Thanks!"

"And Miss Annalisa, you look beautiful too!" The now nine year old was perched up on Rose's bed, reading a book."

"Thanks Aunt Bella," she murmured, barely sparing me a glance. I laughed and walked over to her.

"So what are you reading?"

She looked up, face apprehensive. "You're going to make fun of me."

I held up my hands. "I will not, scout's honor."

"Well… it's called Twilight."

"Ahhh… yes, is that the one about the vampires?"

Her face lit up. "Yes! Have you read it?"

"All four of them… multiple times."

"Really! What team are you on?"

"Team Egbert, for sure!"

She looked relieved. "Okay good, me too. I don't think I could be in the same room with you if you were Team Jared."

I wrinkled my nose. "Yuck!"

"Hey! I'm Team Jared!" Rose proclaimed.

We both laughed and rolled our eyes to each other.

"I saw that!" Rose said, climbing onto the bed with us.

"You were meant to, Auntie Rosie," Annalisa giggled. We all laughed and got up to finish getting ready. Annalisa stayed perched up on the bed, reading about the innocence and excitement of first loves, earth shattering commitment, and a fairytale happily ever after.

I prayed that Annalisa could find an Egbert of her own one day… We all deserved an Egbert to fall in love with.

X*x*X

"So how's the baby, Bella?" Alice asked, causing all the other women to snicker.

"He's not a baby! He's 26!" I turned up the stereo in the car, trying to end the conversation.

This caused them to laugh harder. We were all on our way to the Chapel for the rehearsal, the boys riding in one car, the girls in the other.

"So do you guys have to sleep with a nightlight in your room? If yours breaks, I can always give you Annalisa's old ones," Rose snickered. "I'm sure Kelly wouldn't mind donating them for a good cause."

"And what color are his baby blankets? He still sleeps with them, right?" Alice humored.

"Maybe in a few years we can buy him his first razor, for when hair starts to grow on his face."

"Esme!" I turned my head in her direction, shocked that she was aiding in this.

They all were hunched over in laughter. So Ben was younger, who cared? I didn't…

"I never took you to be the cougar type, Bella," Rose added from the back.

"Yeah, I always thought you would go for the more manly type, _man_ being the main word there."

"Funny," I deadpanned. "At least you know the sex is good… the guy has the stamina of a 17 year old."

"That wasn't that long ago for him," they joked, laughing still.

"I hate all of you," I said, glaring at the road.

"Oh, Bella," Alice said softly, "we're just kidding. You know we like Ben. He's a nice boy."

"He sure is pretty, too," Esme added.

This made me smile… Ben was very pretty. He had a simple, straight laced look about him. Clean shaven face, dark managed hair, eyebrows that weren't out of control…

Rosalie's phone rang, successfully distracting me from the bitter direction my thoughts were headed towards.

"Hi baby! … What do you mean you're lost? … You stopped for beer! Are you kidding me right now? ... Yeah, I'll take a six pack of Sam Adams. … Why would we have to sneak it? ... Oh, yeah, the church… okay, I'll meet you behind your car when you get there, and get your fucking Tom-Tom out and don't be late."

She hung up and looked out the window, ignoring our stares. "What?" she questioned.

We all laughed. They were so perfect for each other.

X*x*X

"Emmett, you can't say that in a church!" Carlisle scolded from the first pew.

"Why not? If I want to say "Hell fucking yeah" when the priest up here asks me if I want Rosie as my wife, I should be able to!"

"Emmett…" Carlisle warned again. "You cannot swear in God's house."

Rose stood there with her hand held to her head, probably trying to keep her composure. "Em, baby, please…" she begged.

He sighed loudly. "Fine, the fucking can… wait until later," he said winking at Rosalie, "but the Hell is staying… that word is in the Bible!"

Carlisle bent forward and tucked his head between his knees, completely exasperated with his new to-be son in law. But he didn't say anything against it, so Emmett took it as his permission. He winked at Rose in excitement. _Will that man ever change?_

"So, Rosalie," the priest tried to continue. "When I ask if you will take him," he motions to a widely-smiling Emmett, "to be your husband, you will say…"

"You say yes, Rosie," Emmett prompted.

She smiled. "I'll think about it," she stated, winking.

"Oh, you'll think about it, huh?" Emmett laughed, pulling Rose into his grip and rubbing his knuckles in her neat hair.

She just laughed, trying to pull away, but secretly loving the affection. She was basking in her love and excitement for her new life with the love of her existence… I couldn't help but feel a little jealous.

"And then the vows, the rings, the prayers, the kiss, and we get out of here," the poor priest relayed quickly, trying to hurry this along as quickly as possible. His uneasiness was coming off of him in waves.

"So is it time to eat yet?" Jasper grumbled, walking down from his post as best man.

"We get food?" Emmett shouted, letting go of Rosalie. She smacked him.

"Yes, you fool, we're going to dinner. It's tradition."

"Tradition for what?" he asked stupidly.

She just stared at him in shock. "I can't believe I'm marrying you."

He laughed, tucking her back into his side. "I can't believe it, either, Rose. You are one lucky son of a…"

"Emmett!" Carlisle snapped.

"Sorry, Dad."

_Dad?_

I shrugged… I guess it made sense. Emmett grew up without a father; it's really nice that he could find one in Carlisle.

But everyone laughed, walking out of the church and into the Californian evening. Twilight was just setting upon us, and it was truly beautiful. I hadn't been to Cali often, but I did love it whenever I was out here. There was just serenity and a direct peacefulness about it, allowing everyone to bask in the light and the warmth of the sun it provided.

X*x*X

"What would you guys like to drink?" the waiter asked, addressing our table.

"I'll take a white wine, please," I began.

"I'll have a jack and coke," Ben requested.

"I'll have to see some ID, please," the waiter stated.

"Oh, yeah, sure, no problem," Ben complied, as if this happened all the time.

I couldn't help but see the girls retaining their laughter, Esme included. It took all of my strength not to bang my head on the table.

I smiled at him instead, and he lightly kissed my lips. I took a deep breath. _I loved Ben_. I did. Regardless of his age. It didn't matter to me. Right?

I kissed him again and he smiled against my mouth. _Right, didn't matter._

Time passed by smoothly after that, the conversation flowing easily between the people around the table. Mark and Kelly were there, as groomsman and bridesmaid, respectively. Annalisa was a junior bridesmaid, for she was a tad old to be the flower girl. She was just excited to be a part of the big day. Everyone was. This was a special occasion, definitely something to celebrate.

I looked around the table at my friends… my best friends, really. My family. Something that I had learned over the past three years is that family wasn't always blood. The ties and bonds that a family consisted of were deeper than that. They were a connection of souls, a deep understanding and acceptance of one another.

I considered myself very lucky to have found that with these people. _They_ were my loved ones. I loved them… and they loved me back.

"So, Bella, what have you been up to these days?" Carlisle asked about halfway through our main course.

"Oh, you know, same old, same old."

Ben laughed. "Don't be so modest, baby. Did you guys know that Bella is a published author."

_Oh, hell no._

"What!" They all looked at me surprisingly.

"It's nothing," I assured. "So Alice…"

"She's good too!" Ben interrupted. I kicked his leg under the table… hard.

"Bella, you've never told us about that!"

"It's just a hobby."

"I think it's more than a hobby, honey," Ben said slyly, trying to be all cute.

"Don't get ahead of yourself, _honey_." I hoped my tone would be enough warning for him to back off. "It's not serious," I tried once again to assure the table.

Thankfully everyone got the hint and didn't press forward. I saw Rose smirk from her spot across from me, her being the only other person besides Ben and… her brother… that knew about the delicate details of my novels.

I swore I was going to kill this kid next to me. His fingers tried to trace patterns on my leg, and I smacked his hand away. He looked at me and chuckled. _Little shit._

Jasper's phone beeped, signifying a new text and he checked quickly. I was engaging in a new conversation with Alice, but from the corner of my eye I saw him look up at me for a second, only to take a deep breath, look back at his phone and started typing.

_Don't think about it, Bella._ _He's not talking to Edward. He's not. Right?_

I took a deep, shuttering breath. I knew coming out here, surrounding myself with the Cullens would only bring back hurtful memories of him.

_He's in Italy, remember? With Jane…_

I tried to keep the visible shake from running down my spine, but I didn't have much avail.

"You cold, baby?" Ben asked, wrapping his arm around me.

Jasper looked up at me again, his eyes boring.

"I'm just tired," I lied. "Are you ready to go?"

"Sure," Ben answered, placing a light kiss on my forehead.

We said our goodbyes and made our way out of the restaurant, calling a cab to bring us back to Rose and Emmett's place to get our rental car. Rosalie tried to object, but I told her to enjoy her evening and not to worry about us.

It was a quiet ride back, neither one of us feeling the need to fill the empty space.

"That was a shit move you pulled tonight," I chided once we got back to our suite.

He loosened up his tie and removed the thin black material. "What are you talking about?" he feigned ignorance.

"Don't play dumb, babe. The whole book thing…"

"Bella, baby." His voice was like silk. "They would be so proud of you, why are you so scared?"

"I'm not scared, Ben, that's just a part of my life I want to keep to myself."

"I think they're wonderful."

"You just like using them as dirty material."

He laughed, removing his dress shirt and allowing my eyes to take in his beautiful frame. "As I said, it's good stuff."

I threw my pillow at him. "Just don't bring it up again, please. I'm serious. If I wanted them to know, I would have told them."

He sighed heavily. "Okay, Bella. I promise. I'm sorry."

I nodded my head, kicking off my shoes and removing my dress.

_Even fights with Ben were easy… uncomplicated, un-messy… _

We climbed into bed and flicked off the lights. Ben slept on the right side of the King and I on the left.

It was simple… _I liked simple._

X*x*X

"God, baby, you look so beautiful!" Ben commented as I emerged from the bathroom in my floor length, sweetheart neck, deep black dress. The A-line waist gave me the desired hourglass form, and the pockets gave it a modern twist.

"You don't look too bad yourself, Mr. Elliott." He was dressed in a black suit, white button up, and skinny black tie, looking absolutely delectable.

He came over and kissed me deeply. "We match," he observed, chuckling.

"We're both wearing black; it's not that hard to match."

He shrugged. "I still think it's cute."

"Cute?" I laughed, mocking slightly. He looked a little hurt.

I tried to smile genuinely to placate him, felling bad. "I'm okay with being cute."

He smiled widely again _– so easy – _"Good!"

"Are you ready to go? You need to drop me off at Rose's first before you head to the church."

"Yup, all set."

"Great." We made our way out of the hotel and into the beautiful, sunny day.

The day went by quickly; full of hair appointments, last minute errands, and making sure everyone made it to the church in time. Before I knew it, I was standing in line, directly in front of Rose, about to walk down the long, Cathedral isle.

"You have Emmett's ring, right, Bella?" Rose asked panicky. I reached down into my convenient dress pocket and pulled out the shiny, gold band for her inspection.

She exhaled loudly. "Good, good."

"It will be okay, Rosalie. Emmett loves you."

"And he loves Annalisa," she said smiling.

"He sure does," I agreed, smiling.

"Bella, go!" the wedding director whispered in a vicious tone. _Okay, lady!_

I took the slow march down the isle, my white lilies held tightly in my hands. I tried to put a smile on my face, which was difficult as I was concentrating on not tripping over my dress. The guest list was small, intimate, and the faces were easy to pick out among the crowd. I saw Ben smiling lovingly at me as I walked by. I might have ignored it, not wanting to think about marriage with him right now. That was way too soon…

The sight of Rosalie walking towards Emmett was truly beautiful. Her eyes were steadfast and unmoving from him, as Carlisle gently escorted her on his arm. His eyes were full of tears. I wish I knew what was going on inside of his head.

The priest took an incredibly deep breath before beginning… my heart went out for that man.

"Friends and family, we are here together today to witness the coming together of Emmett Brandon and Rosalie Cullen, before God and all his angles."

The ceremony continued, alternating between prayers and hymns. Finally it was time for the exchanging of vows.

"Emmett, do you take Rosalie to be your wife, to live together after God's ordinance – in the holy estate of matrimony? Will you love her, comfort her, honor and keep her, in sickness and in health, for richer, for poorer, for better, for worse, in sadness and in joy, to cherish and continually bestow upon her your heart's deepest devotion, forsaking all others, keep yourself only unto her as long as you both shall live?"

I expected a huge, loud response like we had practiced yesterday, but when my eyes took in Emmett; he was bawling his eyes out, the tears streaming down in buckets. He sniffed loudly, nodding his head. He finally got out his, "I do."

"Rosalie, do you take Emmett to be your husband, to live together after God's ordinance – in the holy estate of matrimony? Will you love him, comfort him, honor and keep him, in sickness and in health, for richer, for poorer, for better, for worse, in sadness and in joy, to cherish and continually bestow upon him your heart's deepest devotion, forsaking all others, keep yourself only unto him as long as you both shall live?"

"HELL FUCKING YEAH!" she yelled. The priest turned white and the whole wedding party broke out in hysterics.

Emmett leaned in to kiss her. "Not yet, man!" Jasper chided, pulling him back.

The rest went by smoothly and without incident, the priest blessing them heavily before he officially announced them as husband and wife. The two of them high-fived each other before grabbing hands and walking down the isle.

I couldn't help but think how I wished Edward was here to see his sister this happy. He would have been so proud… I was so angry with him for missing this, for not coming home.

I was angry with him for not chasing me, for not coming after me, for not wanting me enough.

The tears started streaming down my own eyes, and I begged for them to go away. I did not need to think about this now. What was done was done.

Edward and I… _no._ Not thinking about it.

"What are you thinking about, Bella?" Alice asked me when we were all standing outside of the church, waiting to go to the reception.

I looked at her, hoping she would understand without having to verbalize it. She pulled me into a hug and gently ran her hand up and down my back.

"What's destined to happen will happen, Bells."

"It's been three years, Alice. We're not destined," I whispered, my cries breaking through. "Why am I still so torn up over this? I'm supposed to have moved on!"

"Well, you've had a lot of reminders this weekend being forced on you. It's completely normal to feel this way."

"So I'm not pathetic?" I chuckled, releasing her and wiping my nose with the back of my hand."

She smiled. "No, I still think you're pathetic," she joked. "But really, Bella," she said more somberly, "just trust your heart."

X*x*X

"So, this is to Rose and Emmett," I raised my glass, ending my maid of honor speech, "may your lives be blessed full of happiness, growth, and love. I love you both very much." I wiped the stray tear that leaked down my eye. "And I wish you the very happiest of marriages."

There was a round of applause after we all clinked our glasses and tasted the sweet liquid. Rose gripped me into a hug, pulling me close to whispering that she loved me into my ear. Em did the same, lifting me up and twirling me around.

The dancing began soon after, and we all immersed ourselves onto the dance floor. Songs were happy and upbeat, aiding in my attempt to push thoughts of Edward from my mind. Dancing in the group was easy, fun even, all of our bodies moving together without the touch of romance or intimacy.

When a slow song came on, Ben grabbed my hand and spun me around, asking me to dance. It was Bruno Mars, "Just the Way You Are."

I loved this song, and Ben and I swayed gently to the music.

About halfway through the song, there was a tap on my shoulder. I turned my head and a gasp escaped my lips, taking in the man standing beside me, his green eyes piercing.

"May I step in?"

**A/N**

**Remember, I am not Bella… do not hate me for this. I know a lot of you are going to be SUPER angry with this chapter, I understand, really. **

**Let's keep the hate mail to a minimum. **

**Review and then go to the forum on Twilighted… **

**I also wrote a o/s for the Baby It's Cold Outside contest… go check it out and REVIEW! I cant tell you which one is mine… even though I really don't think it's that hard to figure out if you've read my stuff before. **

**And the o/s I wrote for the Filthy Roseward contest won Judges Choice! Woo! O/s is on my ffnet page and will be up on Twilighted shortly. **


	28. Chapter 28

**A/N: **

**I'm not quite sure how to respond to the responses from last chapter. I got a few flouncers but a lot of new added story alerts and favorites. My beta told me you would all tar and feather me…I'm glad that has yet to happen. **

**Reviewers: I hope you enjoyed your preview. (If you didn't get one and you reviewed it is because you didn't log in, and I had no way of contacting you). **

**Twilightzoner…Love to you, as always. **

**Lizzylillyrose – thank you for holding my hand and letting me vent, reading this, and just being my eff-awesome friend. **

**Sweetishbubble – thank you for the editing job, lady! 3 big hugs**

**SM still gets the rights… **

**Now, let's see what Doc has been up to, shall we? **

**Chapter 28: Resolve **

**2 ½ years prior **

I fucked up.

I fucked it up, and it was all my fault. I had no one to blame except for myself.

But it hurt. My chest was heavy, and my lungs didn't seem like they could fully expand. It had been that way for the past six months.

The night of our fight, I thought we were just airing everything out, laying it all on the table.

But I ran my mouth too far, and now I was paying for my actions. When she said she was leaving, I thought she meant to get some air, not that she was actually leaving me and this relationship. She couldn't…just a few hours before she had promised that she never would.

I figured out the morning that she didn't keep that promise, and when I came down stairs to a hard slap across the face from Alice, I knew I had lost her.

I planned to tell her about her mom, really I did. I had every intention of sitting down with her and explaining why I did what I did. I sought out Renee because I didn't trust the disgusting woman. I got an email from Jenks giving me all of Renee's new information. That bitch was less than an hour away from Forks.

I couldn't believe it. I was fuming. I had to go, had to check her out before I would bring Bella out there. I couldn't stand to break Bella's heart again if things went badly. And things with Renee went badly. I saw that she had another daughter and I lost it. As soon as the information processed in my mind, I snapped. I walked right up to them, viciously asking Renee how she could just up and leave her family, and what kind of mom would ever do such a thing.

Telling Bella the way I did was way out of line. But I didn't think there would be worst punishment than what she has already relayed to me. Her leaving was the epitome of pain.

The things she said to me also cut like a knife. It made me question everything about myself and my past. I was over Jane…wasn't I?

The past six months have been spent in almost complete blackness. I didn't follow Bella because I knew I wasn't ready to. She wasn't ready either. Removing myself from the situation, and trying to obtain an object prospective, really showed that we both had demons that we needed to sort out individually.

I would go back to Bella… but only when I was able to lay my wife to rest. This time for eternity.

So that is why I was currently sitting on a huge airplane, flying across the Atlantic to the place where my life changed forever.

La Italia.

The streets were cold and unfamiliar. It had been so long since I had been back, and it wasn't a warm welcome. The summer air hung heavily, weighing me down with its humidity. My memories of this place were so skewed. Last I remembered, the streets were clean and the people smiled as you walked by. It was inviting, romantic.

This place was dreary, dirty, and foreign.

I silently wondered what else my mind has skewed over the years.

I made my way to Aro's house, having already previously called him to make the arrangements in advance. He, of course, welcomed me back with open arms. I put my suitcase down on the large bed, the massive object bouncing from its impact on the mattress. I crawled into the bed on the opposite side of the suitcase, not even bothering to climb under the covers. I was exhausted… the depression aiding in my weariness.

I feel asleep quickly.

I woke with a start, about jumping out of my skin, and nearly falling off the bed. I took a deep breath, blinking my eyes rapidly, trying to remove myself from the dream. I felt the skin along my arm and noticed its dampness. I shook myself from the nightmare, berating myself for the childish behavior that had now haunted me regularly.

The nightmares weren't exactly horror film material… it was just my own personal hell coming to life in my dreams. At the end of every one of them, Bella always left.

The tears that flooded my face whenever I woke were because it was my own damn fault. I sentenced myself to all of this. Sometimes, the fear of losing Bella strengthened my resolve in saying goodbye to Jane. Other times, it reminded me that my worst nightmare had already come true. Bella had already left.

She left me.

And I didn't deserve to have her back.

X*XX

I didn't do much my first week in Italy. I mostly stayed in the house and mingled around with Aro. And when I say that, I really mean that I sulked in my room… the same thing I had been doing for past six months since Bella left. And really, it was because I was scared. I was horrified of saying goodbye to Jane. She was such a huge part of me, and walking away from her forever would break me all over again. I knew that she died years ago, but Bella was right when she said that I was still clinging onto her.

I wasn't ready to face that yet. So I hid. I hid in my room, I hid on the streets, wandering around until I got lost and had to dig my way back. I hid in the pubs, especially.

It became my habit of finding one booth in the back, positioning myself there and people watching the others surrounding the space. I never drank, I just watched. In my head, I would create my own stories about them, my inner monologue playing out their lives like a soap opera.

I wasn't saying it was healing, or sane, even. It just enabled me to procrastinate the inevitable. It took an entire month of doing this before I obtained the courage to visit Jane's grave. I was a wreck the morning I finally decided that I needed to do this. I paced back and forth, my hair, now long enough to cover my eyes, stood straight up from running my hands through it so many times.

I stopped at the local street vendor, buying a nice batch of flowers to take to her. That was appropriate, right? I kicked myself mentally; I should have done this years ago. I finally made it to the cemetery, the place daunting and unnerving. I asked for directions to where Jane was laid to rest, my botchy Italian sufficing.

When the man led me to her, I stood frozen. He left me discretely to my own form of mourning. I probably stood there, immobile, for about five full minutes before my brain could comprehend the next step. I gingerly placed the flowers on the gray mass, lowering myself into a seating position in the soft, green grass. I traced the outline of her name with my finger, _Jane Cullen_.

I started crying again, probably loud enough for her to hear me. This was going to take a lot longer than I had originally thought.

X*XX

I didn't make it there the next day. The dreams were so much more intense after I went to see Jane that I scared myself into going back, irrationally convinced that seeing her laid to rest was the root of the cause.

The dreams were about Bella, but Jane and Bella had nothing to do with each other… _Right?_

They were different people, and I had different relationships with the both of them. I continued telling myself this in my head for the next week. I found my way back to my pub, engaging myself in my ridiculous coping strategies.

But even I knew better. I was just being a little shit, a child, irresponsible, unproductive, and the list continued. I knew I still needed to face this. Convincing my feet to move, though, was another thing, entirely. It was like my body had teamed up together to protect my heart, all going to battle against my rational. Did my heart not know that we were all losing if I continued on this way?

_And now you're talking about your body organs. Snap out of it, Edward._

I shook my head of my insane thoughts. I needed some air.

I pushed myself up from the booth and forced myself out into the summer day. The heat had yet to let up, and it was still a struggle to stay dry in the thick air.

I made it to Jane's grave again, this time not needing the help of anyone. I stood, and was once again a little taken aback from the sight. I paced a while before I eventually lowered myself onto the ground, facing the stone.

"Jane, baby," I began, the first time ever talking to her after her death. "How are you?"

Okay, so it was a stupid question, but I didn't know what else to say… I panicked.

"Are you good?" _Still panicking._

I sighed heavily, resting my tired head in my hands.

"I really fucked up, baby." I always gave her a second, knowing that she wasn't going to respond, but wanting her to hear me out, anyways.

"I had something good, and I messed it up. I'm a wreck. And I feel guilty about being a wreck, because I should still be a wreck from you!"

I stopped suddenly. This was too much; Jane shouldn't be subjected to hearing about me with another woman. I stood abruptly and rubbed my hand along the tombstone.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," I said before disappearing back into the city.

Time seemed like nothing, moments passing in a blur, hours turning into days, and days into weeks. I remember being confused one afternoon as I made my daily walk to Jane. I noticed that the trees were decorated in a range of different colors. _When did this happen? _

I pondered it the entire way there. I realized that I had no idea what day it was, let alone the month we were in. I didn't really talk to Jane when I went to see her, I just lay with her for hours, and when I was no longer able to keep my thoughts from Bella, I would apologize and head home.

The sad thing was I didn't feel any better. I felt just as empty.

This wasn't working. I came to see Jane, to put this period of my life behind me so I could move on, but I wasn't moving anywhere. I was not progressing. My life had just… stopped. I didn't do anything but sulk in my pathetic pity. It had been months since I had been here, obvious by the change of seasons around me.

I was 29 years old; I shouldn't be just aimlessly gliding around in the world with no sense of being. Over this past year, I had realized that I have found my sense of being in others, whether it be people or things. It was football, then women, and then medicine. I couldn't make it in football in college, I failed at that. I slept my way through girl after girl, trying to silence the gaping hole in myself. No conquest was able to fill that…until Jane. And she died, and I failed her. I failed again.

So I immersed myself into the practice of medicine- determined to succeed at something. It helped for a while, patching the hole for a moment in time. And then I would lose a patient and the hole would only get deeper, each death making a new scar.

Then there was Charlie Swan. I failed him, too. Not just in saving his life, but he trusted me to take care of Bella, to love her and to give her a life that she deserved to finally start living.

Bella was my drug, an addiction to fill my sense of being. I convinced myself that if I could fix her and her problems with her mom, than that would give me a sense of self. But I couldn't do that; instead, I made it all worse, hurting her in the process. The only thing I succeeded at was pushing her out of my life.

In all of these things in my life, I have looked outside to find who I was inside. It had gotten me no where.

I was back at my pub, in my dark corner booth, finally focusing on my own life instead of the mass of people that filtered though. I wanted to love Bella, to go back to her and show her that I could be worth it, and that I was so sorry for everything I did. I knew I had to face some of my demons first, but sitting at the grave site of my deceased wife wasn't helping.

I knew I needed to go deeper than that. I knew that I couldn't give myself away to anyone until I figured out who I was as me, without the women or the medicine. But how the _fuck_ does one find himself?

I had no clue in hell.

X*XX

"Hey, Uncle Aro," I sounded, walking into his study.

"Edward! Finally good to see you out of your bat cave."

I ran my fingers through my hair nervously. After almost a full year of shutting people out, normal conversations didn't come that easily.

"Bat cave, right. Uh, I have a question for ya." I came and sat in a tan, leather arm chair next to his spot on his couch.

He kindly placed his worn book down and gave me his full attention.

"How does one go about finding himself?" I knew how stupid the question sounded out loud… I was just desperate here.

He gave me a small smile and contemplated his response for a few minutes.

"Well, Edward, I have a question for you."

"Uh, okay…"

"What do you want to get out of life?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, people have goals for themselves, what they want in life. For some its success, love, family, a legacy, a footprint…"

"Those seem so vague," I responded. "I don't see how wanting a family is going to help me find myself."

"What's important to you?"

"That's what I'm trying to figure out here, Aro!" I pleaded. "I've been so stuck, chasing after one thing, then another, with no accomplishments to show for it but a broken heart and no one by my side. It's not fair!" My voice rose. "I had a plan for life… I did, and when life fucked up that plan, I rearranged it. Again and again I've had to rearrange my goals for some reason or another. I found a wife, I was faithful and I loved her… and she died! We weren't even married a year…"

He nodded his head knowingly, allowing me to continue on my rant.

"And then Bella. God, Bella. I truly thought that I would marry her. She was the first person who broke though everything after Jane, and I really believed that she was my second chance at having a happy life. But I screwed that up again because I couldn't let go of my past.

"I just feel so guilty, you know. It literally eats away at me knowing what Jane must think of all of this, how betrayed she would feel. I know she would want me to be happy, but I can't allow myself to move on because I already tied myself to someone else."

"Oh, Edward," he relayed, thick with pity. "Come with me."

He stood, grabbing his jacket before walking out of the door. He and I ventured into the city, not speaking a word. After a bit of walking, I knew where we were headed.

As soon as we made it to the gray mass, I lowered myself to the grass and said hello to her.

"Hi, Jane," I whispered.

Aro stood simply behind me, not saying but admiring the grave. I shivered from the sudden gust of wind, goosebumps popping along my skin.

"Are you going to say hello to her?" I finally asked, trying not to sound agitated.

He looked at me with sadness. "Oh, Edward boy," he began. "Jane's isn't here."

"Excuse me?"

He came over and rested his hand on my shoulder. "She's no longer with us, Edward, and she isn't confined to the space of her grave. Her body might be down below, but your Jane, our Jane, isn't here. The guilt you feel is for whom, exactly? Is it really because you don't think it's fair to Jane or because you don't feel like you deserve a second chance at love?

"Our lives aren't defined by petty accomplishments, but by our impact in the lives we touch. She obviously touched your life, son, and you need to go out and live that, pass that love onto others. You talk about how Bella has all these walls around her heart, but really, you're not letting your own walls down. You deserve to love again, Edward. Don't let anyone tell you differently, including yourself. You have to let go of Jane in the guilty sense, it's not fair to yourself to hold onto that. You can't hold Bella next to Jane, either. Jane wasn't perfect, and I don't think your relationship with her is as clean as you remember it to be, either."

Tears pricked behind my eyes. "I don't know how to say goodbye to her, Aro. That's why I came here, and I don't know what I'm doing."

"I think the root of it is that you need to accept that she isn't coming back. There is no rewind button; there is no possibility of reliving your life with her. When you really accept that fact, and accept that she isn't here to feel betrayed, then you can move forward. We can only make our own choices in life…will you choose to spend your life living in a past that is unmoving, or live in the present with the possibilities of a million futures?

"She isn't here, Edward. There's only one woman who is feeling betrayed by you right now. Now, you need to decide if she's worth releasing the guards on your heart for."

He squeezed my shoulder tightly. "I'll see you back at the house."

XXX

**Present Day**

_She looked so beautiful,_ I thought as I watched her from the back of the room, giving her maid of honor speech with such care. I hadn't seen her since last spring when I came back for Jasper's and Alice's wedding. Only Jasper knew I had come back, and I was sure Alice probably figured it out, but I wasn't ready to speak to Bella yet. But seeing her then had been enough to continue with my resolve.

I was ready now. I had come to a point in my life where I was done trying to figure things out on my own…I wanted her to figure life out with. I had done a lot since leaving Italy, all the while keeping my one resolve in my heart: being good enough for Bella. I knew I needed to earn her love, and I was ready to go about doing that.

I stood on the back wall of the large room, having just arrived. I planned on being at the wedding, watching my sister walk down the isle, seeing my dad give her away, but my plane was delayed due to bad weather back east, and I wasn't able to get here in time.

Jasper texted me last night, informing me of this _Ben_ character. Honestly, it didn't surprise me that Bella had tried to move on. After what I did to her, she deserved to. But I just hoped that talking to her, explaining things, apologizing would maybe be enough. She was it for me…this I was sure. I told her this that fateful night all those years ago. I knew Bella was my soul-mate. After everything that I have been through, the death, the pain, the growth and maturity, I knew she was mine.

Convincing her of this might be a bit difficult, though.

I watched as she swayed in his arms, she looked…content. Was I bias? Probably. But I knew her smile, her true, genuine smile, and right then, she wasn't wearing it.

I walked up slowly, mentally preparing myself for this coming interaction, running my fingers through my freshly cut hair one more time. And after a much needed deep breath, I approached her, taking in the scent that was entirely Bella Swan.

"May I step in?" I asked, holding my breath for her response. I didn't look over at Ben; I had no interest in sizing him up or participating any childish games that consisted of 'my dick is bigger than yours.' He was taking care of Bella; I couldn't fault him for that.

But my eyes stayed locked on this beautiful woman, rememorizing the depths of deep brown that allowed me a glimpse into her heart. She looked absolutely stunned to see me, her breath escaping her smooth, pink lips. It took everything that I had not to lean down and kiss them.

_Take is slow, Edward,_ I reminded myself.

"Bella?" I prompted again when she had yet to respond.

"Yeah, of course," Ben replied, releasing Bella's hips. I looked over at him and smiled genuinely. He really wasn't a bad guy…

Bella still stayed stiff, arms still hanging in the air after Ben had stepped away. I kindly repositioned myself in his place, having to readjust Bella's hands myself, one on my shoulder and one tightly knitted in my own. I swayed her gently back and forth as her body finally relaxed into the song.

I recognized this song, Bruno Mars, _Just the Way You Are._ It was a little fast for a slow song, but I didn't care. I moved us to our own beat. I didn't try to talk to her, maybe I was afraid, maybe I didn't want to ruin the moment…but the two of us just stared. I took in all of her features, the soft curve of her waist, the delicate touch of her hands, the lines of age that had appeared gracefully on her skin.

She was the epitome of beauty.

The song eventually ended, but I held on tight, not wanting to let go. Her eyes, how deep they were, showed surprisingly little insight to what she was thinking. I was desperate to hear her thoughts, her words, her voice, even.

"Bella, can we talk?"

My question shook her out of whatever fog she was in, and she backed away from me, shaking her head. Tears pooled in her eyes, and her hand covered her mouth.

"You've had three years to talk to me," she muttered, trying to cover up a sob.

"Bella," I pleaded brokenly, "please."

Without saying another word, she turned around and walked away.

"Bella, stop!" I yelled going after her. I wasn't about to let her walk away from me…not again. "Enough with the walking away, Bella, come talk to me."

I caught up with her and caught her arm, turning her to face me.

"I'm not _walking away_," she spat. "I'm just choosing not to do this," she waved her hand back and forth between us, "with you. I will not let you just barge in here after _three years_ and…" she paused.

"And what?"

"And treat me as if I owe you something."

"Just… _God_, please, Bella. I need to talk to you."

I saw her eyes search mine and her face looked so broken…so hurt. She wiped a tear that escaped her eye with the back of her hand, still not giving me an answer.

"Edward!" I heard my name being called, but I refused to remove my eyes from Bella.

"Bella, please," I whispered as Rosalie came and wrapped her arms around me.

"I'll, um, meet you outside," she said, allowing my attention to be focused on Rose as she walked away.

"Edward, you're here!" I hugged my sister back, closing my eyes and releasing a deep breath. _Baby steps__**. **_She agreed to talk…this was good.

"Hi, Rose. I'm so sorry that I missed the ceremony. I tried so hard to be here, really!"

"I didn't even think that you were coming at all! I thought you were in Africa, or South America, or Canada, or some shit."

I laughed. "Not today. Today I should have been here. I'm so sorry."

She smiled…I didn't think anything could break her smile today…and smacked my arm. "That's okay, when you get married, I'm ditching that shit faster than you can say "I do," or "hell fucking yeah" in my case." She laughed again.

I shook my head and laughed along with her. "I don't think Bella would appreciate you skipping out on her big day like that."

She gave me a warning look. "Don't get ahead of yourself, Edward. The two of you… You guys have a lot of shit to work out. She's in a new relationship, she has a new life…"

"She's the one for me, Rose. I refuse to give up on that."

"Then where have you been?" she asked softly. "We've all been here waiting for you, and you never showed. You changed your number; you left the hospital…you literally dropped off the face of the earth."

"I had things to deal with."

"Well, I hope you've figured your shit out because Ben gets on my fucking nerves."

I laughed and hugged her again. "Save me a dance, okay? I have my girl to go win back…" I left her with a wink and a kiss on the cheek.

"Baby steps, Eddie," she yelled after me.

I smiled at her again. I guess we thought more alike than I thought.

**End Notes:**

**This chapter was already getting long so Bella and Edward's talk will be next chapter (yes, they will talk…she's not going to just leave…she has grown up a bit). **

**I know a lot of his past 2 years (after leaving Italy) is still in the dark, as well as Bella's past few years. I figured that you guys would want some interaction between the two of them this chapter instead of going into all the gory details. Next chapter will be chalked full of reminiscing as they finally talk to each other. (This includes if Bella ever found Renee). **

**If you review, you get a preview. (I'm hiding all the tar and feathers) **


	29. Chapter 29

**Back again so soon? Why, yes! Glad to see that you came back. Thank you to all the readers who are sticking it out through the tough times! I know it's been happy fail, lately, but we're making progress here, people. You have a big happy ending in your future…somewhere. It will be well worth the wait, though. Promise. **

**Reviewers – I'm not sure whether to thank you or to hide from you… I hoped you liked your teaser! **

**Twilightzoner – smiles, love, a whole bunch of flowers, and gingerbread men sent your way. Thank you for your mad beta skills and validating ways. Love to you! **

**Lizzylillyrose- what can I say, you're my other half in this crazy fandom. Thank you for keeping me from pulling my hair out. **

**SM, yeah, that girl, she still owns it all. And Ben is only from my head. *cough* For the sake of disclaimers, anyway. **

**FTGH was also featured on the LUV'NV blog this week. Cheers for that pimpage. Thank you, ladies! **

**Enough of my ramblings… Chapter 29 is now yours…**

**Chapter 29: Enough**

BPOV

The air was cold when I stepped outside, definitely cooler than what it was earlier today. The sun had escaped its confounds of the sky, the moon failing in comparison to its light and warmth. I didn't walk far, finding a bench right beside the sliding doors of the hotel where the reception was held.

I smoothed out the slick material of my black dress as I waited for Edward to join me. When the nonexistent creases no longer kept my attention, I focused on my surroundings, counting the individual cars that drove by, observing the ranges of people who entered and exited the glass doors, even attempting at counting the dim speckles of light that sat beside the moon. Even though seeing the stars was next to impossible with the heavy smog that was painted above us.

I had a hard time wrapping my mind around that he was actually here, that just moments ago his hand was holding mine. I desperately attempted to keep my buried hope from rising and pushing through my carefully crafted surface. I had locked Edward in my box of no returns so long ago, convinced that he was gone forever, irrevocably out of reach.

One dance didn't change anything. This coming conversation wouldn't change anything. We were two different people now.

What we had was…over.

"Here you are." His deep voice brought me out of my internal battle, and I looked up to see his tall form standing slightly beside me, towering above my seated body. He rubbed the palm of his hand roughly over his defined, scruffy jaw line, his eyes looking over at me with such…_wonder, amusement?_

"Here I am," I responded softly, a shiver ripping unexpectedly through my chilled body.

"You're cold," he observed, frowning.

I rubbed my hands over my exposed arms and smiled. "I'm fine."

He sighed heavily and held his hand out for me. "Come on, I've booked a room here. We can go talk upstairs."

I scoffed, "No offense, but that's a really bad idea. I'm just fine out here."

"Bella, we're just talking. I don't want you getting sick."

"Edward," I countered firmly. "I would feel more comfortable sitting right here." I remembered clearly what happened when he and I were alone in a room together after years of separation…images of the ten year reunion dancing in my mind all too vividly.

"Okay, uh, fine," he surrendered, taking a seat beside me.

I scooted over to the far end of the bench, not wanting to be close to him. My emotions were battling each other; anger was suiting up while the tears were rounding up the troops. But Edward wouldn't be the victim here…I was. My heart just couldn't take it.

"What do you want to talk about?" I finally mustered.

"There's a lot we need to talk about; I don't really know where to start…it's been so long."

"Yeah, try three fucking years." Anger must be lined up in formation and ready to go as the shot of hostility broke through my façade.

"Please, don't yell at me, Bella," he pleaded.

"You were gone, Edward! I never heard from you in all this time…you just left!" Tears weren't far behind, their guns in hand, taking the field.

"No, Bella! You left! How dare you put this on me! You flew back to New York without a glance in my direction!" he yelled back at me, twisting in his seat and jabbing his finger into my vicinity bubble.

"Maybe because even the sight of you after what you did made me sick," I spat, swatting his arm away while venom leaked through my carelessly crafted words.

His face visibly fell from my loud outburst, and his whole body surrendered to the support that the wooden bench provided. "Bella, I'm really sorry. I should have never…none of it, everything, ah, fuck. I didn't mean to yell at you. You had every right to leave me."

I took a deep breath, internally warning my emotions to keep their asses in check. "I don't want your apologies, Edward." I downcast my eyes and focused my attention back onto the slick material of my dress. "I just want to know what happened…why you never came back. What happened in Italy?" I eventually lifted my head and looked in his direction.

He looked surprised. "You knew I went to Italy?"

"Word gets around, you know," I excused.

His lips lifted up into a small smile. "That it does."

"So…Italy," I prodded.

"I…I just…uh, I just needed to sort out some things."

I waited for further explanation…he was the one who wanted to come out here and talk, after all. "And?" I finally added, hoping for more of a response.

"And what?" he asked, confused.

"If you're going to be all elusive then why are you even sitting here wasting my time? You wanted to talk, so talk, Edward, because my patience with you is wearing thin." I sat up a bit straighter, proud of myself for standing up to him without my voice breaking.

"Please, Bella, cut with the hostility…I'm trying here. Just…give me a second to get my thoughts together."

He was quiet for a moment, and I took the time to take in his appearance. He looked older, that was for sure. He had deeper wrinkles around his eyes and across his forehead. He rubbed his long fingers together in his lap, breathing heavily and not looking in my direction. I was sure he could feel my visual appraisal of him.

"What you said to me, Bella…back in Forks, over Thanksgiving, it really stuck, you know?" he began, looking down at his entangled hands. "You brought things to my attention that I had buried so deeply, refusing to even acknowledge that they were a problem…a problem for me, for our relationship. I didn't call you because I knew that you deserved better than just half of me. I…for so long…was holding onto Jane, unconsciously comparing the two of you, unable to let her go. You didn't deserve that. So I left for Italy…"

I sat, barely breathing listening to his confession.

"So you went to be with her? Because you gave up any hope with me?" I asked, tears pricking my eyes, clouding my vision.

"No, Bella," he said earnestly. "I went to say goodbye, to move on…closure, I guess."

"But that was years ago! I heard you went to Italy a few months after we broke up! How much closure did you need, Edward?"

"A lot."

All of my fears of not being good enough suddenly resurfaced with vengeance. The pain of us left a gaping wound that felt like it was being filled with tar. I couldn't take this.

"Edward…please, I can't do this." The tears fell fluidly down my cheeks.

"Do what, Bella? I'm trying to explain to you…"

"That it's Jane, it's always been Jane," I finished for him, standing up and grabbing at the length of my dress. "I get it, I do. You didn't need to come here to tell me that, Edward. I was doing fine here without you. Please, just…leave me alone."

"Bella, will you just listen to me?" He stood up and blocked my way back into the building. "I left Italy two years ago! Yes, it took me a while to lay Jane to rest, but Bella, everything I've done these last three years have been for you. I've only wanted to be good enough for you!"

I shook my head and shut my eyes. "You don't love me." This is what I repeated to myself every time I thought about him over these black years. "You don't love me," I said again, mostly for my benefit.

I felt his hands rub down the length of my arms and his voice was soft and gentle in my ears, "I've done nothing but love you. Bella, loving you has been the best part of my life."

A sob escaped and Edward held me tighter, our faces only inches apart.

"Edward, I'm with somebody now."

"I know that."

"I won't move to Seattle."

"I won't ask you to."

"I don't know who you are anymore."

"You know me better than anyone else in this world."

My voice broke again. "What do you want from me?" I asked. His hands had moved to my face, his fingers wiping away the tears from my cheeks.

"I…"

"Uh, Bella?" The voice behind Edward broke the trance we were in as both of our heads snapped in that direction. He removed his hands from my face, tucking them into the pockets of his pants and had stepped to stand beside me. I hastily used the back of my hand to dry the remainder of the tears.

"Uhh," I mumbled, stalling. "Hi, Ben."

"What are you doing out here, baby? It's freezing!" He came over and wrapped his arms around me, and I saw Edward stiffen from the corner of my eye. "I was looking all over for you," he admitted, kissing my forehead.

"I'm…uh, we were just out here talking," I stuttered.

He smiled down at me and then looked over at Edward. "I don't think we were properly introduced, I'm Ben Elliott." He reached out his hand and Edward grabbed it politely.

"Edward Cullen."

"Cullen? Are you related to Rose?"

Edward scoffed; I was sure from the casual nickname for his twin sister. "Yeah, she's my sister."

"That's interesting," he said, cocking his head to the side, "I don't ever remember anyone mentioning you."

Edward just smiled wickedly, and I personally recoiled into myself.

"It's probably best that you don't know who I am, then," he relayed strongly.

"And that is supposed to mean, what, exactly?" Ben said, matching his attitude.

"Nothing, it means nothing," I answered. "Edward, please don't start," I begged, eyes pleading.

He responded with a sad smile. "It's nice to meet you, Ben," he said much nicer this time. "You have a wonderful lady on your arm. She is absolutely stunning." I felt Ben look down at me but my eyes were locked with Edward's. This was not okay.

"I'm ready to go inside now," I said up to Ben. He tucked me closer into his side and walked me in, leaving Edward to the chill air of the dark night.

"What was that all about, Bella?" Ben asked as we made our way back into the reception.

I squeezed his hand before I headed back to the restroom to clean up. "It was nothing." _Liar._ "He's just an old friend…we went to high school together." _Tell him the truth._ "I'll…I'll be right back." He nodded as I released his grip, making my way to the back of the large room. _Coward._

I pushed the heavy door open and shut it quickly behind me, leaning up against it for a moment and tried desperately to regain my composure. It wasn't fair for him just to waltz back in here…telling me those things. _Did he mean them? _Did it matter? _No. _Maybe.

_Maybe!_

Yes, actually. It did matter. It was Edward we were talking about.

I started crying again. This wasn't fair to my heart, this tug-of-war between all of my emotions. I had already found someone else…this wasn't right to even be considering…this…whatever this was…for Ben's sake. I was finally in a healthy relationship.

_Healthy at what cost?_

What the hell was that supposed to mean!

God, now I was quite literally arguing with my subconscious.

_Are you happy?_

Yes.

…

Maybe.

I liked Ben…a lot. I loved him.

_This is Edward._

Edward left.

_You left…you ran away._

He didn't come after me.

_You didn't go back for him, either. He had his reasons, just like you had yours. _

I can't forgive him.

_Who are you kidding? You forgave him a long time ago._

I missed him.

_He loves you._

It hurts to think about him.

_Because you're scared. _

Of course I was scared!

_He made you happy. Remember that?_

I will always remember…

_Why are you fighting this?_

I'm with someone! Ben is a part of my life.

_Edward is your life._

Okay, now you're just being over dramatic! I am my own person, with or without Edward. I don't need him.

_But do you want him?_

I've always wanted him.

_He's outside waiting for you. He came back for you. He said he wanted to make himself good enough for you, Bella, and he's back…for you. _

You're giving me a headache.

_You already had a headache._

Damn-it.

"Bella?" There was a knock at the door, and I jumped back, taken off guard. The door opened slowly, and Rose and Alice slipped inside.

"Honey, why are you talking to yourself? What happened?"

"You heard that?"

They smiled sheepishly. "A lot of people heard it, sweetie. You're crying really loudly and practically screaming in here."

I could feel my face brighten in color, and the tears flowed harder. "Did…did…he…hear me?"

The two girls looked at each other before Alice answered, "He's camped outside the door."

"I meant Edward," I clarified. I felt bad, but this wasn't about Ben right now.

"I was talking about Edward," she replied, confused.

My sobs increased in volume once again. "Oh, Bella," Rosalie comforted, wrapping her arms around me. "I thought you were doing better."

"It's not…he can't just…I've moved…"

"Shhh, honey, it's okay. We understand."

"I don't know what to do," I admitted pretty incoherently into her shoulder.

"Have you talked to him?"

"Kind of…I sort of yelled at him, accused him of still loving Jane, and then he might have maybe said that it was all for me."

"What was all for you?" Alice asked.

"Everything." I shrugged.

"Bella, I won't make excuses for my brother…he does a lot of stupid shit…always has, but he was so excited to go talk to you tonight. I haven't seen him that happy since the last time you guys were together."

"But what about me and my happiness? Is that too selfish to ask for? What about my peace of mind, my sanity? He comes back on his terms and tells me that? Where is my say?"

"Bells, you answer for yourself everyday," Alice piped in.

"And that means…"

"I see you when you're with Ben, and I really do like the guy, don't get me wrong, but you don't shine, Bells. Seeing you dance with Edward…God, I haven't seen that much passion in your eyes in years. And this display in the bathroom? You tell me everyday how much you miss him, if it's not with actual words, it's when you bring up a memory, or make a small side comment. I catch all of them, Bella. Your answer has been Edward all along. You just didn't go after him…but he came here. He deserves some credit for that, don't you think?"

"Is he too late, though?" I asked, even though I knew deep down I was the only one who could really answer that.

They both were quiet. "All I know, is that if were Jasper that showed up…three years, five years, a decade, later, I wouldn't waste another day. He's my soul-mate, and those things have a way of working themselves out in the end."

"I would wait forever for the love of my life," Rosalie added. "I'm just glad you don't have to."

I rested my tired body against the door of the stall and began to bang my head. The girls chuckled and Rose wet a towel and wiped under my eyes. My makeup was a lost cause at this point.

While they were trying to clean me up, there was another knock at the door.

"Hey, babe?" Ben's voice filtered through and his head came into view. He saw my state and his shoulders visibly dropped. "Can I talk to you for a minute?"

The girls looked to me for approval, and I nodded. They each left the pink dusted room and left Ben and I to ourselves.

"What's all this about, Bella?" he asked defensively.

"It's nothing."

"Don't tell me it's nothing!" he yelled. I recoiled by the loud outburst. "This…" he pointed at me, "is obviously not nothing!"

"Lower your voice, please!"

"No. I will not fucking lower my voice. I deserve a goddamed explanation!"

His tone must have not sat well with a particular listener because a very angry Edward came barging into the bathroom.

"How dare you speak to her that way!" he shouted. _Oh no._

Ben looked equally as heated as Edward, and all of his attention became focused on him. "Listen, _pal,_ this is about me and my _girlfriend_, so I suggest you get the fuck out and mind your own damn business!"

"I will not just sit there and let you speak to her like that!"

"Edward, please, don't."

He glanced over at me and he looked in pain from at what he saw. I knew I looked a mess, but _gosh._

"He doesn't get to speak to you that way, baby."

"And you don't get to call me baby," I countered. "And he's right," I looked over at Ben. "I'm sorry for all the drama tonight, but you have no right to yell at me. I will explain…everything…but right now, I am exhausted." I took a deep breath and for the hundredth time tonight wiped my face with my hands.

"I'm going to bed…I'll see you in the morning." I walked out of the bathroom, finding Rose and Emmett and kissing them both before going to our hotel room upstairs. I knew that Ben would be there tonight, but I seriously hoped he would give me some time to just…think…before he came up for bed.

I truly was exhausted. I had done so well over these past few years at keeping my emotions buried that so many coming out in the span of a few hours was overwhelming. I just didn't want to deal with it anymore. Because, really, I already knew deep down what the answer was, and I didn't think anyone was going to be particularly happy about it.

I awoke the next morning with a splitting headache. I winced as I pried my glued eyes open, cursing myself for not removing the remainder of my eye makeup last night before I collapsed in the bed. I literally came back up to the room and crashed, not even bothering to remove my dress or take down my hair. I hastily made work of removing the bobby pins and rubbed the sore spots of my scalped that they were pressed up against.

I looked over beside me and saw a sleeping Ben, his face facing towards the window and out of view. I didn't even feel him crawl into the bed the night before. My eyes traveled down his sleeping form, and I sighed to myself. My heart already hurt for him.

I pulled myself out of the bed and carefully walked to the bathroom, shutting the door lightly as to not to wake him. I looked at myself in the mirror and literally flinched at my reflection. The whole saying "looking like hell" didn't even come close to describing my appearance. There were black streaks down my cheeks from my running mascara, and my raccoon eyes dominated my face. My lips were chapped terribly, and my skin looked much paler than normal. I shrugged it off…at least I looked how I felt.

I ran the hot water of the shower and removed my dress and undergarments, stepping in to the cell of hot steam. I refused to let myself cry anymore; I didn't have the energy for it.

I took my time in the shower, allowing the scalding water to relax my tight muscles. The shampoo and conditioner worked its magic on my wild hair, and I scrubbed all the remains off of my face.

When I thought I couldn't remove another ounce of dirt, makeup, sweat, or tears…I lathered up and did it all again.

By the time I got out of the shower, I was in a rush to get ready. We were meeting everyone for breakfast at 9am, before Rose and Emmett left for their honeymoon. I silently wondered whether Edward would be at breakfast or not…even Ben, for that matter. I really needed to talk to both of them.

I walked out into the room draped in my towel, and Ben was up and watching some sports channel. He looked up when I entered but refocused his attention back to the TV.

"The shower is open if you need it."

"Okay, thanks, babe," he answered mundanely, as if he didn't have another care in the world.

I didn't elaborate, not really wanting to have _that _conversation with him right then, and continued getting dressed. I chose a simple pair of jeans and tank top, matched with sandals and a light blue, quarter length cardigan. Ben eventually left the spot in front of the TV and hopped in the shower. I used that time to blow dry my hair and apply my simple amounts of makeup.

"You look beautiful," he said as he stepped out of the bathroom.

I smiled and glanced at his half naked form before looking away. "Thanks."

"Just give me a minute to get dressed, and I'll be ready. Are you all packed?"

I nodded, picking up my book and sitting on the bed. He got dressed relatively quickly, and we made it down to the breakfast bar just about the same time as everyone else. I knew I was avoiding the elephant in the room, but really, someone else needed to be there when we talked.

Rosalie and Emmett were quite literally glowing as they came into the breakfast area, and they were greeted with a round of applause and a few whistles. As they stepped out of the doorway to go wait in line at the buffet, I saw him, standing there, searching the room…until his eyes found mine, and he stopped. A smile lit his face, and he completely bypassed the food to come sit down next to me.

"Good morning," he greeted. "Is this seat taken?"

I shook my head but focused my attention back on my blueberry muffin.

"Did you get your coffee yet? I can go get you some, I need some myself."

I swallowed my big bite and answered him, "Uh, they're already on their way."

"They're?" he questioned.

"Um, yeah. I ordered for you, too…I just kind of inferred…" I looked away, embarrassed, but Edward just beamed from beside me.

"That's wonderful, thank you, Bella."

I hummed in response.

Alice and Jasper tried desperately to try and make breakfast as not awkward as possible; even Esme and Carlisle picked up on the tension and tried to defer it. But really…it was inevitable. I kept quiet, picking at my muffin, and for the most part ignored everybody. When things were wrapping up, we all said our goodbyes to the newlyweds, and they left right before everyone else.

"Uh, Bella, do you think we could talk?" Edward asked, whispering in my ear. I felt Ben go stiff next to me, and I sighed heavily.

"Um, I actually need to speak with both of you guys."

"Me too?" Ben asked surprised.

"Yeah…do you think we can go out to the back gardens or something…somewhere private?"

"Sure!" Edward agreed a little too excitedly. I took another deep breath, preparing myself. Alice gave me a wink before I headed out, and I desperately prayed that this conversation would end okay. We headed out to the back of the hotel, and we all took separate seats once we got outside.

Edward placed his elbows on his knees and looked at me, while Ben rested his back against the back of the chair and his hands gripped the arm supports.

"Bella?" Ben began. "What's going on?"

I looked back and forth between the two of them and finally focused my eyes on Ben.

"Ben, I haven't been honest with you about who Edward is."

He took a deep, steadying breath. "Okay…"

"Edward and I…we did go to high school together, but when I came back for our ten year reunion, let's just say that we…reunited." I spared Edward a glance and saw a smirk dancing on his lips. "Anyways, Edward was my dad's doctor, and over time, he and I developed a romantic relationship."

I heard Edward scoff and my head snapped towards him. "It was more than that, Bella," he reprimanded.

"Alright, so you guys dated, got it," Ben said angrily.

"But we broke up…years ago…"

Edward made a grunting noise again.

"Really," I said to him, "stop with that."

He rolled his eyes but kept his mouth shut.

"And I should have told you that…a long time ago, and I'm sorry. Last night was the first time I've seen him since we ended things, and it really took me off guard.

"But his return, his homecoming, really opened my eyes to a lot of things."

I looked at them both, and they both looked fear stricken.

"Edward, what we had was amazing…life changing. I loved you so much, and you helped me get through the hardest time in my life. But you cannot just walk back in here and ask for me back. It's not fair. I know you came back to me, Edward, but it's been years. I thought you were gone…and I allowed myself to move on. But seeing you yesterday, it brought back the floodgates of memories…the feelings. You completely consume me, Edward, you always have. But consumption isn't healthy, and you just walking back in, telling me you love me is not enough. Our relationship back then was screwed up, based on lies and trying to fill holes that we couldn't fill with each other. We can't go back to where we were…and honestly, right now, I don't know if you're even good for me. Like I said last night, I don't even know you anymore."

He tried to speak up and protest, but I stopped him. "Please, let me finish."

"Ben," I said, turning to look at him. "You have been so good to me. You have treated me with nothing but love and respect. You have provided for me and allowed me to bunker in a safe hole with you. But I don't want to settle for a relationship that's just _safe._ I do love you, but after seeing Edward yesterday, remembering how much I am capable of loving someone, I just don't love you enough to keep going with this. It's not fair to you. You deserve someone who will give you their whole heart, and I haven't been. I'm really sorry for all of this…I know this isn't what you were expecting flying out here, hell, it's not what I was expecting, but it will be better this way. Our contract on the apartment is still void-able since we just signed it, and I'll back out of my end and you can keep the place. I sincerely hope that you find someone to love you as much as I love Edward."

I looked back over that the bronze haired man. "I love you…but this can't work right now. Things with you have always been complicated, and you say you spent the past three years figuring yourself out? Making yourself good enough for me? It's hard to trust that, Edward. It's practically impossible to wrap my head around that. Trust is something so important in a relationship, and right now, I don't trust you. And in all reality, I still have things that I need to take care of."

I stood up, raking my hands through my hair, and taking a deep breath. "I'm really sorry."

I left both of them sitting out on the balcony, and I made my way up to my room and grabbed my bag, leaving the key on the dresser for Ben to check out. The hotel room was already paid for on my credit card, so I didn't have to worry about him paying for anything. I said a quick goodbye to the rest of the Cullen's and hopped in a cab, heading for the airport.

Leaving this time was a lot different than the last time around. This time I wasn't running away. I wasn't leaving because I felt betrayed, or hurt, or unloved. I was leaving because it was the right thing to do. I was ready to start living, not in the past, and not settling for something safe…but this time, living my life that deserved to be lived.

I was surprised that I got a plane connection so easily, but the airport was very helpful when I changed my flight.

I wasn't headed back to New York quite yet…

There was someone in Washington that I needed to see first.

**End Notes:**

**Put your guns down, and back away slowly! **

**You want E&B to have a happy ending? Let them figure their shit out first, please. This was a big step. **

**And I know I said we would figure out the past two years for each of them and all that, but really, this happened instead, soo… next chapter? Maybe? I'm not making promises anymore…it will all come out, eventually. **

**And Bella isn't running away – she has made a healthy decision for her future. She understands that what she and Edward had back when wasn't healthy, and she has admitted that she still loves him, but she understands that if she sees any potential future with him, she needs to face some things first. **

**I wonder who she needs to go see….**

**Please review – promised teaser for all reviewers. **

**And go play on the forum on Twilighted. Just search my name or the title. I usually spill my guts out over there about the characters and chapters, answer questions, and post mini teasers. It's fun, come join us. **


	30. Chapter 30

**AN: **

**IMPORTANT: if you guys have not read the first outtake to FTGH, please go read it. It is from B/E's freshmen year of high school, and I PROMISE it will give you A LOT more insight to what is about to happen in this chapter. Seriously…go read it. It's not long at all but will help tremendously. ****/gpUCRN**

**HeatherDawn: thank you for the rec on Twi Girls Next Door **

**Lizzylillyrose: you and lusty make my day – thank for you reading over this and telling me to hush when I obsess and go crazy**

**Twilightzoner: thanks you for beta skills & the validation **

**There's not much left to this story…thanks for coming back to read. Reviewers – I still cringe when my phone beeps in fear of you…but really, thank you for your insight, your ideas, your predictions, and your patience. You show my story love, and for that, I love you all. **

**This chapter takes place the same day as the previous chapter – Last chapter ended with Bella getting on a plane…this is what happens a little while after she landed. Remember, Emmett's and Rose's wedding was the day before. Okay…**

**Chapter 30: Facing Fate**

**BPOV**

The car ride was quiet, my thoughts empty, my feelings numb. I wasn't really sure what to expect…what I even wanted to get out this. It was just one of those things that I needed to do for me, because if not, there would always be the 'what if' hanging in the background. That 'what if' had been there haunting me for seventeen years now. It was finally time that I dealt with it.

I had gone over the day my mother left in my mind an unfathomable amount of times, and I still had no explanation. I saw no clues, no hints, no reason for her to leave me…I was so young that my naivety and trust in her clouded any thoughts of the possibility, but her departure happened – I couldn't ignore that.

I wasn't exactly sure how to deal…for many years I thought it was as easy as just moving on, forgetting about it, putting it behind me. But with every step I took, the shadow was there, lurking, taunting, seeping into my being in the form of my trust issues, abandonment fears, my inability to really love another person. I would like to think that I had overcome a lot of that, with the help of others, the wall around my heart had been taken down, brick my brick, moment by moment. Reconciling with my dad aided in that a great deal; I was just sorry for all the lost time with him because of my "mommy issues."

Alice and Emmett were another great help. In college, they were my saving grace. I loved them as family, and for a long time, they were the only family I had. Alice took care of me and really showed me that it was okay to trust another person. In the form of my best friend, Alice taught me how to trust again, and that slowly carried over into my relationships with other people, as well.

Emmett helped me a lot, too. He was the first man in my life that was always…there. My dad, after my mom left, just checked out. His body was there, but his mind and heart were chasing after a crazed, chestnut haired woman. Emmett loved me like a sister, and he was the most supportive person in my life. He encouraged me to keep pushing, to never settle less than my wildest dreams. He was there when I wanted to drop out of college, he was there when I tried taking a job as a bank teller when I couldn't find one in a gallery, he was the one who, without really knowing it, got me to publish my first book. Emmett knew all to well that life had a way of fucking us over, but he was standing evidence that we were just as able to fight back.

But Edward…he was the one that taught me how to love. He was the one that really showed me what it was like to let someone in, to trust, to fear, to encourage, to open up to. With him, I tasted what it was like to throw all the dirty laundry into the pot, and say, "I love you, anyway." Thinking about him brought tears to my eyes. I had realized that life was nothing without love. There was no greater accomplishment than surrendering yourself to someone, to break down all the walls and to choose them. He was the one I chose, the one I wanted, the one that had carried my heart off with him to all the places in the world he had been these last three years. Seeing him yesterday, at the wedding, solidified that fact for me…I tried to ignore it, push it away, cover it up with another relationship…but, at the end of the day, he was still Edward, and I was still his Bella.

I talked to Carlisle shortly after I came back to New York, after Thanksgiving, asking for Jenks' information. I contacted him, then, and received all the information I needed to know to find my mother. Edward was right, she was just about fifty minutes outside of Forks. Of course, her name was changed, and she had an entirely new family, but it was her…alive and well. For months, I didn't know what to do. I asked myself countless questions: should I call her? Should I go visit? Should I write her? Should I…I…I… It was exhausting. I became really bitter, angry that I had to make the first step, feeling, once again, sorry for myself. I hated that feeling…pity. Despised it, even. So I didn't do anything, because I couldn't find a solution to any of it. It was a cycle that continued to pull me under…until now.

I pulled the rented car up the hilled driveway, taking a deep breath and turning the key to shut off the engine. It was an averaged sized house, brick siding, and bushes outlining the front. There weren't any other cars in the drive, but the lights in the house were on, so I knew someone had to be home.

It was just after six in the evening, the summer sun still hung delicately in the sky. With shaking hands, I opened the car door and shut it quietly, on the verge of hyperventilating, as I walked up the pathway to the front door. I lifted my hand to knock on the wooden structure, but I stopped mid-motion. I could hear sounds coming from inside the house. Whoever was on the other side had the television on, a dog was barking from the yard, and I saw a cat sitting in the side window. It struck me hard that the people living here were a family…complete in their own way. What would knocking on this door, introducing myself, do to them? Would it destroy a home, inflicting pain on whatever life these people had, just like was done to me when I was a kid?

I took a step back off of the front porch. Could I live with myself if I tore them apart? No, I couldn't. I turned around to leave.

My hand was placed on the handle of my car door when the front door swung open. A girl, maybe mid teens, came out, down the steps and halfway across the path before she noticed me. Her dark brown hair swung behind her, her pale skin exposed from the skimpy outfit she had on.

"Uh, hi?" she said, taking me in. "Can I help you with something?"

I took a step towards her. Brown. She had brown eyes.

"Lady?" she questioned, looking at me strangely.

"Um." I shook my head, trying to clear my thoughts. "I'm just looking for Michelle Collins. Is she here?"

The girl smiled and shook her head. "No, my mom is down at the diner. I think she has the closing shift tonight. But my dad's here if you want to talk to him."

"Your dad?"

"Yeah…Phil Collins? I'm Annesley." She reached out her hand to shake mine.

"You look just like your mom," I told her.

She laughed. "Yeah, I get that all the time. People think we're sisters."

It took everything I had to keep the tears at bay. "Do you have any other siblings?" I tried to keep my voice light; I didn't want to sound like a stranger lurking for information.

"Yeah, two younger brothers. They're a handful! My mom keeps threatening to leave them on the side of the road somewhere if they can't get their shit together," she said, laughing. It broke my heart because I knew how easily she would do just that.

"Well," I mumbled, looking around, "I don't want to keep you any longer."

"I can tell my mom you stopped by! What's your name?"

I looked at Annesley, the house, the dog in the yard, the cat in the window, the smile on her face… "Um, it's okay, I'll just try to catch her some other time."

"Okay, sure." She continued walking, hopping into the car that just pulled up on the street. A young boy was driving, and she kissed him as she got in. I envied their innocence.

I got back into my car, kind of at a loss of what to do. I had a sister, and two brothers…a family. A family that really didn't belong to me. Looking at Annesley, I just…I couldn't break in there, create a shit storm because my life wasn't fair. I banged my head on the wheel a few times before I finally pulled out of the drive and headed towards a hotel in town. I needed to sleep on it…clear my head. That was the only choice I could really make right then.

I plugged my phone in when I got back, after I checked into the hotel – no new messages. No missed calls. No…nothing. Again, I didn't know what I expected.

I took a quick shower, changing then into an old t-shirt, and crawling into the plush hotel bed, resting my tired head on the pillow. The room was dark and quiet, but my thoughts provided enough distraction that sleep was a very far off concept. My blood relatives were only ten minutes away, but my family was dispersed across the west coast. Some in California, others in Washington, some off on their Honeymoon in Disney Land.

Something shifted, as I finally slipped into unconsciousness, and I realized that what defined family…our closest loved ones…really wasn't imperative to our DNA at all…

The next morning came all too quickly. When I awoke, it was a little past eight. My sheets were tangled around my bare legs, and the pillow was discarded on the floor, evidence of my restless sleep. The bright orange rays shined through the edges of the thick curtain, and I knew that I couldn't prevent this forever.

I rub my tired eyes as I kicked off the remaining covers, pulling myself into a sitting position with my legs hanging off the edge. _I really don't want to do this,_ I whined to myself. My doubts came on full force, the fear of rejection, of not being wanted by my own mother, beating down on my resolve to go talk to her. It wasn't just about ruining the other family she had created – it was about either healing my own heart, or, what I was most scared of, completely ruining any chance I had at fixing my life.

I sat there, my pounding head resting in my hands, for a while. I eventually got up to start a pot of coffee, but I was mostly crawling in my own fears, lethargically moving around the hotel room so it would give me more time until I had to face her.

I was cross legged on the bed, carelessly flipping through the different morning news channels, when I heard a knock at my door. I glance at my clock and it was barely nine, so it couldn't have been house keeping already. I tip-toed over to the door and silently pressed myself to the door to look through the peephole, so whoever was behind the door didn't hear me, incase I chose not to answer. My hopes at indiscretion, however, went right out the window when I saw who it was, and a very loud swear word escaped my lips.

"Bella?"

I couldn't respond.

"Come on, Bella, I know you're in there. I can hear you…" he whispered, pressing his own body up against the door. He sighed heavily, and after a few more moments of silence, he pulled himself away. I continued to look at him through the peephole, truly unsure of what to do in that moment. But when I saw him begin to walk away, I panicked, throwing the door open, completely disregarding my state of undress.

"Bella," he said again, looking at me with tears in his eyes.

"You're here…" I whispered.

He smiled shyly. "Yeah," he mumbled. "I remember a time, a long time ago, when I promised you that I would always chase after you, no matter what. I broke that promise once, but I promise, Bella, I will never break that promise again."

I stumbled my way back into the room, and he followed behind me.

"I know you said you wanted space," he began, "but I know how hard this might be for you, and I just wanted to be here for you in whatever way you needed me. If you want me to leave, I'll get a room down the hall. If you want to talk about it, I'm here to listen. If you want to get angry, I'm here for you to take your anger out on. I know I royally messed up being your boyfriend, but I'm going to try really hard at being a good friend to you, Bella."

I sat down on the bed, still trying to comprehend the fact that he was here… "How did you know where I was? I didn't tell anyone I was coming here."

He looked all bashful again. "Well, I might have used some connections of my dad's to get the airlines to tell me your flight change…and then I called every hotel in the area looking for you," he said quickly, the words rushing out of his beautifully chapped lips. "I just want to do better this time, Bella. I think we both deserve it."

"Edward…this is…"

He came and knelt down before me, his body tucked between my knees and his hands on the top of my thighs…and tears sprung from my eyes, right as he was about to speak again, taking the both of us by surprise. I began crying loudly, my chest rocking from the force of my sobs. Edward was quick to respond, and he wrapped his arms around my tightly, my face buried in his neck.

I felt so weak in that moment – I felt bombarded with unresolved issues, problems rising to the surface, demanding that they be dealt with. I wasn't equipped for this…I honestly didn't know what to do.

He switched off between stroking my hair and kissing my forehead as he let me cry in his arms. I was at such a loss, lying there, wrapped in his body. It all seemed so easy…to just…

"Edward," I squeaked out, sniffing loudly and wiping my tears against the skin on his neck.

"Yes?" he asked softly.

"I really missed you," I said, a sob releasing itself at the end, new tears freshly flowing. His shoulders dropped before he tightened his grip around me.

"I have a lot of explaining to do, Bella." He pulled back from our embrace, and I was quick to wipe the tears from my face, trying to gain composure. "But I have a question, first…"

I looked at him expectantly.

"What are _you_ doing here?" he asked quietly, looking around the hotel room.

"I came to see her."

"Why?"

"Because I deserve an answer."

He looked at me sadly, and I felt the pity again…I hated the pity.

"Have you seen her yet?"

I shook my head. "No, I went to her house yesterday, but she wasn't there. I met my sister, though. And I have two brothers," I said, sniffing again.

"What did your sister say? Was she surprised…I bet it took her off guard, to say the least."

"No, Edward, I didn't tell her. I didn't have the heart to. It all just looked so…perfect. They were their own perfect little family."

"Bella, no family is perfect."

"Yeah…I know that, but I still couldn't destroy her life like that. It's just not fair."

"Are you going to leave then? Forget you ever came?"

I shrugged. "I don't know. I was still thinking about it when you showed up," I said lightly, and he smiled at my words.

"I think you should go try and talk to Renee, though, Bella…like you said, you deserve some answers."

I took a deep breath. "I guess you're right…I've already made it this far, might as well carry it out."

He took my face in his hands and softly ran his fingers across my cheeks, removing the remaining tears. And in a soft, almost reverent voice, he said, "You are so beautiful."

I pulled back slightly and shook my head. "Edward, I'm not ready to deal with…this…yet. Can we just, maybe, do this one step at a time? I know you're sorry, and I'm sorry…for everything…for leaving, for how everything was handled, and you know that I love you, but I just can't…right now…do this." I knew my words, just as my thoughts, were a scattered mess, but he understood. He simply nodded and smiled sadly.

"We can talk...or _deal_…with this whenever you're ready. This is on your time, Bella. I already know who I want…I'll wait as long as it takes."

I nodded and pulled myself off the bed, walking over to my duffel and pulling out a pair of jeans and a tank top to wear. I pulled the pants over my bare legs and turned to face the wall as I changed out of my sleep shirt and into the tank. After my face was washed, and my hair was pulled back, I went to leave for the diner.

Edward stood there awkwardly as I left, unsure as of what to do, I was sure. "Edward," I called from the doorway as he lingered in the room. "Aren't you coming?"

"Coming?"

"I mean…will you, maybe, come to the diner with me? If you want to…of course."

He smiled brightly, a true, full white teeth, cheeks pulled tight smile. "Yeah, Bella…I'll come with you."

"I don't really know what I'm doing…or about to do, I guess, so just kind of follow my lead, okay?" I prompted as I got into my car.

"Sure, whatever you're comfortable with."

I plugged in the GPS unit and typed in the address of the diner – having it already from Jenks' information. We drove over in relative silence, the music streaming through providing adequate background noise so it wasn't awkward.

"So, you've been here before?" I asked as we pulled into the parking lot. Edward looked down at his hands in his lap and paused for a moment before answering.

"Yes…Bella, I'm really sorry I didn't tell you. I was trying…" I held my hand up to stop him.

"We can talk about all that later, okay…I can only think about one thing at a time, right now."

"Okay," he agreed.

I took a deep breath before stepping out of the car. I idled there for a second, and Edward waited patiently beside me.

"So, do you know what you're going to say to her?"

"Not a clue."

He nodded in understanding and leaned his back up against the side of the car, watching me as I shifted my weight back and forth on my feet.

"What?" I asked, confused on what he was staring at.

He smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes. "I guess I'm just still trying to wrap my head around the fact that I'm standing next to you, Bella. I know you don't want to talk about it right now, but I've really missed you, too. You have no idea how long I've waited for this moment."

"This moment…meaning facing Renee, er, I mean Michelle?"

"The moment of being back in your presence, Bella, of seeing you with my own eyes again, of hearing your voice. I've waited a long time for this."

I sighed deeply. "I thought you were never coming back," I admitted. "You left me no inclination that you still wanted me."

He stepped closer and his face was only inches from mine. "I've always wanted you, Bella. Always." His hand came up and pushed my fallen strands of hair behind my ear. "I just wasn't ready…able…to give you all of this…" He placed his other hand on his heart. "But it's yours, now…every part of it."

I shut my eyes as a shudder wracked through my body. "Edward…"

"Right, right, not talking about this now, got it," he said, laughing awkwardly at the end, and stepping back. "So, it's now or never…you ready?" he asked, motioning towards the diner.

After another deep breath, I nodded. "Might as well go face my fate," I mumbled as I took a step, but before I could get far, Edward grabbed my arm.

"Bella…this isn't your fate. Whatever happens in there, good or bad, you're still you. You still have your life. This…woman…can't take anything else away from you. You believe me, right?"

I looked into his piercing green eyes, seeing his resolve there. "Why do you say that, Edward?" I couldn't help but ask, not really understanding his logic.

He took a step closer to me again. "We define ourselves, Bella. No one else has control…claim…over you unless you let them. You choose your own fate," he whispered.

"Have you chosen your fate?" I asked brokenly, voice barely audible.

He leaned in closely and pressed his face to mine, his cheek touching my cheek, both of our eyes closed. I felt the stubble of his jaw scratch deliciously across my skin, his breath heavy in my ear. His fingertips barely grazed my bare arms, and in an equally quiet voice, he responded, "Yes."

**Sorry for the cliffe – I wasn't originally going to end it there, but Edward got so darn wordy, and the interaction with Renee would have been just too long. Sorry. Next update: SOON! I've already started on it. **

**I started a new fic called, Strawberry Wine. Chapter 1 is up on my ffnet page – It's a bit different. Not as angsty as this fic, but a good romance. It's E/B, but takes place at two different times in their life, when they're younger and when they are older. Each chapter will switch off between the summer of 1987 and summer of 2010. It is loosely based off the song Strawberry Wine by Deana Carter. Please go over and check it out, review, and let me know if you like it.**

**FTGH will be wrapping up soon. Probably only 3 chapters left, at the most, with an epilogue after. Thank you all for your continued support! You guys have been really great throughout this whole process. **

**Please review and keep the love coming – I want to know how you guys feel about Edward now… **


	31. Chapter 31

**AN: **

**I hope you guys don't mind the frequent updates – I'm hoping to have this story done by the end of the month.**

**Many, many thanks for coming back. Readers, even you lurkers, I love you for liking my story. Reviewers, I wish I could send you all homemade baked goods as my thanks. **

**Lizzylillyrose – my ficwife and prereader. Thank you – the first version of this chapter was shit – thank you for telling me as much so it could be made better! Xox**

**Twilightzoner – you still put up with me, and I want to hug you for it! Thank you for your beta'ing and validation.**

**SM still gets all the rights. No copyright infringement was intended. **

**Chapter 31: Reasoning **

_He took a step closer to me again. "We define ourselves, Bella. No one else has control…claim…over you unless you let them. You choose your own fate," he whispered. _

"_Have you chosen your fate?" I asked brokenly, voice barely audible. _

_He leaned in closely and pressed his face to mine, his cheek touching my cheek, both of our eyes closed. I felt the stubble of his jaw scratch deliciously across my skin, his breath heavy in my ear. His fingertips barely grazed my bare arms, and in an equally quiet voice, he responded, "Yes."_

"What is your, fate, then?" I asked breathlessly, still pressed up against him in the parking lot of the diner.

"You, Bella. I choose you…not just because you're myonly option, but because I want you…more than anything, more than anyone. I love you…I'm in love with you. My heart…it hurts with how much I love you. And I'm sorry, so terribly sorry for everything…I need you, Bella. My life, my fate, doesn't exist without you in it.

"Edward, I…" I trailed off, a little taken aback from the declaration.

"Wow, that was heavy," he said laughing, stepping back again. "Don't know how I manage to keep talking about it, when you have specifically asked to _not_ talk about it…" He chuckled awkwardly again. "Um…inside? Want to go inside?"

I smiled nervously and nodded, but as I turned around and walked towards the door, the nervous smile transformed into a pretty big grin. He was back…he was really back…_for me._

Edward stepped in front of me to pull the door open, _such a gentleman, _and the ping that sounded alerted a waitress to our presence. I scanned the space with my eyes, and my hands fiddled together…I was beyond nervous. Apparently, I wasn't hiding my fidgets very well, and I felt a strong arm drape over my shoulders and pull me in as we were escorted to a booth.

We sat down opposite of each other, and Edward lightly scanned his menu as I melted into a jumbling mess at my seat.

"Are you going to ask for her?"

"Um…I don't know."

"Is she working today."

"Not too sure."

"Are you going to order breakfast?"

"Maybe."

"Do you want me to stop asking questions?"

"Let me think about it."

"Is that a yes."

I laughed nervously. "Yes."

"Okay, then," he said smiling, looking back down at his menu. A waitress came by and took our orders – I got coffee, _of course_, and Edward got the early sunrise special, with a stack of pancakes and extra sausage links on the side.

"Wow, have you eaten at all in the past week, Edward?" I asked, astonished with the amount of food he could consume.

He looked up at me and shrugged. "Um, I haven't really eaten since breakfast with you yesterday morning. They didn't serve anything on the plane, and I was too nervous to eat before I came and saw you," he admitted bashfully.

I still had to remind myself that he actually followed me here…as in searched me down to figure out where I was. "Your stalking tendencies will never cease to amaze me," I joked, adding a small laugh in there so he knew I was partially kidding.

He looked like he wanted to retort with something, but probably for the best, he stayed quiet. We fell into an awkward silence, then, and the both of us looked around the small place, avoiding eye contact with each other.

His food and my coffee came not too much later, and I sipped quietly while Edward stuffed his face. My head snapped up, however, when I heard him choke on his breakfast.

"Shit, Edward, are you okay?" I jumped up out of my chair and began pounding on his back, and he finally coughed up the mushy pancakes. I watched as his face cleared, and I turned my head to see what it was he was staring at.

_There she was._

I was sure her face probably mirrored my own, mouth slightly ajar, eyes wide, body frozen. She was standing in the aisle, slightly behind our booth, holding a pot of coffee in one hand, looking at me with a mix of horror and amazement.

"No…it can't be," she whispered, her face molding into one of shock, her eyes leaving mine and searching around the restaurant, frantically. "Bella?" she questioned, her eyes finding me again. I knew she had to recognize me…I looked exactly like her.

I felt like time stood still as I looked at her. I knew I was coming here to see her, and I knew it would be a definite possibility, but nothing could have prepared me for it actually happening. My hand eventually made its way up to cover my mouth as I drew in a deep, long, shuttering breath. I began to curl into myself and my other arm wrapped around my body, holding me together. I didn't take my eyes off of hers as I felt Edward guide me down to a sitting position in the booth beside him.

Renee gently put the pot of scalding liquid down and matched my movements, sitting in the opposite side of the booth where I was previously sitting, glancing nervously between Edward and myself.

"What…what…are you…what are you doing here?" she stuttered in a quiet voice.

"After seventeen years, that is the first thing you have to say to me?" My voice was harder than I expected it would be, having a ring of ice to it.

She shook her head back and forth and closed her eyes, her mouth still hanging open.

"You shouldn't be here," she finally said, starting to stand up.

"Sit down," I relayed, voice thick with demand. I honestly think it took her completely by surprise, and she actually listened, lowering herself back into the seat.

"Isabella, do not speak to me that way." Her tone went into mother-mode, and it only fueled my anger more.

"So, _Michelle,_ I like the little life you have here," I said sarcastically, looking around the diner.

"What do you want from me, Bella?" she answered, her voice on the edge of panic.

"I just want some answers," I explained calmly.

"I don't have any to give you."

"Like hell you don't!" I yelled, slamming my hand down on the counter. I felt Edward wrap his hands around my arms, bringing me back. I took a deep breath and tried to refocus. "You owe me an explanation," I pleaded.

She finally looked like she would cooperate as she took a deep breath and sank into the booth. "What do you want to know?" she asked, sighing.

"Why?" I said in a low voice, trying my hardest to keep the tears from escaping.

She looked at me without speaking for a moment, and I felt Edward's hand as he drew small circles on the top of my leg.

"I was very young…" she began.

I scoffed. "Young! I was fourteen!"

"If you want me to explain, then don't interrupt me," she threatened. I sat back tried to keep myself from shaking. "I was young…things happened…I got scared. I didn't see another way out."

I gave her a moment to continue, and when it didn't look like she was, I _kindly_ prompted her. "And?"

"And, what?"

"What _things_ happened, Renee? What were you "scared" of?

"Your father."

I laughed without humor. "Oh, don't throw that bullshit at me. My father loved you with everything he had. He would have never hurt you," I spat with venom, pissed that she would even entertain the idea.

"I wasn't scared of him harming _me._ I was scared of what would happen to him."

She was quiet again. "Please don't make me ask you to elaborate after every sentence. This elusively is getting old," I relayed dryly.

"I don't really think I ever loved your father," she finally admitted, shrugging her shoulders. "He tried to love me, but I never felt loved by him. And, eventually, I met someone else. He was handsome, charming, mysterious…I finally felt alive again! But, then, I found out that I was pregnant…and I, I just couldn't do that to Charlie. So I left."

I sat scowling at her, my eyebrows creased deeply in confusion…_that_ was her reasoning? After everything she put my dad and I through, _that_ was her explanation? "You were scared of hurting Charlie, so you abandoned him, instead? That was a much better idea?" My voice broke from my conflicted emotions.

"Bella, I was young…"

"No! You were the adult! What about me?" I asked in desperation. Her eyes refused to meet mine as she flinched. "Is it too selfish to throw that card in there? _I_ was young…_I _was the child. I was the one who needed my mother, and you skipped town, leaving me with nothing but a broken heart and an equally as broken dad," I explained to her, begging her to tell me something differently, that there was more to her story.

"It was a long time ago, Bella. You need to move on," she said, her voice deflating.

"Yeah, a long time…it has been seventeen years! Seventeen years your decision has haunted me. I'm sorry that your life wasn't perfect with my dad and me, but you royally screwed up both of our lives when you left." She had to understand…I had to make her understand the severity of her actions.

"Do you know what it's like to feel like your own mother doesn't want you, doesn't love you? Because I know what that feels like. I know the pain of rejection, of fear, of abandonment.

"You, _Michelle Collins,_ are one sad excuse for a woman." Tears pricked the back of my eyes.

"Oh, get off of your high horse, Bella!" she yelled back.

"Excuse me?" I asked with vengeance.

"Do you think I haven't thought about that choice _every single day_ for the past two decades? Do you think it doesn't haunt me, as well?"

"Well, is sure doesn't show it…with your perfect little family that you so happily replaced me and Dad with."

"You know nothing," she spat. "You come in here and demand these answers from me, as if I'm the bad guy here. You have no idea what my life has been like!"

"Really? And how exactly do you expect me know any differently? Did you explain it all in a letter to me and just _forgot _to send it? Was it in a Christmas card, maybe? A voice mail? An email, even? Because all that I _know_ is that you – weren't – there. You were a coward. You don't deserve happiness in the slightest." Okay, so I was a little harsh, but seriously.

"I still love you, Isabella. That will never change." She sounded almost honest. "Just because I left doesn't mean you're not my child. I had no choice but to leave. I made my decision, and I'm sorry, but you just have to live with it."

I scoffed loudly and crossed my arms over my chest.

"And you know what I just realized…" I began. "I really don't love you at all," I said with complete honesty, knowing in that moment that I truly meant it. "How can you sit there and say that you love me, but that I need to just forget about it? Like this is something that has an off switch? You were my mom, I trusted you, I depended on you!"

"Well, Bella, I'm sorry, but this is my life now." She looked around the diner again and spoke quickly, "I don't appreciate you coming in here and trying to ruin that for me."

"You have got to be kidding!" Edward finally snapped and yelled at her. "You completely destroy Bella's life, and all you're worried about is yourself."

"That's not…that's not what I meant," she stuttered. "I will always be your mom, nothing can change that," she reasoned, trying to amend herself. "You were fine without me…you were your own little adult when I left. You were strong, Bella. I knew you could make it without me. You were supposed to be fine!"

"I wasn't fine," I said in a steady voice. "And you're wrong, Renee…you won't always be my mom. You haven't been my mom since I was fourteen years old."

"Are you looking for an apology, Bella? Is that why you're here? Is that why you've come to destroy everything that I have worked so hard for?"

"I don't really know. Part of me doesn't want your apologies, the other half wants to know that maybe, just maybe, you regret it…that you missed me, that you still loved me. But," I shrugged, "does it really matter? It won't change anything," I realized as I spoke aloud.

This _woman_ didn't know me…didn't really care. If she had, I wouldn't be the forgotten child that didn't live up to her idea of the perfect family. I knew, with every once of my being, that I deserved better. _I had better._ I thought of Charlie, Esme, Carlisle, Emmett, Alice, Rose, and Jasper. My family was better than anything this _lady_ could ever offer me.

"Maybe in the end, I'm a better person without you," I spoke with eerie calmness.

When I said those words, she looked as if she had been slapped across the face. I stood up and grabbed my purse from the other end of the table.

"I hope you know that I waited for you. Everyday, for years of my life, was spent waiting for my mother to come back for me. I really am happy that I came to find you, though. I know now that it wasn't my fault…I'm not the one who isn't good enough. _You_ are the one who has the problems, and I hope you understand that for as long as you live, Renee, you will never know the truly amazing woman your daughter has grown up to become. And you should know that you had absolutely nothing to do with my accomplishments, with my happiness…you have nothing to do with my _family._ And you never will."

I hooked my arm in Edward's as he pulled out cash from his wallet and laid it on the table. I walked out of the diner without a second glance, refusing, once and for all, to ever allow Renee Swan to haunt me again.

**OoO**

The drive back to the hotel was silent. No music, no talking, just the sounds of the summer town filtering through the open windows.

"Um…do you want to go somewhere with me?" I asked Edward as we were stepping out of the car when we got back to the hotel.

"Sure," he agreed, getting back in.

I shook my head. "We need to get our bags first."

He looked confused but didn't comment, he just followed my lead into the building. He went to his room to get his stuff and check out, while I did the same. We met up at the front desk counter and he looked at me strangely.

"Are you…okay?" he asked cautiously.

"Yeah," I placated him. "How did you get to the hotel?"

"Um…a taxi?" he answered, unsure of where I was headed with my question.

"Okay, good. That means we can just take my rental to where were going."

"And that would be?" he questioned as we made our way outside.

"Forks."

**OoO**

**EPOV**

We drove the hour drive to our destination, Bella eventually pulling into Fork's Cemetery. I was surprised with how bright it was, the clouds only minimally dispersed throughout the blue sky. After a little bit of searching, we were able to find Charlie's gravestone, and Bella and I sat down on the damp grass, cross-legged and facing each other. We hadn't spoken about her mother at all, and I was honestly afraid to bring it up, unsure of what her reaction would be. She didn't seem on the verge of a breakdown, though…that was something, right?

Bella scooted up so her back was leaning up against the face of the stone, her hands weaving through the grass beneath her.

"I'm surprised you haven't asked me yet," she said softly, not making eye contact.

"I didn't want to push you."

She looked up at me, then. "I'm okay."

"Are you happy you went?"

She sighed. "Yes. It was good to see her." A lone tear slipped down her cheek. "Even after everything, she's still my mom… I was a little harsh at the diner, wasn't I?" she questioned, her tone filled with guilt.

"Did you mean what you said?"

"I just…I can't believe her reasoning."

"It sounds like she just made a lot of excuses over the years, maybe trying to ease her own guilt," I suggested.

"Yeah…her excuses were crap, though. None of them make what she did okay."

"You're right," I agreed.

"I just miss the idea of her, I guess. In my head, back then, she was so happy…she made me happy. I miss that I don't have her in my life anymore. But, honestly, after that show in the diner, I think I have put her on a pedestal all these years. She isn't the woman I remember."

"I wish I could go back and change that for you," I said genuinely. I hated seeing her hurt like this.

"Do you think I'm like her, Edward?" she asked, her voice breaking and tear swarming in her beautiful brown eyes.

I shook my head and pulled her to me, sitting her in my lap. "No, Bella. Not at all."

"I've always been so scared that I would turn out like her…that I would do what she did."

"You're heart is too big, Bella. You care too much to ever repeat her actions."

"But what about what I did to you? I left you," she said, wiping the tears from her face.

"That's different…I drove you off. I'm the one who pushed you away."

"I shouldn't have left, I ran, and I ruined everything." She began to cry harder.

"No, baby, you didn't. Honestly, Bella, the relationship we had back then was shaky at best…it would have crumbled eventually, anyway."

"Why do you say that? I thought you loved me back then…" she asked defensively.

"I did, and I know you loved me, too." I lifted my hand and held it against her heart. "But we were both holding onto things that would have destroyed us," I added softly. "One of them being your fear of becoming your mom," I whispered. I pulled her closer to me and ran my fingers through her hair. "And the other…"

"Jane," she finished for me.

"Yeah," I agreed. I continued to rock us back and forth on the soft grass as Bella curled up in my lap.

"What makes us any different this time, Edward? Jane will always be a part of you."

I kissed the top of her head. "Not like she had been…Bella, we really need to talk about that."

"Okay," she agreed. "When do you want to talk about it?"

"Um," I mumbled. "I guess now is as good a time, as ever?" I offered.

She took a deep breath, preparing herself, maybe? "Is this going to break me, Edward? I don't know if I can take that today."

"I really hope not, Bella…because I'm really hoping that after you hear what I have to say, you'll finally get your happy ending."

She laughed a little bit. "Does that mean that you're going to choose me?"

I hugged her impossibly tighter. "Oh, Bella…I already have."

"Then why did it take you three years to come back?" she inquired brokenly.

I took a deep breath before I spoke. "My life got caught up in things that were bigger than myself. Bella, when I was in Italy, I had a breakdown. I thought for sure that, when I was with you, back then, that I was over Jane, but then I noticed all the things about her that I still held onto…and when I went over there, I was already depressed from our breakup, I was vulnerable, and being there broke me. In my head, it felt that I could go back, almost, and change where my life had led to. I cursed my life and the events that took place throughout it – convincing myself that it wasn't fair, that I didn't deserve it.

"It was a black hole that just further brought me down into my depression," I told her as I made small patterns across her thigh with the tips of my fingers.

"I carried around this guilt, this insane, gripping guilt that I still owed Jane something, that I was abandoning her for being with you. But, what I failed to see, was that I didn't have that guilt when I was with you." I lifted her chin so I could make eye contact with her. "It was only when I went over there that it became crippling. I would go to her grave and talk to her, as if she would talk back to me, and every time I started thinking about you, I panicked and fled, so guilt ridden that I could think about you in the presence of Jane." Bella's eyes met mine with confusion and sadness before she fixed her eyes back on her hands.

"I know how screwed up that is, but I think the reason I felt so guilty was because I knew deep down that I was more torn up over the fact that we broke up than I was over the fact that she died. And that gutted me." I watched as a tear slipped down her cheek, and I used my finger to brush it away.

"But over time, with the help of Aro, I was able to see that the only person I was hurting over my guilt was the two of us…Jane wasn't there to be hurt by our actions. Jane isn't here to be hurt by our love," I added softly, whispering it into her ear.

"I will always cherish what I had with Jane, but over these past few years, I know, with everything I have, that I love _you_ more, Bella. _You_ are my soul-mate, the love of my life, my happily ever after. And I am so terribly sorry for keeping you at arms length because I was unable to let go of my past, my guilt.

"But it's you, Bella. I only want you. I thought about you _everyday_…I still think about you, all the time. I will never give up fighting for you…until the day my heart stops beating."

She was quiet for a moment, and I held my breath, silently begging her to say something.

"I don't understand…you said you left Italy after a few months…" she questioned, her voice thick from her tears.

I sighed heavily. "I had it in my head that I didn't know who I was, that my entire life had been set on being what other people wanted me to become, or being good enough for those in my life. Before I came back to you, Bella, I needed to figure me out first."

"Will you tell me what happened? Where did you go?" she asked, lifting her head to look me in the eye.

"It's a really long story, Bella…"

She climbed off my lap and sat down cross-legged across from me, our knees still touching.

She wiped her face again with her sleeve and smiled. "I guess it's a good thing I'm not going anywhere, then."

**Chapter End Notes:**

**Next chapter will a flashbacked version of Edward's past 2 years, much like how it was when he first told Bella his marriage to Jane. I think it's easier to write that way…**

**Anyway, please review. Promised teaser for reviews. We passed 300 on Twilighted this week (ffnet is way far behind)…but thank you for that, guys! **

**I also have a new fic on ffnet called Strawberry Wine. Teenward, Rodeoward & firefighterward, all in one fic…how can you resist? ;) **


	32. Chapter 32

**A/N: Thanks for coming back. So glad you guys liked the last chapter…**

**THIS IS PART ONE – part two will come soon…it was just taking way too long between updates, and I wanted to give you guys something. This also means that I didn't send review teasers because this seriously was a last minute decision. I really, really do apologize to those who reviewed – I read and LOVED every single one. This is just a big fail on me this time – so sorry. **

**Love to people who deserve it: Lizzylillyrose and Twilightzoner. Thank you! **

**And a very special thank you to Detochkina, who, at last minute for me, went over this chapter with a fine comb – I really appreciate it, bb! Thank you = ) **

**I don't own anything. **

**As promised, we finally get Edward's story. I have the last bit of chapter 28 of when Edward is talking to Aro in Italy posted here as a reminder for you of what happened…this chapter takes off from that point. **

_As soon as we made it to the gray mass, I lowered myself to the grass and said hello to her._

_"Hi, Jane," I whispered._

_Aro stood simply behind me, not saying but admiring the grave. I shivered from the sudden gust of wind, goosebumps popping along my skin._

_"Are you going to say hello to her?" I finally asked, trying not to sound agitated._

_He looked at me with sadness. "Oh, Edward boy," he began. "Jane's isn't here."_

_"Excuse me?"_

_He came over and rested his hand on my shoulder. "She's no longer with us, Edward, and she isn't confined to the space of her grave. Her body might be down below, but your Jane, our Jane, isn't here. The guilt you feel is for whom, exactly? Is it really because you don't think it's fair to Jane or because you don't feel like you deserve a second chance at love?_

_"Our lives aren't defined by petty accomplishments, but by our impact in the lives we touch. She obviously touched your life, son, and you need to go out and live that, pass that love onto others. You talk about how Bella has all these walls around her heart, but really, you're not letting your own walls down. You deserve to love again, Edward. Don't let anyone tell you differently, including yourself. You have to let go of Jane in the guilty sense, it's not fair to yourself to hold onto that. You can't hold Bella next to Jane, either. Jane wasn't perfect, and I don't think your relationship with her is as clean as you remember it to be, either."_

_Tears pricked behind my eyes. "I don't know how to say goodbye to her, Aro. That's why I came here, and I don't know what I'm doing."_

_"I think the root of it is that you need to accept that she isn't coming back. There is no rewind button; there is no possibility of reliving your life with her. When you really accept that fact, and accept that she isn't here to feel betrayed, then you can move forward. We can only make our own choices in life…will you choose to spend your life living in a past that is unmoving, or live in the present with the possibilities of a million futures?_

_"She isn't here, Edward. There's only one woman who is feeling betrayed by you right now. Now, you need to decide if she's worth releasing the guards on your heart for."_

_He squeezed my shoulder tightly. "I'll see you back at the house."_

Chapter 32: Worth

I made my way back through the city in a daze, my emotions scattered all over the place. I wanted to cry, scream, throw something. My impending feelings transferred to anger, rage, almost. I walked around with my hands gripping my hair tightly, pulling on the ends and feeling the pain radiate through my scalp. I kicked random things that blocked my path, ignoring the looks from civilians and passersby.

I was angry with myself, with Bella, God, even. So much time had been wasted, burned at the stake to never return. Tears pricked my eyes, and my lungs felt tight, constricting, as I finally made my way back to Aro's place. When I walked back into the house, I went straight towards my bedroom, locking myself in the small space, and finally broke down. I sunk down onto the floor, my back pressed against the painted wall, as I allowed the sobs to wrack through my body. The salty tears streamed freely and in abundance.

I had pulled my legs up to my chest and wrapped my arms around them, trying to hold myself together. It felt like my limbs had detached themselves from my body, my sense of feeling left me reckless and abandoned on the floor. After a while, everything became numb.

Over the past several years, the decade, even, I shielded myself from seeing the truth of my situation. My ignorance created a film that covered my senses, as a way to protect myself from my own reality, and that film felt like it had just been painfully removed, like duct tape from my skin. All that was left of me now was the raw and bloody truth. The lies that I had constructed my life around finally laid to rest…their consequences coming on with full force.

I had compared Bella - beautiful, intelligent, lovely Bella - to my dead wife. I broke Bella, a woman who loved me, just because I wasn't able to let go of Jane. Looking back on our fight, I could clearly see how my words cut through her, and her fears about not being good enough had risen to the surface from the sting of my statement. The reasons for her fear were absolutely justified, but my _protective film_ had prevented me from seeing them. The paintings, for one, my job, another. My day-to-day life was centered around Jane, my entire routine, purpose, lifestyle. I couldn't help but think, again, that I had no idea who I was…where did I even fit into my own life? What part of my life was actually about _me_?

I wanted to love Bella; the whole reason for coming to Italy in the first place was to face my own demons so I could go back to her a whole man. I no longer wanted the burning holes of my past to prevent me from being the man that Bella deserved.

I stood up from the floor, wiping my face with the sleeve of my shirt, knowing that in that moment, I was still just a shell of myself, not at all ready to face the future that I so long desired to have with her. There were still a lot of things that I had to do, change, figure out. The journey to get to her seemed endless.

I eventually left the solitude of my room and went to find Aro. After some searching, I walked onto the back porch and saw him drinking tea and watching the sunset. I pulled up a chair next to him and sat down to enjoy the view of the rich, warm colors that filled the sky.

"Are you okay?" he finally asked, not looking over at me.

I shook my head. "I don't think so," I answered softly.

"I think you need to go somewhere to get your mind off things for a while…focus on something besides yourself and your own problems."

A humorless laugh escaped my lips. "I guess I have been pretty centered on my own issues, haven't I?"

"I'm not faulting you for that, Edward…I'm just saying, I think you need some fresh air, a new direction."

I leaned forward and rested my elbows on my knees, turning my head to look over at him. "You have any suggestions?" I asked.

Aro sat quiet for a moment, still watching as the sun sunk below the horizon. "Have you heard of _Why the Woods_ before?" He finally glanced over at me as I shook my head no.

"It doesn't sound familiar," I spoke.

"It's a non-profit organization from the States that are helping out a village in Wadupe, Sudan. These 'Woods' people are Christians who are building wells and schools for this village. Well, I was just talking to a colleague of mine who is heading out that way next week. And, word has it, they are in dire need of a doctor out there."

"Aro, I'm an oncologist…not a physician."

"Son, the closest hospital to this village is hours away – it is rare that they are ever exposed to the simplest health care. You went to medical school and residency…you probably know more about healing than anyone they've come in contact with before."

"How long would I be out there?" I asked hesitantly.

"You can stay or leave as you wish…there's no contract you're signing – you'll just be helping people, gaining perspective."

I sat in silence, thinking about his offer. I didn't really see how going to Africa was going to help me find myself…but Aro had a point. Maybe I needed some time to focus on the bigger problems of the world, and if those people were in need of a doctor, who was I to say no?

The next few days went by quickly; Aro had set up appointments for me to get all my shots, other medical exams, and gather the supplies I needed over there. I was going in with a team who was bringing in shipments of basic goods that were needed in Wadupe.

The night before I left, I woke up covered in sweat, again. My dreams had still plagued my night time subconsious – the same nightmare happening over and over again. It was the same, searching, wondering, all the while knowing – she was gone. In my dreams, no amount of calling out, crying, looking would bring her back to me.

Without ever seeing a woman in the nightmares, though, I knew it was Bella I was looking for. And when I awoke, every night, gasping for air, it was Bella my heart ached after. _Always._

I was scheduled to leave the afternoon of the following day, and the morning before heading to the airport, I cleaned up my room and had the belongings I wasn't bringing Africa shipped back to the States. I looked under my bed, though, before I left, and noticed something that I had brought over to Italy with me all those months ago. I pulled them out, one by one, and I knew exactly what I was going to do with them .

The plane ride was rocky and made me uneasy. I didn't handle the turbulence well, and my nerves only added to my distress. However, it turned out that the plane ride was the simplest part of the journey out to Sudan. We[LLR3] [K4] had to land in Kenya, a bordering country, and travel the rest of the way by bus, cart, or foot. We each had a backpack and duffel full of supplies, for either our own possessions or goods for the Wadupe people, but it was the most difficult journey I had taken in my entire life.

For the first time in a long time, I couldn't just depend on myself. My literal survival was dependant on my companion travelers and the people who housed us. I was given strange looks, refused to enter dining areas, and searched by patrollers more than once. At night, my dreams weren't the only thing that kept me awake. Gun fire lit up the towns we stayed in, night after night, creating a morbid melody of life and death. It took six days of this routine before we finally made it to the village. I fell to the ground and kissed the dirt when we arrived.

The first day was full of greetings and introductions. I was given a tour of the area and shown where I would be sleeping. It was a small mud house with a single cot bed inside. There was a community washroom not far from my abode, unfortunately, it didn't provide much privacy. There wasn't a running stream of water, either. When I asked to shower the night of my arrival, hoping to scrub the layer of dirt that had settled on my skin, I was given a bucket of pumped water from the well and a stringy piece of cloth.

I went to bed that night without a sense of protection, however, there was _something_ – satisfaction, maybe? – that settled down deep within me.

I woke up with a jump to the sound of yelling and screaming outside my hut. I panicked, thinking something was terrible was going on, and I dug myself out of my mosquito net, running outside in nothing but my pair of shorts and my bare back. The sun was already bright in the sky, and the thick air beat down relentlessly on my pale skin. I pushed my way through the gathered crowd, my ears ringing from the noise of the collected individuals.

When I finally made it through the sea of people, my running feet came to a dead stop, and I released the tight breath I was holding. My eyes focused on the muddy white ball that was being fought over on the ground; the shouts, I realized, were that of cheering, not of distress. My hands dropped to my knees in relief as I bent over at the waist. My nerves were already on edge, and I had definitely overreacted.

I felt a hand pat on my back, and I looked up to see a tall, shaggy haired young man standing beside me. I straightened up and looked at him, not recognizing him from the day before.

"You okay there, man?" the stranger asked, and I knew right away from his accent that he was an American.

"I thought someone was being…slaughtered…or something," I stammered.

He laughed and pulled on my arm a bit, leading me out of the crowd.

"It's just football," he said simply. "Or soccer, if you're from the States." He smiled knowingly.

I nodded and ran my hand through my hair, my feet finally feeling the burn of the sand, as I had forgotten to put on my sandals when I sprinted out of my hut. The man noticed my distress and asked if I wanted to talk inside instead. I agreed.

He sat down on the floor of the small space, and I sat down on my bed. The guy had to be at least six foot four, if not taller, as he practically covered the entire base of the area.

"So, I'm Billy," he said as he settled down into a comfortable position. "And you're Edward, right? You came in with the group from Italy?"

I paused, honestly surprised that he knew me by name. "Uh, yeah. I was staying with my uncle for a while, and the opportunity to come here kind of just came up out of the blue."

"That's really great – I know a lot of people were ecstatic to hear that a doctor was coming."

"I just," I paused, not sure of how to word my thoughts, "I don't want you to get your hopes up or anything. I've been in a specialized field for a while – I'm not trained for things like this."

"Things like this?" Billy laughed. "They're just people, man…just like you and me. Some of them are sick, and they need healing – just because you crossed over an ocean doesn't change or alter that in any way."

"I…uh, I didn't mean it like that," I stuttered. "I wasn't trying to compare them to people back home…"

He interrupted me, "There is no _them_ and _us, _Edward," he scolded. "But, regardless, you know a lot more than I do. Any way that you are able to contribute will be appreciated. We're not asking you to find the cure to cancer or anything…there's no pressure."

I took a deep breath and nodded. "So, when do I start?"

"Well, that's the thing…you need to meet with the Wadupe leaders. They like to know that they can trust you before they let you into the community."

"How exactly am I supposed to earn their trust?" I asked, confused.

"It's nothing intimidating – they just want to know that you're a good man that will take care of their people. I would be happy to translate for you."

"You can speak the language?"

He shrugged. "I've been back and forth from here and the States for a little over three years now…it's not too hard to pick up. You'll get the logistics of it eventually."

I sat with my elbows resting on my thighs and ran my hands together back and forth. I still had yet to put a shirt on, and I had sweat running down my back in between my shoulder blades, tickling my skin. I rubbed my tired eyes – yet again unsure if coming here was the right thing to do. I felt so unqualified, inadequate. The last thing I needed in my life was to let someone down _again_.

"Is everything okay with you, Edward?" he asked quietly, sounding sincere.

I huffed exasperatedly and shrugged my shoulders, looking down at the floor. "Who knows," I laughed humorlessly.

"Let me guess," he began, "women problems?"

I looked up at him and shrugged again.

"Oh, I hear you, man," he sighed and rested his head against the mud wall.

I laughed again. "You are too young to have women problems, my friend," I joked. "How old are you, anyway? Nineteen, twenty?"

It was Billy's turn to laugh. "Going on twenty-six," he corrected. "But is age really all that important, anyway? I know what a broken heart feels like."

"Yeah," I agreed solemnly, "me too." I rubbed the palm of my hand over my scruffy jaw.

"What's her name?" he asked, pulling his legs up to his chest and resting his elbows on his knees.

Billy and I sat and talked then for a long while – I told him all about _everything_, and he provided a good amount of information on his life, as well – why he came out here, who he left back home, and why he needs to go back to be with her. He was scheduled to leave again in two months for a six month break in the States, while there he would continue to fundraise and gain supporters for the work that was going on here in Sudan. I asked him how long he had planned to keep switching back and forth.

He simply shrugged and said, "As long as it takes."

My first week there was pretty intense. I didn't go into their hospital at all, but I spent my time learning the customs and daily routines of the people. The nearest supply of clean water, before Billy's group came and built the first well, was three miles away. This village walked three miles there and three back just so they could take a sip when thirsty, wash their hands, or take a shower. Women and children were usually given this task, and they each had large yellow containers that they would carry on the top of their heads. Daily, they would make this trip, sometimes more than once.

The well, although a tremendous help, didn't always provide enough to meet their basic needs. I went with them to retrieve water a few times, and my feet ached from the hilly walk, and my skin burned from being exposed to the hot sun. I learned very quickly that wearing long sleeves and pants – even in excruciating heat – was my best option for my sensitive skin.

The people laughed at me when I stumbled over rocks and tripped over my own feet, dropping my water bucket on multiple occasions. They had a name for me – which I obviously didn't understand – but they all laughed like school girls after referring me to something or another. Billy tried to reassure me that it was just their way of accepting me into their society, but even he couldn't contain his laughter as he tried to console me.

But time went on, and, before I knew it, one week turned into two, and two weeks jumped to two months. I was finally granted access into their hospital within the second week, and my days spent there were so consuming and demanding that time slipped through my fingers like droplets of water. I knew it was winter in the States, which meant that summer weather hit full force here. I was lucky enough to have access to a fan in the hospital – trying to keep those who were sick as comfortable as possible.

My days were pretty similar – I would awake with the sun, doing my part and making the three mile voyage down to the river. There, I would usually bathe – trying to utilize the water while it was available, and then I would trek back with the yellow bucket in arms. I was usually accompanied with Billy and my neighbor Yanda. She was a widowed mother of two kids – an eight year old girl and a six year old boy. They were her life, and she worked harder than any person I have ever met.

Her English was broken, yet understandable, and she, Billy and I were blessed with some truly amazing conversations on our morning hikes. Yanda told us about her husband, his sincerity, his devotion to his country, and his tragic death in the war. She described how life in Sudan was, how it was worse in her old village. She had sought refugee with the Wadupe people, after her husband was killed, worried for her own safety and the safety of her children.

That was something that wasn't promised to her – something she couldn't readily provide for them. Her whole life was about protecting her children; they were all she had, as she was all they had, as well.

Billy shared about his life, his family, why he felt called to come out here. He was actually a pretty funny guy; his sense of humor was definitely an outlet of relief. He told us about his interests and ambitions, but overall, he was too free spirited to be held down with concrete plans. I asked him where he saw himself five years from then – he replied, "I'm not really sure that's for me to know right now. God will tell me when He's ready." His faith was strong, and I was jealous that he had something so solid to carry him through his life.

But I…I didn't talk about my plans, my ambitions, my job, my religion, or my family. I told them about _her._ She was the most important aspect of my life, anyway. She consumed my every thought, my every minute…always lingering in the back of my mind, no matter what my day was filled with.

Usually, on our walks back to the village, we were quiet, reflecting on our own thoughts and stories we shared. I always pictured that she was standing next to me, her brown hair cascading behind her as she walked, the sun reflecting in her chestnut eyes. I would try and imagine her voice, bring back memories of her whispering that she loved me. I would try to remember the feel of her soft skin beneath my hands, the warmth of her memories filling my heart.

Soon…I knew I needed to go back soon. After all of this, all of the pain, the silence, the time that had passed, I was starting to figure out something…

I didn't want to live _life_…my life, this life, our life, without her for much longer. Our problems seemed so small compared to what I was facing in Sudan.

We were almost back to the village from our trip to the river to receive our morning water, and with every step, I was becoming more resolved in my decision to go home to Bella.

It was then that we heard the bombing.

**End Notes:**

**Part two is coming – I can't promise when though. My 21****st**** birthday is this weekend, so I can promise that I won't be working on the chapter then…but hopefully I can get it out within the next week or two.**

**I've been nom'd for a Hidden Star Award for "I Love my Beta." I know I don't beta for any of you guys, but I would really appreciate your vote once voting starts up. **

**I know I didn't review reply last time (shame on me) but I have been posting teasers up on my blog: .com – go check it out. I have pictures there of Wadupe, the people, and Billy – I would also like to say that this village and Why the Woods is a real organization run by my friend Billy Riddle. All the pictures that I'm teasing with are from Wadupe and were taken by my roommate. Feel free to PM me if you would like more information. **

**OH! – you guys should check out .com ! If you are a writer and you need a quick beta service for 250 words or less, these AWESOME ladies will do it for you and will get it back either asap or within two hours. It's great for teasers and summaries! Follow them emergencybeta (So, I might be one of these beta's…but I've never been against self-pimping, so go check it out!) **

**There are always things I want to say here but I always forget when it comes time to writing them. **

**How about…I'll work on the next chapter, you can review this one, and we can talk about it all on the forum? Sounds lovely. **


	33. Chapter 33

**AN: **

**This is the last regular chapter for this fic – I'd never thought I would actually say it. **

**Twilightzoner – Thank you for making this story what it is and teaching me to become a better writer! Words cannot express how grateful I am that you stuck with me throughout this process! **

**Lizzylillyrose – my dear friend in this fandom. Thank you for the time and investment you have put into these characters and holding my hand when things got really hard! **

**If you are reading this story and you have gotten this far – that in itself means so much to me. This was my first writing adventure, and it is so bittersweet to see it end almost a year and a half later. My dear, precious reviewers – I had no idea how impactful your comments could be, but they really kept me going when I wanted to throw in the towel. **

**I truly care so much for every one of you. Thank you all so very much. **

**Chapter 33: Guarded **

"Bombing?" she asked, her back hunched over, her small, delicate head resting on her fist as her elbow was propped on her knee. We were still sitting in the cemetery, the sky becoming darker as time passed. I tried to relay, with as many details as I could, the reason why I had stayed away for so long.

"What do you mean, bombing? Was everyone okay?"

I was insanely glad in that moment that I wasn't looking in a mirror, for I was sure my face was a mixture of devastation and brokenness. "It was the worst thing I had ever seen," I admitted.

"_Shit!" I yelled, automatically dropping the yellow water bucket and taking off at a full sprint towards the village. The noise was deafening – even from this far away. Billy and Yanda followed suit behind me, Yanda yelling her children's' names over and over again. _

"_Edward, wait!" I heard Billy yell before grabbing me by the arm and pulling me off into the patch of trees to the side of the path. An out of breath Yanda caught up with us a few seconds later._

"_What!" I yelled. "We have to go!" I could feel the hair rising on the back of my neck, a chill shooting through me. _

_Billy shook his head and continued to breathe heavily, gasping for air after our run. We were right on the outskirts of Wadupe. "We can't just run in there – they might have men in the field."_

"_What the fuck does that mean?" I inquired in panic._

"_Sudan has been in the middle of a civil war for years – we need to figure out what's going on before we go in there." _

"_No." I shook my head. "It can't wait…we need to go now." _

_Billy looked torn, while Yanda continued to cry and chant the names of her babies. _

"_Okay," he agreed, and I took off. However, he quickly grabbed a hold of me and pulled me back. "Stay low to the ground, take cover when you need to, and take whoever needs help to the school – not the hospital, since that was probably a target." _

_I nodded in understanding, adrenaline pulsing through my veins. My blood felt on fire while my skin prickled with goose bumps, my own body not even sure how to react. _

"_And don't be a hero, Edward…just do what you can." He looked at me seriously. "Don't get yourself killed in the process." His expression was begging, his eyes locking into mine and saying something that he couldn't say out loud. I had only known Billy for a few months, but a deep friendship had quickly formed. _

"_Same to you, man. I'll see you at the school. I'm going to the hospital first to get as much stuff as I can savage if it was indeed hit. You go with Yanda and make sure her kids are okay." _

_He looked at me fiercely once more before we both nodded and took off. _

Bella's hand had flown up to her mouth as I continued describing what had happened.

"Tell me they were okay…Yanda's kids – they were okay, right?"

Tears swam in my eyes. This had happened so soon after I had gotten there, just a little over a year after Bella had left me. I had only planned on staying in Wadupe for a few months, at most… I guess the world had just had other plans.

"When we got back there, Bella, it was in almost complete destruction. Smoke filled the village; a lot of the huts were caught on fire. People were screaming, crying – it felt like it happened in slow motion. The only thing I could hear, though, was my heart, thumping in my ears. Time had just stood still.

"But Billy was wrong – there weren't any men in the field. It was only an air attack. But, still, the destruction was devastating."

_Dust, I thought, so much dust. The poorly watered earth swept up in cyclones, blinding me momentarily as I ran deeper into the village. The tan dirt settled onto the surfaces of everything, covering buildings, trees, and the people who were running for shelter. _

"_Go to the school!" I yelled to everyone who could hear me as I ran by. "Whoever is hurt, bring them to the school!" _

_The school was a single room building with a few desks and a lot of benches. I did as I promised, though, and I ran to the hospital first. It was in pieces, flames reaching high into the air. I busted through what was left of the door and ducked down low, pushing as best as I could through the smoke while avoiding the flames. _

_I found an area far to the left that wasn't in ruins yet, and I grabbed all that my arms could carry, luckily finding a container to throw things into. With a struggle, I broke a window with a chair and climbed my way through it with the box of supplies. Glass, though, had torn through my leg. I quickly peeled the shirt from my body and wrapped it tightly around my wound before I hobbled my way to the school. I found a village boy pacing outside of the school doors. I shoved him the container and yelled Billy's name over and over again, pointing inside the building. Our language barrier kept me from saying much else, but he understood, taking the container from me and running inside. _

_I limped as quickly as I could back to the hospital. I needed to salvage as much as I could, knowing that it would be days – maybe weeks – before we could get anymore. _

"You went into a burning building – twice!" she exclaimed, almost scolding.

I didn't even raise my eyes to her as I replied solemnly, "I had to."

"So, what happened then?"

"I went back to the hospital, but by then, the fire had consumed it. There was nothing left for me to get. So I ran through the village, trying to find anyone I could who had needed me to bring them to the school. It was hard because I haven't worked in trauma since my residency, but something just clicked – I did what I had to…we all did.

"Everyone who wasn't hurt – or who wasn't hurt badly – helped. A lot of it was led under my instruction, but there were other village doctors there, too. Honestly, I think my memory blocks a lot of it out. We saw things that no one should ever have to witness.

"That was the longest day of my life."

The sun had completely set in the Forks sky, and Bella's skin was riddled with goose bumps. I stood up from the ground, my body's imprint having dented the grass. I reached my hand out for her to grab, and she looked at me in confusion.

"Where are we going?" she asked as she huddled into my side. I walked us back to the car after I took the keys from her.

"You're cold," I answered simply.

"Will you finish telling me what happened?"

I unlocked the parked car and held the door open for her as I responded, "As soon as we're somewhere inside, yes."

We drove around Forks in silence, nothing but our breathing passing between us. The dark roads twisted in the night, and it took a lot of concentration to remember my way around. I finally found an inn, and I carried both Bella's and my luggage inside. I looked nervously at Bella when the lady behind the information desk asked us how many rooms we needed, and she took me by surprise when she said only one.

"What?" she shrugged her shoulders and asked nonchalantly as I handed over my credit card. "I've slept through enough nights without you," she put it simply, her voice even and assured.

Tears pricked my eyes – my emotions were already on high alert, and her sentimental words only aided in the water works. I wrapped my arm around her and she molded to my chest as though she had always belonged there.

After I kissed her forehead gently, we trudged our tired bodies into the room, and Bella went straight for the bed, kicking off her shoes and climbing on top. Her small frame rested on top of the bedspread, curling into herself in an almost childlike manner.

"Do you want me to order dinner from room service?"

She shook her head. "I'm not hungry."

"Are you tired? We can wait until tomorrow to finish talking."

She shook her head again and patted the space on the bed beside her. "Come lie with me? I want to hear what else happened."

"It doesn't have a happy ending, Bella," I warned hesitantly.

"I still would like to know."

I slowly walked over to the large bed, removing my own shoes but staying fully dressed. I carefully lay down on the soft mattress, tilting my body to face Bella's. Her head was propped up by her arm, and I mirrored her position. Her brown eyes swam with wonder mixed with hesitation, the lines around her eyes marking her worry. I took her hand that was resting in front of her and turned it gently before placing a simple kiss on the inside of her palm. I held it to my lips for a moment, my eyes closed – forcing myself just to feel her warmth.

I skimmed my nose along the inside of her wrist and placed another delicate kiss on the tender skin.

"Edward," she whispered. "I feel terrible for what you went through, for what you had experienced. But is it too selfish of me to be thankful that you're back…that you're here with me right now?" she spoke through tears. "I've missed you so much." Her voice clearly broke at the end.

"No, Bella, it's not selfish. I wished for this everyday." I released her hand and used my fingertips to wipe the salty streams from her eyes.

"Did things ever get better?" she questioned, hope laced in her tone.

"For the village or for me?" I asked with a humorless laugh.

"Both."

I shut my eyes and rubbed them with the back of by hand. "For the village, things got worse before they got better. The first few days after the attack, everyone was on high alert, afraid that it would happen again. Thankfully, it didn't. But we were all in duty mode – working hours on end, helping as many as we could. I didn't sleep for three days, but I finally collapsed out of complete exhaustion.

"But we lost a lot of people."

"Yanda! Her kids!" she suddenly yelled. "Were they okay?"

I opened my eyes and Bella must have seen that they were bright red from the strain, and her eyes automatically filled with tears.

"Her kids were okay…Billy found them a few days later, hiding. But Yanda's house was on fire when they got back, and she ran inside to go find them. Billy couldn't stop her in time.

"She never came back out."

"Oh, Edward," she spoke brokenly. "I'm so sorry."

My face streamed with tears of pain for the loss of my friend, and the impact that her death had on her children. Bella brought her hand and rested it on my heart.

"I couldn't not stay after that, Bella. They had no one – those babies, they didn't have anyone left."

"So that's why you didn't come home until two years later?" she asked, her voice containing no malice, only trying to put the pieces together.

"It was the right thing to do…at that moment, I knew they needed me. But it wasn't only them; the whole village needed repair, both substantially and emotionally. The months following the attack were spent rebuilding houses and working on the hospital. Billy's organization was able to raise money pretty quickly after hearing what had happened, and they pretty much financed most of the rebuild process. But buildings could be rebuilt, families could not.

"Both her kids – who were only eight and six – stayed with me. For all intense and purposes, I became their dad. I was the only one they had who could look after them, provide for them, and protect them."

"What were their names?"

"Viola and Diko," I answered, a smile automatically gracing my face as the memories of them swept through my mind.

"They taught me a lot of the language, and Viola helped out a lot with her brother. She is so smart for being so young.

"It was truly an honor to watch them grow up, even if it were only for a few years. With every laugh, tear, bad dream…they burned themselves on my heart. I will never forget them."

"Then why did you leave?" she asked softly.

I took a moment to scan the delicate features of her face, and I carefully pushed a strand of fallen hair behind her hair. "It wasn't my home; they knew that. On Viola's tenth birthday, she proved herself able to take care of Diko. She was still young, but she was strong. It's different there in the village than it is here in the States. She was forced to grow up.

"It wasn't easy, and it hurts whenever I think about what they're doing right now, but she told me to."

"Told you to?" Her eyes crinkled in confusion.

"Viola told me to come back here." I laughed at the memory. "She was insistent, relentless. It wasn't because she didn't love me, because I know she did, but she told me that I couldn't miss out on my own life, and that staying there with them kept me in limbo. She called me half-man…and at first, I was offended! Thinking a ten year old was calling me only half of a man," Bella broke a smile, "but she meant that I was half-man because I was only half of a whole. My other half was missing."

A chuckle escaped her beautiful lips. "Is this where you get all cheesy and tell me that I'm the other half of your whole?" she joked as she made patterns on my covered chest with her fingertips.

I laughed with her. "Would you rather I call you half-woman?"

She nodded, laughing while tears slipped down. "It has a nice ring to it."

I moved my body so I was flush against Bella's. "That it does." She sighed heavily and nuzzled into my neck. "Do you understand why I didn't come back, Bella? Seriously, I need to make sure that you know that every moment of every day I thought about you. You were constantly with me."

"But Jasper and Alice's wedding? You came back for that, didn't you?"

"Things just lined up for me on that regard. They got married around the same time that Billy was coming back to the U.S. for more supplies, so I came with him. But I knew if I came and talked to you then, I wouldn't have gone back." I caressed her cheek and skimmed the tip of my nose along her forehead. "You looked so beautiful," I whispered. "It was so hard not to embrace you, kiss you, tell you everything. But I wasn't ready yet…" I trailed off almost inaudibly.

She nodded again, and I only prayed that it was in understanding. "Are you going to go back there and see them?" she asked after a moment.

"Some day…with you, maybe?" I purposed.

She lifted her head and smiled. "I would really like to meet the woman who brought you home to me."

A smile erupted on my face. "That would be heavenly, Bella." I kissed her forehead and brought her back to me. "We've had quite a day, haven't we?" I mused as I stroked her back.

She breathed in deeply and wrapped her arms tighter around my waist.

"If I fall asleep, will you promise me that you'll be here in the morning?" she asked, yawning at the end.

"There isn't anywhere else for me to go."

I grabbed the fleece that laid at the end of the bed and wrapped it around us, finally, after all these years, finding peace in the woman that would forever lay in my arms.

**XXX**

**BPOV**

Hard. Warmth. Death noises.

I pried my heavy eyes open and tied to regain full consciousness. The sun beamed down through the large window beside the bed, blinding my vision. I tried kicking the covers off of me so I could find out where that god-awful noises were coming from, but the more I jerked, the tighter they became.

And then I remembered.

It wasn't a dream, it wasn't a fantasy – Edward was back…_and apparently now he snored…lovely. _

On pure reaction, I threw my arms around his neck, jolting him awake in the process. He yelped in surprise and instinctively threw his arms around me.

"What's wrong?" he panicked, voice still thick with sleep.

"You're here!" I exclaimed, moving to straddle his welcoming lap.

He chuckled, which was such a joyous sound in my ears, and responded, "It's too early to respond with a sarcastic, witty remark. So can I just settle with some really lovely dovey like, 'Of course I am, sweetheart'?"

I smiled and kissed his neck. "Call me sweetheart again."

He looked at me seriously, his eyes searching for something in mine before gently pushing on my shoulders and moving me so my back was pressed deeply into the mattress. He slowly, stealthily turned over and lay on top of me, nestling into my parted legs. "Sweetheart," he repeated before leaning down and kissing my neck.

"Sweetheart," he said again, using his hand to expose my collarbone so he could layer it with simple, chaste kisses.

"Sweetheart," he murmured one last time right as he pressed his soft, pink lips onto mine. It was the first time he had kissed me in three years, and it was perfect. I was sure I looked a mess, my makeup smeared around my eyes from sleeping with it on, my hair twisted and tangled in ways only it knew how, and both of our breaths weren't minty-fresh – but it was perfect as we were. We were flawed, and broken, and messed up, but with him, with Edward, we were one…we were finally together. I kissed him with more passion than I'd thought possible.

Edward didn't try to go any further than kissing me, and it had seemed, for both of us, that kissing was enough. If anything, we had both learned to control our actions, savor important moments, and to show our love delicately.

We eventually pulled ourselves from the shelter of the bed and decided it was best to get ready and head out. He ordered breakfast from room service and read the paper as I showered. The hot water mixed with the steam encompassed me, and I felt better than I had in a long time when I was finished.

I walked out of the bathroom wearing a fresh pair of jeans and a deep purple cardigan and found Edward sitting on the bed, eating waffles, and watching Sports Center. His eyes moved to me as he heard me come in, and they stayed glued to my body as I walked towards his direction.

"So what are our plans for today?" I asked as I joined him on the bed. I was still towel drying my long brown hair, and he quickly chewed his mouthful and took a sip of orange juice.

"I was thinking about driving to Seattle…there are a few things I need to take care of, if you don't mind."

I smiled and kissed his cheek. "That sounds great."

We both finished getting ready, and about an hour later, we were on the road again. This time, Edward drove as I allowed myself to get lost in the music and the scenery. We drove past my old house one last time before we left, though, and Edward squeezed my hand tightly at the sight. A new family had bought it about a year ago, and their two boys were playing tag in the yard while a girl, a little bit older, read a book on the blanket under the tree. I was happy that the house was getting the love it deserved…Charlie would have wanted that.

The traffic in the city was more difficult to get through, but we were soon pulling up to Edward's apartment building. We were both quiet as he parked the car in the attached parking garage, but he took my hand as soon as he came around to my side of the vehicle, holding it tightly as we made our way to the elevators. The small space of the lift brought back old memories, and as if Edward had read my mind, he bent his face down to mine and whispered, "I remember," in my ear. His warm breath sent a chill through my body, the mix between the meaning of his words and the memory it sparked increased the sexual tension tenfold.

I tired to get a hold of myself before entering his place…I needed to be calm, collected…_damnit, his fingers running up my spine were not helping!_

"You okay, Bella?" he asked with humor when the doors opened. I was sure he could see the goose bumps on my soft, pale skin.

I mustered up as much spark as I could, and in good, old Bella fashion, I turned and winked at him before playfully smacking his ass. "Come on, pretty boy, get a move on!" I encouraged him to move through the open, awaiting doors of the lift before they shut on us again.

He laughed, grabbing his backside and walking in front of me. "Play nice, little one!" he warned.

I joined in on his laughter. "Not on your life."

Our playful mood, however, became more solemn as he unlocked the door to his large, lavish apartment. I had forgotten a lot of what it looked like, and when I stepped inside, my memory wasn't triggered. It looked nothing like the last time I had seen it.

White sheets covered the larger pieces of furniture, and all the little knickknacks that made a house a home weren't anywhere to be seen. It was left bare, open, and so vacant.

"I…uh…obviously haven't been here for a while…" he stammered.

"Where is everything?" I asked, stepping down the first few steps of the foyer, walking into the living room. The wall of windows still gave view to a beautiful sight of the city, which I was sure would always take my breath away.

"Some of it is in storage, the rest of it I sold or gave to charity. I didn't really need any of it."

I smiled and nodded as I walked around the large space. My fingertips grazed the white fabric of the sheets.

"So why are we here?"

Edward fumbled with the keys in his hands and began to remove one of them from his collection. I looked at him in confusion as he held up a small, gold key. "I needed to return this."

"Why?" I stood frozen in my spot by the covered couch.

His eyes locked on mine as he stalked towards me slowly. "I'm selling it."

Another chill ran up my back as his eyes darkened. "Why?" I asked again, much more softly.

"This isn't my home anymore." He was now right in front of me, within distance, but not touching.

"Where is your home, then?" Part of me was scared for his answer. Would it be Italy? Would it be Wadupe? I knew he loved me and came back for me, but we had had this argument before…he didn't want to live in New York.

"Well, if I may, I would like to sound extremely cliché for one more second, if that's okay with you…" He said with a serious face, and I nodded. "My home, Bella, is wherever you are. And, as I gathered, you still lived in New York, so I guess that's where I'll be, too."

"Really?" I questioned as tears once again sprung behind my eyes.

His head nodded ever so slightly, and he stepped another step closer, his hand reaching up to stroke my cheek. "I've spent the past three years trying to figure out my life, trying to piece it all together so I could be with you, but I failed to see that the answer all along was_ just to be with you_, Bella. I will follow you wherever you want to go, live wherever you want to live. I've found that the most important decision I will ever make is choosing to love you unconditionally, irrevocably. And I plan on showing you just how much I love you everyday for the rest of my life."

"What about all your stuff?" I blurted out.

"I'll sell it."

A sudden weight hung heavily from my heart when my eyes searched his bare walls. "What about Jane's paintings?" I asked my voice barely audible.

A sad smile pulled his pink lips. "I took those back to Italy and left them with her family. I needed to let them go, and they would appreciate them more, anyways. I know that it wasn't fair to either of us to have the constant remind of her here. I'm ready to move on."

I started to cry, the promise of a happily ever after finally settling into my heart.

"So New York, then?" I asked with a smile.

He bent down to kiss me, searing his love for me onto my soul.

"If you'll have me," he responded when he pulled away.

I smiled wickedly and grabbed his hand, pulling on it until he followed me. I walked us over to a nearby wall, and I pressed my back against it so Edward towered over me. "I'll always have you," I whispered, grabbing his shirt and gently bringing him towards me. I began a trail of kisses up his neck to behind his ear.

"What are you doing, Bella?" he asked shakily.

"Well, _dear,_ I seem to remember that you have a thing about making me yours while I'm up against a wall…."

His eyes shot up and danced with humor. "I do, do I?"

I laughed as he lifted me up from my bottom, pressing his entire weight into me. "Why, yes. Do I need to spark your memory?"

His lips found my collarbone, and he mumbled, "Uh huh."

"I seem to recall an event…a high school reunion, maybe?" I stopped my thought as a moan escaped my lips as he grinded himself into me.

"I remember that sound," he remarked huskily as he attacked my neck.

"Do you remember this sound?" I prompted, and he stopped what he was doing to look at me. "I love you," I said sincerely when our eyes locked.

His whole face turned into pure joy. "That's my favorite sound of all," he whispered. "I hope to hear it forever."

"I plan on telling you forever."

He smiled at me before pulling me away from the wall, still carrying my weight in his arms.

"Where are we going?" I asked, confused.

He stayed quiet, but he led us back into his bedroom. "You deserve to be loved, Isabella, and that is exactly what I plan to do.

"Forever," I began. "Love me forever."

"My heart is yours," he agreed. "Do you promise to protect it?" he asked as he lay me down.

"I'll guard it always."

He placed his now shaking hand on my rapidly beating heart.

"Always."

**End Notes: **

**Keep an eye out for the epilogue… **

**Thank you. **


	34. Chapter 34: EPILOGUE

**5 years later…**

**EPOV**

I twisted my band anxiously around my finger, my foot tapping rapidly against the tiled floor.

"Please stop doing that," she requested from her position in the empty tub. Her robe was drawn tightly around her, and my gray sweat pants hung low on my hips.

"Sorry, I'm just nervous." I tried to keep my spastic foot under control by crossing my legs.

Bella stood up from the tub, stepping out and placing her small, soft hands on my bare chest.

"Look at me," she spoke softly. I lifted my green eyes to her brown ones, so full of compassion and understanding. She slowly brought her face to mine, pressing her lips that felt so familiar against my own. My heart swelled; I loved this woman so much.

"Whatever this plastic stick says," she began, "we'll always have each other." I nodded and uncrossed my legs so she could sit on my lap. I rocked her gently until the time was up.

**…**

"Edward! We can't do this now! You're going to be late for work," she said through giggles as I pushed her out of the bathroom and carried her over to our bed. I tossed her down on her back, holding my hand over her chest to keep her in place.

"Don't move," I warned.

"Edward," she tried again, but my attention was too busy on slipping open the knot of her robe. She sighed deeply in need, and my long fingers glided the offending material open, my hands ghosting over the mounds of her breasts. She moaned at my touch, her soft, pink nipples hardening, begging for attention.

I lifted Bella in my arms and brought her to the top of the bed so her head could rest on the pillows. I drew the robe from beneath her and tossed in on the floor so only the vision of my stunning wife was below me. We had only been married for three years, but it felt like a beautiful eternity. I had spent so much of my life wanting her, waiting for her, working for her, that each milestone of matrimony felt like a precious gift. Knowing that she was mine forever made me that much more appreciative.

I brought my lips to her stomach, placing soft kisses on her belly, and slowly worked my way higher. Bumps rose on her skin, and her hands shook in anticipation. I let my tongue slip along her breast, edging myself slowly towards the center. Her fingers laced in my hair, pulling me closer as her back arched off the mattress.

"Please," she begged. "I need you, and you don't have long. Your practice can't really open without you."

I answered her by sitting up and slowly pushing my sweat pants down, my eyes never leaving hers. Her breath came in quick heavy gasps, matching my own as our excitement grew. _Would we ever tire of this?_ I sure as hell hoped not.

Once my pants were discarded, resting alongside the forgotten robe, I used my hands to spread her legs. My fingers started on the inside of her thighs, tantalizingly gliding to her knees. I hitched her legs around my waist as I lowered myself down to her, teasing the most sensitive part of her body with my own.

I slid my arms behind her back so I could hold her to me. My lips made patterns on her neck before reaching her ear._"Forever could never be long enough for me, to feel like I've had long enough with you…"_I whispered my favorite lyrics as I entered her.

She cried out in response, "_Say you will."_

I kissed her deeply. "Always."

**XXX**

I was late for work, but that didn't really surprise me. My part-time receptionist lifted her head at the noise of my arrival. "Dr. Cullen—you're late!" she scolded lightly.

I practically jogged into my office and exchanged my leather jacket for my lab coat. It was unusually cold for May weather, but living where we did it was almost expected.

"It's a good thing you're on time. At least one of us cares about their job," I joked as I finished settling in. I picked up my hot-orange stethoscope and placed it around my neck before I walked back into the reception area.

"What does our day look like?" I asked as I began to flip through the first file.

"Between you and your dad, things shouldn't be too busy. You should be gone by six like you have requested."

Her smart tone made me laugh.

"What are you doing tonight, anyway?" she asked skeptically, raising an eyebrow in my direction.

"Oh, you know…just going out with the boys. Emmett is in town."

"What about Rose and the twins? Does Bella know? She and I had plans tonight."

"Oh! Which reminds me!" I walked over to her and kissed her forehead. "Happy birthday. And don't worry – you will have my wife's full attention tonight. She has been looking forward to this for a long while."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," she dismissed my assurances. "You have a pretty sick one in exam room one who needs _your_attention."

I laughed as I walked towards that direction. "Hello, Jimmy, Clara," I directed to the seven year old little boy and his mother as I walked into the brightly decorated room. "What seems to be going on today?"

I continued with the visit, sending Jimmy home with a prescription to clear up his ear infection and a lollypop to brighten his day. My job was incredibly rewarding. As a pediatrician with my own private practice, which my now-retired father occasionally helped me with, I was able to fulfill my calling. When I was in Africa, Viola and Diko really showed me what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. Children were so fragile and held so much innocence, and I was able to help them.

But this way, too, I wouldn't be at the hospital all the time. Now, I could serve as a doctor and as a husband. Here I had new memories to create, and a new reason to work in the field I did. I didn't do my job out of guilt or obligation…I did it because I loved it. I felt like I was finally giving something back to the world.

And the best part was I had finally been able to introduce Viola and Diko to Bella. As a part of our honeymoon, we went to the village of Wadupe. There we saw how Viola was the woman of the house, raising Diko to be a strong man. Both were lucky enough to be in school, and they were still healthy…which, for most of those children, meant everything.

**XXX**

** BPOV**

It was raining…_typical,_ I thought. I should have known to pack my umbrella, but was I thinking? Of course I wasn't. I knew that living in Seattle, the rain would have bound to make an appearance.

I quickly opened the door to the apartment complex, glad that I was finally inside. I was thankful, at least, that I was smart enough to wear a jacket with a hood so I didn't completely look like a drowned rat. I shook off the bleeding raindrops from my coat as best as I could and ran my hands through my now short and choppy brown hair. The locks glided through my fingers effortlessly, and they smoothly aligned at the base of my neck, slightly above my cold, shivering shoulders.

The sharp heels of my leather boots sounded loudly on the hard floor, creating an echo as I continued down the long, narrow hallway. It always creeped me out, coming here, but tonight wasn't about me. I was nervous that the person who lived behind this old wooden door wouldn't like what I had planned for tonight. It had been a few years, and I knew that we were close, but it didn't calm my nerves at all. _I had a lot of years to make for,_ I reminded myself sadly.

Moving back to Seattle had been a good choice for Edward and me. We loved New York, but after a year there with all of our friends on the opposite coast, we had finally decided to make the transition. My old gallery was sold into the capable hands of Angela, and I was now able to focus on my writing full time, especially now that everyone knew about it.

I cringed at Emmett's initial reaction, but I tried to focus my attention back on the present.

The solitary diamond and diamond plated band shimmered delicately on my left hand as I raised it to knock on the door. I heard a pretty loud crash and a few curse words, and my face immediately pressed to the brown door, checking to see if it was unlocked.

"Are you okay?" I yelled while trying to conceal my laughter as another expletive slipped from the person who was obviously having a difficult time answering.

"You're early!" I heard her shout.

"Oh, quit your complaining! Just let me in!"

The door opened a few moments later.

"Bella!" I was welcomed into a warm hug before she realized that I was still wet from the rain.

"Happy birthday!" I greeted her in response.

"Oh, please," she said dismissively. "You and I are just going out for drinks, right? It will be like any other birthday, nothing special."

"Your birthdays are always special, especially your twenty-first," I scolded her as I took a seat on the creaking bed. "So, are you almost ready, or are you going to make us late _again_?" I asked playfully, lifting up a magazine from the bedside table.

"Ten minutes…" she promised.

I sighed and began to flip through the _Cosmo_. If I knew this person at all, it would be at least another half an hour.

**…**

"Come on! It has been way more than ten minutes!" I complained.

"Hey! It's my birthday, I can be as late as I want to," she sang.

"The lyrics are 'I can cry if I want to,'" I corrected.

"Pssh, whatever. That was your generation, not mine."

I laughed and threw the Cosmo at her. "I'm going to drag you out of here by your long, brown hair if you don't hurry up!"

"Ugh, you can be as bossy as your husband sometimes, you know that?"

I laughed again and propped myself on my side, my head on my fist. "How is working for him, anyway? Are you juggling school with work okay? Remember our deal: if it's too much, you're done. School is more important."

She rolled her eyes at me as she strapped up her heel. "Bella, listen. Things are fine. Can you please just focus on being my sister tonight?"

I smiled and got up from the bed, walking over to hug her. "I'm just used to playing 'mom.' I'm sorry."

Annesley hugged me back. "I love you," she whispered. "I'm really glad I have you, even if it took this long."

I pulled back and took her small face in my hands. "I love you too. Now, let's get going!"

When I had first found out that I had a sister and two brothers, I didn't know what to think. I had just figured that my life would forever be void of them. After my confrontation with Renee, I walked out of her life for good. But fate had different plans…

Annesley was the one who found me.

When Annesley turned eighteen, apparently Renee felt obligated to tell her about me and about her life before she met Phil. Annesley, of course, was furious. After she graduated from high school, she moved to Seattle for college, and she did everything she could at that young age to find her sister. I was lucky, by then, to have already moved back to Washington.

Annesley, however, was struggling. Her sad excuse for a mother had cut her off financially after she moved away, so Edward and I supported her. She worked part time for him at his practice as long as she agreed to stay in school. We have luckily developed a tight relationship over the past couple years, and I hoped that someday I could have a relationship with my brothers, as well.

Renee, however…I would be just fine if I never spoke a word to her again.

I knew that Annesley still harbored guilt for being the reason that Renee – or Michelle – left Charlie and me. It was often a constant struggle to get her to understand that I held nothing against her. I was just happy that I had a sister who was now such a big part of my life.

"So, you promise nothing fancy tonight…" she stated as we walked down the busy city streets towards the bar.

"Fingers crossed."

"That's not promising."

"Annie, seriously, do I seem like the kind of person who loves big parties?"

She shrugged her shoulders but didn't say anything.

"That's what I thought."

"I'm going to kill you, you know," she said with a smirk. By now we were right outside of the bar.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," I countered as I held the door open for her.

"SURPRISE!"

The place was packed full with Annesley's friends from school, Emmett, Rose, Jasper, Alice, Mark, Kelly, Angela…and even Ben, who had his hands firmly wrapped around Angela, of course. And then there, front and center, holding a birthday cake that was full of candles, was _my_ Edward.

The traditional song was sung as Annesley hooked her arm in mine. "Thank you," she whispered in my ear. "You know me better than I thought you did."

"Come on," I shrugged, "this is what sisters are for."

As the night went on, people continued to mingle as I watched over Annesley protectively. Edward was good at playing party host and fulfilled his role of entertaining the masses and keeping conversation flowing…and it was pretty great when he threw a young guy out after he tried taking a body shot off of his baby sister-in-law.

"Hi, can I just get a glass of water, please?" I asked the bartender. I was already exhausted from the day, and I wasn't sure how much longer I would last. Alice and Rosalie joined me up at the bar when they saw me by myself.

"Bella, water? Seriously? This is a party," Rose chided. "Three shots of tequila, please!" she yelled to the girl behind the bar.

I rolled my eyes as I sipped on the water that was placed down. When the three glasses of golden liquid were aligned, I didn't bother picking one up. They both eyed me skeptically.

Before I knew it, I felt strong arms wrap around my waist before his hand lifted up the shot and took it to his own lips.

"Edward, don't be such a buzz kill. Let Bella have some fun!"

I felt his hands settle on my lower stomach. "Try again in about eight months."

"You're pregnant!" they screamed simultaneously.

"We found out this morning," I explained, holding Edward to me as his lips roamed my neck.

"Annesley!" they called. "Were going to be aunts! Bella and Edward are…we are…going to…AUNTS!" Alice cried.

Edward refused to detach himself from my body as all three of my _sisters_ tried to hug me.

"You're going to make a wonderful mom, Bella," they all agreed, and I felt Edward tighten his hold.

I nodded and turned around in Edward's arms so I could press my cheek into his chest. I knew that no matter what happened, I would love this baby with everything I had. With Edward by my side, we could do anything. This baby's heart would be protected, and these family ties were way too strong to be severed.

Because that was what we were…_a family._

"You ready to go, baby?" Edward asked a bit later. The place was still full, but I was good as dead on my feet.

"Yeah, I'm ready." With a promise from Emmett and Rose to get Annesley back home safely, we both said our quick goodbyes and walked out hand-in-hand to our car.

He held the door open for me as I shuffled down into my seat, clicking my belt in place as he climbed in on the driver's side.

"So where would you like to go, madam?" he asked in a quirky accent.

I smiled and ran my fingers through his hair.

"Home, Edward," I sighed happily. "Let's go home."

**XXX**

**The End.**


	35. Chapter 35 OUTTAKE

**This outtake was written for Fandom4Storms. As someone who lives in the south, I am very grateful for those of you who donated to this compilation. The physical devastation alone was terrible, but my family was very fortunate. I hope this outtake serves as a simple thank you for your generosity. **

**For you FTGH readers, I'm so happy to give this to you. I think it was well earned on your half. I hope you love it as much as I do. I forgot how much I enjoyed writing Doc and his screwed up Bella, but, at last, here they are…their well-deserved, special day! **

**Special thanks to lizzylillyrose for prereading and myonlyheroin for beta'ing. I always appreciate it, ladies! **

**After all the tears, fights, heart-ache, and pain these characters have gone through, I still don't own them. SM gets it all, but I'll take the reviews ;) **

**- 2 years after the last chapter, 3 years before the epilogue -**

"If I may, I would like to make a toast." Everyone turned their heads at the large dining table to focus their attention on Emmett, who was loudly clearing his throat. I sighed exasperatedly at what was to come of this speech - this was Emmett after all – causing Edward to wrap his arm around me and pull me closer to him.

"We are gathered here today to celebrate the union of…"

"Emmett!" Edward cut in, sighing loudly. "Stop trying to marry us…we already told you, that's not your job!" he exclaimed, clearly frustrated.

"I would just like to say that the state of Washington issued me my marriage license with the lovely help of the Internet," he rebutted, "for exactly this purpose."

This was ridiculous. As soon as Edward and I broke the news to the family that we were engaged, Emmett had been trying to marry us himself, claiming that it was his duty. Duty my ass. This was Edward and me…if we were getting married, the Lord knew we needed all the divine help we could get. That shit was going to go down in a church with a pastor.

"Emmett, please, just give your speech and save the ceremonial bit for the actual ceremony tomorrow."

Maybe this would have been funny – if this was the first time he was trying this, but as I glared at Rosalie for her help, she just shrugged her shoulders in defeat. A firm kick to her shins seemed to change her mind, though.

"Okay, okay, big guy, have a seat," she said, responding to my under-the-table attack. She stood up herself, putting down her glass of water and trying as best she could to stand up normally. Esme, who was always by her side whenever they were in the same room together, helped her to her feet. Being six months pregnant with twins didn't do great things for one's vertigo.

Rosalie looked right at us, switching from Edward's eyes to mine, as she made her speech. With a deep breath, she began, "I truly do love the both of you very much," her words were shaky with the threat of tears as her hormones got the best of her, "and I can say that everyone who is sitting around this table agrees with me. I don't know if anyone has realized this yet, but I would have never found Emmett, and Jasper would have never found Alice if it wasn't for the two of you. And how the hell you guys are the last to get married beats the hell out of me, but it's about damn time!"

Everyone around the table, including us, laughed as Edward kissed my forehead and kept me close.

"But, I have to say, the two of you probably deserve it the most," she issued more solemnly. You have fought to the death to be with each other, and I for one am honored to be a part of the day that celebrates all that you have fought for.

"Edward, my dear, sweet brother, as much as I love you, you need a woman who will give you a swift kick in the ass every now and again, and you couldn't have found a better one to do just that.

"And Bella, you, well…you just need Edward," she said shrugging. "He completes you; he loves you with such a passion, and you are a better person with him. I say this because I love you – I love you both. I've never met two people who needed the other like the two of you do. So," she said, raising her glass, "here is to Edward and Bella," we all raised our champagne, "to finally finding your completion."

**O.o**

"So, I'll see you tomorrow," he murmured into my neck with his arms wrapped tightly around my waist as we stood outside of my hotel room door.

"Tomorrow," I agreed, hugging him tighter.

"Bella," he said seriously, pulling back just enough to look at my face. "I love you."

I smiled and stroked his cheek with the back of my hand. "That's a very good thing, Doc."

"Would you like to say it back?" he joked, tickling my ribs, which forced my back up against the wall.

"Fine! Fine!" I yelled between bursts of laughter. "I love you, okay. Are you happy?"

"Mmm," he hummed as his face was brought to mine. "Very." He seared his lips to my own, causing me to moan and hitch my leg around his hip. Really, knowing us, it was inevitable.

"Okay, seriously, you guys, cut it out," Alice chimed in as she walked down the hallway with Rose and Esme in her wake. I felt my face heat, and seeing Edward laugh, I knew it was beet red.

"Edward, you need to leave; we have very important things to do tonight," Alice scolded as she unlocked my suite.

"You don't scare me anymore, Alice," he responded evenly, leaning back into me to kiss me again, causing the little-yet-mighty force of nature to reach up and pull his hair tightly, yanking him back.

"Sorry, sweet stuff," she said with no remorse in her tone. "You – in," she instructed in my direction. "You," she regarded Edward, "your man-friends are waiting for you down at the hotel bar. Now, scoot!"

With a very heavy sigh, Edward finally stepped away, placing one last kiss on my forehead before walking down the hall.

"Hey you!" I yelled when he was about halfway down the hallway, causing him to turn around and face me. "No strippers!" I laughed.

"No promises," he rebutted with a wink that I could even see from that far away. He was such a charmer.

"Goodnight, Doc," I said more seriously, knowing that I was really going to miss sleeping in his arms that night.

"Hey, Bella," he responded just as seriously. "I love you."

I smiled and blew him a kiss. "I love you."

**O.o**

"Alice, seriously, this is my wedding day, and I'm two seconds away from kicking your ass," I warned as she burnt me - yet again – with the curling iron.

"Bella, seriously," she mocked. "Bite me."

"Okay, girls," Esme scolded, bringing me a fresh cup of coffee, "that's enough. Bella, you look lovely."

I didn't even bother to respond to her compliment; I was too busy with the dose of caffeine that I was about to consume. Damn, I loved that stuff.

It was way too early in the morning if you asked my opinion, but the ceremony was at noon, and the reception was going to be a late lunch affair, hosted at some garden Alice had picked out. All I cared about was the food and the alcohol…and of course getting there with Edward in tow. The rest was all really for my family's benefit than it was my own. Besides, Edward had already done the big wedding thing once, and all I really wanted from today was Edward, so the rest were just insignificant details.

"Do you feel better?" Alice snippily asked after I had finished my coffee.

"Mmm," I hummed, "much, thank you." I smiled at her and sat back in the chair, closing my eyes and letting her do her thing. I needed to relax if I was going to get through the next few hours in one piece.

My emotions were already strung out on high alert, and I needed to keep myself grounded. Snapping at Alice all morning wouldn't help anyone, especially considering the way I looked today really depended on her.

I just…I just wished my dad could be here for this. I had forced him away from so many "big moments" in my life, and the one moment that I needed him here, he couldn't be. Emmett, bless his heart, had really stepped up and taken on the traditional dad role. The memory of asking him to walk me down the aisle almost sent me to tears right then. He was absolutely amazing. He even insisted on paying for my wedding dress, which was ludicrous, but he insisted, saying that my dad would have bought it, and he wanted the honor. I fought him on it for months, but no one really lost to Emmett.

There was a knock on the door of the hotel room, and Rose waddled over to answer it.

"Hey, babe," she greeted, kissing Em before he walked into the room, carrying a small box and an envelope. "What are you doing here?"

"I have to give Bella Edward's card," he stated, holding it up for me to see. "The guy has been begging me to bring it down here for hours now." I stood up and walked over to him, not caring that I was only dressed in my robe, and took the two things from his hands.

"You look really pretty, Bella." He smiled down at me as he pulled Rosalie to his side. "You truly make a stunning bride."

"Save it," I returned lightly. If he got sentimental on me, I would lose it. I had yet to cry today, and I wasn't going to start now.

"Are you going to open it now?" Esme asked, stepping up beside me.

I shook my head and turned around, digging through my purse to get out the card that I got Edward. "Are you sure I can't bring this to him?" I asked, already knowing the answer.

"NO!" Alice shouted. "You're not seeing him until you walk down the aisle."

"I hate that damn tradition," I grumbled.

"Get over it," she rebutted instantly. There was no getting past Ali today.

"Okay, okay, well," I kissed the envelope, "tell him I love him." I passed it on to Emmett's waiting hand.

"Will do, sis." He gave me the military salute, causing me to laugh lightly and push him out of the room.

"Remember, you need to be back here by 11:50!" I called as he walked down the hall.

"Wouldn't miss it, Bella-bean."

"Tell him I love him and that if he doesn't show I'm going to make his life a living hell!" I shouted right before he got out of sight.

"I'll be there, baby, don't worry!" Edward's voice called out in response.

"Edward?"

He stuck his head out from around the corner of the hall and smiled at me quickly before Emmett yanked his arm, causing him to fall out of view. I heard a few grunts, and I knew Edward was trying to fight his way back to me.

"I LOVE YOU!" I heard him yell, even though the words were lower in volume. Emmett, I was sure, was probably dragging his ass away.

That split second, though, had been exactly what I needed…_and cue the tears_.

"I love you," I whispered. If I had spoken any louder, my tears would have turned into sobs.

"Come on, Bella," Alice instructed, bringing me back into the room. "We need to finish."

I sat back down in the chair and took a deep breath.

_He loved me. _

_We were _finally_ doing this. _

_This is what Charlie wanted. _

_Edward was choosing me._

Yes, today would be a good day.

**O.o**

"You forgot something!" Esme called, bringing over the box that Emmett had brought from Edward. In the recent mess of things – with Rose's dress not zipping, Alice forgetting her shoes at the hotel, and not being able to find the bouquet – I had completely forgot about the card and gift Edward had sent over. Since we were already at the church, I didn't want to read the note, since I was sure it would make me cry and we wouldn't have enough time to fix my makeup. I doubted Edward would mind, but the gift…I wanted the gift.

We were all standing in the Bride's room in the church, fully dressed and ready to go. Esme passed me over the deep blue velvet box, and I held it in my hands adoringly before I opened it. Inside was a stunning diamond necklace with deep blue sapphire accents. I gasped, bringing my free hand to cover my mouth; words couldn't describe how beautiful it was. "Oh, Edward," I sighed.

Sitting behind the necklace was a small note.

_Something new and something blue. I figured we could kill two birds with one stone. I love you, sweet girl. I'm ready for you to be Mrs. Cullen, already. Come find me…I'm just a small trip down the aisle away. Xoxo – E_

"Will you help me?" I asked Esme as I took the necklace from the box. She carefully latched it behind my neck, and I fingered the jewels gingerly.

"Edward sure does know how to buy his jewelry. I knew he was a good catch," I joked to the women in the room. Again, jokes were necessary to hold off the tears. I took in a shaky breath as they agreed. I was just ready to do this already. I had wanted to be Edward's wife since high school, and many, _many,_ years later, it was finally happening.

"You ladies ready?" Emmett asked as he walked into the room. "Oh, Bella!" He sighed when he saw me in my gown. "You look perfect. All you girls look great, but Bella, Edward's heart will stop when he sees you."

I blushed and glanced down as I played with my hands. "Thank you."

"Well, everyone is all set; we're just waiting on you," he added, holding open the door for us to walk out of.

I took a deep breath and took one last look in the mirror. "Okay. I'm ready." I turned around and they were all smiling at me in return.

"I'm going to go grab my seat," Esme said, coming up to kiss me on the cheek. "I already consider you a daughter, Bella. I'm just so happy!" she exclaimed with tears in her eyes.

I quickly threw my arms around her and hugged her tightly. "You're the best mom I've ever had," I choked out honestly, causing her to tighten her hold.

"I'll always be here," she whispered.

I nodded into her shoulder. "I know."

"No tears!" Alice called from the doorway, and we broke away from each other, chuckling.

"Okay, I'm going, I'm going!" Esme laughed, kissing all the girls and Emmett on the cheek before walking out of the doorway.

Alice and Rosalie followed her out of the door, and before I knew it, it was just Emmett and me in the Bride's room.

"Thank you for doing this," I said sincerely as I hooked my arm through his.

He kissed my forehead in response. "I'm sorry it has to be me," he added sadly.

"Let's just go make sure that Edward is where he is supposed to be, okay?" I said, wiping the lonely tear that slipped down my cheek.

"Oh, he's there," he stated, laughing. "I think he was up standing at the altar before any of the guests even arrived. That man is over the moon excited to marry you."

"He should be," I joked, earning a laugh from Em.

"Yes, he should be." He smiled down at me. "So, are we going to do this, Ms. Swan?" he asked once we heard the traditional wedding march.

"Damn straight."

**O.o**

The church wasn't filled; not every seat was taken with warm bodies or various faces. There were less than fifty people on the guest list, but every face in that room was sincere and familiar, smiling genuinely at me as I slowly stepped down the long aisle. But at the end of the narrow walkway was the most beautiful, loving person I had ever known.

Edward was looking at me with such fire in his eyes that it was almost crumbling. His stare made my knees weak, and I hung on to Emmett's arm for the needed support. I had to remind myself how to breathe, how to walk normally, how to even keep my heart from escaping from my chest with each small step forward.

We were here…this was really happening. He wanted _me. _ He was choosing me and me alone.

"You made it," he said cheekily as I finally met him. He was standing proudly with Jasper by his side, but when Emmett placed my hand into his, I felt them shaking; they matched the pulse of my own.

"It took me long enough," I whispered in response, causing him to lift my hand to his soft lips.

Being this close to him, I saw the tears in his eyes, but the smile on his face was magnificent, breathtaking in its beauty.

"Are we ready?" the pastor asked, causing us to turn our heads toward him.

"Yes," we said in unison, and that we were.

**O.o**

"I seem to remember the last wedding we danced at together, I was convincing you to take me back," he spoke softly into my ear as he held me in his arms on the small, intimate dance floor. The white tent protected us from the burning sun, keeping us in our own blissful bubble.

"I didn't even know what to think then. You came back; it was all so overwhelming," I said, remembering Rosalie and Emmett's wedding reception when Edward interrupted my dance with Ben.

"Well, what are you thinking about now?" he questioned with an added kiss to my neck.

"How all the people are staring at us," I responded, laughing lightly. "And how Emmett is crying," I added, causing Edward to laugh as well.

"I think Rosalie's pregnancy hormones are rubbing off on him."

"Wouldn't surprise me."

He brought his face back a bit so he could look me in the eyes. "Do you want to know what I'm thinking about, Mrs. Cullen?" he asked with wish his devilish smirk in place.

"I don't know if I want to know, Doc. Is it appropriate?" I lifted an eyebrow and matched his smirk, causing him to laugh loudly.

"Really, Bella, don't be such a pervert," he mocked. "It wasn't anything dirty."

"Lies," I responded, rolling my eyes.

He chuckled as a rose tint covered his cheeks. "Okay, maybe it was a little dirty," he admitted.

"I know you too well for your own good." I shook my head through the small bursts of laughter, which led him to lean down and kiss me. He wrapped his hand behind my neck and kept my lips seared to his own.

Before I knew it, whistles were sounded out from the crowd, which of course turned my skin bright red. But when I looked at Edward, the smirk on his mouth and light in his eyes made me not care about the embarrassment. He was all that mattered - so much so that I kissed him again.

Our first dance was followed by an extravagant lunch, catered by someone who I had never heard of, toasts from both Alice and Jasper, and before I knew it, Edward was shoving the cake in my face. Being here with him settled all of my emotions. I didn't think that either of us had laughed so hard together in our whole lives. This day was so close to perfect, but it seemed to be slipping by so quickly. I wanted to hold onto it forever.

People were scattered on the dance floor, Edward and myself included, ridiculously dancing and just having a good time, truly celebrating how far we have come and the new union we were creating. And then the song that was playing ended and morphed into a slower one, and right as Edward wrapped his arms around my waist, I felt a tap on my shoulder.

"Hi, Bella," Carlisle said softly, looking nervous. "I was wondering if I may have this dance. I think every bride deserves a father-daughter dance, and I know you wish that Charlie were here, but I thought that maybe I…" he led off, looking down at his feet.

"I would really love that," I answered with new found tears swimming in my eyes.

Edward handed me off to him, and he cleared the other dancers off of the dance floor, giving me the time to dance with my dad, even if that title was just made official by law. He was the closest thing I had to a living father now, and I would take anything Carlisle was willing to give me.

"He would have been so proud of you, sweetheart," he spoke as we swayed softly.

"I miss him," I responded honestly. "But I'm so lucky to be a part of this amazing family now."

He smiled at me genuinely and used his thumb to wipe the tears from my cheeks. "We love you. We will always be your family."

I nodded and rested my head on his shoulder, taking immense amount of comfort in his words because I knew, in the very depths of my soul, that he truly meant every word.

**O.o**

"Edward, are you sure you're using the right key?" I asked as he tried to get the door open to our honeymoon suite _again._

He groaned and threw the key at the door in frustration. We had been locked out for at least ten minutes, and my stubborn _husband_ refused to go down to the front desk to ask for help.

"Bella, yes, this was the right key. It's just not working! Not my fault," he whined.

I rubbed circles on his back as he picked up the key to try again.

"MY GOD!" he cried out as the red little light refused to turn green and grant us our access. "I JUST WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH MY WIFE!"

"Edward!" I chastised, nudging his shoulder. The other couple who had been walking down the hall chuckled at his outburst.

"Seriously, Bella, this is like the ultimate cock-block, and on our wedding night, no less!"

"We could always go down to the front desk…" I offered again, earning another groan and a head bang against the door from Edward.

"My first day as your husband and I can't even do something as little as getting the damn door open."

"Edward, seriously, relax. We'll figure it out. Check your wallet again; maybe the other key is in there."

He rolled his eyes as he swore up-and-down again that he had the right key as he pulled his wallet out of his back pocket and opened it. "I'm telling you, Bella, it's just not working…" he went on as he flipped through the cards.

"Here, let me see it." I reached my hand out for the small piece of black leather, and he handed it to me with a smug look on his face.

"Wipe your face of that smirk, dear hubby; look what I found!" I pulled out the white card that was placed where the money was held instead of the slots that were meant for the cards.

"You have got to be kidding me!" he exclaimed as I tried the key and the light turned green.

"Ta-da!"

"Okay, okay, I give up." He sighed but smiled anyway. I was just about to walk into the room when he pulled me back by my arm.

"What are you doing?" I asked, confused. "I want to consummate this marriage just as much as you do, buddy. Let's get a move on!" I tried to loosen the grip on my arm, but he just held me tighter.

"I don't think so, Mrs. Cullen. We're doing this shit right," he responded, taking me by surprise as he swiped my feet from under me, catching me just in time in his arms.

He was now holding me – bridal style, of course – in his strong grip. "Just don't smash my head on the molding," I warned, tucking myself into him.

"No promises." He laughed but waited for me to look at him.

"What's up, Doc?" I questioned, wondering why we were still standing in the hallway. After as much trouble as it took to open the door, I was ready to get moving…literally!

"Kiss me," he requested, his face stone-cold serious.

I lifted my hands and placed them around his face, marveling the definition of his jaw. I took a moment to look into his green eyes first, re-memorizing their intensity. "I love you," I reminded him softly before giving him the kiss he asked for.

"This is forever, Bella," he said when I broke away.

"I can live with that." We both smiled as he took the step across the threshold.

Forever.

Yes, forever sounded good, indeed.

**O.o**

"So, did you like my gift yesterday? The necklace looked beautiful on you," he inquired as he hovered above me, brushing the hair away from my face. It was early the next morning, and both of us had refused to tear ourselves away from the bed. We were lucky that we still had a few hours before we needed to be at the airport.

"Oh, Edward, I loved it."

"And the note?" he pushed.

"THE NOTE!" I exclaimed, scurrying out from beneath him and jumping out of bed. Butt-naked, I raced across the room to my where my purse was and pulled out the still-sealed envelope.

"You never read it!" he exclaimed, sitting up in bed, watching me.

I climbed back on the bed towards him with the note in hand. "Well, you see, I was…then, well, by the time I could even breathe for a second, I knew I would burst into tears at whatever you said, so I didn't want to completely ruin everything Alice did with the inevitable water-works, so I held off," I rambled, probably not even making sense to him.

"Okay, okay, whatever," he dismissed, even though his smile told me that he wasn't really mad. "Well, go ahead," he said, motioning to the envelope, "now is a good a time as any."

"You want me to read it here? Now?" I asked. "With you right here?"

"I gave you plenty of time to read it yesterday, baby. As punishment, I get to watch you read it." His eyes now sparkled with excitement, and I knew I couldn't deny him of this.

"If I start crying, you're going to have to deal with me," I warned as I slid my finger through the paper, breaking the seal.

"Details," he dismissed with an eye-roll.

"Here goes nothing." I took a deep breath before my eyes scanned over his beautifully scripted words.

_Isabella Marie soon-to-be Cullen, _

_It feels that I have waited forever for this moment. My days are spent in a constant flurry of thoughts about you and our life together, and my nights are filled with you in my arms – I honestly could not ask for anything more. Thank you, Bella, for giving me this – for giving me you. I promise to always be exactly what you need. You have all of me; I'm nothing without you. Today, in front of our family and friends, I will stand proudly and take you as my wife; before God I will promise myself to you forever. _

_I am yours for eternity, sweet girl. I choose you – thank you for choosing me back. I'll see you at the altar._

_I love you._

_Yours,_

_Edward _

And, as promised, tears graced my glowing skin. "Yes, Edward," I stammered, meeting his eyes. "Yours."

**O.o**

**I hoped that lived up to everything you wanted it to be. Thank you so much again. **

_xoxo – kas90_


End file.
